I know you all already know that being an active addict sucks. Some days it doesn't seem worth fighting for. Hopefully tomorrow I can be more optimistic...but I feel like s*** today.
let us love you until you can love yourself....
I hear ya buddy yes being an addict sux but they say being sober is being much better I have yet to know cuz its been about 7 years since I have been sober but I am hoping and praying that it is a better life.It has to be think about being an addict your life is consumed with the next high and your supply of your drug how much do you have when youll have and when you need to get it again a sober life has to be much better cuz you can think about things that have meaning in life instead of thinking of our slow suicide that were commiting!!!KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND HANG TOUGH IT WILL GET BETTER!!!
Jodi, It is worth fighting for, it's just hard sometimes. Keep up the fight. I hope you feel better soon. Take care, Atlas
HI Jodi, you're right, being in active addiction sucks. You aren't always going to be that way. One day soon you will get clean and see how much better life can be. I know you can do this. Now we've just got to get to the point where you know it too.
Keep that little flicker of hope. Try if you can to imagine freedom from this bondage of drugs. You can do it, Jodi. I wish I could show you just how much better your life is going to be. You'll just have to trust me on that one, lol.
Love, Kat
Keep that little flicker of hope. Try if you can to imagine freedom from this bondage of drugs. You can do it, Jodi. I wish I could show you just how much better your life is going to be. You'll just have to trust me on that one, lol.
Love, Kat
Jodi:
Sometimes I feel that way too but sometimes I am so grateful for the friendships I have because I am an addict that it quickly subsides. I am glad you are here. I am glad you have the willingness to do what you need to do for your recovery. Put forth the effort and God will take care of the results.
Rachel
Thats Life......A beautiful struggle! Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Darin
Darin
I like what bestill said... let us love you until you can love yourself... :)
Rachel brought up a point that I have thought of many times. Being an addict brought me to some of the best people I have ever known. Being in recovery helped me to grow as a person and be better than I was before. All in all, I do not regret the fact that I am an addict. Once I was like you, miserable because this had happened to me. Now I am able to see that my disease turned into a blessing.
You will see this one day too. Your current stage is a difficult one, but when you get past that and have some time to work on yourself, I think you will feel differently.
Love, Kat
You will see this one day too. Your current stage is a difficult one, but when you get past that and have some time to work on yourself, I think you will feel differently.
Love, Kat
Jodi
Im sorry your day has sucked ..hope tomm. brings you brighter days filled with recovery..........I remember thinking your very thoughts and its was like a roller coaster of h***.Cleaner is much better and not haveing to worry and find my next high was a big change for me as well.The days seem long but, once you have the time under your belt you will be so greatful you waited it out.....hope you are feeling better tonight.crystal
Im sorry your day has sucked ..hope tomm. brings you brighter days filled with recovery..........I remember thinking your very thoughts and its was like a roller coaster of h***.Cleaner is much better and not haveing to worry and find my next high was a big change for me as well.The days seem long but, once you have the time under your belt you will be so greatful you waited it out.....hope you are feeling better tonight.crystal
Jodi,
I'm sorry you had a $#itty day. I hope tomorrow is one where the sun is shining and very beautiful for you in that kindness comes to you in the most unexpected way.
Truly.
Kelly
I'm sorry you had a $#itty day. I hope tomorrow is one where the sun is shining and very beautiful for you in that kindness comes to you in the most unexpected way.
Truly.
Kelly
Hey everyone, thanks for the encouraging words. Unfortunately, I can't seem to see through all of the s*** anymore. I found this message board because I have a problem with pills. A big problem. They have grabbed a hold of me like nothing ever has before. Maybe it seemed like more of a problem than anything else I've used because they are the one thing that I have been physically addicted to. But the truth is, I have relied on some form or drugs or alcohol just to be able to live life since I was 15 years old. That's 19 years. Wasted time.
So I have basically spent my whole life looking forward to only my next drink or my next drug. And I feel like I have no other choice besides accepting defeat. This disease has got me beat. I know I will never be sober if I don't believe in myself...that I really can do it. And I don't. I can't. I don't know why but I can't.
I'm sorry to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I am. But I am just being honest. I just can't stand feeling so torn. The longer I try, the worse I feel. And I can't feel like this another day -- this war going on in my mind.
I just don't know anymore.........
So I have basically spent my whole life looking forward to only my next drink or my next drug. And I feel like I have no other choice besides accepting defeat. This disease has got me beat. I know I will never be sober if I don't believe in myself...that I really can do it. And I don't. I can't. I don't know why but I can't.
I'm sorry to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I am. But I am just being honest. I just can't stand feeling so torn. The longer I try, the worse I feel. And I can't feel like this another day -- this war going on in my mind.
I just don't know anymore.........
Jodi...I've struggled with pill addiction for over 20 years..on and off...many surgeries,etc. At times, I thought my life was over....I was so depressed.It's never too late to turn it around.If baby steps are all you can take...that's fine. We can tide you over....hang in...I started over...almost 30 days now...didn't think I could do it. But it's still one day at a time for me.We love you here.......Sharonn
Jodi;
Have you seen a doctor or some medical professional? Feeling down is one thing, but a persitent feeling of hopelessness is not something to be taken lightly, and certainly is not something, IMO, that an internet forum can successfully address and fix.
You need to take care of you, today. Call your doctor, or a family member or close friend. Consider a meeting...anything to get f2f support.
Good luck;
Jim
Have you seen a doctor or some medical professional? Feeling down is one thing, but a persitent feeling of hopelessness is not something to be taken lightly, and certainly is not something, IMO, that an internet forum can successfully address and fix.
You need to take care of you, today. Call your doctor, or a family member or close friend. Consider a meeting...anything to get f2f support.
Good luck;
Jim
Thank you Sharonn and Jim.
Jim, That is why I hesitated posting today. I know that this forum is not enough and I know nobody can fix the way I feel. If that were the case, I would be feeling alot better right now because so many people here have offered their friendship to me. I probably shouldn't even have posted it. I guess to see my words in writing right there in front of my face was my reason. I don't know if that makes any sense?
I hope you both have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Jim, That is why I hesitated posting today. I know that this forum is not enough and I know nobody can fix the way I feel. If that were the case, I would be feeling alot better right now because so many people here have offered their friendship to me. I probably shouldn't even have posted it. I guess to see my words in writing right there in front of my face was my reason. I don't know if that makes any sense?
I hope you both have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Dear jodi,wow you sounded so much like how I use to feel.I really thought & belived with all my heart that I would be a lifer.Really I thought I excepted defeat/I was already to go hand to mouth pill wise.Going through my Dr script just to order more off the net.That freaking merry go round.I honestly thought I was suppose to use.I wouldnt know how to live being sober.With all my heart i REALLY belived that it was the only way of life I knew.BUT I can only say from how I feel so here it goes.
I know that without being on Sub I would still be eating 20 pills a day.
The sub isnt a cure all because life is never easy
with or without usen there will be days that just.....well suck
Life is hard it really is,and sometimes I think the choices we make make things harder on ourselves.but Jodi you are here,& youve been comming to this board for awhile now so you CAN see that there is life after drugs.A real life.Your a smart girl jodi asyou know as far as drugs only YOU can make the actual changes.Of course its hard getting sober if it were easy than this board would be pointless.All I ask is that you keep posting & reaching out.I understand you feel alone in this battle(which really we all are)but at least let us be your shoulders until YOU feel its time to make the changes.I could probaly write a book but really it is all up to you how you tackle each day.Please know that there are people here that honestly care for you,& the best part is we dont want anything from you.We just want to care for you.I hope that someday you will be able to see that you deserve to be happy.I think somewhere in the mist of all this madness you feel as if you should or dont deserve to be happy.I hope someday youll see the beautiful person we see in you...mj
I know that without being on Sub I would still be eating 20 pills a day.
The sub isnt a cure all because life is never easy
with or without usen there will be days that just.....well suck
Life is hard it really is,and sometimes I think the choices we make make things harder on ourselves.but Jodi you are here,& youve been comming to this board for awhile now so you CAN see that there is life after drugs.A real life.Your a smart girl jodi asyou know as far as drugs only YOU can make the actual changes.Of course its hard getting sober if it were easy than this board would be pointless.All I ask is that you keep posting & reaching out.I understand you feel alone in this battle(which really we all are)but at least let us be your shoulders until YOU feel its time to make the changes.I could probaly write a book but really it is all up to you how you tackle each day.Please know that there are people here that honestly care for you,& the best part is we dont want anything from you.We just want to care for you.I hope that someday you will be able to see that you deserve to be happy.I think somewhere in the mist of all this madness you feel as if you should or dont deserve to be happy.I hope someday youll see the beautiful person we see in you...mj
Jodi, please believe this: there is a solution. Someone CAN fix the way you feel. You. That's the good news! You have the power to change how you feel through action. I think we've all felt the misery and depression of active addiction. It can be what motivates us to take action -- reaching that emotional bottom. While I agree with Jim about getting professional help, no anti-depressant or therapy in the world will lift your misery if you continue to use. It is just that simple. I know that for me at least, as soon as I developed a plan to quit and started taking positive steps to carry out that plan, I began to feel better and less helpless almost immediately. What have you tried, what are you considering? My own plan to get clean involved, among other things, a 2-week taper off 20-30 Norcos/week. Others have successfully pursued other methods. Maybe an in-patient or out-patient program is what's best for you. It can all begin with a phone call..... You seem like a really great person Jodi -- I hope you do this for yourself. I'd like to help in any way I can, and it's clear others on the Board are here for you as well. None
Dont mean to change the subject.I wanted to say hello to none I havent seen you post in a bit & hope that your life is going great....mj
Jodi...you can take control of your life...even if it's a small taper..please do something today to give you a feeling of empowerment..I relapsed after 90 days due to severe pain, and legit or not, it was very depressing...today is day 28 and I actually feel"normal"(whatever that is) A dr. once told me I was a lost cause...one of the most hurtful things ever said to me...I proved him wrong...you can do it..it will be hard, but I know you have it in you.Addiction is evil..we have all been there....love, Sharonn
Sharon Im so sad to hear a DR said that to you.My goodness I know we are the ones swallowing these pills but some Dr make it just too easy to get them.You are right.Jodi even if its alittle step you take you will feel so much pride just for taking alittle step.After awhile those steps will get bigger & easier.You are so worth the effort...mj
