Ok so this is a little random, but i have been spending my day kinda from a distance i guess you could say, out side looking in. And just kinda being around all the kids, i was starting to relize that i have alot of my mom in me. Isnt a bad thing just never noticed it before, but now that i am thinking about it i relized the thought scared me that what if i was like my father. I guess the best way to look at it probably is to just say ..........So what......... i mean i know i was raised in a hard working home and that gave me good work ethnic, and my mom was a betty home maker, and i know i have that in me to. So maybe i should just be thankfull for the good a leave the bad. And if i see things i dont like about it all in the future, do something about it, i can always change right............... Anyways this is kind of a weird post but i just thought i would get some good outside perspective, Have any of you thought about this or relize this? I guess if so, please share i would really like to learn more about this.
Thanks you guys
Pants
I know what your saying. I am a lot like my mother and I only realized this after I had kids. I say the same things she does and sometimes it shocks me and I can't believe I am acting like her. As for acting like my father, My real father is dead (I would never want to be like him though). I do have a step father and I dont think I act like him, kinda glad though as he wasn't so nice when we were little. I think we act like our mothers because they raised us and we grew up seeing how they acted and the things they said. I never thought I would be like my mom, but then I started using the same phrases as her like "if its not yours, don't touch it" or "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".
Why would'nt you wants to be like your parents, it sounds like you had a nice family growing up.
Felicia
37 days
One day at a time.
Felicia
37 days
One day at a time.
lol.............. my mom use to always say "GARBAGE" instead of crap........... and now i catch myself saying it . it makes me laugh. I dont think that being like her is a bad thing, it just makes me relize that she was shy and in a controlling relationship and it is just nuts to see all her children go that way and not even know it. It scares me because i didnt have a good childhood at all, not that my mom didnt try, but it makes me want to live and be so much better so my kids can be proud of me and grow up happy and become individuals that they are and want to be not like they have learned to be if that makes sence at all. I also relize i cook like her, i use to always hate it because she would eat all the chocolate chips before they were even in cookies and now i find myself doing that, she gives me a hard time, it was funny we never hug and she was looking at me smirkin while downing a bag of semi sweet and i just gave her a hug!!! she deffinitly had the i told you so look on her face!
Pants
Pants
Pants, Good post and it's been on my mind alot lately. I love my mother and she is a good person but do I want to be like her?? She also like your mother has a problem showing affection. Shantel
Shantell, it is hard growing up without affection isnt it. See my mother would love to, sadly enough my dad didnt really beleive in it, i dont remember the last time my father even patted me on the back. I found it hard when i got married i had in-laws that wouldnt let me leave or hang up tll i said i love you to them, to me it just felt wrong and weird, probably something i need to work on, But my sister just pointed out you dont have to love your inlaws or anything about them. Good point
Pants
Pants
Pants, I have 5 brothers and 4 sisters and a father who was always out to sea. Didn't get to much affection. I did have 2 nannys who tried does that count. Shantel
Funny thing they always say you marry someone like your father. Guess I f***ed up on that one. Shantel
well funny or not, i relized i did just that, that is why i am getting a divorce. Nannys is more lovin then i got, i have to sisters that are 10 and 15 years older than i dont rember them once in my childhood, i was raised on a ranch all alone! if i saw someone it was my dad yelling at me to go feed the animals or go cut hay...........thats about it, been home for two weeks hasnt even looked at me or said a hello
sad isnt it..........
pants
sad isnt it..........
pants
I always feel that I've internalized my own mother whom I loved SO much and felt I could never do without. Because of the intenalization, I never HAVE to. It took years for me to get to that and I was SO happy when I did. She was a big hugger and so are my husband and I. We had a girl live with us when she had health issues and was newly divorced from her husband and had very little money. Her own parents NEVER hugged and this girl thrived on it. She sure got it from us and gave it to us in return. There are no regrets if you've lived a loving life....only regrets from not loving enough. You're learning a valuable lesson while you're young. You're lucky....and smart.
well thankyou, i hope i am learning the right good lessons...... the thing i have came to relize in my adult life is that i am afraid of love, i am ok to give it and i have no expectations from it but........recieving it is another story. Thanks for sharing that though, gave me a bit to think about
Pants
Pants
pants
hi! wow you are so brave and i admire you for your courage to get out of a bad relationship, you were so confident, i remember your posts of being so lonely and bored because yoir husband controlled you so much you were like a prisoner. how is he feeling about this new arrangement? i havent read any posts of what he thinks about you leaving. i married a man badly scorned from his first wife who he loved and adored, but his denial of alcoholism is what made his marriage break up, we are 15 years apart, here i was a young person like you, i was 23 and he was 38 and i loved him so much, i thought for sure i can step into her shoes and be the best wife and mother and we will live happily ever after! WRONG! he never wanted to remarry and i wouldnt accept that, he married me cuz he knew i was a good woman and i told him after 3 yrs of dating that if he didnt marry me i would leave so he agreed to marry me. no matter how hard i tried, no matter how faithful i have been for 25 yrs, no matter that we have 2 beautiful sons together, no matter what..... he could not be a good husband to me, i CRAVED affection and he never gives it, never ever allows communication between the two of us if there is anything that is bothering me, so i have been left feeling so hurt, abandoned and thought for years that if i change this or that about me our marriage will work, today i know its not me, he loves his alcohol and porn, that is the god he worships.
i craved affection so much as a child and my mom and dad never showed us physical affection, i would try to hug my mom and was always pushed away and told to go play, i remember my mom always saying she clings on to me all the time and it drives me nuts!
the only physical touch i got from my father was to be sexually molested every day of my teen age life, so i grew up and married a man similar to my dad, they both abused their wives with porn and showed no physical love to them i still am love starved, i have loved and kissed and held my boys their entire life and it feels good, i have 3 dogs a cat and bunny who i get to love and kiss on. so pants you have a whole new future ahead of you, i wasted my life on a man who never loved me and I used drugs until i tried to quit this time at age 50. that is why i am so proud of you! now after 25 years of denial on my part that the marriage was failing, i know today that i dont want to be treated bad anymore and i am working on my financial independance so i can get a divorce ,good post pants k-9 lover jewels/julie.
hi! wow you are so brave and i admire you for your courage to get out of a bad relationship, you were so confident, i remember your posts of being so lonely and bored because yoir husband controlled you so much you were like a prisoner. how is he feeling about this new arrangement? i havent read any posts of what he thinks about you leaving. i married a man badly scorned from his first wife who he loved and adored, but his denial of alcoholism is what made his marriage break up, we are 15 years apart, here i was a young person like you, i was 23 and he was 38 and i loved him so much, i thought for sure i can step into her shoes and be the best wife and mother and we will live happily ever after! WRONG! he never wanted to remarry and i wouldnt accept that, he married me cuz he knew i was a good woman and i told him after 3 yrs of dating that if he didnt marry me i would leave so he agreed to marry me. no matter how hard i tried, no matter how faithful i have been for 25 yrs, no matter that we have 2 beautiful sons together, no matter what..... he could not be a good husband to me, i CRAVED affection and he never gives it, never ever allows communication between the two of us if there is anything that is bothering me, so i have been left feeling so hurt, abandoned and thought for years that if i change this or that about me our marriage will work, today i know its not me, he loves his alcohol and porn, that is the god he worships.
i craved affection so much as a child and my mom and dad never showed us physical affection, i would try to hug my mom and was always pushed away and told to go play, i remember my mom always saying she clings on to me all the time and it drives me nuts!
the only physical touch i got from my father was to be sexually molested every day of my teen age life, so i grew up and married a man similar to my dad, they both abused their wives with porn and showed no physical love to them i still am love starved, i have loved and kissed and held my boys their entire life and it feels good, i have 3 dogs a cat and bunny who i get to love and kiss on. so pants you have a whole new future ahead of you, i wasted my life on a man who never loved me and I used drugs until i tried to quit this time at age 50. that is why i am so proud of you! now after 25 years of denial on my part that the marriage was failing, i know today that i dont want to be treated bad anymore and i am working on my financial independance so i can get a divorce ,good post pants k-9 lover jewels/julie.
Maybe my last post didn't come across the right way. My mother was always the cold one and to this day has a problem with showing affection. My father is and always will be the light of my life. He is a wonderful father. My mothers way of showing she loved us was to go shopping and buy us stuff. Like I said she is a good person with a big heart and would help anyone but not affectionate at all. Her mother my grandmother was the same way so I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Thank goodness I inherited more of my fathers good traits and not my mothers but I wish my husband was more like my father. Shantel
Ya know as Ive been reading this many memories come back.In my family when I was young (10 & under)I remember many times my mom tried to hug me & I remember freezing up.Why?I have no idea.Ill give her credit until my parents split she tried Lord knows she tried to show me some attention.
My dad on the other hand was so cold & distant.even before I did drugs.I was told something about how in Itailan families the first born is ALWAYS special & thats why.Later on I was told it was because I was a girl & finally I was told it was because of the crappy choices I made.
I guess you can tell it still hurts & hurts deep.Im still trying to forgive him.I no longer want him to have this hold over me,but sadly....he does & I miss him & still want to know what a fathers love feels like....Hes gone now so I may never know.
The only positive thing is the love I have for my girls.They both NEVER mind letting me hug & hold the.Even at the ages of 18 & 14....Im still mommy(not mom)That helps the pain of things I cant change.....
molly
My dad on the other hand was so cold & distant.even before I did drugs.I was told something about how in Itailan families the first born is ALWAYS special & thats why.Later on I was told it was because I was a girl & finally I was told it was because of the crappy choices I made.
I guess you can tell it still hurts & hurts deep.Im still trying to forgive him.I no longer want him to have this hold over me,but sadly....he does & I miss him & still want to know what a fathers love feels like....Hes gone now so I may never know.
The only positive thing is the love I have for my girls.They both NEVER mind letting me hug & hold the.Even at the ages of 18 & 14....Im still mommy(not mom)That helps the pain of things I cant change.....
molly
Good post Pants.......
I love my mother mother more than I could ever put into words, although she was never one to show affection towards us at all. Her way was to take us to the mall, or get something new. I remember her freezing up when you would hug her. She loved us so much, just didnt know quite how to show it that way. But I did always know that she loved us very much.
I make it a point to show my children every day how much they mean to me, I kiss and love on them consatntly. I cant help it.
Every day I notice little things I do that are like my mom though...........and that is okay by me :)
I love my mother mother more than I could ever put into words, although she was never one to show affection towards us at all. Her way was to take us to the mall, or get something new. I remember her freezing up when you would hug her. She loved us so much, just didnt know quite how to show it that way. But I did always know that she loved us very much.
I make it a point to show my children every day how much they mean to me, I kiss and love on them consatntly. I cant help it.
Every day I notice little things I do that are like my mom though...........and that is okay by me :)
Thanks you guys for all your replys, all i can say is wow!!! there is such bitter sweet feelings with all this. I think that this even more so is a eye opening thing for me how deep all of us really go and we have no idea, even the half of it!!!
Mj, honey you know i understand ..........HUG.......... i hope one day we will all be able to forgive!
K-9, thank you so much for sharing that with me, you are a verry admerable individual. Thank you, i really needed to hear that. I feel like i am so weak, that i am getting no where, but i guess i just need to look were i am sitting right now and and it is so so s o much farther away than were i was. Im glad you had a good father, makes me feel good to know that there are some good fathers out there, i knew there were but it is nice to actually hear about one! My mom is a verry sweet lady, i just learned i took everything out on here, and now i am finally realizing how much i actually hurt here all these years and had no idea!
Java.............. im glad that you feel that way, some qualities and atributes are worth having and learning from others, isnt that how we learn charity and forgivenss..............
k-9, My husband, he isnt happy that is for sure, he calls like a billion times a day and he trys to act all different , it is confusing but i know, that things will always bouce back to the bad side of the court.. . . . he is very obvious when he tries to be nice because he makes everything and everyone know when he tries......... it is crazy how much money he offers me now, and all that crap, he tries to tell my mom to take me and pick out a car, so that when i get back i can have a new car................ it all is just maddening but, time takes time even, i am not in a hurry. And the more i am away the more perspective i seem to get from others that keeps opening my eyes. But i guess i just dont have to rush it, im not planning on getting into a relationship ANY time soon, so as long as he doesnt come back and try and get me back to the way things were or even moves here, i am good for the time being
thanks again you guys!!
pants
Mj, honey you know i understand ..........HUG.......... i hope one day we will all be able to forgive!
K-9, thank you so much for sharing that with me, you are a verry admerable individual. Thank you, i really needed to hear that. I feel like i am so weak, that i am getting no where, but i guess i just need to look were i am sitting right now and and it is so so s o much farther away than were i was. Im glad you had a good father, makes me feel good to know that there are some good fathers out there, i knew there were but it is nice to actually hear about one! My mom is a verry sweet lady, i just learned i took everything out on here, and now i am finally realizing how much i actually hurt here all these years and had no idea!
Java.............. im glad that you feel that way, some qualities and atributes are worth having and learning from others, isnt that how we learn charity and forgivenss..............
k-9, My husband, he isnt happy that is for sure, he calls like a billion times a day and he trys to act all different , it is confusing but i know, that things will always bouce back to the bad side of the court.. . . . he is very obvious when he tries to be nice because he makes everything and everyone know when he tries......... it is crazy how much money he offers me now, and all that crap, he tries to tell my mom to take me and pick out a car, so that when i get back i can have a new car................ it all is just maddening but, time takes time even, i am not in a hurry. And the more i am away the more perspective i seem to get from others that keeps opening my eyes. But i guess i just dont have to rush it, im not planning on getting into a relationship ANY time soon, so as long as he doesnt come back and try and get me back to the way things were or even moves here, i am good for the time being
thanks again you guys!!
pants
