Cuts like a knife
During dinner tonight ... while standing in the kitchen getting food to eat .. My daugther begins to talk to me about her dad ( for those of you who do not know ... he lost his life to meth) she begins to tell me her thoughts ... She shares that she was thinking about him and she thought "It must be nice up there ... in heaven" she reflects and says she still remembers how he smelled to her ... and how sometimes she can smell something that reminders her of him ...
She has his hat hanging on her wall in her bedroom and she told me it still smells like him ... sometimes she goes into her room and just smells it to get his scent ...
The tears that were welled up have begun to flow ... She goes onto say how much she misses him and how it is just so messed up that he died ... that he isn't there ...
She has tried to mask her feelings ... to go on like he was still out there somewhere ... like he was still around .... but deep down she knows he is not ..
He isn't here anymore mom ... I wish things turned out different ... I hug her and say " I know baby ... I do to"
She wonders if he died thinking she was mad at him ... (because he was supposed to drive her to Colorado, but got high and when a friend of ours confronted him ... he got mad, denied it ... and then said, He was outta there ... He left and didn't take her to Colorado ... She was upset with him because she knew he was high ... he knew she was upset ... and she feels guilty that she didn't get to reconcile with him before his death ...
Her pouring tears are now little streams running down her cheeks ...
Do you know how bad it hurts when your child comes to you and you can see hurt in her face ... her eyes filled with heartbreak ... her voice speaks pain ...
Grief at the hands of meth ...
A life lost because the words spoken by loved ones couldn't be heard over the voice of his addiction ...
He died as label a transient meth addict "Junkie" with no next of kin ... (they didn't know about the family he had living else where because they had already been left in the dust of meth ...
My heart wants to say this to you ADDICT ... You, the ones that have people that love you ... You know, those pain in the a$$ ones that are always bytchin atcha about your addiction ... The one's that you want to get off your back and leave ya the ** alone ... Yeah thats us ...
Take the time and read my daughters heart one more time ... If you don't listen up this could be your child next ...
You say you love your kids? You don't wanna hurt em' anymore? If you don't listen up someone could be writing this about you ... "The Ultimate Hurt" "A Life-time Hurt" "A .. Ain't no more chances to make it all better HURT"
I literally felt like I was going to choke on my own heart as she poured out hers ...
I find myself angry at him all over again ... because even in death his addiction continues on hurting people ...
This man is dead but the pain that his addiction caused is very much alive in the lives of those who loved him.
LISTEN UP ADDICT ... Do you HEAR ME?
WAKE THE FK UP ....
Your following the Devils w**** right to your grave ...
Psssst, I hear that ain't no meth in the after world ... You're gonna have to stop sooner or later ...
DID YA HEAR ME ADDICT ... THERE AIN'T NO METH IN THE AFTERLIFE
I plead with you now ... Please Stop Before You Do This To Your Child
Passion
((((((((((((((((hugs passion))))))))))))))))))))
thanks for this message...I will remember it whenever my addict brain thinks I can go out "one more time"
thanks for this message...I will remember it whenever my addict brain thinks I can go out "one more time"
