Ive been an addict for about 5 years now. Not serious user though. Ive always been one to take a hit here and there but mostly daily (2-3 hits per occasion). In the beginning of this year I have slowed down to taking two days off each week, then three, and now down to only using about two days a week. Since I have stopped it seems that I am a totally different person inside and out. At times I feel like the person I was before I started smoking but I after five years obviously some things have changed. It seems that my job is something I can hardly tolerate (including my co-workers). The high me could. It seems that failed relationships have become almost a knock out punch. The high me could shrug it off pretty easily. I have become so selfish and lazy of the past five years that I am at a job I hate, I have hardly any friends, and in considerable financial debt. And all I can think about during this process of recovery is how did I let this happen. Almost as if it wasnt me. As if someone came in, hijacked my life, wrecked it, and then said, "ok, here's your life back." The best analogy I could come up with is a town destroyed during a storm or something. Almost like houses are leveled, cars are in trees, and debris is everywhere. And its probably been like this for years but when you quit, you just begin to notice it. Its overwhelming. I understand the road to recovery is hard. That it will begin with rebuilding a foundation, etc. But how do you stay sane and enjoy life when youre in such a huge hole?
god bless and good luck. you do it one day at a time and if you have the right attitude and keep putting the good stuff in your brain, the right things will happen.
I've been thinking the same, but I think that its all part of the process, it has to be hard because I was using to escape the fact that I wasn't really happy so now I have to deal with it and actually change. I'm hopeful though. Keep in touch, let me know how it goes.
hi there,,, well sometimes i think that since we have self medicated for sucha long time that when we are sober our emotions are felt full on. That is what happens to me that is the best part about smoking you don't care. As it is the worse part you just don't care. In comparison to other drugs this one just is like this leech that doesn't allow you to walk straight and gets bigger and bigger. Hey awsome analogy...I am an addict and don't understand how i have gotten so hooke and feel like iam unable to quit. At least don't know why i don't want to. Your doing good try looking at the reality of it that is what i am trying to do to see if it will help.
Hi bluelou, Thanks for posting. I hang around in the background trying to quit smoking pot off and on, so don't say too much. But your message really touched me. I can relate to the difficulty of facing that your life is not what you want it to be. I think it's great that you're recognizing the areas of your life that need change. Your ability to cut down and quit your addiction is enviable. You are in the aftermath of one of those disasters you describe, so you may not be able to see it. You go on to say that you're hearing,"ok, here's your life back." I say, "take it and run with it." I hope you can seize this time and continue with your recovery. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Calling yourself "selfish and lazy" isn't very nice. You have made these big changes, try to give yourself lots of credit for that. Lastly, "how do you stay sane and enjoy life when you are in such a huge hole?" That sounds like depression to me. When I'm really down I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well. I know the sun's out, but I can't see over the rim. I've benefited from therapy off and on over the years. Recently I forced myself to do 2 new things to try to pry myself out of the well. I'm taking a sign language class and I joined the gym. Not easy, not comfortable, but now that I'm a month into it, I can see that I'm not so depressed. Keep it up, you're doing so well!
Best Regards,
Best Regards,
I was talking to someone the other day and trying to find an analogy about the effect of drinking on the emotions/my soul. It's like I walked slowly into a dark place...I didn't notice the lights going out and the colours fading from life....and if I did I could always go for a pint or several to cheer myself up so it wasn't that bad.....but life kept getting darker...and it became more and more difficult not to notice that things weren't right, that all the good things, all the light and love and joy was vanishing from my life.......now at some point - any point, no matter how dark - I can decide to turn around and start walking out of that dark place....and boy, now I'm not drinking I can SEE how dark it is....how bad it feels....but as I walk, one step at a time, one day at a time, towards the light and love that people TOLD me is there and that I can nowadays FEEL is waiting for me....I know I'm heading in the right direction. Maybe that's where a higher power is needed....faith of SOME description, whether it be trusting other people who are telling me the light IS there, so dark is the place I walked to...whatever that faith, that trust is - it's what keeps me walking towards the light, out from the dark place my life had become.
It doesn't matter how dark it is. We can always turn around and walk towards the light.
In the end, whether sinner or Saint, that's all that matters....not where we are on our journey, but the direction we're trying to take.
That's what I think anyway.
Martin
It doesn't matter how dark it is. We can always turn around and walk towards the light.
In the end, whether sinner or Saint, that's all that matters....not where we are on our journey, but the direction we're trying to take.
That's what I think anyway.
Martin
