its been almost 24 hours since i tried to do a shot. TRIED. I missed a couple of times . The back of myhand and wrist are swollen. My head hurts and all I can do is cry. My running away hurts.But it hurts not to.I dont have any one to talk to but my kid. He knows that I used to , but not now. Not yet anyway.I dont want him to know. Why cant I be like all the other moms? I hate my self .. I guess this is just another way to punish myself. i just want it to be ok. But its not. codabear is the only reason I am still here. my heart hurts. aand now my body does to. I stayed away from drugs till i was 23 because I knew what would happen. And it did . I cant remember things . I try to take care of coda but I cant even do it for myself. And i dont trust anyone to help.
You are caught in a personal trap. Please tell us more. Do you have friends, relatives who are non-addicts?
Are you working with a local support group?
What is it that you fear when you ask friends for help? Are you afraid of being rejected, are you paranoid about what people will think?
Please keep talking.
Are you working with a local support group?
What is it that you fear when you ask friends for help? Are you afraid of being rejected, are you paranoid about what people will think?
Please keep talking.
Neane, I know that you have the desire to stop. For yourself and for your son. I used meth from when my daughters were pre-school age until they were adults with their own daughters. I can't make up for all those years. What I can do is stay clean. For myself, my daughters, and best of all, my granddaughters. They don't have to, and won't, see grandma high. RECOVERY..... It's the best "gift" I have ever received. I would like you to find this "gift". It's not free. You need to put effort, time, and hard thinking and learning. It will change your life. To the better...Read posts here and try some of "our" methods. Best wishes to you and your son....L&S,,,,,Linda
i just felt the need to share some experence strenght and hope with you.............first of alll i do know how you feel i have been there i am a ex- iv meth user during my last year of using my daughter knew of my drug habit she would find the points in my purse and it was "okay" if you will that is just how sick our addiction makes us we lose total grip with reality my heart aches for you i have been in recovery for almost a year now i have relasped once on meth that is a miracle in itself for me.................know that there is hope and help out there find a na cma group to go to you will be amazed at how alll of our stories are alot alike we are not unique in our addictions ..................my thoughts and prayers are with you................God Bless
Thank you so very much for your replies. I did try to stay awake to see them
but I am sure that everyone knows the term "falling out". I have not been back
on my computer till now. I do understand that my story,situation,and problem
are not unique. I know there are more than to many out there like me. Yes , I am paranoid (high or not) about what people think about me or how they see me.
There was a time when I did not deny it. I would say things like, "I'm a junkie" or
" I am going to do a big fat shot". The thing is , when I said these things to people, they did not belive me. I rarely would get high with anyone. I wanted to be alone. I have had sucsessfull spurts of stoping and leaving it behind. The first was about 14 - 17 months ,and the second was 10-11. Durring these times of no dope, Is when I was acused of it or would hear of people talking
behind my back. Befor I had even done hard drugs my mother (according to my
grandma and uncle) was telling people that I was. She told me once that I was going to be the one of her children that would end up a drunk, drugie, and or in prison. No I do not trust anyone. Neane
but I am sure that everyone knows the term "falling out". I have not been back
on my computer till now. I do understand that my story,situation,and problem
are not unique. I know there are more than to many out there like me. Yes , I am paranoid (high or not) about what people think about me or how they see me.
There was a time when I did not deny it. I would say things like, "I'm a junkie" or
" I am going to do a big fat shot". The thing is , when I said these things to people, they did not belive me. I rarely would get high with anyone. I wanted to be alone. I have had sucsessfull spurts of stoping and leaving it behind. The first was about 14 - 17 months ,and the second was 10-11. Durring these times of no dope, Is when I was acused of it or would hear of people talking
behind my back. Befor I had even done hard drugs my mother (according to my
grandma and uncle) was telling people that I was. She told me once that I was going to be the one of her children that would end up a drunk, drugie, and or in prison. No I do not trust anyone. Neane
hey neane. thanks for your post. keep trying. Man, I don't remember how many times I went back and I wouldn't feel very good about myself after. Eventually, I did manage to have some sort of resemblance to "normalcy" in my life.Anyways, take care.
