I awoke this morning at 3. I thought it was bc I was upset. Tomorrow is my daughter's 21st bday. I couldn't send a card or gift bc I have no address for her current halfway house or IOP. I asked her on Monday for the info but never got a reply. I took myself on a trip down memory lane. I was reminded of the plans she and I made a year ago to celebrate her bday in Vegas. I was beyond sad that I was going to miss this milestone with my only child.
It wasn't until I got up and checked my cell and FaceBook that I saw a bunch of messages from her boyfriend. Call. It's important is all these midnight messages said. Frantic, I called, texted, inboxed from 5.20 until I had to leave for work at 8.45. No answer. The bf calls me about 11 this morning. She's OD'd and is in the ICU of a hospital in FL!!!!! 1,032 miles away
OH MY GOD!
I'm in shock. I'm like a walking zombie. My body physically aches. I have a vicious headache. I feel sick. My baby almost didn't make it to her 21st bday. There but for the grace of God. . .
I've talked with her nurse. My daughter's drug of choice is heroin. But that's not what she OD'd on. There was cocaine and weed, as well as antidepressants, in her system. One side of me is pleased and happy that she didn't use heroin. Is that wrong?
Cocaine???!! How much coke does one need to take to OD? I remember when I was in college people stayed up all night doing line after line and I never heard of anyone OD'ing on coke. And you can't OD on weed.
I'm flying to my daughter tomorrow. My best friend asked me what am I going to do down there. I don't know. But I've got to see my baby and make sure she is ok. . .with my own two eyes! Yes, I've talked with the hospital. (When Mama needs info, Screw those HIPPA laws) She is supposed to be released from ICU tomorrow and will go to a regular room. She's expected to make a full recovery.
I'm not sure what I'm going to say to her when I see her. I guess I'll start out with "Happy Bday". But after that i might just hit her upside her head. Then again, one smack might not be good enough. I'm really PISSED at her. I might beat the crap out of her. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS????? She had a nice, privileged life. . . everything except equestarin lessons and a debutante ball. Why is she now hanging with hood boogers and selling her body? Is this the life she wants to lead? Maybe i can beat some sense into her. (I know. I know. I don't want to catch an assault charge.)
Am I to leave her in FL? She went down there in March for detox/rehab. Clearly it is not working!!! This is her first OD ever and she's in IOP. Do I transfer her to another facility. . .perhaps one closer to home? Coming home to live with my hubby and me again is NOT an option. Going to FL was her choice, not mine. Going someplace else will probably mean the end of her 2 month relationship with Mr. Hood Rat. (They are in couples rehab together.) So I understand she may be reluctant to leave her "love." Or do I just buy them some food, give her a kiss and say, "Good Luck!" I know I cant give her money or even a gift card. Even though it is her bday.
Lord help me!
All advice is welcome. I'm in a tizzy right now. I can't think straight. But I need to have a game plan before I leave.
Thanks,
Lynn
HM...breathe....sit....take some deep breaths. ..she's ok...understand u need to see her...this is the first od for u both...take care of yourself first before u go...get prepared. ..get grounded..and have a plan...lots of addicts wear an od like a rite of passage...don't be surprised if she's not upset about it...be loving but don't lose ur cool...don't know how your daughter does her dope...but it sounds like a speedball...coke an heroin...I use to do them too...quick way to OD for sure.
.but you may never know....sending you strength and a hug....im so sorry
Con
.but you may never know....sending you strength and a hug....im so sorry
Con
Our worst nightmare, as parents. I'm so sorry. Thankfully, she's going to be ok. I completely understand wanting to see her. I guess I would just caution that even though she od'd, nothing has changed as far as her having to be responsible for herself and her actions. Just as it's always been, her sobriety is still up to her. Give your daughter a big hug and kiss, and yes, buy her a birthday dinner. You can even ask what her plans are but that's as far as I'd go if I were you. Take care.
Michelle
Michelle
Hi Lynn, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you must be a walking wreck right now with all this worry. I know I would be too. She is so far away from you to run to every time something happens. It's obvious that this place she's in isn't working and she has got worse. If it was my daughter I would get her away from there if I could. If you can get her to leave there would she go into a rehab in your state? Chances are she might be glad to leave and get out of there. Is the city you live in a quieter place? I don't know if that makes any difference. I just know I would rather have my daughter living here in my quiet state than a busy one. Try to get yourself mentally ready (if we ever can) to be shocked when you visit her if it's been awhile since you've seen her. They get skinny fast! It's a shame your going yourself. Won't your husband go with you? Be careful. Mary.
Thank you all for the love, words of wisdom and insight.
Her bf sent a pic of her at my request. She's still high as a kite. Eyes rolled up. Hooked up to oxygen. Her face is swollen. So I have a mental picture.
My hubby doesn't have the time to take off from work. Besides he has no filter to his words. I can only imagine what would come out of his mouth. And he's an ex-football player. He is so frustrated and mad that she might really need that hospital when he is through. So it is best that I go without him. He did send his nephew who lives about an hour from the hospital to drive to see her in Cardio ICU. So, I also heard she looks horrible.
One of my girl friends has offered to fly down on Saturday if I need her. I still haven't processed any of this. I'm afraid if I have "company" I won't. Richocet Rabbit needs some alone time.
Right now, the key to me is whether she wants to change. If she wants to get clean and sober, then of course, we will move heaven and earth to get her into a different program, closer to home. (In my heart of hearts, I always believed she thought she was on vacation in FL.) While we live in suburbia, New York City is only a short train ride away. So, I'm not sure how "quiet" our home state is.
If she doesn't want to change or get clean and sober, then there is nothing I can do. Right?
Her bf sent a pic of her at my request. She's still high as a kite. Eyes rolled up. Hooked up to oxygen. Her face is swollen. So I have a mental picture.
My hubby doesn't have the time to take off from work. Besides he has no filter to his words. I can only imagine what would come out of his mouth. And he's an ex-football player. He is so frustrated and mad that she might really need that hospital when he is through. So it is best that I go without him. He did send his nephew who lives about an hour from the hospital to drive to see her in Cardio ICU. So, I also heard she looks horrible.
One of my girl friends has offered to fly down on Saturday if I need her. I still haven't processed any of this. I'm afraid if I have "company" I won't. Richocet Rabbit needs some alone time.
Right now, the key to me is whether she wants to change. If she wants to get clean and sober, then of course, we will move heaven and earth to get her into a different program, closer to home. (In my heart of hearts, I always believed she thought she was on vacation in FL.) While we live in suburbia, New York City is only a short train ride away. So, I'm not sure how "quiet" our home state is.
If she doesn't want to change or get clean and sober, then there is nothing I can do. Right?
Hurting Mom
Write down a 2 column list
Label one side...What I Can Do (this is your emotional, mother side)
This side should include things like...bring her home to live with me, rent for her a place, move her out of state to get her away from her boyfriend etc.
Once you write everything down that you can do, then pick these options apart...meaning think them out to their ultimate end, be brutally honest here.
Then ask yourself the following...
1. Are these options truly for her or me?
2. Will these options bring her closer to her end? Which is what you want in order to get her to take rehab seriously.
3. Will they enable her in any way? Hint: Renting her a room so she'll at least have a roof and bed I do believe is also enabling as it's providing for her something she should be doing for herself
Label the other side...What I Should Do (this is your rational, logical side)
Then ask yourself the following...
1. What truly is the best for my daughter...not your old daughter but your current daughter
Logically, the best thing for your daughter is to get into rehab...but SHE has to want it, and she is less likely to want it if you help her or support her in anyway
For whatever it's worth, when you go see her, I would take your friend as she would help keep you grounded, also research rehab facilities close to where your daughters living.
When you see her, love her up, give her a list of rehab facilities then let her go...
Does this sound cold? Yes, will she check herself into rehab? Probably not, but she probably wouldn't anyways if you brought her home with you.
This is her journey, and she needs to hit her bottom in her timing not yours.
Sad as this sounds, she might never, yet, as her mother, you will know that you did what was best for her (and yourself) and that was...nothing, but telling her that you love her and that you'll be there for her on the other side of rehab.
Please stay in touch
Write down a 2 column list
Label one side...What I Can Do (this is your emotional, mother side)
This side should include things like...bring her home to live with me, rent for her a place, move her out of state to get her away from her boyfriend etc.
Once you write everything down that you can do, then pick these options apart...meaning think them out to their ultimate end, be brutally honest here.
Then ask yourself the following...
1. Are these options truly for her or me?
2. Will these options bring her closer to her end? Which is what you want in order to get her to take rehab seriously.
3. Will they enable her in any way? Hint: Renting her a room so she'll at least have a roof and bed I do believe is also enabling as it's providing for her something she should be doing for herself
Label the other side...What I Should Do (this is your rational, logical side)
Then ask yourself the following...
1. What truly is the best for my daughter...not your old daughter but your current daughter
Logically, the best thing for your daughter is to get into rehab...but SHE has to want it, and she is less likely to want it if you help her or support her in anyway
For whatever it's worth, when you go see her, I would take your friend as she would help keep you grounded, also research rehab facilities close to where your daughters living.
When you see her, love her up, give her a list of rehab facilities then let her go...
Does this sound cold? Yes, will she check herself into rehab? Probably not, but she probably wouldn't anyways if you brought her home with you.
This is her journey, and she needs to hit her bottom in her timing not yours.
Sad as this sounds, she might never, yet, as her mother, you will know that you did what was best for her (and yourself) and that was...nothing, but telling her that you love her and that you'll be there for her on the other side of rehab.
Please stay in touch
excellent advice!
What a great way to make those tough decisions we all have to face. Thanks Rich L
Thoughts and prayers with you "mom"
What a great way to make those tough decisions we all have to face. Thanks Rich L
Thoughts and prayers with you "mom"
Lynn, My heart breaks for you. I know how hard it is what your going through just now. If there was something I could do to help you God knows I would! But I'm 18 yrs into this worry and I still have no answers. I have been waiting for 18 yrs for my daughter to hit rock bottom. Now I've stopped waiting! I don't enable her in any way. I won't give her money, she never asks me either because she knows I won't help her, and I don't! When she was young and living with a well seasoned junkie who was using her for her money. She Increased her shooting up heroin to 10 times a day trying to keep up with him. When she called me I would hang up. I told her when she was ready to go into rehab I'd talk. I heard the rock bottom story then too. Finally after a couple of month I got the call wanting to come home. I told her the only way home was via detox and rehab and so that's what happened. She lived 3 hours drive away at the time. I went and brought her home to our area and she went right to the emergency room into detox that very day. I'm not saying to you or anyone what to do. Because God knows I don't have any answers. If someone had the answer we wouldn't be on here. What I'm saying is, she may be hanging around with people who are heavy users. Their used to doing heroin for a lot longer than she is and she like my daughter is trying to keep up with their drug use. I'm saying if she was to get away from this group of "new found friends" maybe and I mean "maybe" she would be less influenced and you could keep an eye on her better to try and steer her in the right direction. I don't believe our addicts the want to be doing drugs it's just their stuck until they find their way out. She also might be hanging with this crowd because she has no one else to be with and may jump at the chance to be closer to home. Even if it means rehab. I don't think there is such a thing as a rock bottom because if there was why have I been waiting 18 years for my daughter to hit it? Who came up with that line? Would it be the doctors that turn their noses up at our kids? Yet they helped put them there with their over prescribing. Or maybe the money makers who give our kids methadaone as a "cure all" of getting them off heroin and getting them addicted to methadone so they can make the money instead of the dealers? "She's not ready yet as she hasn't hit rock bottom" Seems to me its just an excuse for why their "cure alls" don't work. I'm sorry Lynn and anyone I've upset by this post. But what it comes down to is do what your gut feeling tells you to do. I'm not waiting anymore for rock bottom because I may end up as old as Methuselah if I do. Good luck I hope what you decide to do works. You can only try. God bless. Mary.
M...I understand your frustration and anger at the saying...but the truth is..the more you meddle the less likely we will decide to be clean. ..rock bottom as they say is different for everyone. .it can be anything...it doesn't have to be street ...it
could just be a word from someone. ..and usually its got nothing to do with those who are loving us...because those are the ones we don't want to hear it from....it could be a night...a moment...anything that gives us a moment of knowing we want off...unfortunately though...that's just the beginning. ..as you so well know....I have had different types of "bottoms" through out the years...and every time was a little different. .a different motivation...I do know when you make it comfortable for us. ..when I know Im going to sleep in a warm bed...have food...and someone will take care if I need to go to rehab or detox...that it makes it just that much harder to find the motivation. ..if I'm waking up cold and hungry and hurting and broke awhile with no one but me or others junkies....i seem to find the motivation a bit faster...I've had some long runs...it took awhile to get tired of the life...and then...even at the bottom. ..it's a hell of a climb back out every time...and truthfully. .I find it harder every time I go back to it...which is another type of bottom...it really is about letting us find it...
I'll add this for you. ..my wife and all wives and girlfriends of musicians and singers and songwriters playing in bands know the music will always always be first. ..they also know that after the groupies and gfs and wives are gone in a rehearsal room that the band is going to do their thing and create...old school bands drink and always have their own stash...as I went deeper into that life my wife...who was independent in her own life..she's a photographer. ..saw me less and less...I didn't come home...I was banging dope...long story short...it wasn't her love for me that made me want off...it was losing my music...my band...and the death of 6 band friends...and my playing buddy...it wasn't until after his funeral at the reception or whatever u call it ...that the need to stop and want to stop hit me...it was everyone drunk and crying and mourning and strung out right after he died the same way ....that I hit a bottom...had nothing to do with my wife who had been trying for months and years to get me to stop...so you see ?....a bottom isn't something you can find for someone...it's our own journey...our own face to face with the demons that we need to find....
Peace
Con
could just be a word from someone. ..and usually its got nothing to do with those who are loving us...because those are the ones we don't want to hear it from....it could be a night...a moment...anything that gives us a moment of knowing we want off...unfortunately though...that's just the beginning. ..as you so well know....I have had different types of "bottoms" through out the years...and every time was a little different. .a different motivation...I do know when you make it comfortable for us. ..when I know Im going to sleep in a warm bed...have food...and someone will take care if I need to go to rehab or detox...that it makes it just that much harder to find the motivation. ..if I'm waking up cold and hungry and hurting and broke awhile with no one but me or others junkies....i seem to find the motivation a bit faster...I've had some long runs...it took awhile to get tired of the life...and then...even at the bottom. ..it's a hell of a climb back out every time...and truthfully. .I find it harder every time I go back to it...which is another type of bottom...it really is about letting us find it...
I'll add this for you. ..my wife and all wives and girlfriends of musicians and singers and songwriters playing in bands know the music will always always be first. ..they also know that after the groupies and gfs and wives are gone in a rehearsal room that the band is going to do their thing and create...old school bands drink and always have their own stash...as I went deeper into that life my wife...who was independent in her own life..she's a photographer. ..saw me less and less...I didn't come home...I was banging dope...long story short...it wasn't her love for me that made me want off...it was losing my music...my band...and the death of 6 band friends...and my playing buddy...it wasn't until after his funeral at the reception or whatever u call it ...that the need to stop and want to stop hit me...it was everyone drunk and crying and mourning and strung out right after he died the same way ....that I hit a bottom...had nothing to do with my wife who had been trying for months and years to get me to stop...so you see ?....a bottom isn't something you can find for someone...it's our own journey...our own face to face with the demons that we need to find....
Peace
Con
Dear Lynn,
I just got on & saw this post! I am SO SORRY. We all know how miserable a task it can be, to face the horrors of drug addiction in our kids. There aren't enough words to define it sufficiently. It is just heart wrenching state that you find yourself in. You've been thrust into the middle of your daughter's mess again. Remind yourself, it is a mess of her making, and do NOT second guess yourself & do the 'what if's '. That's a total waste of time & emotion, and it is so totally out of your control.
Remember the 3 C's. You didn't do this, she did. She chose this path & Con states it well. Reread his post. I have. And probably will again.
As for missing her bday, that's her choosing too. She chose Florida. Mine was here briefly (20 yr) for her bday, then headed right back out the door with her addict boyfriend. She had Christmas with him too. My brothers, dad, in-laws....all were disappointed for us. Like what you went through recently for your dad's bday.
What can you do? It's not in your control. My daughter openly admits she doesn't even love the boyfriend. She's using him too, for her drugs, a roof over her head & cigarettes, food, etc..... I personally face to face, told him not to enable her, but he chose to let her use him every which way she can. Drugs change them. She's a new version of your daughter, like mine.
Had your daughter done right by herself, you would have had a very nice 21st bday! Vegas! Hell, All I got was a cake! lol
It does sound like speed balling like Con said. I read a little bit about it. Who knows what she did. Don't trust a word out of her bf's mouth! You know better! They are thick as thieves & lying is second nature. They'll say & do whatever serves them best. Do NOT believe everything they say. Question everything.
Maybe she OD'd on a mixture of a few things. Would she lie to the nurse? Mine OD'd on Fentanyl that she thought was heroin. You can't trust people who sell drugs to kids to disclose the true ingredients of their 'junk'. For what it's worth, I truly HOPE it wasn't heroin. I can understand that being a small comfort. Gotta grab 'em when we get 'em!
Oh Lynn, at this point, all I can do is pray for you. For what it's worth, I know in my heart I'd drop everything & do anything & everything to get there, too, if it were mine. That's instinct, honey. No one can fault you for that. She was & always will be, your baby. That's how I felt looking down at my baby on a gurney, that OD-d on Mother's Day. But then she screamed repeatedly " I f***ng hate you" !! We hafta harden our hearts or we'll never survive. I nursed my 3lb 8 oz premie at home & to good health, for her to turn to this (?). So sad.
Please take care of yourself. You'll need a clear mind to make possibly some hard decisions, like where she'll go next. Don't bring her home, Lynn. I don't want my daughter back. It was hell on earth. You never knew who you'd get...Jekyll or Hyde. Every day twists your belly in a knot. Rely on hubby. He may say things way louder (like my husband), but he most likely speaks the truth. Cling to each other. Sadly, she's gone in a lot of respects. You have to protect your sanity & your marriage. They'll pit us against each other if given half the chance. You know it's true.
Although I never would, I sometimes think I would love to smack my little girl right back to where she started on this deadly, wicked ride....given half the chance. The anger is immense.
Lately I just don't bother with her, no phone, no text, nothing. She's 10 minutes away, but I don't see her at all. My hubby texts her, but I told him, it has to end. He's making it easier on her, than her losing us both. She has to fall all on her own, as I've read on here......
I think you'll manage when you see her. God will be with you & you are in some many prayers on here. Please know I'm thinking of you. You have all my support. I hope your daughter sees the light.
Take care of yourself.
love & God bless you,
Dee
I just got on & saw this post! I am SO SORRY. We all know how miserable a task it can be, to face the horrors of drug addiction in our kids. There aren't enough words to define it sufficiently. It is just heart wrenching state that you find yourself in. You've been thrust into the middle of your daughter's mess again. Remind yourself, it is a mess of her making, and do NOT second guess yourself & do the 'what if's '. That's a total waste of time & emotion, and it is so totally out of your control.
Remember the 3 C's. You didn't do this, she did. She chose this path & Con states it well. Reread his post. I have. And probably will again.
As for missing her bday, that's her choosing too. She chose Florida. Mine was here briefly (20 yr) for her bday, then headed right back out the door with her addict boyfriend. She had Christmas with him too. My brothers, dad, in-laws....all were disappointed for us. Like what you went through recently for your dad's bday.
What can you do? It's not in your control. My daughter openly admits she doesn't even love the boyfriend. She's using him too, for her drugs, a roof over her head & cigarettes, food, etc..... I personally face to face, told him not to enable her, but he chose to let her use him every which way she can. Drugs change them. She's a new version of your daughter, like mine.
Had your daughter done right by herself, you would have had a very nice 21st bday! Vegas! Hell, All I got was a cake! lol
It does sound like speed balling like Con said. I read a little bit about it. Who knows what she did. Don't trust a word out of her bf's mouth! You know better! They are thick as thieves & lying is second nature. They'll say & do whatever serves them best. Do NOT believe everything they say. Question everything.
Maybe she OD'd on a mixture of a few things. Would she lie to the nurse? Mine OD'd on Fentanyl that she thought was heroin. You can't trust people who sell drugs to kids to disclose the true ingredients of their 'junk'. For what it's worth, I truly HOPE it wasn't heroin. I can understand that being a small comfort. Gotta grab 'em when we get 'em!
Oh Lynn, at this point, all I can do is pray for you. For what it's worth, I know in my heart I'd drop everything & do anything & everything to get there, too, if it were mine. That's instinct, honey. No one can fault you for that. She was & always will be, your baby. That's how I felt looking down at my baby on a gurney, that OD-d on Mother's Day. But then she screamed repeatedly " I f***ng hate you" !! We hafta harden our hearts or we'll never survive. I nursed my 3lb 8 oz premie at home & to good health, for her to turn to this (?). So sad.
Please take care of yourself. You'll need a clear mind to make possibly some hard decisions, like where she'll go next. Don't bring her home, Lynn. I don't want my daughter back. It was hell on earth. You never knew who you'd get...Jekyll or Hyde. Every day twists your belly in a knot. Rely on hubby. He may say things way louder (like my husband), but he most likely speaks the truth. Cling to each other. Sadly, she's gone in a lot of respects. You have to protect your sanity & your marriage. They'll pit us against each other if given half the chance. You know it's true.
Although I never would, I sometimes think I would love to smack my little girl right back to where she started on this deadly, wicked ride....given half the chance. The anger is immense.
Lately I just don't bother with her, no phone, no text, nothing. She's 10 minutes away, but I don't see her at all. My hubby texts her, but I told him, it has to end. He's making it easier on her, than her losing us both. She has to fall all on her own, as I've read on here......
I think you'll manage when you see her. God will be with you & you are in some many prayers on here. Please know I'm thinking of you. You have all my support. I hope your daughter sees the light.
Take care of yourself.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Hi Con, Thanks for answering my post. I always enjoy reading what you write and I like that your so straightforward with what you have to say. You give great advice and I admire your strength. Your right I am frustrated at things never changing. But I don't meddle in her life. When I spoke about moving my daughter closer she was younger than Lynn's daughter and at the beginning of her addiction like her daughter. Most of the young addicts on here aren't too far from their home towns. Mine is maybe 30 miles away and I see her once every couple of weeks because I have her daughter. If I didn't have my granddaughter there would be no reason to see her at all. But I need to know that if something was to happen I could be there in a hurry. I have had calls telling me she is in the ER for this or that and I never go. But if it was an OD, I would have to be there and quickly. So having my daughter living at least a 1,000 mile away I just couldn't handle it. They can live around the corner from most of us on here and they want to stay away from us anyway because of their lifestyle. I'm not saying bring her home and have her move in with the parents and make her breakfast and dinner everyday while she shoots up in the bedroom. No, I mean be closer to home where if you wanted a glimpse of her you could. Especially if it meant putting your mind at ease that she was still alive. But "meddle"I stopped that years ago When I started taking care of my gd and she is now 10 yrs old. I get it about what the different "rock bottoms" could be. But in all the 18yrs of my daughters addiction there's been no "rock bottom". I've waited and waited and nothing! I just had my gds birthday party and i wanted her mom there. But it saddened me that the distance between her and I has grown, we barely exchanged "hello" or "goodbye" and it was like she was a fish out of water. She didn't have much interest in her daughter either. She left and went into the spare room to have a nap as she says she has insomnia lately. I just feel shes slipping further and further away and I guess I'm afraid of losing her. Thanks Con.
Thank you all for the love and support. I'm in FL by her bedside. She says she has no memory of her OD. All she knows is she smoked crack and took Xanax and woke up in cardio icu. She now has pneumonia bc she aspirated.
She is attached at the hip to this loser boyfriend. She even started to pack her stuff and leave the hospital against medical advice last night bc the nurses asked him to leave at the end of visiting hours. I suggested trying detox/rehab closer to home. She can't imagine leaving him!!! The man w no job, a long arrest record and tattoos all over his face. She admitted he hasn't bought an ounce of food since they've been living together. He's unemployed n unemployable. Sounds to me like she's his meal ticket. But she LOVES him.
She admitted to me and the nurse that she's been ho-Ing to make extra money. WE'VE BEEN SENDING A WEEKLY ALLOWANCE!!! We told her she had 4 more weeks 4 weeks ago. So we are done sending money. What is she going to do upon her release with no job and no means of support? She's really going to be out there selling her body. I'm feeling guilty cutting her off now.
I'm still processing what is happening. I think she thinks we dumped her in FL. And this man is the only one who is showing her love. He is accepting her as she is and loving her as is. I
I'm feeling guilty again, even tho FL was her choice. Even the nurse says I won't get thru to her until she lets go of her love.
I took a break from hospital duty and went to the beach for an hour or so. I read the story of the Prodigal Son and prayed. I don't have any words for God. I don't know what I need anymore. I don't know what to ask for either. I just asked him to guide me and lead me. I can't even cry.
She is attached at the hip to this loser boyfriend. She even started to pack her stuff and leave the hospital against medical advice last night bc the nurses asked him to leave at the end of visiting hours. I suggested trying detox/rehab closer to home. She can't imagine leaving him!!! The man w no job, a long arrest record and tattoos all over his face. She admitted he hasn't bought an ounce of food since they've been living together. He's unemployed n unemployable. Sounds to me like she's his meal ticket. But she LOVES him.
She admitted to me and the nurse that she's been ho-Ing to make extra money. WE'VE BEEN SENDING A WEEKLY ALLOWANCE!!! We told her she had 4 more weeks 4 weeks ago. So we are done sending money. What is she going to do upon her release with no job and no means of support? She's really going to be out there selling her body. I'm feeling guilty cutting her off now.
I'm still processing what is happening. I think she thinks we dumped her in FL. And this man is the only one who is showing her love. He is accepting her as she is and loving her as is. I
I'm feeling guilty again, even tho FL was her choice. Even the nurse says I won't get thru to her until she lets go of her love.
I took a break from hospital duty and went to the beach for an hour or so. I read the story of the Prodigal Son and prayed. I don't have any words for God. I don't know what I need anymore. I don't know what to ask for either. I just asked him to guide me and lead me. I can't even cry.
Wow Hurting Mom,
It's funny that you bring up the example of the Prodigal Son considering I was going to write about that story at the time I was writing my earlier post, but wasn't sure how you would take it...so here goes...
I too have a drug addicted son and was looking to the Bible to seek counsel as to how I should best handle my own son and came across that story too.
If you take a look at that story, consider the prodigals father and how he handled his son.
The Father...did nothing at all,
Because he was a man of means he could have...
-Sent his servants to track down his son but didn't
-He could have sent messages of support and love but didn't
-He could have dragged him home but didn't
-He could have told the son what a fool he was for wasting his life but didn't
Don't you think knowing his son was missing as well as killing himself was killing his father? You bet it was!
So what did it take to bring the prodigal son home?
It was when the prodigal found himself feeding the pigs of someone else...probably the lowest form of employment any Jewish boy could experience.
That was the prodigals trigger/realization point...it was then that he came to his senses (Luke 15:7a) and came home.
I have found much comfort that even the Word confirms what many of us already know in regards to how to handle wayward children.
Unfortunately it looks like your going to have be a Prodigal Daughters Mother here
Please pray and ask for wisdom in regards to how to handle your daughter, He said He would give that to you abundantly and without finding fault...James 1:5
Rich
It's funny that you bring up the example of the Prodigal Son considering I was going to write about that story at the time I was writing my earlier post, but wasn't sure how you would take it...so here goes...
I too have a drug addicted son and was looking to the Bible to seek counsel as to how I should best handle my own son and came across that story too.
If you take a look at that story, consider the prodigals father and how he handled his son.
The Father...did nothing at all,
Because he was a man of means he could have...
-Sent his servants to track down his son but didn't
-He could have sent messages of support and love but didn't
-He could have dragged him home but didn't
-He could have told the son what a fool he was for wasting his life but didn't
Don't you think knowing his son was missing as well as killing himself was killing his father? You bet it was!
So what did it take to bring the prodigal son home?
It was when the prodigal found himself feeding the pigs of someone else...probably the lowest form of employment any Jewish boy could experience.
That was the prodigals trigger/realization point...it was then that he came to his senses (Luke 15:7a) and came home.
I have found much comfort that even the Word confirms what many of us already know in regards to how to handle wayward children.
Unfortunately it looks like your going to have be a Prodigal Daughters Mother here
Please pray and ask for wisdom in regards to how to handle your daughter, He said He would give that to you abundantly and without finding fault...James 1:5
Rich
Dear Lynn!!!
I am SO HAPPY you wrote!! I've been checking the computer this afternoon to see if you posted. Thank you so much. I've been thinking of you & your family all day.
I'm glad you're there. You know there's nowhere else you'd rather be. I'm glad for you for that.
My heart goes out to you....Mine has the same loser boyfriend, attached at hip. I gotcha. I wanna run mine over , but hopefully there will be time for that. Ha.
Sounds like you've got quite a winner bf as me to deal with. So sorry for that. I could elaborate on 'mine' but you know the gist of it... It's always they 'love' them. Loving somebody through all this s*** is LOVE!! They just don't have a clue of how much we LOVE them, truly. But tattoos on the face. Oh Lord. No job etc...yep, your girl is most assuredly his meal ticket.
We can only hope both our kids see them eventually as they truly are. Mine thinks her bf is the only one who loves her with all the problems. She doesn't love him though. Anyway, he's prince good guy & can do no wrong. She's not even working. It is infuriating! You & I both know we'd move heaven & hell if we thought we could help them!
But Lynn, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY cutting her off! I know it sucks big time! I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but she's using your money to buy drugs for herself AND HIM!!! Yuck!! Stay strong, Lynn. You can get through this. I know you can & will. You know they probably spend her allowance faster than you can send it, sad to say. Excuse my ignorance but what is ho-ling? Sorry. I'd be pissed just as you have a right to be.
SHE wanted to go to Florida, I remember you offered for her to move back (or closer) to where you are but she said no. Now is the time to talk about everything while she's still 'captive'. Ask her more questions when the nurse is in there with you. They forget we're there & talk more openly to others, especially medical people. Notice how polite they are to them, too. Not US of course. lol
Also write things down for future reference if you have time & wanna keep your mind busy. Like that'll be a problem, huh? I'd write down names of stuff, drugs she's on for her condition now, doctors' names & phone numbers, police phone numbers, etc...also where she might go after being released or in the future...homeless shelters, women & children's' shelters, social services in that area, also local or in-hospital clergy. Ask if they have a drug program in hospital. They all do I think. Anyway the social services people & clergy can offer a wealth of advice & useful info. They are always glad to offer hope & have time on their hands! You might need that kind of stuff jotted down, somewhere down the line, especially if she stays in Florida.
You've had a truly miserable couple of days. I truly hope you can rest your weary mind tonight, as hard as that may seem. I'll pray for it. I'm so grateful you got to the beach. I hope it helped clear your head, if that's possible. I'll pray you leave for home filled with peace.
Just this morning I was thinking of my daughter as the prodigal daughter, the lost lamb too. You don't need to read those stories to know God loves you all (although they are good ones) , and he'll get you through this. At the risk of sounding preachy, there is no problem so big that God can't handle. It's times like these he's his closest to us.
And also......there is no greater a love than that of a mother. Sorry to say, we have hearts of glass when it comes to our kids. We cry for them, pray for them, do whatever we can to help them better their selves but somehow sometimes it's just not enough.
It's like they've created this whole separate world all their own. Maybe that's part of the attraction, not having to deal with the black & white issues of the real world the rest of us face head on.
The tears will come...and when they finally do, don't fight it. You deserve to cry, to mourn for things past & regain strength for the day tomorrow.
I'm so glad you wrote Lynn.
Your heart is in my prayers, your daughter too. I was looking at pics of my silly, beautiful, blonde blue eyed, feisty little girl, (before she dyed her hair black & at 18 knowing it all)! Oiy. It tears me up, but I know crying can be cleansing, so let the tears flow if you can. It's like airing out your soul. We all need to do it some times.....
Tomorrow's another day.
love & God bless you,
Dee
I am SO HAPPY you wrote!! I've been checking the computer this afternoon to see if you posted. Thank you so much. I've been thinking of you & your family all day.
I'm glad you're there. You know there's nowhere else you'd rather be. I'm glad for you for that.
My heart goes out to you....Mine has the same loser boyfriend, attached at hip. I gotcha. I wanna run mine over , but hopefully there will be time for that. Ha.
Sounds like you've got quite a winner bf as me to deal with. So sorry for that. I could elaborate on 'mine' but you know the gist of it... It's always they 'love' them. Loving somebody through all this s*** is LOVE!! They just don't have a clue of how much we LOVE them, truly. But tattoos on the face. Oh Lord. No job etc...yep, your girl is most assuredly his meal ticket.
We can only hope both our kids see them eventually as they truly are. Mine thinks her bf is the only one who loves her with all the problems. She doesn't love him though. Anyway, he's prince good guy & can do no wrong. She's not even working. It is infuriating! You & I both know we'd move heaven & hell if we thought we could help them!
But Lynn, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY cutting her off! I know it sucks big time! I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but she's using your money to buy drugs for herself AND HIM!!! Yuck!! Stay strong, Lynn. You can get through this. I know you can & will. You know they probably spend her allowance faster than you can send it, sad to say. Excuse my ignorance but what is ho-ling? Sorry. I'd be pissed just as you have a right to be.
SHE wanted to go to Florida, I remember you offered for her to move back (or closer) to where you are but she said no. Now is the time to talk about everything while she's still 'captive'. Ask her more questions when the nurse is in there with you. They forget we're there & talk more openly to others, especially medical people. Notice how polite they are to them, too. Not US of course. lol
Also write things down for future reference if you have time & wanna keep your mind busy. Like that'll be a problem, huh? I'd write down names of stuff, drugs she's on for her condition now, doctors' names & phone numbers, police phone numbers, etc...also where she might go after being released or in the future...homeless shelters, women & children's' shelters, social services in that area, also local or in-hospital clergy. Ask if they have a drug program in hospital. They all do I think. Anyway the social services people & clergy can offer a wealth of advice & useful info. They are always glad to offer hope & have time on their hands! You might need that kind of stuff jotted down, somewhere down the line, especially if she stays in Florida.
You've had a truly miserable couple of days. I truly hope you can rest your weary mind tonight, as hard as that may seem. I'll pray for it. I'm so grateful you got to the beach. I hope it helped clear your head, if that's possible. I'll pray you leave for home filled with peace.
Just this morning I was thinking of my daughter as the prodigal daughter, the lost lamb too. You don't need to read those stories to know God loves you all (although they are good ones) , and he'll get you through this. At the risk of sounding preachy, there is no problem so big that God can't handle. It's times like these he's his closest to us.
And also......there is no greater a love than that of a mother. Sorry to say, we have hearts of glass when it comes to our kids. We cry for them, pray for them, do whatever we can to help them better their selves but somehow sometimes it's just not enough.
It's like they've created this whole separate world all their own. Maybe that's part of the attraction, not having to deal with the black & white issues of the real world the rest of us face head on.
The tears will come...and when they finally do, don't fight it. You deserve to cry, to mourn for things past & regain strength for the day tomorrow.
I'm so glad you wrote Lynn.
Your heart is in my prayers, your daughter too. I was looking at pics of my silly, beautiful, blonde blue eyed, feisty little girl, (before she dyed her hair black & at 18 knowing it all)! Oiy. It tears me up, but I know crying can be cleansing, so let the tears flow if you can. It's like airing out your soul. We all need to do it some times.....
Tomorrow's another day.
love & God bless you,
Dee
Rich,
I loved what you wrote. Thanks for reminding me of the whole story.
Hope your son is well.
Love & God bless,
Dee
I loved what you wrote. Thanks for reminding me of the whole story.
Hope your son is well.
Love & God bless,
Dee
Hi Lynn, It's awful! I am rattling my brain trying to think of a way to get her away from him. I don't know what to suggest. He sounds awful! It's terrible when something happens and we are in need of help and there's nowhere to get it. I wonder if there's any organizations that help rescue girls from people like him that would help you? Maybe one of the nurses would be able to suggest something? Are you just by yourself there? This is a lot to be going through down there by yourself. Does your husband have any ideas? I hope and pray someone will help you Lynn. Be safe. God bless. M.
Sorry M ...don't me to bring pain...sending all tonight strength and hope and prayers. Rich...you are a comfort and bring a light to a dark place. Thank you for easing hearts.
Con
Con
Con, You never bring pain! You are a strength to me like many on here! I'm sure reading what you say helps others too. I think this website after awhile is depressing. Don't let the worries of us mothers on here be a reason to quit your journey. You've come too far to go back now and I want to be able to see you and WQ make it. God bless.M
You all have no idea of how you are keeping me sane. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And God bless each of you.
Sorry Dee for using slang. I was writing while all 3 of us were in her room. Shoot I looked at that boy from time I got there until the time I left. . .about 8 hours. She's whoring. Selling her body. Prostituting herself. Told me she does whatever is necessary. BJ or all the way. I'm floored. I raised a prostitute! Even tho I told her her entire life that her body is a temple, I taught her the 10 Commandments, we went to church, she went to religious private and boarding schools. She is using her body to get money. . . in addition to what we were sending.
Thank you so much, Rich and Dee!!! That's what I love about this board. I can re-read the posts over and over again. I've read what you wrote many many times this evening. I am digging deep into my faith right about now. I have nothing else. I'm even considering fasting. Hell, I'd walk on hot burning coals and glass after having a pedicure if that would help.
Rich, you are right the Prodigal Son's father did absolutely, positively nothing, altho he had the means and ability. But the Prodigal Son's father didn't have a loser bf (who she met in rehab so he's an addict too. In fact, he od'd about 2 weeks ago), mooching off of her (she has insurance and had an allowance; he doesn't). Given the loser bf's hold on her (and I'm real confused on him; he seems to geniunely care for her. . .BUT them tattoos, not working and his future prospects!!!), I can't do absolutely nothing. She has to know that her village loves her, is praying for her and is waiting for her on the other side of rehab when she gets serious. I'm going to organize the family to call her on a regular basis. No big conversations are necessary. Just a reminder that she is loved and not alone.
Altho she's been on antibiotics for a couple of days, her white blood count is still very high. So the hospital said they are going to keep her about 2 more days. Boyfriend has just camped out in her room. I think they are sharing her hospital meals bc he has no money. Then again the halfway house they were in kicked them out due to her use. She found a new halfway house via the best possible referral service, Craig's List. I suggested that he move their stuff in and have everything put away prior to her release. He said he didn't want to leave her and she didn't want him to leave. Their stuff is still in my rental car!!! Dee, tell you what. . .I'll be happy to run over your daughter's bf, if you run over mine. Is it a deal?? LOL
Seriously. . . I'm thinking of staying here until she is at least out of the hospital. He can't be the only one by her side. And, I'll inquire at the hospital about drug programs. I've met her social worker and will quiz her tomorrow.
Con - You aren't a downer. You bring a perspective that is invaluable and unique. Thank you for writing. I know she has to find her bottom. Prince Charming told me that she said (i'm not too sure how long ago)that she wasn't ready to stop using. I don't know what she needs to see the light. I do plan on telling her before I leave that I hope I do not have to bury her.
You all have been great. Thanks again. I'm praying for each of your situations, as you are praying for mine.
Love you guys!
Lynn
xxoo
Sorry Dee for using slang. I was writing while all 3 of us were in her room. Shoot I looked at that boy from time I got there until the time I left. . .about 8 hours. She's whoring. Selling her body. Prostituting herself. Told me she does whatever is necessary. BJ or all the way. I'm floored. I raised a prostitute! Even tho I told her her entire life that her body is a temple, I taught her the 10 Commandments, we went to church, she went to religious private and boarding schools. She is using her body to get money. . . in addition to what we were sending.
Thank you so much, Rich and Dee!!! That's what I love about this board. I can re-read the posts over and over again. I've read what you wrote many many times this evening. I am digging deep into my faith right about now. I have nothing else. I'm even considering fasting. Hell, I'd walk on hot burning coals and glass after having a pedicure if that would help.
Rich, you are right the Prodigal Son's father did absolutely, positively nothing, altho he had the means and ability. But the Prodigal Son's father didn't have a loser bf (who she met in rehab so he's an addict too. In fact, he od'd about 2 weeks ago), mooching off of her (she has insurance and had an allowance; he doesn't). Given the loser bf's hold on her (and I'm real confused on him; he seems to geniunely care for her. . .BUT them tattoos, not working and his future prospects!!!), I can't do absolutely nothing. She has to know that her village loves her, is praying for her and is waiting for her on the other side of rehab when she gets serious. I'm going to organize the family to call her on a regular basis. No big conversations are necessary. Just a reminder that she is loved and not alone.
Altho she's been on antibiotics for a couple of days, her white blood count is still very high. So the hospital said they are going to keep her about 2 more days. Boyfriend has just camped out in her room. I think they are sharing her hospital meals bc he has no money. Then again the halfway house they were in kicked them out due to her use. She found a new halfway house via the best possible referral service, Craig's List. I suggested that he move their stuff in and have everything put away prior to her release. He said he didn't want to leave her and she didn't want him to leave. Their stuff is still in my rental car!!! Dee, tell you what. . .I'll be happy to run over your daughter's bf, if you run over mine. Is it a deal?? LOL
Seriously. . . I'm thinking of staying here until she is at least out of the hospital. He can't be the only one by her side. And, I'll inquire at the hospital about drug programs. I've met her social worker and will quiz her tomorrow.
Con - You aren't a downer. You bring a perspective that is invaluable and unique. Thank you for writing. I know she has to find her bottom. Prince Charming told me that she said (i'm not too sure how long ago)that she wasn't ready to stop using. I don't know what she needs to see the light. I do plan on telling her before I leave that I hope I do not have to bury her.
You all have been great. Thanks again. I'm praying for each of your situations, as you are praying for mine.
Love you guys!
Lynn
xxoo
Dear Lynn,
I am remembering you in my most heartfelt prayers. What you are going through is beyond misery....nothing anyone expects or knows how to handle. Just know you are being supported & you are loved.
I thought that word was slang for prostituting, but I didn't want to have it wrong or say something stupid. I would gladly run over her boyfriend! GLADLY!! Mine is all yours! I trust ya! lol
Mine's bf would just not leave the hospital room either, when she just OD'd, no matter how obvious we were in wanting him to leave. Told him it was a private, family matter several times. Still stayed. What made it worse was that she didn't allow him to leave (not that he put any effort in that direction) & she whispered to him while we were in the ER room. . RRRR! I feel your pain, believe you me!
I cannot express sufficiently how terribly sad I am to learn your daughter is prostituting. You must feel like you've had the wind knocked out of ya! You did all the right things Lynn. There's just no way to see this coming. It came out of nowhere. I'm so sorry. I know it's gotta hurt like HELL.
I hope your faith provides you with the graces, patience & peace to get through this 'situation'. By all means pray. I know there are a good many people on here, myself included, praying for you all. I thank you for your prayers to us, too.
I'm glad she has to stay in the hospital. She's not out doing dope. Watch that the bf doesn't bring her any. Is she going through withdrawal? The bf said she's not ready to quit using. How is the hospital managing that? With suboxone, Narcon, methadone? Or are they just treating the pneumonia right at this time?
I thought I read that your D's bf OD'd a while ago. Lovely. (I reread posts too. Sometimes I forget something or miss something helpful. ) They are codependent though he more so in that he depends on HER to make the money & share YOUR money. I'm so sorry for your pain that causes you & your husband. If he's eating her hospital food, I hope he chokes on it! lol
I hope the family calls to her, help. You've got nothing to lose in trying. God bless you all in that endeavor. Hoping too, that the hospital & social worker can help ya.
I hope they decide to go to the new halfway house when she's released. I can understand you wanting to get their stuff moved in 'n all. I'd also want to see where it is & how it's set up, etc.
Can't understand wanting to be together every minute. Do they go to the bathroom together too? lol You know I laugh with you because I can so easily relate!
Take care of yourself. Make sure you eat & sleep. I know it's hard, but your body needs fuel & rest to keep you going. You've got a LOT going on!
Anyway, please keep us posted. You're in my thoughts.
love & God bless you,
Dee
I am remembering you in my most heartfelt prayers. What you are going through is beyond misery....nothing anyone expects or knows how to handle. Just know you are being supported & you are loved.
I thought that word was slang for prostituting, but I didn't want to have it wrong or say something stupid. I would gladly run over her boyfriend! GLADLY!! Mine is all yours! I trust ya! lol
Mine's bf would just not leave the hospital room either, when she just OD'd, no matter how obvious we were in wanting him to leave. Told him it was a private, family matter several times. Still stayed. What made it worse was that she didn't allow him to leave (not that he put any effort in that direction) & she whispered to him while we were in the ER room. . RRRR! I feel your pain, believe you me!
I cannot express sufficiently how terribly sad I am to learn your daughter is prostituting. You must feel like you've had the wind knocked out of ya! You did all the right things Lynn. There's just no way to see this coming. It came out of nowhere. I'm so sorry. I know it's gotta hurt like HELL.
I hope your faith provides you with the graces, patience & peace to get through this 'situation'. By all means pray. I know there are a good many people on here, myself included, praying for you all. I thank you for your prayers to us, too.
I'm glad she has to stay in the hospital. She's not out doing dope. Watch that the bf doesn't bring her any. Is she going through withdrawal? The bf said she's not ready to quit using. How is the hospital managing that? With suboxone, Narcon, methadone? Or are they just treating the pneumonia right at this time?
I thought I read that your D's bf OD'd a while ago. Lovely. (I reread posts too. Sometimes I forget something or miss something helpful. ) They are codependent though he more so in that he depends on HER to make the money & share YOUR money. I'm so sorry for your pain that causes you & your husband. If he's eating her hospital food, I hope he chokes on it! lol
I hope the family calls to her, help. You've got nothing to lose in trying. God bless you all in that endeavor. Hoping too, that the hospital & social worker can help ya.
I hope they decide to go to the new halfway house when she's released. I can understand you wanting to get their stuff moved in 'n all. I'd also want to see where it is & how it's set up, etc.
Can't understand wanting to be together every minute. Do they go to the bathroom together too? lol You know I laugh with you because I can so easily relate!
Take care of yourself. Make sure you eat & sleep. I know it's hard, but your body needs fuel & rest to keep you going. You've got a LOT going on!
Anyway, please keep us posted. You're in my thoughts.
love & God bless you,
Dee
