Husband had been clean for 30 days. Technicly I think he fall off the wagon.
He was on methadone,OC's,and zanax before going through rapid detox.
I caught him sneeking some valium out of his vehicle the other night.
When confronted he was very honest about it.(He was busted though)
Well skipping over all the promises and the things i wanted to hear my question is what to do now. These past 30 days have been hell. I did nothing that didnt have something to do for or with him. Can i get you somthing hon, What can i do to help.Which i dont mind because I love him so much. What kills me is I told and showed him time after time that i was here for him.What ever it would take i would do. Still he turned his back on me when he went out and got himself some pills(valium).Not to mention he had 7 left from what the doc prescribe after detox. Oh but it was to help him sleep and he was only gonna take them for a week.(I think we all know better). The kicker is that some time after 5 he took the first dose and later at 10.thats when i caught him.I could tell something was up.obviously he was looking for that old feeling again.I feel 2 ways about this.1 is that even though he intentionaly went looking for that old feeling that there may be hope.He may be able to still get control and continue being sober.(right ? ) 2 is I should pack my S*** and get the hell out of here.That I played the game and lost.Its over! Yet i still cant get pass the door! He said we have been through so much now and come so far that i shouldnt give up on him!!
I feel so numb that its not even funny!!!!!!! Now im sitting here just waiting for the floor to open up from under me! Deep down I have the feeling that within a week or so he will make it or break it!!!! Only time will tell !
You cant just read this and not say something!
Please anything helps!
Please anything helps!
first of all, if you leave you are not giving up on him...you are not doing anything that cant be undone.... he is giving up on himself by doing this behavior.... this is a disease.. as I have said before... this is about HIM not you... sorry but as addicts once we decide to use (and once we have been clean from the chemical it is a conscience desicion... doesnt mean he doesnt love you just mean he lost this battle...) our families, friends, jobs, nothing matters we just dont think about anything but finding and using our drug... there is nothing you can do.... you can not love it away..... you can not wish it away or you can not dote on him and make him do better... HE has to do it....
Now if you leave him he has to make a decision.... as for rapid detox ... that is just to avoid the physical symptoms ... it does absolutely nothing for the cravings... if he is not doing anything to fill his mind to fight those then he might as well just save his money cause it will get him again.... sorry maybe I am being harsh but recovery just is not that easy.... you cant just get your body clean and be done and sometimes new addicts seeking recovery wants to think that but it just doesnt happen....
Just as he has a decide to do it or not....
God Bless ....I might write more....
I just wanted to get this to you ASAP
Teresa
Now if you leave him he has to make a decision.... as for rapid detox ... that is just to avoid the physical symptoms ... it does absolutely nothing for the cravings... if he is not doing anything to fill his mind to fight those then he might as well just save his money cause it will get him again.... sorry maybe I am being harsh but recovery just is not that easy.... you cant just get your body clean and be done and sometimes new addicts seeking recovery wants to think that but it just doesnt happen....
Just as he has a decide to do it or not....
God Bless ....I might write more....
I just wanted to get this to you ASAP
Teresa
I understand ,im so happy to hear from someone,exspecailly you !
I have pointed him in the right direction everyday. He wants to go but its like he is just lost somewhere. Where do we go from here? Is it to late ? Is his recovery blown?
I have pointed him in the right direction everyday. He wants to go but its like he is just lost somewhere. Where do we go from here? Is it to late ? Is his recovery blown?
You're right Ava, I can't read that and not say anything.
I think you know your choices, but what you decide to do is up to you.
If you leave, you leave behind a person that you love. But you also leave behind the pain and suffering that his addiction has caused your life.
If you stay, you risk everything. Because there are no guarantees. Unfortunatly, the treatment plans for illnesses such as this offer no warrenties. Basically, it's a crap shoot.
Can you get hubby to this board? I'd be happy to talk to him if he's open to our suggestions and ideas. Even if he's not open, maybe he'll listen.
If he was honest about the valium, you're lucky. Most don't have that honesty especially new in recovery. He's not hopeless, he's sick. He has a chance to make this right and get back on track. Don't count the relapses, count the victories. Some of which include just being able to get up in the morning and take a shower. Is he recieving long term out patient care? Are you? Is he going to a support group? Are you?
This is bigger than the both of you and the both of you need extensive help... call the detox center today and tell them what has happend. They can advise you better than I...
Good Luck, Ava and I'm so glad that you keep coming back to this board. It helps me understand what my husband went through...
Love,
Cowgirl
I think you know your choices, but what you decide to do is up to you.
If you leave, you leave behind a person that you love. But you also leave behind the pain and suffering that his addiction has caused your life.
If you stay, you risk everything. Because there are no guarantees. Unfortunatly, the treatment plans for illnesses such as this offer no warrenties. Basically, it's a crap shoot.
Can you get hubby to this board? I'd be happy to talk to him if he's open to our suggestions and ideas. Even if he's not open, maybe he'll listen.
If he was honest about the valium, you're lucky. Most don't have that honesty especially new in recovery. He's not hopeless, he's sick. He has a chance to make this right and get back on track. Don't count the relapses, count the victories. Some of which include just being able to get up in the morning and take a shower. Is he recieving long term out patient care? Are you? Is he going to a support group? Are you?
This is bigger than the both of you and the both of you need extensive help... call the detox center today and tell them what has happend. They can advise you better than I...
Good Luck, Ava and I'm so glad that you keep coming back to this board. It helps me understand what my husband went through...
Love,
Cowgirl
Ava,
Although, I wouldnt admit it at the time looking back on it now my relapse was a blessing. It showed me and really got through my thick head that this was not a will power thing and that my being so strong and independan in this instance was actually a bad thing new in recovery,.... I was, up until my relapse, was just giving lip sevice to recovery ... using all the 'buzz' words like 'it works if you work it' ...'One day at a Time'... ect... but when I relapsed I finally got it ... this was bigger than me....I needed help and people that had been there...
As cowgirl said.... I dont believe anyone is a lost cause and no ...he doesnt need to throw his recovery out the window ... he may just need to go back to the drawing board.... but again ... YOU can not make that decision for him and you certainly can not do it for him.... you can make a suggestion then I would leave it alone......as long as you enable him he wont make any decisions... why would he...?
Any way... I know it isnt easy.... I will keep you in my prayers...
God Bless...
Teresa
Although, I wouldnt admit it at the time looking back on it now my relapse was a blessing. It showed me and really got through my thick head that this was not a will power thing and that my being so strong and independan in this instance was actually a bad thing new in recovery,.... I was, up until my relapse, was just giving lip sevice to recovery ... using all the 'buzz' words like 'it works if you work it' ...'One day at a Time'... ect... but when I relapsed I finally got it ... this was bigger than me....I needed help and people that had been there...
As cowgirl said.... I dont believe anyone is a lost cause and no ...he doesnt need to throw his recovery out the window ... he may just need to go back to the drawing board.... but again ... YOU can not make that decision for him and you certainly can not do it for him.... you can make a suggestion then I would leave it alone......as long as you enable him he wont make any decisions... why would he...?
Any way... I know it isnt easy.... I will keep you in my prayers...
God Bless...
Teresa
Ava,
I know exactly what you're feeling right now. I've been there with my husband. I stood beside him for 4 years before he finally got in recovery. He had taken every drug known to man but his drug of choice was pain pills. He would eat loratabs like candy. He got on Oxicotin and he was wide open. He would take all that junk all day and take a downer at night so he could sleep. I would do the exact thing you are doing now. I would threaten to leave but never leave. As a result of that he learned that he could do pretty much anything and I would be at home waiting when he was done. He was and still is a very selfish person. Hopefully, AA will help him to get out of himself. Looking back on everything, I should of left and let him get his act together. I think he would have more respect for me today.
I know exactly what you're feeling right now. I've been there with my husband. I stood beside him for 4 years before he finally got in recovery. He had taken every drug known to man but his drug of choice was pain pills. He would eat loratabs like candy. He got on Oxicotin and he was wide open. He would take all that junk all day and take a downer at night so he could sleep. I would do the exact thing you are doing now. I would threaten to leave but never leave. As a result of that he learned that he could do pretty much anything and I would be at home waiting when he was done. He was and still is a very selfish person. Hopefully, AA will help him to get out of himself. Looking back on everything, I should of left and let him get his act together. I think he would have more respect for me today.
