I'm not a smoker but my fiance is. He smokes a lot.. more than he tells me about too I"m sure. He spends a lot of money on it.. and doesn't seem to realize how big of a problem it is. He gets mad at me even when i just ask him to cut back.. not even quit.. I just doin't understand what is going on in his head and was hoping that someone who has been thru it.. and has lived it could maybe help me.. maybe be able to tell me what you did.. or what it took for youto finally wake up and realize that you were wasting your money.. and your life on weed. thanks.
Dear Reesecat:
I, too, am not a smoker and the only thing I can tell you is that it can ruin lives. It changes personalities (not for everyone) but my personal experience has been with my daughter and her husband - they are heavy pot smokers - I guess they spend anywhere from $400 - $800. a month on their habit. They are both working professionals but I wonder how long they will survive doing their "habit". While many people will say "Its only marijuana" I am totally against it and have asked them to refrain when around me and our family. Unfortunately, our daughter has so many mood swings, anger, and hostility that we are not on "terms" anymore and she tried to ruin her sister's wedding because of paranoia, anger and jealousy.
The only thing I will say is "You can't help someone who won't help themselves" and if your boyfriend doesn't see his smoking as a "problem" - there is not much you can do to get him to stop. Try to avoid being an "enabler".
Visit the forum on this site "Families of Addicts" and perhaps you will get a better answer. If you do, let me know, as my heart is heavy because of our daughter.
Good luck.
SusanJean
I, too, am not a smoker and the only thing I can tell you is that it can ruin lives. It changes personalities (not for everyone) but my personal experience has been with my daughter and her husband - they are heavy pot smokers - I guess they spend anywhere from $400 - $800. a month on their habit. They are both working professionals but I wonder how long they will survive doing their "habit". While many people will say "Its only marijuana" I am totally against it and have asked them to refrain when around me and our family. Unfortunately, our daughter has so many mood swings, anger, and hostility that we are not on "terms" anymore and she tried to ruin her sister's wedding because of paranoia, anger and jealousy.
The only thing I will say is "You can't help someone who won't help themselves" and if your boyfriend doesn't see his smoking as a "problem" - there is not much you can do to get him to stop. Try to avoid being an "enabler".
Visit the forum on this site "Families of Addicts" and perhaps you will get a better answer. If you do, let me know, as my heart is heavy because of our daughter.
Good luck.
SusanJean
Susan Jean is right.I've been a pot addict for 13 years now.Addiction has many levels and theres not really much people can do for you to help you,unless you want that help.But you can point him in the right direction,but it must be done with lovingkindness,if approuched with anything but defences go up and your in for a fight.
And Reese your right on the nose when you say wake up.Self realization is the cure,but to come to that......for everyone its different.Perhaps do a tally on how much he spends.It probably could buy that thing you 2 wanted.A trip,applience anything.Instead it went to something that has kapt you in a stand still.
Are you thinking of someday having kids?If so try that spin.Kids and pot dont mix plain and simple.
Is he stoned constantly or is it just an evening thing?Try doing fun things without him smoking a joint before hand to help him realize he doeasnt need the drug to have a good time.If hes had a stressfull day give him a massage,but dont if hes smoked a joint first.Show him things can be much more enjoyable without it.
But do these things with love remember.Its not going to be a battle for just him,but both of you.
I hope i helped a little g'luck,and fight the good fight.
Joshua
And Reese your right on the nose when you say wake up.Self realization is the cure,but to come to that......for everyone its different.Perhaps do a tally on how much he spends.It probably could buy that thing you 2 wanted.A trip,applience anything.Instead it went to something that has kapt you in a stand still.
Are you thinking of someday having kids?If so try that spin.Kids and pot dont mix plain and simple.
Is he stoned constantly or is it just an evening thing?Try doing fun things without him smoking a joint before hand to help him realize he doeasnt need the drug to have a good time.If hes had a stressfull day give him a massage,but dont if hes smoked a joint first.Show him things can be much more enjoyable without it.
But do these things with love remember.Its not going to be a battle for just him,but both of you.
I hope i helped a little g'luck,and fight the good fight.
Joshua
Joshua.
thank you so much.. i'm new on here and when i posted on the family of addicts board i kinda felt like everyone was coming down on me. i know they aren't.. but it's hard enough.. without people telling you to not be with the person that you love. The pot is an issue, a BIG issue.. but it doesn't make him a bad person. we have talked about kids.,. and i told him i didn't want it around then.. and he agreed... i don't know if he was telling me what i want to hear.. or really means it.. i have to hope he means it. i guess the main reason i don't say a whole lot is because he does go to work everyday.. and then some.. he helps me pay the bills.. but all the rest of his money goes to pot. he's doing a little better now.. the closer the wedding gets.. and the honeymoon.. he brought up kids the other night (usually I do that) and he wants to buy a house too.. he's said now tht he needs to start really watching his money.. I guess i'm happy to hear that..to me, it's a start. Thank you for "listening" and for your comments.. it meant a lot.
C.
thank you so much.. i'm new on here and when i posted on the family of addicts board i kinda felt like everyone was coming down on me. i know they aren't.. but it's hard enough.. without people telling you to not be with the person that you love. The pot is an issue, a BIG issue.. but it doesn't make him a bad person. we have talked about kids.,. and i told him i didn't want it around then.. and he agreed... i don't know if he was telling me what i want to hear.. or really means it.. i have to hope he means it. i guess the main reason i don't say a whole lot is because he does go to work everyday.. and then some.. he helps me pay the bills.. but all the rest of his money goes to pot. he's doing a little better now.. the closer the wedding gets.. and the honeymoon.. he brought up kids the other night (usually I do that) and he wants to buy a house too.. he's said now tht he needs to start really watching his money.. I guess i'm happy to hear that..to me, it's a start. Thank you for "listening" and for your comments.. it meant a lot.
C.
Sounds like hes comeing around.Ignore those who say to stop loveing him.Its people like that who make addicts take turns for the worse love cures all ills.May your marriage be like the stars,something for us all to gaze upon and admire .Peace
Joshua
Joshua
