PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BECAUSE THE FATHER OF MY CHILD CAME TO ME FOR HELP AND I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE HISTORY WE ARE HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS AND WE HAD A CHILD TOGETHER WHEN WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL. IT NEVER WORKED OUT AFTER DATING HIM FOR SIX YEARS. OUR DAUGHTER IS NOW TWELVE. WE WERE SPLIT UP FOR SEVEN YEARS BUT I NEVER STOPED LOVING HIM. ONE DAY HE CALLS ME AND ASKED ME TO HELP HIM SO I DID. I TOOK HIM TO DETOX AND HE STAYED THERE FOR ABOUT 4 WEEKS. WHEN HE CAME OUT I WAS BYE HIS SIDE AND JUST LISTENED TO EVERYTHING HE HAD TO SAY. WE STARTED TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN AND KNOW I'M DATING HIM FOR 4 MONTHS BUT NOW THINGS ARE STARTING TO CHANGE IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS. I NOTICED HE SEEMED TO BE HIGH BUT WHEN I ASK HIM HE DENIES IT BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HE IS. I THINK HE IS AFRAID TO TELL ME BECAUSE I MIGHT BREAK UP WITH HIM. THAT ISN'T FAIR TO ME. I THOUGHT HE WAS VERY HAPPY TO HAVE HIS FAMILY BACK. I TRED TALKING TO HIM BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO PUT PRESSURE ON HIM BECAUSE HE SEEMS SO FRAGILE STILL. WHAT SHOULD I DO. I NEED HIM TO TALK TO ME BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET HIM TO TELL ME THE TRUTH.
Hello and welcome,
I am new to the whole addict thing so I really don't think I should give any advise, but I do know that for us addicts Honesty is one of the hardest things to deal with.
I am getting more and more honest with myself daily, and the only thing it brings me is depression, which in turn is horrible. I think your bf needs to get honest with himself as well as you. Let him know that you want to help him, and that you will be there to support him even if he has relapsed. But if he doesn't get honest then it will be hard to build a relationship. I don't know maybe I am just talking out of my a$$.
Good luck to you,
shay
I am new to the whole addict thing so I really don't think I should give any advise, but I do know that for us addicts Honesty is one of the hardest things to deal with.
I am getting more and more honest with myself daily, and the only thing it brings me is depression, which in turn is horrible. I think your bf needs to get honest with himself as well as you. Let him know that you want to help him, and that you will be there to support him even if he has relapsed. But if he doesn't get honest then it will be hard to build a relationship. I don't know maybe I am just talking out of my a$$.
Good luck to you,
shay
Debbie-I thought I'd write since not too many people are responding...first and foremost youre in a tight spot b/c you really cant do anything until he ADMITS he has a problem (perhaps hinting youd always be there for him no matter what type of deal? will help him come out) and then once he has admitted it, it will most likely require rehab again I would imagine. I hope that it is not this problem for you and your child's sake...and I hope more people on the board have some suggestions, Gluck!
Hi...Maybe the reason your b/f denies he's getting high is because he feels you would be very disappointed in him. Like you said, you think he is afraid you will break up with him. Honesty is something very few addicts know. It's something we have to learn again. I would let him know that your love for him is unconditional. Love has no boundaries. Let him know you will be there for him. Don't let him get to far into the abyss, again. And don't let him drag you and your daughter down. How long had he been doing drugs before he asked for your help? Is he hanging around "bad" people? Has he been depressed? Is there any underlying stress that he's trying to deal with? There are so many questions as to why he is getting high again. Maybe you could suggest to him you feel that there is something not right between you two and maybe the two of you going to a counselor may help. Please know there are people who care and want to help, even though we are strangers. We know what it is like.
Molly
Molly
Debbie was halfway through telling you my story when i had to get of board quickly - Im telling you this just to see if it helps you in anyway do not take it in a wrong context or anything this is what happened to me - maybe it will give you some insight maybe not (buy the way i am addicted to pain pills - and clear of alcohol)
I married my husband on my 21st birthday - we both drank - not to what i would call anything more than social as i thought - but my husband played in a showband and not until much later did i findout the extent of his alcohol intake anyway we went on to have 2 children together - (remember i at this stage new nothing about addiction or alcoholism or drug addiction whatever) i noticed his temperment changing and drinking increasing until it was blatently obvious there was a problem - I per chance rang AA one night to talk to them about this - they sent out two people, with my husbands permission to talk to him - eventually to cut a long story short - he got into rehad - was there for 4 days and cried to me down the phone to get him out - i loved him so much and felt sorry for him and arranged to get him home - not knowing it was the stupidest thing i was doing - but he had promised me the earth ie. wont take another drink, wont be bad tempered, etc etc etc - he also insisted that we both go out together to work on our marriage (cunning move) he insisted that he would not have any alcohol and i was to drink as much as i liked it would not bother him - again i made another stupid move went to pub with him he had coke i had vodka and coke only one each mind - list lasted for about a couple of times until one night we went out and he insisted that one littleshandy wouldnt do any harm - and dummy i was thought i suppose not - well on a downward spiralhe went - it got so bad i left him and took the two kids out as i was scared he was going to eventually kill us - he would get into a bad temper - one day he actually shook a beer can and scooted the beer all around me and the two kids who were about 4 & 5 at that time - he through his dinner at the wall and a lot of worse things than this- started rows for any reason to get out of the house to go to the pub and always pushed the blame back on me - to cut a long long story short - he shortly after i had left him he
took an epeleptic attack (never had one before - this was caused by the alcohol ) as i said cutting this short - i was away in england for work for two days - got home to find out my husband had died about 2 hours before i landed .
He was 34 years old.
This is only for you to read - you make your own decisions - but read about addicts on this board ask lots of questions and you may when you hear stories like mine or find someone else who can advise you better be able to get some ideas what to do or how to cope with your problem - lots of luck and i hope things work out - remember what i posted is only my story - everyone has different stories - may of which other people relate to as i said check out all the help and advice you can get - stay strong
lol outof
I married my husband on my 21st birthday - we both drank - not to what i would call anything more than social as i thought - but my husband played in a showband and not until much later did i findout the extent of his alcohol intake anyway we went on to have 2 children together - (remember i at this stage new nothing about addiction or alcoholism or drug addiction whatever) i noticed his temperment changing and drinking increasing until it was blatently obvious there was a problem - I per chance rang AA one night to talk to them about this - they sent out two people, with my husbands permission to talk to him - eventually to cut a long story short - he got into rehad - was there for 4 days and cried to me down the phone to get him out - i loved him so much and felt sorry for him and arranged to get him home - not knowing it was the stupidest thing i was doing - but he had promised me the earth ie. wont take another drink, wont be bad tempered, etc etc etc - he also insisted that we both go out together to work on our marriage (cunning move) he insisted that he would not have any alcohol and i was to drink as much as i liked it would not bother him - again i made another stupid move went to pub with him he had coke i had vodka and coke only one each mind - list lasted for about a couple of times until one night we went out and he insisted that one littleshandy wouldnt do any harm - and dummy i was thought i suppose not - well on a downward spiralhe went - it got so bad i left him and took the two kids out as i was scared he was going to eventually kill us - he would get into a bad temper - one day he actually shook a beer can and scooted the beer all around me and the two kids who were about 4 & 5 at that time - he through his dinner at the wall and a lot of worse things than this- started rows for any reason to get out of the house to go to the pub and always pushed the blame back on me - to cut a long long story short - he shortly after i had left him he
took an epeleptic attack (never had one before - this was caused by the alcohol ) as i said cutting this short - i was away in england for work for two days - got home to find out my husband had died about 2 hours before i landed .
He was 34 years old.
This is only for you to read - you make your own decisions - but read about addicts on this board ask lots of questions and you may when you hear stories like mine or find someone else who can advise you better be able to get some ideas what to do or how to cope with your problem - lots of luck and i hope things work out - remember what i posted is only my story - everyone has different stories - may of which other people relate to as i said check out all the help and advice you can get - stay strong
lol outof
Forgot to add that he actually died from a siezure when noone was around to help him - by this time he was on his own and had alianated all his friends - i didnt go near him due to court restrictions etc - but i got other people to keep an eye on him - but unfortunately you cannot always be with someone 24 hours per day.
