Dammit! I'm so mad at myself.
I was online, chatting with my daughter earlier, and she asked me if her brother is allowed to be on the internet while he's in rehab. I said, "no". She said she had seen on Facebook where he liked a couple of pages and one of them had something to do with acid.
So, in my infinite wisdom (really stupidity) I messaged him and told him he was going to end up getting in trouble, blah, blah, blah... I immediately realized what I had done and told him to nevermind what I said, that I'm not his baby sitter and he can make his own choices.
Grr....I could kick myself for falling back into old habits. They really do die hard! He is 30 years old and I am telling him he's going to get in trouble. He knows very well what will happen if he breaks rules there.
I'll start new from this point and keep trying. It's all I can do. It's all any of us can do.
Hugs,
Michelle
Shell-
We are human and make mistakes and always will! My husband gave in several weeks ago and paid our son's car title loan and car insurance after doing so well with not enabling him for 5 months. I felt like we had to start all over again and our son has been told not to ask for money anymore, so instead he just sends texts about how bad off he is and how he is too far down and how something is going to happen to him. All of it just is so hard to read and it really is upsetting
Chalk it up to just old habits and being a mom and a lesson learned. I don't think liking that site will make a difference in his rehab--just gives you doubts and fears.
(((HUGS))) Lori
We are human and make mistakes and always will! My husband gave in several weeks ago and paid our son's car title loan and car insurance after doing so well with not enabling him for 5 months. I felt like we had to start all over again and our son has been told not to ask for money anymore, so instead he just sends texts about how bad off he is and how he is too far down and how something is going to happen to him. All of it just is so hard to read and it really is upsetting
Chalk it up to just old habits and being a mom and a lesson learned. I don't think liking that site will make a difference in his rehab--just gives you doubts and fears.
(((HUGS))) Lori
Shell, try not to be so hard on yourself..i think it's natural instinct as a mother to do those things (drugs or no drugs) no matter what age our childeren will always be our babies...and I'm sure its beyond difficult to watch them continuesly fail or make horrible choices. My son is only ten and find myself doing things for him that He is fully capable of. At least you are catching yourself you know? Even if after fact..you still have the recognition..which shows you are in the direction of doing what is best in a messed up situation. Take care... Signing off as MK..(as another mary already been on board)
LOL - Yup it is best to stay out of it. You could make it worse. Just let their situation unfold for them. I slipped in August - bought my son clothes and shoes for work. and a pizza once a week. I'm sure he needed them, but he should be able to purchase this stuff himself. Especially bc he was not paying rent! He should have had enough $ for clothes, but his $ was being spent on other things.
We can't control them! It would be so much easier if we could wire their brain and use remote control! aka doing it for them!
Spend time figuring out a plan for YOU when he gets out... put yourself first and stick to it. and tell him you are putting yourself first. not that he will appear to care... one of the saddest moments were when I realized that my son did not care about me or my welfare, and I felt he had no respect for me. I do also know that he does know right from wrong and he does care, but in active addiction, his needs come first for him. It made me want to save myself more.
he also will not ask specifically for something. just lays it out and waits for me to help. Hey - if that is what they are doing, work it to your advantage. good spot to say " what do you think you should do? " I always forget that line!!!
We can't control them! It would be so much easier if we could wire their brain and use remote control! aka doing it for them!
Spend time figuring out a plan for YOU when he gets out... put yourself first and stick to it. and tell him you are putting yourself first. not that he will appear to care... one of the saddest moments were when I realized that my son did not care about me or my welfare, and I felt he had no respect for me. I do also know that he does know right from wrong and he does care, but in active addiction, his needs come first for him. It made me want to save myself more.
he also will not ask specifically for something. just lays it out and waits for me to help. Hey - if that is what they are doing, work it to your advantage. good spot to say " what do you think you should do? " I always forget that line!!!
Hi Michelle, Your entitled to a slip up once in a while. We can't always act like we don't care when we do care. That would have worried me also! You wonder why the rehab wouldnt have something in place to stop them getting on the web. Like no wifi. It defeats the purpose of teaching them to stay away from drugs when they can get on Facebook or wherever he was reading about acid. You've done all you can over the years just like me Shell. It's all up to him now and if he doesn't do what he's meant to do then it's back to jail. He's seen two guys when he was in jail get thrown out of rehab, so he knows it can happen. Strange but my daughter likes to watch movies about drugs, watch funny videos about drugs and read about people on drugs etc. Its all they seem to be interested in though. It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull with me...I can't stand watching movies or shows that glorify drugs or see them as something to joke about when they destroy lives. Our kids have nothing to their name but they'll keep their phones to get on Facebook and stay in touch with their friends or to help them score. I don't know how they do it but they manage. Your alright Michelle plus you covered your slip up well. We should have Oscars by now with the coverups over the years. Lol. Take care. Mary.
Thanks friends, for all your support!
Mary,
You said it well. It is hard to act like you don't care when you do. When they do everything that we would never do, it can be maddening. I feel ok now though because I did put it right back in his court and know that I'm not going to play this game with him. He will reap what he sows.
On a happy note, my girl, her husband and my little handsome will be here any minute. They drove up from South Carolina for Christmas. I hope I'm ready for Teddy as he's walking everywhere now, lol.. Of course, they're arriving on what will be one of our coldest nights so far this winter. It'll give my daughter the opportunity to tell me why she does not live in Michigan anymore, ha ha ha... I'm so excited!
I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
Michelle
Mary,
You said it well. It is hard to act like you don't care when you do. When they do everything that we would never do, it can be maddening. I feel ok now though because I did put it right back in his court and know that I'm not going to play this game with him. He will reap what he sows.
On a happy note, my girl, her husband and my little handsome will be here any minute. They drove up from South Carolina for Christmas. I hope I'm ready for Teddy as he's walking everywhere now, lol.. Of course, they're arriving on what will be one of our coldest nights so far this winter. It'll give my daughter the opportunity to tell me why she does not live in Michigan anymore, ha ha ha... I'm so excited!
I hope you have a wonderful holiday!
Michelle
Oh that's such good news! I'm so happy for you Michelle. That's just what will make your Christmas great! Gosh, I remember when your daughter just had Teddy. Doesn't seem that long ago. How time flies. It will be so much fun buying toys and things. Just don't go overboard and have them needing to hire a Uhaul to get Teddys stuff home again. Haha! Have fun and Merry Christmas when it gets here in case I don't see you on here around that time. God Bless. Mary.
Shell- so happy for you Nothing better than the grandchildren! I've been reading lately but laying low. And hello to you too Mary!! You are two of my faves that I feel closest to here.
Ive been having a hard time these last few weeks with the holidays but I feel like I can't complain as atleast I know where my son is. I'm trying to keep the smile on my face for the family. But it's killing me. My son was finally sentenced on thursday. 3 years. So I guess I better suck it up for the next few years at Xmas. I went to buy a Xmas card to send my son in prison and balled my eyes out in CVS!
I just want to be happy. All of us here!! We all struggle in our own way.
Anyway.... I just wanted to reach out to you Michelle and Mary and all the other family members here struggling this time of year to wish you a happy holiday.
Love and hugs!!!
Lisa
Ive been having a hard time these last few weeks with the holidays but I feel like I can't complain as atleast I know where my son is. I'm trying to keep the smile on my face for the family. But it's killing me. My son was finally sentenced on thursday. 3 years. So I guess I better suck it up for the next few years at Xmas. I went to buy a Xmas card to send my son in prison and balled my eyes out in CVS!
I just want to be happy. All of us here!! We all struggle in our own way.
Anyway.... I just wanted to reach out to you Michelle and Mary and all the other family members here struggling this time of year to wish you a happy holiday.
Love and hugs!!!
Lisa
Hi Lisa, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to help take some of your sadness away. I don't know what I'd do if my daughter got put away for 3 years. Hopefully him being sober that long will be make him wake up to see how his life will be if he doesn't change. It's an awful life they chose and a hard life too. We wonder how they manage and we feel for them living the way they do. But after a while it's their way of life and it's our life that's strange to them. If you've ever read what Con says sometimes and that is, some find it difficult living in a normal world. It's really sad to even think this but after years of us mothers looking for answers maybe this is true. It kind of makes sense to me. When things get bad for me Lisa I remember this part of the Serenity Prayer and say it to myself. God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. I know this is the prayer that's used in AA but I found it on PapaBears posts and found peace in this verse. I hope it helps calm you too. God knows we never asked for this worry. I wish my family could have been one of those families that didnt have an addict in it. Then I think this is the life I have and it was meant to be this way. Why? I don't know and wonder was it something I did that I'm paying for or a test of how far my strength and sanity can be pushed before I give up. If there's one thing I've learned on these posts it's that us mothers have never ending strength. You have that Lisa and that's what you'll tap into to get you through this. Pick the good out of the bad and know he's going to get sober and hopefully find himself again. I hope your granddaughter brings you some happiness this Christmas. She needs you just like you need her. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Your friend Mary(((Hugs)))
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. I know this is the prayer that's used in AA but I found it on PapaBears posts and found peace in this verse. I hope it helps calm you too. God knows we never asked for this worry. I wish my family could have been one of those families that didnt have an addict in it. Then I think this is the life I have and it was meant to be this way. Why? I don't know and wonder was it something I did that I'm paying for or a test of how far my strength and sanity can be pushed before I give up. If there's one thing I've learned on these posts it's that us mothers have never ending strength. You have that Lisa and that's what you'll tap into to get you through this. Pick the good out of the bad and know he's going to get sober and hopefully find himself again. I hope your granddaughter brings you some happiness this Christmas. She needs you just like you need her. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Your friend Mary(((Hugs)))
Thank you Mary for that very sweet reply It is so true we have these lives for a reason. I've always said god gives you what you can handle. It's just so hard sometimes as you know. And the holidays I fell make it harder. I'm not wishing for a "normal" life because what is normal anyway? Lol. This is what my life is and your so right... I've got to take the good in it and focus on that. Sometimes I feel better just posting here. Being able to say my feeling out loud. I've stopped talking about it with family. I think it's been too much for too long.
Thanks again Mary and I hope you have a nice holiday too. It's about the grandchildren now and that's what makes me smile.
Hugs to you!!
Lisa
Thanks again Mary and I hope you have a nice holiday too. It's about the grandchildren now and that's what makes me smile.
Hugs to you!!
Lisa
Your welcome Lisa, I'm here for you! You have every right to feel as you do. Don't think for a minute you don't because what your going through must be hell! It's awful!! We might have these lives for a reason but it doesn't stop us wishing we didn't, and why the hell us!! These drugs have taken our kids from us for years now. The sadness is overwhelming at times and just when you think you've got through one problem, the rules change and you get hit with something more devastingly than the last. Now your son is going to prison for 3 years. It must be like your living in a nightmare...They never taught us anything about how to handle this in any books. I use silly little things sometimes just to get me through a day when it's a bad one. Then there are the days nothing helps and bedtime doesn't come quick enough because you just want to stop thinking too much about the what ifs. Thank God we have this place to come to for support. You take care Lisa. Your friend Mary
Lisa--
I know just how it feels --my son went to prison for 2 years in 2002-2004 and he was in Washington and we live in Florida which was like 3000 miles away. It was bittersweet because we knew he was at least eating and not freezing or homeless, but it was so far way we couldn't visit and just sent cards.
It was very hard on us but it is worse now that he is really homeless and living in his car. Christmas has been extremely difficult and we are preparing to leave tomorrow for a week in NC and my son text us that he can't work cause it is Christmas time and the work force or same day jobs aren't there and he is having a very difficult time. Breaks our hearts and makes it so hard to go away and enjoy the holiday! Have to put on a happy face for our disabled 15 y/o and smile through it all, but I dread every phone call and text. Last week he asked me to take his dogs if something happens to him. I have a hard time shutting off the tears and Christmas makes it much harder. Even in church the songs sung bring tears to my eyes.
I pray for you and Shell, Mary, Paula, Hurtingmom, Con, Jen, Bonnie, NYto Fl, Mtgirl, Parenting, Helplessness, and all of the parents and family members on here. I pray that they can find some peace through this season and a better New Year. I pray for all our addicts and for their freedom from addiction.
(((HUGS)) to all! Merry Christmas--Lori
I know just how it feels --my son went to prison for 2 years in 2002-2004 and he was in Washington and we live in Florida which was like 3000 miles away. It was bittersweet because we knew he was at least eating and not freezing or homeless, but it was so far way we couldn't visit and just sent cards.
It was very hard on us but it is worse now that he is really homeless and living in his car. Christmas has been extremely difficult and we are preparing to leave tomorrow for a week in NC and my son text us that he can't work cause it is Christmas time and the work force or same day jobs aren't there and he is having a very difficult time. Breaks our hearts and makes it so hard to go away and enjoy the holiday! Have to put on a happy face for our disabled 15 y/o and smile through it all, but I dread every phone call and text. Last week he asked me to take his dogs if something happens to him. I have a hard time shutting off the tears and Christmas makes it much harder. Even in church the songs sung bring tears to my eyes.
I pray for you and Shell, Mary, Paula, Hurtingmom, Con, Jen, Bonnie, NYto Fl, Mtgirl, Parenting, Helplessness, and all of the parents and family members on here. I pray that they can find some peace through this season and a better New Year. I pray for all our addicts and for their freedom from addiction.
(((HUGS)) to all! Merry Christmas--Lori
Thank you, Lori.... enjoy your trip as much as you can!
Lori
Thank you for thinking of us. It really is difficult.
Zach is back in a sober living that is the best he's ever been in....he left
For almost 2 weeks to be with his girlfriend but that didn't work out. I dont
Know the details but I thank God they gave him a second chance. I'm worried he
Will leave again and if he does I have got to be strong and not give him a cent.
Sometimes I just want to shake him ...... so frustrating !! All we want is our
Loved ones to be happy and sober. I just thought I would give y'all an update.
I've been on here but I guess I've been in a funk.
Be safe and have a Merry Christmas.
I'm praying every day for you all (Lori, HMom, Con, Ny, and Papa, and everyone I missed)'
Hugs
Thank you for thinking of us. It really is difficult.
Zach is back in a sober living that is the best he's ever been in....he left
For almost 2 weeks to be with his girlfriend but that didn't work out. I dont
Know the details but I thank God they gave him a second chance. I'm worried he
Will leave again and if he does I have got to be strong and not give him a cent.
Sometimes I just want to shake him ...... so frustrating !! All we want is our
Loved ones to be happy and sober. I just thought I would give y'all an update.
I've been on here but I guess I've been in a funk.
Be safe and have a Merry Christmas.
I'm praying every day for you all (Lori, HMom, Con, Ny, and Papa, and everyone I missed)'
Hugs
Thank you Lori, it means a lot to me :) i often think about all of you mums here and life you lead , hurt you carry and I pray for all of us to find way out of this madness and for better life filled with love and happiness !
Shell,
You didn't slip up you just avoided another enabling session. :) I had to do this alot lately and it's worse right now at christmas. My missing son has been phoning and texting me. He broke his hand and has metal in his eye! I said workers comp and of course I get a full story why he can't. Then he file for Medicaid and now needs his birth certificate. I text him the number and got how much does that cost.Don't know call and find out! hehe! Then he call next day well I contacted a lawyer to sue the guy for 6 months back pay. Ok we will see how that goes. Lots of smoking mirrors stories again. But I didn't offer money, sorta white lie and said I had three jobs trying to save house, your step father was fired.. So actually step father retired lol I was working extra hours at school for holiday play. So I didn't actually lie. I got oh ok Mom and I love you mom maybe starting work on Monday.. Ok that was last week. Nothing since must be working!
So Shell you did good. And I know it's harder to stop feeling for them wishing you had that magic kiss to make it all better. We can't change it all we can do is watch from sidelines and hope for the best and not getting the worst.
Lori,
You are such a sweetie. You go away have a great time and enjoy life. My eldest son is coming next week with my grandsons. Now that his brother isn't in the picture he will come visit me instead of me running to visit him. He did ask Mom whats the temp I said 87 ok it's 25 here. We are coming to visit!! lolol..
Merry christmas everyone, and hoping '2017' brings change , change for the way our prison system works or mental health system works and easy help for our addicts that really want to live a sober life..xxxx
Hugs to all Sue
You didn't slip up you just avoided another enabling session. :) I had to do this alot lately and it's worse right now at christmas. My missing son has been phoning and texting me. He broke his hand and has metal in his eye! I said workers comp and of course I get a full story why he can't. Then he file for Medicaid and now needs his birth certificate. I text him the number and got how much does that cost.Don't know call and find out! hehe! Then he call next day well I contacted a lawyer to sue the guy for 6 months back pay. Ok we will see how that goes. Lots of smoking mirrors stories again. But I didn't offer money, sorta white lie and said I had three jobs trying to save house, your step father was fired.. So actually step father retired lol I was working extra hours at school for holiday play. So I didn't actually lie. I got oh ok Mom and I love you mom maybe starting work on Monday.. Ok that was last week. Nothing since must be working!
So Shell you did good. And I know it's harder to stop feeling for them wishing you had that magic kiss to make it all better. We can't change it all we can do is watch from sidelines and hope for the best and not getting the worst.
Lori,
You are such a sweetie. You go away have a great time and enjoy life. My eldest son is coming next week with my grandsons. Now that his brother isn't in the picture he will come visit me instead of me running to visit him. He did ask Mom whats the temp I said 87 ok it's 25 here. We are coming to visit!! lolol..
Merry christmas everyone, and hoping '2017' brings change , change for the way our prison system works or mental health system works and easy help for our addicts that really want to live a sober life..xxxx
Hugs to all Sue
Thank you, Lori.
My thoughts are with everyone, also. Wishing everyone peace and happiness and detachment. It really is so difficult and frustrating.
Hugs to all.
My thoughts are with everyone, also. Wishing everyone peace and happiness and detachment. It really is so difficult and frustrating.
Hugs to all.
Thanks for the endless supply of support, friends!
Merry Christmas to you all!
Michelle
Merry Christmas to you all!
Michelle
