Did you ever feel manipulated, blackmailed or threatened(in directly) by the alkie/addict so they could be enabled/facilitated?
The alcoholic here has tried to blackmail or shame people giving them a ride. When we stopped driving him directly to bars he started asking for rides earlier in day then come night time he needed to be picked up at the end of the day at or near a bar. Everyone saw right through this ploy. Do some shopping, we don't need anything which would take some air out of their tact because they knew it would be harder to get a yes. But just trying to be sold on giving them ride like they are a used car sales is bothersome especially when they're basicly threatening the public safety driving drunk or high.
Then they threatened to call the oldest seniors in the family for their ride. One would pick them up on occasion if it was early enough. But we told them shouldn't be calling 80-90 year olds after dark to drive through some very busy roads. Then they said they would walk miles to spite you then complain how their body aches for days after-which they did more than once.Then they threaten to or actually did chance driving drunk. Then to spread out their requests they would have seniors/relatives drive them during the day frequently in rush hour or through some very busy sections of town. And they would complain about their driving saying I should drive they're dangerous. Yet they asked them over and over and accept their ride.
I just feel like I'm being extorted into enabling the alkie and alcoholic at times.
This guy has WAY too much power. I don't understand why everyone caters to him???
My son is a master manipulator! Lies, lies, lies!! Threats, threats, threats!!!! Last night he had been home all day, getting high. He's in his GF's house, they broke up months ago but she allowed him to stay there months ago & now she's done because his behavior is more obsessive & aggressive. She's staying at her parents until he gets out, he's dilly-dallying around with one excuse after another. She finally worked up the courage to call us a few days ago - he had told her that his family was judgmental & unsupportive towards him, that we turned our back on him. I told her that was absolutely not true. She & I have agreed not to tell my druggie that she & I talked. Hubby & I have talked & we are willing to offer him ONE LAST CHANCE to get into rehab & out of her house but he doesn't have time to talk to her about this. Basically he claims he is too busy to talk, trying to find a sober living house. I think he's just trying to play nice so she will dismiss the restraining order that she is going to court for next week.
Sallyanna, he was given too much leeway and support from certain family members which he used to validate and rationalize his behavior.
Slowly but steadily he winds up being called out on this crap and it does not end well. At least 3 lady friends either tossed him out or left suddenly in 10 years that tells you something right there. His pals or friends his age left him years ago because they moved on to promotion, new job, marriage, house etc. His peer group except for acquaintances constantly change and now he hangs with men 1/2 his age. He knows how to play the seniors in the family especially. He is an excellent manipulator. There is some denial in the family in that many think a good job, age and time will change him-it will not and did not. His entire adult life has been under the influence part of the day at a minimum. Should note he seems to target or prefer drinkers including family who like to drink(there are 'issues' there but they're not begging for money, rides and favors. Nor do they think someone owes them.
Slowly but steadily he winds up being called out on this crap and it does not end well. At least 3 lady friends either tossed him out or left suddenly in 10 years that tells you something right there. His pals or friends his age left him years ago because they moved on to promotion, new job, marriage, house etc. His peer group except for acquaintances constantly change and now he hangs with men 1/2 his age. He knows how to play the seniors in the family especially. He is an excellent manipulator. There is some denial in the family in that many think a good job, age and time will change him-it will not and did not. His entire adult life has been under the influence part of the day at a minimum. Should note he seems to target or prefer drinkers including family who like to drink(there are 'issues' there but they're not begging for money, rides and favors. Nor do they think someone owes them.
Thanks for explaining samegame. Its amazing how messed up they can get and how they can manipulate. You definitely see him for who he really is.
It is so hard to watch the ones we love so much self destruct & know this is not going to end well. His only hope is long term, dual diagnosis treatment & follow up... We cut our ties to him now.
