Married To A Meth Addict!

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
I've been with my husband for 20 yrs and we have struggled most of those 20 yrs with him being an addict of one thing or another. Now it's meth, apparently been doing this for about 4-5 yrs but in the past month or so it's gotten out of control. His M.O. is waiting until I go to bed and then sneaks out of the house, sometimes coming home before I wake up for work sometimes not and then not coming home until later that day. Well about 3 weeks ago, I went to bed and when I woke up he was MIA and proceeded to be gone for a week, he left with only the clothes on his back and left his truck and no communication with me or any of his family. I hate to admit it but he's been hanging around other users (which they also make their own) and he's involved with one of them (another woman), who happens to be on parole from prison.

He came home for a week, swore that home is where he want to be and that he feels horrible about what he's done but a week later, he's MIA again, this time left only the clothes on his back, left his wallet, house key and truck again. Going on a week again of him being gone. It's a matter of time before "other woman" goes back to prison and I don't know what to do. I have slowly started to do a few things to get my life on track, change locks, new bank account, etc. Do I wait for her to be gone out of the picture, let him hit his rock bottom and see if he accepts rehab and see what happens from there? Thank God we don't have children but we do have two dogs that miss him like crazy and so do I. I don't want to give up on him but I don't want to enable the behavior any longer and let him know that until he chooses to save his own life I won't have anything to do with him. I'm behind him 200% if he chooses rehab but until then nothing.

I need advice but no tongue lashing of being stupid to put up with it, please. Thanks
2
I hate to tell you but if you have been putting up with his bulls*** for 20 yrs now I don't see any way out other than someone hitting you where it hurts.. ..we ALL have to hit our rock bottom and it doesn't sound like your there yet. This can't be his first intro to rehab....whats going to be different. What does this "other woman" have to with YOUR decision making?
3
kiki,
the worst part of my son's addiction was the money spent. his whole paycheck every week and then asking me for $ for gas, food, paying his rent here and there. for a whole year we were running after the run-away train. not knowing when it will stop. It stopped when WE stopped.

go to Nar-anon to learn how to get your life back and talk to people who have been through it. they will have suggestions that make sense for your situation and your location.

Every situation is different. you do not have children - that is kind of a good thing when making these difficult choices. It sounds like you work and he does not - that is good for you. you have your own money, you are not dependent on him.

I guess it is good he does not take his belongings. at least he has not wrecked the truck or lost wallet, personal ID's, a wardrobe of clothing.

Prepare for the worst, financially, bank accounts, home / rental situation, your safety, etc.
maybe arrest, jail, so on

maybe begin to look for other housing option...

my son has wrecked cars, and lost all of his belongings, twice. my son was not doing meth.
he went from having all that he needed to having nothing in two years.


4
Sorry kiki but if you've been living like this for 20 years, then it sounds like you are as addicted to him as he is to method. Just the fact that you don't want tongue lashing shows you don't really want to face the truth of what you already know you should do but need the guts to do it. I had two kids when I finally left my husband of 20 years ( but not because of drugs). I knew years and years that I needed to leave him but was thinking of uprooting the kids. Well it turns out staying with him that long damaged my kids anyway . They would've adjusted better if much younger. Anyway you don't have kids, just pets that I'm sure you love but a heck of a difference. My husbands actions, treatment of me was sucking the life out of me. I was always a fun positive happy person but gradually I was becoming negative, unhappy like him. I was slowly dying emotionally, spiritually, physically. When I finally got the guts to tell him I am done, no more listening to his saying over and over that he will change. One of the happiest days of my life! I still had problems struggling financially, etc and still have problems as a lot of you know of, but I was free of walking on eggshells in my own house for SO many years. Sorry this is long but I hope you do what is best for YOU! Take the advice if the others. God bless
5
I appreciate the responses. He's dabbled in the past but he's never left home for days/weeks at a time, never effected his jobs, our relationship and he's never been violent. He's going to be 40 in November and part of me thinks as well as some other people that he's going through his mid-life crisis early. I guess I just wish he'd straight up tell me that he's going to go down the path of destruction or decide to man up, admit he has a problem and take care of it. I'm doing what I can to take of me and the fur babies and I guess I just wait and see what happens. I love him to much to give up on him, regardless of another woman because she's only in the picture because she makes a bit of money and they have a habit together.

I know that I should just move on but I can't, I just can't turn my back on him. I can still let him know I'm here for him only if he decides to save himself.

Thanks Amma, I do appreciate all of the feedback, regardless of what I don't want to hear even though it's what I need to hear!
6
kiki, your life will be dictated by what you are willing to put up with. You need self respect before expecting your husband to respect you. Nothing will change if you don't change. You can't change him. I understand the situation is new but you have to decide if on top of addiction you are willing to share him with other women that may have all sorts of STDs. Good luck.
7
Kiki, have you gone to any support group meetings? There are Nar Anon or Al Anon if there aren't any Nar Anon meetings in your area. That might help you and you'll find that you are not alone. It is his choice to continue to use. The sooner you learn to detach with love, the more peace you will have in your life.
8
Looks like you already are pretty much getting your life together. That's good you have changed the locks, changed the bank account. As long as he can go to that woman's house and get free drugs because their making them, the longer he'll stay away. Is this a meth lab he's at? If you are renting your house/ apartment you should pack up and move. Get out while you can as this seldom gets better. Sometimes you have to push yourself to make the right move. The longer you take this from him the more you'll get. Move on with your life KiKi you sound too nice to put up with this kind of life, you deserve better and you'll find better too!
9
Honey...do you realize how this sounds? HE IS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.....but you don't want to turn you back on him?