Martin,
Quote: .....now I'm happy to learn, always have been...which is why I know so much..... End quote.
That right there Martin is what I was talking about when I said I got a sense of condecension from you. Why you know so much???? To me that sounds arrogant. This is just my opinion so it really doesn't matter. It's hard to express a tone with typed words but my tone is not one of malice I promise.
Martin I don't know why you are feeling the way that you are but don't sweat the small stuff. There are people here that really value your posts. By all means keep posting pal! :-) You are welcome here.
As for the posting to newcomers....not all are new. Maybe I was too general with that. Many (not all) are women it seems. Whatever the reason for any of it..it really doesn't matter Martin. All that matters is that we are all here for recovery. You included. It doesn't matter what lead you here it only matters that you are here now. There is alot of support here. Like I said, don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff.
As for the AA things you spoke of. I don't follow AA so I don't have the right to an opinion there.
Thanks for expressing your feelings to me as well. It helps me at least. I don't like things rattling around in my head. I don't think it is good for anyone.
Have a great day Martin. :-)
Hi Valarie,
That's all good advice, thank you. I guess it might sound arrogant Valarie, BUT please remember I certainly don't assume that no-one else knows as much as me....I'm delighted to learn from others.......I just know I know a lot.....because I always work like mad to learn.....is that boastful? I've spent a lifetime apologising for being smart....as if it's luck.....as if it's nothing to do with me......as if it doesn't have a price tag......as if I didn't make choices that have led to me being smart and knowing lots......I can't help it if other people made different choices.....and, unlike you Valarie, I don't feel that becuse I don't follow AA I don't have the right to an opinion about it. I know enough psychology to have some insight into why 12 step programmes work for some people and that might be useful to someone if not to all, and I don't have to be a bloody alcoholic to know something about why some people become addicted and how they can learn to make different choices and I DON'T have to prove anything to anyone, especially when I go out of my way to avoid making claims to qualifications or experience or expertise I don't have, and simply offer my thoughts for people to take what they want and leave the rest........
So where's my obvious anger coming from, I ask myself.... well, I answer, and leave it all here so that anyone interested might better know me, warts and all....it comes from my fear of abandonment, or rather of annhilation. It comes from my fear of being discounted so absolutely that I will cease to exist....that's what's echoing up through the cracks in the concrete of my personality....the concrete I poured in decades ago to keep myself coherent and upright and not FEELING anything.....I did a bloody good job and I'm a loving father, son, brother, friend and husband...the only bugger I've never known how to love is me....and the only reason I'm not a dead alcoholic is LUCK....
I am the luckiest alcoholic in the World. My first wife was loving life support for nine years and taught me what love is......so I rewarded her with treachery. That fed the guilty beast all right....he feasted on that for twenty years....stuff happened and then he roared one day and my mind fell apart.....shifted slightly....gaps opened....cracks widened....and I let it go...I let it fall away and trusted something....I gave up utterly and irrevocably.....and God walked in and held me up so that I could not fall any further....
I don't know....arrogant? No, I won't deny my Self again Valarie.....I know lots of stuff....I'm sure you do too.....what I know doesn't make me a better person or superior in any way....that's our sick society's warped values. What I DO makes me a good person.....do I help, do I reach out, do I serve? Not enough, is my answer. I don't do nearly enough. But I'm learning.
Thank you so much for the opportunity to THINK OUT LOUD like this.....for me this is the true value of a recovery board....I pay a lot of money for counselling like this....lol...don't send me a bill now Valarie!
Take care. Thanks.
That's all good advice, thank you. I guess it might sound arrogant Valarie, BUT please remember I certainly don't assume that no-one else knows as much as me....I'm delighted to learn from others.......I just know I know a lot.....because I always work like mad to learn.....is that boastful? I've spent a lifetime apologising for being smart....as if it's luck.....as if it's nothing to do with me......as if it doesn't have a price tag......as if I didn't make choices that have led to me being smart and knowing lots......I can't help it if other people made different choices.....and, unlike you Valarie, I don't feel that becuse I don't follow AA I don't have the right to an opinion about it. I know enough psychology to have some insight into why 12 step programmes work for some people and that might be useful to someone if not to all, and I don't have to be a bloody alcoholic to know something about why some people become addicted and how they can learn to make different choices and I DON'T have to prove anything to anyone, especially when I go out of my way to avoid making claims to qualifications or experience or expertise I don't have, and simply offer my thoughts for people to take what they want and leave the rest........
So where's my obvious anger coming from, I ask myself.... well, I answer, and leave it all here so that anyone interested might better know me, warts and all....it comes from my fear of abandonment, or rather of annhilation. It comes from my fear of being discounted so absolutely that I will cease to exist....that's what's echoing up through the cracks in the concrete of my personality....the concrete I poured in decades ago to keep myself coherent and upright and not FEELING anything.....I did a bloody good job and I'm a loving father, son, brother, friend and husband...the only bugger I've never known how to love is me....and the only reason I'm not a dead alcoholic is LUCK....
I am the luckiest alcoholic in the World. My first wife was loving life support for nine years and taught me what love is......so I rewarded her with treachery. That fed the guilty beast all right....he feasted on that for twenty years....stuff happened and then he roared one day and my mind fell apart.....shifted slightly....gaps opened....cracks widened....and I let it go...I let it fall away and trusted something....I gave up utterly and irrevocably.....and God walked in and held me up so that I could not fall any further....
I don't know....arrogant? No, I won't deny my Self again Valarie.....I know lots of stuff....I'm sure you do too.....what I know doesn't make me a better person or superior in any way....that's our sick society's warped values. What I DO makes me a good person.....do I help, do I reach out, do I serve? Not enough, is my answer. I don't do nearly enough. But I'm learning.
Thank you so much for the opportunity to THINK OUT LOUD like this.....for me this is the true value of a recovery board....I pay a lot of money for counselling like this....lol...don't send me a bill now Valarie!
Take care. Thanks.
Well there you have it Martin. At least you are "letting it out there" now. For me personally I am much more willing to listen to someone's ideas on something once they have given a little more of themselves. Until now I have only seen your opinions, the advice you "Know" to be right because you say you are smart. Whatever it is..it's nice that you are opening up about you. BTW..there are many smart people here. Just ask them and they will tell you. lol :-)
Have a good day Martin.
Have a good day Martin.
