Hi Martin,
I am just curious. Have you read the book, "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle? It's a book about spiritual awakening and finding your life's purpose?
It's a great book and your posts sound like someone who has read it??
Just curious is all. Have a good day!
No Valarie, I haven't...
I love reading about what we human beings get up to and have studied a bit so I probably could have written about some of this stuff a few years ago from an intellectual point of view, but as I was saying to a friend only an hour ago, what I talk about and have written about here is what has happened to me in the last year or so. It's funny but I've become so used to being completely open about this stuff that he reminded me how nutty it sounds to most people (in the UK at least!).....
It's just my personal experience, which I then wonder out loud about and try to make sense of using the psychology I know.
I have a bit of insight into what's been going on psychologically but the spiritual side is the most challenging for me personally. As I said to my friend, my intellect, my ego, can find a psychological interpretation for EVERYTHING, including what I've described as the everyday miracles I have been experiencing, but its the EMOTIONS that flow through me when I experience these things that lets me know something special is going on....leads me to believe something that my ego and conscious mind is still sceptical about....
I'm confortable with the duality of it - I don't believe intellectually, but the bigger, older wiser part of my, my Unconscious, my Soul, my heart.....feels a deeper Truth. And the truth is, I think He finds that quite amusing.
Do you recommend I read the book?
I love reading about what we human beings get up to and have studied a bit so I probably could have written about some of this stuff a few years ago from an intellectual point of view, but as I was saying to a friend only an hour ago, what I talk about and have written about here is what has happened to me in the last year or so. It's funny but I've become so used to being completely open about this stuff that he reminded me how nutty it sounds to most people (in the UK at least!).....
It's just my personal experience, which I then wonder out loud about and try to make sense of using the psychology I know.
I have a bit of insight into what's been going on psychologically but the spiritual side is the most challenging for me personally. As I said to my friend, my intellect, my ego, can find a psychological interpretation for EVERYTHING, including what I've described as the everyday miracles I have been experiencing, but its the EMOTIONS that flow through me when I experience these things that lets me know something special is going on....leads me to believe something that my ego and conscious mind is still sceptical about....
I'm confortable with the duality of it - I don't believe intellectually, but the bigger, older wiser part of my, my Unconscious, my Soul, my heart.....feels a deeper Truth. And the truth is, I think He finds that quite amusing.
Do you recommend I read the book?
Martin,
Definitely read it. It says alot of the things you have been saying. That is why I thought you had read it. In fact it's so similar you could have co-authored it. LOL Well if you are looking for a good read, pick it up and let me know what you think of it.
Have a great day.
Definitely read it. It says alot of the things you have been saying. That is why I thought you had read it. In fact it's so similar you could have co-authored it. LOL Well if you are looking for a good read, pick it up and let me know what you think of it.
Have a great day.
Thank you Valarie, I will try to get hold of it.
I'm curious as to which aspects of what I've written rang bells with you....I've read a lot of Carl Jung lately, and also some stuff about the multiplicity of personality, but although both open the door to a conversation about spirituality they're really coming at what it is to be human from a psychological perspective.
When I was in despair at "my" situation (poor me!) my HP led me to church for the first time in 35 years...I had been wandering unfamiliar streets since about 5.00am and ended up standing in the dark opposite a small church....the lights were going on and a warm, golden glow slipped out to touch me....I noticed the door was still closed but something made me walk around to the side and a door was open. I walked into the back of the church and sat down. I started crying, sobbing in utter despair. A man brought me a glass of water and looked at me with the kindest eyes. I told him a little of my story and stayed for the service. It was all about me, every word. About forgiveness and love and human failings and more forgiveness.......
I hadn't even known it was Sunday
A week later I thought I "ought" to go, to say thank you, to pray, to honour what I felt even then God had gifted me......but I told myself (and I believed even then) that I didn't need to be in church to be near God.....later I found out that this wasn't the point.......
I went for a walk hours later, out into the cold...I must have walked past this particular church thirty times, but today I noticed people going in, the light shining out, and I thought perhaps I should go....but I decided against and turned away.....at which point I heard a voice inside my head say "I couldn't tell you any more clearly, Martin".....
Mad, bad, dangerous to know?......Or blessed, touched, enlightened despite his own best efforts to deny the Truth that makes this World turn?
I don't really know and it doesn't really matter.....He loves me anyway, He wants me happy.....I KNOW He does, because an Angel named Wendy told me outside an AA meeting.....but that's another story.
Don't know why I wanted to share that but I've stopped second-guessing these things.
Have a wonderful day. Thanks for the tip about the book...
I'm curious as to which aspects of what I've written rang bells with you....I've read a lot of Carl Jung lately, and also some stuff about the multiplicity of personality, but although both open the door to a conversation about spirituality they're really coming at what it is to be human from a psychological perspective.
When I was in despair at "my" situation (poor me!) my HP led me to church for the first time in 35 years...I had been wandering unfamiliar streets since about 5.00am and ended up standing in the dark opposite a small church....the lights were going on and a warm, golden glow slipped out to touch me....I noticed the door was still closed but something made me walk around to the side and a door was open. I walked into the back of the church and sat down. I started crying, sobbing in utter despair. A man brought me a glass of water and looked at me with the kindest eyes. I told him a little of my story and stayed for the service. It was all about me, every word. About forgiveness and love and human failings and more forgiveness.......
I hadn't even known it was Sunday
A week later I thought I "ought" to go, to say thank you, to pray, to honour what I felt even then God had gifted me......but I told myself (and I believed even then) that I didn't need to be in church to be near God.....later I found out that this wasn't the point.......
I went for a walk hours later, out into the cold...I must have walked past this particular church thirty times, but today I noticed people going in, the light shining out, and I thought perhaps I should go....but I decided against and turned away.....at which point I heard a voice inside my head say "I couldn't tell you any more clearly, Martin".....
Mad, bad, dangerous to know?......Or blessed, touched, enlightened despite his own best efforts to deny the Truth that makes this World turn?
I don't really know and it doesn't really matter.....He loves me anyway, He wants me happy.....I KNOW He does, because an Angel named Wendy told me outside an AA meeting.....but that's another story.
Don't know why I wanted to share that but I've stopped second-guessing these things.
Have a wonderful day. Thanks for the tip about the book...
Hi Martin,
You mention spirituality and ego alot. That is what gave me a deja vu when I read the book. It is not a religion book at all. It's more of a life's purpose journey.
Here are a couple of excerpts from the book: "A New Earth"
"Fear, greed, and the desire for power are the psychological motivating forces not only behind warfare and violence between nations, tribes, religions, and ideologies, but also the cause of the incessant conflict in personal relationships. They bring about a distortion in the perception of other people and yourself. Through them, you mininterpret every situation, leading to misguided action designed to rid you of a fear and satisfy your need for more, a bottomless hole that can never be filled."
"It is important to realize, however, that fear, greed, and the desire for power are not the dysfunction that we are speaking of, but are themselves created by the dysfunction, which is deep-seated collective delusion that lies within the mind of each human being."
Martin,
The entire book is kind of a self awareness self help book if that makes sense. I don't always read every word of your threads because you tend IMO to say alot of the same things over and over.
I have to apologize to you. I have been a bit passive aggressive at times. Taking shots at you without actually coming out and saying what's really on my mind. I think your threads are pretty good most of the time. I take what I need and leave the rest.
What puts me off is the fact that you claim you aren't an alcoholic then in another thread you talk about being on benders then say you choose not to drink..etc. etc. Then I see you post on the heroin boards, the families, pain pills etc. Who am I to decide if you are an alcoholic, drug addict or not? It's not my place or my job to decide. Perhaps you are a bit in denial and you actually are one. Perhaps you need a co-dependence support group. Your need to help is evident in all of your posts.
I get an overwhelming sense of condescension from you. It could be a vibe that I am misenterpreting though. It's like you say you aren't an alcholic but go on to give advice and inspirational help. I am not saying it isn't helpful. I get the vibe that you feel you aren't like "them" meaning us?? I get the vibe from your posts that in your mind you feel better than me because you aren't an alcoholic. I get the feeling that you feel you know what I am going through because you have been attending meetings for over a year.
WITH ALL OF THAT SAID AND AFTER TAKING YOUR INVENTORY... Sorry about that by the way....I decided to look within. Time to look at myself.
After reading the excerpts I wrote in the beginning I have decided that I may just be projecting. I know at times I feel superior because I didn't have to go to AA. In my twisted mind at least I am not that bad. How ridiculous is that. As addicts we always want to feel "At Least I am Not that Bad". All complete bulls*** though. Perhaps if I had gone through the program I wouldn't be all screwed up. I wouldn't be so quick to take your inventory and be suspicious of your motives.
Well I just had to speak my peace. Martin I am sorry if any of this offended you but I was tired of being so passive aggressive and decided to just get it out. I apologize for taking your inventory before at the very least taking my own.
Pick up the book if you get a chance.
Have a great day!
You mention spirituality and ego alot. That is what gave me a deja vu when I read the book. It is not a religion book at all. It's more of a life's purpose journey.
Here are a couple of excerpts from the book: "A New Earth"
"Fear, greed, and the desire for power are the psychological motivating forces not only behind warfare and violence between nations, tribes, religions, and ideologies, but also the cause of the incessant conflict in personal relationships. They bring about a distortion in the perception of other people and yourself. Through them, you mininterpret every situation, leading to misguided action designed to rid you of a fear and satisfy your need for more, a bottomless hole that can never be filled."
"It is important to realize, however, that fear, greed, and the desire for power are not the dysfunction that we are speaking of, but are themselves created by the dysfunction, which is deep-seated collective delusion that lies within the mind of each human being."
Martin,
The entire book is kind of a self awareness self help book if that makes sense. I don't always read every word of your threads because you tend IMO to say alot of the same things over and over.
I have to apologize to you. I have been a bit passive aggressive at times. Taking shots at you without actually coming out and saying what's really on my mind. I think your threads are pretty good most of the time. I take what I need and leave the rest.
What puts me off is the fact that you claim you aren't an alcoholic then in another thread you talk about being on benders then say you choose not to drink..etc. etc. Then I see you post on the heroin boards, the families, pain pills etc. Who am I to decide if you are an alcoholic, drug addict or not? It's not my place or my job to decide. Perhaps you are a bit in denial and you actually are one. Perhaps you need a co-dependence support group. Your need to help is evident in all of your posts.
I get an overwhelming sense of condescension from you. It could be a vibe that I am misenterpreting though. It's like you say you aren't an alcholic but go on to give advice and inspirational help. I am not saying it isn't helpful. I get the vibe that you feel you aren't like "them" meaning us?? I get the vibe from your posts that in your mind you feel better than me because you aren't an alcoholic. I get the feeling that you feel you know what I am going through because you have been attending meetings for over a year.
WITH ALL OF THAT SAID AND AFTER TAKING YOUR INVENTORY... Sorry about that by the way....I decided to look within. Time to look at myself.
After reading the excerpts I wrote in the beginning I have decided that I may just be projecting. I know at times I feel superior because I didn't have to go to AA. In my twisted mind at least I am not that bad. How ridiculous is that. As addicts we always want to feel "At Least I am Not that Bad". All complete bulls*** though. Perhaps if I had gone through the program I wouldn't be all screwed up. I wouldn't be so quick to take your inventory and be suspicious of your motives.
Well I just had to speak my peace. Martin I am sorry if any of this offended you but I was tired of being so passive aggressive and decided to just get it out. I apologize for taking your inventory before at the very least taking my own.
Pick up the book if you get a chance.
Have a great day!
Martin just wanted to let you know that you have touched me in more ways than one and if your friend happens to callyour posts nutty you can tell him/her you know of one Nut across the oceans THAT REALLY appreciates and look forward to what you write.lol Have a great day and thank you for all the support you have given me.
I don't think Martin's posts are nutty at all. I think it is great that you are helped by them Pirate. Whatever is keeping you sober is all that matters girlfriend.
I take what I need from his posts and leave the rest. As I do with everyone elses here.
Have a great sober day!
I take what I need from his posts and leave the rest. As I do with everyone elses here.
Have a great sober day!
Hi Martin,
I also see alot of Freud 's Structural Theory in your posts as well. The mind is quite amazing isn't it? So much we don't understand and so much we aren't evolved enough to even comprehend, wouldn't you agree? :-)
Have a good day!
I also see alot of Freud 's Structural Theory in your posts as well. The mind is quite amazing isn't it? So much we don't understand and so much we aren't evolved enough to even comprehend, wouldn't you agree? :-)
Have a good day!
Have you read the Power of Now? Eckhart Tolle again, incredible book. In fact that book is the most used book I have, it's been referred to over and over again for years!!
I went to see Eckhart Tolle in London last year. It was amazing. The energy in the room was powerful. He is so funny aswell, the afternoon involved alot of laughter! I expected it to be serious, but it was far from it!!
I went to see Eckhart Tolle in London last year. It was amazing. The energy in the room was powerful. He is so funny aswell, the afternoon involved alot of laughter! I expected it to be serious, but it was far from it!!
Hi Lacey,
Yes I have read it too. Amazing stuff. How cool that you got to hear him speak. I am jealous. :-)
Have a great day!
Yes I have read it too. Amazing stuff. How cool that you got to hear him speak. I am jealous. :-)
Have a great day!
Wow Valarie, what a great post. Firstly for you honesty with me and then with your deciding to look at yourself and consider the possibility you're projecting.....
...now, in saying that to you am I being condescending? lol.....you've got me paranoid now.....
I don't know.....you've gicen me so much to think about. I can't argue with how you feel about my posts because that's how you feel, and I'll have to think about how I come across....I can think out loud in response here but it might not be very coherent because of that.
There are some definites.....I've never thought I am superior to anyone else other than thugs and bullies and "small-minded" people who are unpleasant or nasty to others...and these days I'm stepping back from even those judgements. I've certainly never felt superior to alcoholics or addicts.
I'm not consciously condescending......I wonder (in response to your post) whether my willingness to be very open about how I feel about people gives that impression. For example I always thank people for good service or tell a performer or artist if I like their work....I have sometimes felt some of them thought that people pleasing but I do it because it's what I feel is my existential truth and what they make of it is their issue, not mine.
Edited to add: I think another aspect that condescension vibe might be because all this is so new and (the growth bit) exciting to me I want to share it with everybody and of course I'm the first person to have realised any of it! lol....so it probably does come across as stating the bleeding obvious like I'm holding the Two Tablets God just gave me....another aspect of my "younger self" I imagine...I think I'm very mature in some ways and way behind in others...) Apologies.
I am not sure if I'm an alcoholic or not....that might answer part of your question...I'm not sure I can answer it myself at the moment. I said in that fateful 4th step that I wasn't because of that doubt and precisely because I wanted to be honest about NOT being sure I possess that particular experience....although the truth is I've had months of identification with alcoholics at meetings, both in terms of their emotions and their drinking....and although I would say I don't have a problem...well I WOULD say that wouldn't I?....denial isn't a river in Egypt......and I say it despite passing every test on the web for alcoholism and having done some things some people in the fellowship would say they haven't done "YET"....none of which I'm proud of....and having spent a year in a codependency support group discovering how stupid I've been in my attempts to "encourage" someone I love to accept "their" alcoholism.....I'm trying to be honest with myself and I THINK I'm in denial...lol...the objective evidence says my drinking isn't normal and I should seek help.....I don't know if that answers your question...it still doesn't answer mine! lol
I guess the closest I come is to relate to something someone said one day in the rooms about himself:
"when I first came here I knew I didn't drink like some of the people in the rooms had, but when I heard their past I knew they could be describing my future"
I don't think I became physically dependent on alcohol, which means I'm not an alcoholic, but I think I have what I need to develop the disease of alcoholism....does that make sense to someone who has the disease of alcoholism and doesn't drink?
And I think I might be in denial because every objective test and all the identification and emotions and behaviours....yada yada yada.....
And I hit a moment when I decided I could not risk that happening again. I did something that put my own life and the lives of others at serious risk. I won't drink again because I know I .....you see, I don't want to write "have no control".....I have control......but then I didn't........and it's happened more than once....so I don't......but it doesn't always happen so I do.......but that one night night was so horrifying I will not drink again in case it happens again....what I did was so far from who I am and ever want to be that I will not risk gong there again and I KNOW alcohol can take me there....
As for posting the same thing over and over I'm glad you can skim read lol and I apologise....I guess I'm in the middle of working this all out for myself....
As for my need to help.....yep....I'll own that and I recognise it's one of many addictions I turn to in order to avoid looking at myself.....I've posted that here in one of the posts you skimmed lol......but some of my trying to help is just good old milk of human kindness...I always click on "new posts" and it draws me to topics that I feel drawn to....some people seem to find my thoughts and comments helpful.....I'm not sure pathologising a natural human urge to help another human being is good for our culture, so I don't buy into the idea that every act of self-sacrifice or altruism is co-dependency.....
But, I AM looking at myself...I really am trying....I go to Al-anon as many times as poss - up to 3 times a week...I go to open AA meetings (I haven't gone to a closed one because unless I accept/decide I'm an alcoholic it feels presumptuous....I go to counselling once a week......
I'll have to read your post again now to see if I've missed any of your points....I hope it's clear I'm not offended in any way, rather I admire your openness and appreciate your honesty. I'd much rather have a grown up conversation than unconsciously instigate or be drawn into conversations undermined by unexpressed hostility....I can do that at home lol (that IS a joke)
Maybe more later if I've missed something/ thought about it more
I really admire you for this. Thank you.
...now, in saying that to you am I being condescending? lol.....you've got me paranoid now.....
I don't know.....you've gicen me so much to think about. I can't argue with how you feel about my posts because that's how you feel, and I'll have to think about how I come across....I can think out loud in response here but it might not be very coherent because of that.
There are some definites.....I've never thought I am superior to anyone else other than thugs and bullies and "small-minded" people who are unpleasant or nasty to others...and these days I'm stepping back from even those judgements. I've certainly never felt superior to alcoholics or addicts.
I'm not consciously condescending......I wonder (in response to your post) whether my willingness to be very open about how I feel about people gives that impression. For example I always thank people for good service or tell a performer or artist if I like their work....I have sometimes felt some of them thought that people pleasing but I do it because it's what I feel is my existential truth and what they make of it is their issue, not mine.
Edited to add: I think another aspect that condescension vibe might be because all this is so new and (the growth bit) exciting to me I want to share it with everybody and of course I'm the first person to have realised any of it! lol....so it probably does come across as stating the bleeding obvious like I'm holding the Two Tablets God just gave me....another aspect of my "younger self" I imagine...I think I'm very mature in some ways and way behind in others...) Apologies.
I am not sure if I'm an alcoholic or not....that might answer part of your question...I'm not sure I can answer it myself at the moment. I said in that fateful 4th step that I wasn't because of that doubt and precisely because I wanted to be honest about NOT being sure I possess that particular experience....although the truth is I've had months of identification with alcoholics at meetings, both in terms of their emotions and their drinking....and although I would say I don't have a problem...well I WOULD say that wouldn't I?....denial isn't a river in Egypt......and I say it despite passing every test on the web for alcoholism and having done some things some people in the fellowship would say they haven't done "YET"....none of which I'm proud of....and having spent a year in a codependency support group discovering how stupid I've been in my attempts to "encourage" someone I love to accept "their" alcoholism.....I'm trying to be honest with myself and I THINK I'm in denial...lol...the objective evidence says my drinking isn't normal and I should seek help.....I don't know if that answers your question...it still doesn't answer mine! lol
I guess the closest I come is to relate to something someone said one day in the rooms about himself:
"when I first came here I knew I didn't drink like some of the people in the rooms had, but when I heard their past I knew they could be describing my future"
I don't think I became physically dependent on alcohol, which means I'm not an alcoholic, but I think I have what I need to develop the disease of alcoholism....does that make sense to someone who has the disease of alcoholism and doesn't drink?
And I think I might be in denial because every objective test and all the identification and emotions and behaviours....yada yada yada.....
And I hit a moment when I decided I could not risk that happening again. I did something that put my own life and the lives of others at serious risk. I won't drink again because I know I .....you see, I don't want to write "have no control".....I have control......but then I didn't........and it's happened more than once....so I don't......but it doesn't always happen so I do.......but that one night night was so horrifying I will not drink again in case it happens again....what I did was so far from who I am and ever want to be that I will not risk gong there again and I KNOW alcohol can take me there....
As for posting the same thing over and over I'm glad you can skim read lol and I apologise....I guess I'm in the middle of working this all out for myself....
As for my need to help.....yep....I'll own that and I recognise it's one of many addictions I turn to in order to avoid looking at myself.....I've posted that here in one of the posts you skimmed lol......but some of my trying to help is just good old milk of human kindness...I always click on "new posts" and it draws me to topics that I feel drawn to....some people seem to find my thoughts and comments helpful.....I'm not sure pathologising a natural human urge to help another human being is good for our culture, so I don't buy into the idea that every act of self-sacrifice or altruism is co-dependency.....
But, I AM looking at myself...I really am trying....I go to Al-anon as many times as poss - up to 3 times a week...I go to open AA meetings (I haven't gone to a closed one because unless I accept/decide I'm an alcoholic it feels presumptuous....I go to counselling once a week......
I'll have to read your post again now to see if I've missed any of your points....I hope it's clear I'm not offended in any way, rather I admire your openness and appreciate your honesty. I'd much rather have a grown up conversation than unconsciously instigate or be drawn into conversations undermined by unexpressed hostility....I can do that at home lol (that IS a joke)
Maybe more later if I've missed something/ thought about it more
I really admire you for this. Thank you.
Hi Martin,
Thank you for the response. You don't have to go and re-read anything Martin. What I think really isn't important. I just had to get my feelings off my chest. It's been bugging me for a few days.
I know that you are helping the newcomers here and that is fantastic. I don't think all acts of kindness are co-dependent and people pleasing. I just feel from reading your posts and to whom you post to, that you have a real need to save people. It seems you gave it your all with your ex and perhaps that didn't workout so well so now you turned here. Anonymous people searching for answers. They are struggling and you seem to have the answers. It's a win win I suppose. You help them and they help you. That is the point of this board. To help support one another and that is exactly what you are doing. No foul there. Not judging as it seems I am, just pointing it out as I see it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thread to you. Keep doin' what you are doin' because many people are really helped by you. Like I said I take what applies to me and let the rest fly.
Have a great day.
Thank you for the response. You don't have to go and re-read anything Martin. What I think really isn't important. I just had to get my feelings off my chest. It's been bugging me for a few days.
I know that you are helping the newcomers here and that is fantastic. I don't think all acts of kindness are co-dependent and people pleasing. I just feel from reading your posts and to whom you post to, that you have a real need to save people. It seems you gave it your all with your ex and perhaps that didn't workout so well so now you turned here. Anonymous people searching for answers. They are struggling and you seem to have the answers. It's a win win I suppose. You help them and they help you. That is the point of this board. To help support one another and that is exactly what you are doing. No foul there. Not judging as it seems I am, just pointing it out as I see it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thread to you. Keep doin' what you are doin' because many people are really helped by you. Like I said I take what applies to me and let the rest fly.
Have a great day.
I didn't feel judged Valarie. I felt you were constructively challenging me and I was able to welcome it because your skillful intervention prevented me from becoming defensive. And your questions have been very helpful. I have been conscious the past few days (perhaps the same few days you've been "bugged") that there was a question mark at the back of my mind about my activities here. I came here to join the friends and families board, migrated to alcohol to (again) understand more about what my ex (my kids' mum) is going through and might go through.....and stay on the alcohol board....precisely my path to AA through Al-anon. My ex is a heavy user of speed, possibly addicted and/or possibly also to meth or heroin, given her recent physical deterioration. Am I being a mature father and ex(possible future) partner trying to understand the disease of addiction and trying to help others where I feel moved to post.....or am I avoiding looking at myself? Or a bit of both? Good question.
I promise you I AM looking at myself and if you think I'm in trouble NOw you should have seen me back in the day lol
I only know the basics about Freud. I've read a bit of Jung and studied psychology for a while. Ive been reading about multiplicity recently, which I find really interesting - and on the money. For me it offers a great way to understand addiction and some aspects of spirituality AND recovery. mho
Have a nice evening. Thanks again.
I promise you I AM looking at myself and if you think I'm in trouble NOw you should have seen me back in the day lol
I only know the basics about Freud. I've read a bit of Jung and studied psychology for a while. Ive been reading about multiplicity recently, which I find really interesting - and on the money. For me it offers a great way to understand addiction and some aspects of spirituality AND recovery. mho
Have a nice evening. Thanks again.
Nothing wrong with trying to learn more Martin. Alcholism and Drug addiction is a b**** of a disease. Anywhere you want to get info is fine with me. I just wanted to state things as I see them. Of course I wear glasses so I may not see as clear as I should. LOLOL
I will agree to disagree with ya Martin. I do think there is a part of you that is looking for the positive responses and the adulation from the newcomers. Again I know it sounds judgemental but you have a pattern. However with that said, helping isn't a bad thing Martin. Not everything deserves a look in a mirror and not every intention is selfish.
Just like many people do everyday here... take what you need and leave the rest. Hell leave all of it if you wish. No worries to me. I just wanted to speak my mind.
Thanks for keeping this grown-up so to speak.
Have a great day!
I will agree to disagree with ya Martin. I do think there is a part of you that is looking for the positive responses and the adulation from the newcomers. Again I know it sounds judgemental but you have a pattern. However with that said, helping isn't a bad thing Martin. Not everything deserves a look in a mirror and not every intention is selfish.
Just like many people do everyday here... take what you need and leave the rest. Hell leave all of it if you wish. No worries to me. I just wanted to speak my mind.
Thanks for keeping this grown-up so to speak.
Have a great day!
Val. the comment I made about Martin's post been nutty was in response to what HE had written in his post about someone making that remark to him. I think you thought I was referring to what you were saying so just in case I wanted to clarify that. ((( )))))
Thanks Pirate. No worries Pal. Hope you are having a great sober day!
Valarie
Thanks again for providing me with the opportunity to reflect on my behaviour and motives.
Thanks again for providing me with the opportunity to reflect on my behaviour and motives.
TY too Martin. Some of your words have given me food for thought as well.
Have a good evening or afternoon wherever you are! :-)
Have a good evening or afternoon wherever you are! :-)
Martin,
I saw on another thread somewhere that you don't feel, welcome, believed or accepted here on this board. Well..everyone is welcome Martin. I said what I said to you because I was letting things get to me for no reason and I wanted to share my feelings. Who really cares what anyone here thinks of you. You know the saying in AA then you know what other's think of you is none of your business...right???
There are soo many different personalities here so at times you will feel that way. I did at times when I first started posting here. Once you get to know people a little better you won't take things so personally. How well can you get to know a computer screen name though right? Many times it is hard to decipher a tone. We as addicts whether in recovery or not tend to have tender feelings and think the worst.
I still stand behind what I voiced to you directly. I did in turn look within myself to figure out what was bothering me so much. I took my own inventory as well. That is my opinion though. I also think it is great that you are helping so many people here. Don't get all twisted and hurt if you don't get the adulation from everyone okay. It's nothing personal. Just different personalities.
Have a great day Martin and you ARE welcome here. Not one of us owns this board it is a public place for us all. :-)
I saw on another thread somewhere that you don't feel, welcome, believed or accepted here on this board. Well..everyone is welcome Martin. I said what I said to you because I was letting things get to me for no reason and I wanted to share my feelings. Who really cares what anyone here thinks of you. You know the saying in AA then you know what other's think of you is none of your business...right???
There are soo many different personalities here so at times you will feel that way. I did at times when I first started posting here. Once you get to know people a little better you won't take things so personally. How well can you get to know a computer screen name though right? Many times it is hard to decipher a tone. We as addicts whether in recovery or not tend to have tender feelings and think the worst.
I still stand behind what I voiced to you directly. I did in turn look within myself to figure out what was bothering me so much. I took my own inventory as well. That is my opinion though. I also think it is great that you are helping so many people here. Don't get all twisted and hurt if you don't get the adulation from everyone okay. It's nothing personal. Just different personalities.
Have a great day Martin and you ARE welcome here. Not one of us owns this board it is a public place for us all. :-)
Hi Valarie,
Thanks for taking the trouble to share your thoughts and for being so supportive.
Actually my post in that other thread wasn't about your post at all.....I mentioned you because I'd appreciated your openness and wanted to follow your example.
If I'm going to say that though I also need to say I did have a few thoughts about the "pattern" you spotted - to me it's just that I tend to post to people who are appear to me to be in search of support and I guess they tend to be, like me, relatively new here....so I generally post to newcomers......but the idea that I want their "adulation"is wide of the mark. I like being appreciated, like most people I guess, but my words are freely given gifts whether they are worth anything to the receiver or not. They are not bargaining chips or appeals for attention. My life is full of love and has been for as long as I can remember.
I just wanted to express my feeling that of all the boards on all the websites....(Bogart impression)...that I have visited, this was the only place I felt there was some sort of evaluation going on as to whether I was worthy to post a view.....am I an alcoholic or aren't I, am I in AA or aren't I, have I done the 4th step or haven't I, did I do it with a sponsor or didn't I....and that unless I met someone's idea of being a "true" alcoholic or a "good enough" member of AA, I ought to sit back, listen and learn rather than offer an opinion.....now I'm happy to learn, always have been....which is why I know so much....some of which might be helpful to people, newcomers or not, whether it resonates with everyone else here or not ....but in my limited experience of AA there's no requirement for experience or anything else to share....and if AA don't have that what is it about this (not-AA!) board that led me to perceive that? Maybe it's just me....but how many alcoholics are there in the US (never mind the rest of the world!) and how many posters stick around here? I took a look through the archives....it's quite interesting.
It's just my opinion, which in the context of this board is no worse and no better than anyone else's.....people will take what they like (are ready for and need, according to THEIR HP) and leave the rest.....
Thanks for taking the trouble to share your thoughts and for being so supportive.
Actually my post in that other thread wasn't about your post at all.....I mentioned you because I'd appreciated your openness and wanted to follow your example.
If I'm going to say that though I also need to say I did have a few thoughts about the "pattern" you spotted - to me it's just that I tend to post to people who are appear to me to be in search of support and I guess they tend to be, like me, relatively new here....so I generally post to newcomers......but the idea that I want their "adulation"is wide of the mark. I like being appreciated, like most people I guess, but my words are freely given gifts whether they are worth anything to the receiver or not. They are not bargaining chips or appeals for attention. My life is full of love and has been for as long as I can remember.
I just wanted to express my feeling that of all the boards on all the websites....(Bogart impression)...that I have visited, this was the only place I felt there was some sort of evaluation going on as to whether I was worthy to post a view.....am I an alcoholic or aren't I, am I in AA or aren't I, have I done the 4th step or haven't I, did I do it with a sponsor or didn't I....and that unless I met someone's idea of being a "true" alcoholic or a "good enough" member of AA, I ought to sit back, listen and learn rather than offer an opinion.....now I'm happy to learn, always have been....which is why I know so much....some of which might be helpful to people, newcomers or not, whether it resonates with everyone else here or not ....but in my limited experience of AA there's no requirement for experience or anything else to share....and if AA don't have that what is it about this (not-AA!) board that led me to perceive that? Maybe it's just me....but how many alcoholics are there in the US (never mind the rest of the world!) and how many posters stick around here? I took a look through the archives....it's quite interesting.
It's just my opinion, which in the context of this board is no worse and no better than anyone else's.....people will take what they like (are ready for and need, according to THEIR HP) and leave the rest.....
