Every time I try and do step 4 I get in a spin and I get this stubborn streak and I get all flustered and angry and RRRRRRRRRRRRRR well I'm sure you all know the feeling. What the hell is wrong with me? it's been over 4 months and this must be at least 6 attempts I have made to do step 4. It's like I can't get past it. I even cancelled a session with my theaprist today because I just didn't have the emotional energy to drudge up stuff again. After reading some of my replies to the posts I am wondering if maybe I need to go back to step 3. I thought I had handed everything over but even I can see where I haven't I guess. Maybe that is why the inner peace is eluding me because I have not entirely given things over to my HP. I don't know I feel so confused.Once again I am asking for advice about step 4 again. I don't know why this step causes me so much grief.Maybe I will be never able to do it. I want to but can't seem too. thanks again for letting me whine.
I know exactly how you feel and right now step three is what I am working on. Ironically, at yesterday's meeting they asked me to read one of the steps. They handed me the card for the third step..."Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as we understand him"....amazing how my HP works. Just as I am turning my will/my life over I am also turning DM's will/DM's life over to the care of God.
Pirate, possibly you are not ready to work step 4 and right now your energy needs to be focused on continuing to build trust and a relationship with your HP (step 3) for awhile. Just a thought.
Stop beating yourself up, honey. I am thinking of you.
Hugs.
Pirate, possibly you are not ready to work step 4 and right now your energy needs to be focused on continuing to build trust and a relationship with your HP (step 3) for awhile. Just a thought.
Stop beating yourself up, honey. I am thinking of you.
Hugs.
You're expecting too much from yourself, Marie. Just because you write your 4th doesn't mean it's all going to go away overnight. There are 8 more steps to go. All the fourth step is is an inventory. It was explained to me that if you were a shopowner you would have to take an inventory of your store, good things and bad things. You would write down what you found. That's all you have to do. Stop complicating it, you alkie you <G> Park yourself in a room and write resentments and don't leave the room till your done. Have you made it that far? Have you written your resentments?
The inner peace comes when you finish the steps, Or like the Promises say, in the middle of the ninth step. You'll get there and then the miracles begin.
The inner peace comes when you finish the steps, Or like the Promises say, in the middle of the ninth step. You'll get there and then the miracles begin.
I've often heard it said that, "Alcoholics Anonymous (the actual steps) are a simple program for complex people."
There are four parts to The Steps and, as I've said before, only half require actual WORK.
First, there's the acknowledgement that we are powerless and life's getting sucky because we put booze betwen us and everything. EVERYTHING
Second, step 2 & 3 are about determining which "Power Greater Than Ourselves" is going to be our personal 'God," and making the decision to use it to push stuff off onto. It's a decision, it's not actually DOING. The realization that "God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves" comes later. Most don't get a "Burning Bush" in their bedroom on a dreary dismal morning. Some might, but most don't. Read Appendix II of the Big Book.
Step 4 is making a list of bad stuff in our lives (part one); Then just how we were involved (choice of 5 items).
Step 5 is about the integrity to follow through and tell someone who's NOT vesting in us--but there only to guide us through the steps. Telling my list of adventures and moral stuff to my SU wouldn't have been the wisest move in the game...
Step 6 is about reflection, based on how we feel after step 5, and only means becoming willing (willingness) to PERHAPS believe that our Personal God can help (again, because of the freedom we experience at the end of 5).
Step 7 is about ASKING OUR Higher Power to take away those personal shortcomings that make us like all others.
Step 8 is about Seeing who's left on the list, what's gotta be done to make things right from our perspective (they may not accept apologies or whatever).
Step 9 is about becoming willing to fix things. NOTICE that is doesn't say, "All s*** is good now that you made amends," but The Promises state that you will find a new freedom and a new happiness.
Step 10 is a daily program of patience, tolerance, and understanding of a******* and other people on the planet who aren't as fortunate as WE to have a spiritual program and a personal God.
Step 11 is about practicing principles (we outlined those about two months ago) every day in our daily lives and asking HP to take a pro-active part in our spiritual growth. Step 11 is about 'AWARENESS." Namely of others and our spiritual health. NOTE: This does NOT say religion.
Step 12 is about giving back what we so graciously are given in any number of ways directly to suffering Alcoholics. WARNING: Some of these f***ers are WAY belligerent and don't want fixin'!
And there you have it. Step 1 is about honesty: Acceptance. Step 2-3 are about determining method; Steps 4-9 are about action; Steps 10-12 are living progress.
And it works when we just quit wringing hands, gnashing teeth, making excuses, and do it.
There are four parts to The Steps and, as I've said before, only half require actual WORK.
First, there's the acknowledgement that we are powerless and life's getting sucky because we put booze betwen us and everything. EVERYTHING
Second, step 2 & 3 are about determining which "Power Greater Than Ourselves" is going to be our personal 'God," and making the decision to use it to push stuff off onto. It's a decision, it's not actually DOING. The realization that "God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves" comes later. Most don't get a "Burning Bush" in their bedroom on a dreary dismal morning. Some might, but most don't. Read Appendix II of the Big Book.
Step 4 is making a list of bad stuff in our lives (part one); Then just how we were involved (choice of 5 items).
Step 5 is about the integrity to follow through and tell someone who's NOT vesting in us--but there only to guide us through the steps. Telling my list of adventures and moral stuff to my SU wouldn't have been the wisest move in the game...
Step 6 is about reflection, based on how we feel after step 5, and only means becoming willing (willingness) to PERHAPS believe that our Personal God can help (again, because of the freedom we experience at the end of 5).
Step 7 is about ASKING OUR Higher Power to take away those personal shortcomings that make us like all others.
Step 8 is about Seeing who's left on the list, what's gotta be done to make things right from our perspective (they may not accept apologies or whatever).
Step 9 is about becoming willing to fix things. NOTICE that is doesn't say, "All s*** is good now that you made amends," but The Promises state that you will find a new freedom and a new happiness.
Step 10 is a daily program of patience, tolerance, and understanding of a******* and other people on the planet who aren't as fortunate as WE to have a spiritual program and a personal God.
Step 11 is about practicing principles (we outlined those about two months ago) every day in our daily lives and asking HP to take a pro-active part in our spiritual growth. Step 11 is about 'AWARENESS." Namely of others and our spiritual health. NOTE: This does NOT say religion.
Step 12 is about giving back what we so graciously are given in any number of ways directly to suffering Alcoholics. WARNING: Some of these f***ers are WAY belligerent and don't want fixin'!
And there you have it. Step 1 is about honesty: Acceptance. Step 2-3 are about determining method; Steps 4-9 are about action; Steps 10-12 are living progress.
And it works when we just quit wringing hands, gnashing teeth, making excuses, and do it.
Kat
.
Wise words from a wise broad.
I've seen Julie and many others struggling with this same dillema.I hear about it in meetings all the time.If you have it available to you Marie I would check out some step study meetings.Not every city has them but I can't tell you how much they helped me.
I'm going through the steps again with a new sponsor I got.I'm doing it through this booklet in NA called "The Working Step Guide".I used it the last time and I can't tell you how much it helped me.I an so anal retentive that I was always worried I was going to miss something important so this takes all the guess work out of it.
I have to go back to work right now but want to talk more about this with you.Kat is right.Just get started.Quit worrying about making mistakes.I do think you're ready too.What harm can it do?
I do want to leave you with this.It's from the Twelve and Twelve,
"Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinst.When that happens,our great natural assets,the instincts,have turned into physical liabilities.
Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilites in each of us have been,and are."
See,all that sharing yesterday about my dad has made me realize I need to do another 4th too.I thought I had dealt with all that but the pain is still raw.I think it was God's little nudge to get me moving.
Talk to you later.
| QUOTE |
| Just because you write your 4th doesn't mean it's all going to go away overnight |
Wise words from a wise broad.
I've seen Julie and many others struggling with this same dillema.I hear about it in meetings all the time.If you have it available to you Marie I would check out some step study meetings.Not every city has them but I can't tell you how much they helped me.
I'm going through the steps again with a new sponsor I got.I'm doing it through this booklet in NA called "The Working Step Guide".I used it the last time and I can't tell you how much it helped me.I an so anal retentive that I was always worried I was going to miss something important so this takes all the guess work out of it.
I have to go back to work right now but want to talk more about this with you.Kat is right.Just get started.Quit worrying about making mistakes.I do think you're ready too.What harm can it do?
I do want to leave you with this.It's from the Twelve and Twelve,
"Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinst.When that happens,our great natural assets,the instincts,have turned into physical liabilities.
Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilites in each of us have been,and are."
See,all that sharing yesterday about my dad has made me realize I need to do another 4th too.I thought I had dealt with all that but the pain is still raw.I think it was God's little nudge to get me moving.
Talk to you later.
Hi Pirate,
Have you really come to believe that your HP can restore you to sanity, reality, honesty, peace of mind... step two. Step two is the cornerstone laid upon step one, the foundation. Are you still trying to run the show? Take step two deeper.
It is in my hmo that this is where your stuck. Taking this step further we did more than come to believe. How are we suppose to make a decision in step 3 if we doubt God's abilities in all areas of our lives. Do you believe that you are more powerful than God? Ask what is my belief and attitude? If you are still stuck on your own will? Trying to arrange life on your terms. If you continue to focus on your will and not his, then your house is not in order. Are you going to believe that God and only he can achieve restoration and justice, or not? Are you in, or are you out?
No one here would argue that you've been dealt an extremely difficult hand in life. It isn't even a question. Out of all this heartache, stomachache, headache, great pain of spirit and soul. What can you do to make it better, if your not believing then relying on God's super natural power. What would you do if your life became worse? Your daughter dies, your husband becomes disabled, or passes away. You have no income for a roof over your head, food and water. What then? Are you grateful for what you already have? Are you being more self centered, or God centered? Questions I ask of myself. Where am I taking my direction from, me, or God? I want and need to believe, ask and depend daily.
When I keep trying to control things and don't allow God. Then how is God suppose to set me free. Back to step one. There are many areas of my life that I not only need to, but must hand over. By not only believing and taking step two further into action, then I can be thankful in all things.
How can I be ready for step three. It doesn't say willing it says made a decision to turn our will, lives over to our hp. Going deeper turn other peoples lives and will over to God. Making a decision and not really doing this is dead action. But if I haven't come to believe, then really believe. How am I suppose to do step 3?
Thoughts motivate actions. Are your thoughts geared towards God, or your self?
Are you satisfied and really believe you've come to believe... step two? Step 3 are you depending on God for all things? Do you keep trying to fix people, places and things. I'm not saying people don't have responsibilities. That there won't be times of pain, stress. As it is part of the human condition. But, I believe that when the first three steps are understood and then made a daily commitment to applying to ones lives. The next ones following won't be so difficult. For fear will have been released to God.
I have heard many times in life, or at meetings. If a person is having trouble with a certain step it hasn't been done thoroughly. There is something missing that needs to be learned. Go back where your stuck and go deeper. There is no shame in doing this. Pray and talk to you sponsor. Of course thats if you and your hp think your stuck.
What I'm saying is that there are things in life we don't have control over. But there is one who does, that is God. May you find him now.
With Love And Respect,
Chris xxx
Have you really come to believe that your HP can restore you to sanity, reality, honesty, peace of mind... step two. Step two is the cornerstone laid upon step one, the foundation. Are you still trying to run the show? Take step two deeper.
It is in my hmo that this is where your stuck. Taking this step further we did more than come to believe. How are we suppose to make a decision in step 3 if we doubt God's abilities in all areas of our lives. Do you believe that you are more powerful than God? Ask what is my belief and attitude? If you are still stuck on your own will? Trying to arrange life on your terms. If you continue to focus on your will and not his, then your house is not in order. Are you going to believe that God and only he can achieve restoration and justice, or not? Are you in, or are you out?
No one here would argue that you've been dealt an extremely difficult hand in life. It isn't even a question. Out of all this heartache, stomachache, headache, great pain of spirit and soul. What can you do to make it better, if your not believing then relying on God's super natural power. What would you do if your life became worse? Your daughter dies, your husband becomes disabled, or passes away. You have no income for a roof over your head, food and water. What then? Are you grateful for what you already have? Are you being more self centered, or God centered? Questions I ask of myself. Where am I taking my direction from, me, or God? I want and need to believe, ask and depend daily.
When I keep trying to control things and don't allow God. Then how is God suppose to set me free. Back to step one. There are many areas of my life that I not only need to, but must hand over. By not only believing and taking step two further into action, then I can be thankful in all things.
How can I be ready for step three. It doesn't say willing it says made a decision to turn our will, lives over to our hp. Going deeper turn other peoples lives and will over to God. Making a decision and not really doing this is dead action. But if I haven't come to believe, then really believe. How am I suppose to do step 3?
Thoughts motivate actions. Are your thoughts geared towards God, or your self?
Are you satisfied and really believe you've come to believe... step two? Step 3 are you depending on God for all things? Do you keep trying to fix people, places and things. I'm not saying people don't have responsibilities. That there won't be times of pain, stress. As it is part of the human condition. But, I believe that when the first three steps are understood and then made a daily commitment to applying to ones lives. The next ones following won't be so difficult. For fear will have been released to God.
I have heard many times in life, or at meetings. If a person is having trouble with a certain step it hasn't been done thoroughly. There is something missing that needs to be learned. Go back where your stuck and go deeper. There is no shame in doing this. Pray and talk to you sponsor. Of course thats if you and your hp think your stuck.
What I'm saying is that there are things in life we don't have control over. But there is one who does, that is God. May you find him now.
With Love And Respect,
Chris xxx
Gidday Pirate
Steps are there to go up and down etc, and just because i have done the steps then it doesnt mean i am finished as i have to then incorporate them in my life daily in whatever order they are needed, what i am saying is you are trying to hard for the perfect 4th step and in turn this is putting your mind into overdrive and it is all getting a bit jumbled, ive been there done that and got a couple of tshirts:)
It is easy for me to say dont be so hard on your self, please just pause go and do something fun relax, try not to relive the feelings and emotions you are writing about in step four and this is where your faith is relied on by handing over these feelings etc as they come up just acknowledge them, write them, 4th step them and learn then give them away
When i was playing rugby i tended to run with the ball and be tackled but as i got fitter and more aware i started to use my strength and speed and used the better awareness i had of what was happening around me to better affect
Allow yourself to progress, there is no time limit for the steps do the 4th step you need to now to move on and later you can revisit when you feel stronger and fill in any blanks or knock down any barriers
Good on you Pirate and the thing is all this is happening because you want to do it right.....just do it and the right comes:)
light and love Zac
Steps are there to go up and down etc, and just because i have done the steps then it doesnt mean i am finished as i have to then incorporate them in my life daily in whatever order they are needed, what i am saying is you are trying to hard for the perfect 4th step and in turn this is putting your mind into overdrive and it is all getting a bit jumbled, ive been there done that and got a couple of tshirts:)
It is easy for me to say dont be so hard on your self, please just pause go and do something fun relax, try not to relive the feelings and emotions you are writing about in step four and this is where your faith is relied on by handing over these feelings etc as they come up just acknowledge them, write them, 4th step them and learn then give them away
When i was playing rugby i tended to run with the ball and be tackled but as i got fitter and more aware i started to use my strength and speed and used the better awareness i had of what was happening around me to better affect
Allow yourself to progress, there is no time limit for the steps do the 4th step you need to now to move on and later you can revisit when you feel stronger and fill in any blanks or knock down any barriers
Good on you Pirate and the thing is all this is happening because you want to do it right.....just do it and the right comes:)
light and love Zac
Pirate
E-mail me your address.I want to send you this.[if you feel comfortable,if not don't worry about it]
NA has their own version but it's a lot more complicated than this one,Sometimes "Simple" is best.
My e-mail again...timlincoln@aol.com
E-mail me your address.I want to send you this.[if you feel comfortable,if not don't worry about it]
NA has their own version but it's a lot more complicated than this one,Sometimes "Simple" is best.
My e-mail again...timlincoln@aol.com
Thanks ALL again for advice and help. It is greatly appreciated. I have wrote down some resentments and as I go down the list it seems that is when all my anger resurfaces.How do I deal with the the resentments and yes hate that I have going on with me now,at present? It's not like something that is in the past and I can let go of it because I am still dealing with this particular person and situation. It's not like something that is over and I can let it go because its going on right now .Maybe once the trial is over there will be some closure and that won't be until september. I think that is some of the reason why I have such trouble doing the step. Like Zac said I want to do it right and I fully intend to stay with the AA program just might take me a little longer than some to do the steps. I am giving it my best try to get this step done,so please bear with me and walk me through it . Kick my a** if you have too just please don't get discouraged with me. Tim thank you for your offer which I will accept with much appreciation. I sent you my address in your email Thank you so much. I can do this. I know I can especially with the help of you wonderful people on this board. ((((( ))))) God bless and take care
How would you deal with it if you didn't write it down? Do the same thing. I said this before, don't expect it to go away just because it's on paper. You are just doing an inventory. You're on the right track. Stop fighting every turn.
smooches
smooches
Thank you Kat. I will do what you said to do.For some reason writing stuff down really pisses me off. Even before I got in a program or anything if I was asked to write something down example budget stuff bank stuff. I go off in a tizzy and angry. Actually my husband has been keeping a diary since the 70's and even that have ticked me off when I see him writing in it. IT's like keeping track of stuff really irritates me. Don't ask me why cause I don't have a clue lol .weird I guess too lol I do have a list of people made tho that I resent. and I have wrote tons of other stuff too that I have to do in a journal for my therapy. Thanks again Kat (((( )))))
p.s come to think of it I resent anything that is even close to keeping a record of stuff.I'ts like it's too much structure or something I don't know what it is. and I do know I resent authority,always had, big problem with that one. Funny how writing stuff down (and when you read it back to yourself ) it can make you see things about yourself that you would otherwise ignore uh?
p.s come to think of it I resent anything that is even close to keeping a record of stuff.I'ts like it's too much structure or something I don't know what it is. and I do know I resent authority,always had, big problem with that one. Funny how writing stuff down (and when you read it back to yourself ) it can make you see things about yourself that you would otherwise ignore uh?
Marie, I'm the same way. When someone would suggest journaling in early recovery I'd look at them like they had two heads. In school they taught us to make a to do list. Yeah, right. I am terrible with lists.Hate em. But once you write your steps you're done. Some people do them many times over but some only do them once. If I did another 4th step today I don't know what I'd put on it. I don't really get resentments any more and I'm always working on fears. I don't harm people any more so I don't know what I'd do. Anyway, I'm babbling. Later tater.
Hey there guys. I just need to vent again this morning. I don't know what it is really but last few days I feel depressed and angry ,fearful and paranoid. I feel like I've made too many mistakes. I feel so burdened and I feel like I can never be fixed. It's like a dark cloud has been hanging over my head all week. I should be feeling happy because today I have been sober for 18 weeks but all I feel is anguish and gloom. I know I should give myself a good swift kick and tell myself to get over it. But this feeling in the pit of my stomach gnawing at me is making me feel sick. God will I never be rid of this anger that comes over me all the time.?I even woke up angry this morning. A lot of my drinking was done to get rid of that feeling and I know a couple of strong ones would take it away from me. now I try and deal with it sober and will continue to but it's is so hard. I am going to go for a walk to see if that will help and maybe I will feel better. I know I am whining and I know it fits into the self pity scheme of things but it sucks it really do. Thanks all. God bless and take care.
I'm not sure but I think non alkies wake up sometimes feeling like that too. I know I can still wake up angry at the world for no reason but after a while it passes. You never answered my question last week, Marie. Can you make at least one meeting a week? You need face to face contact with other alkies. I can definitely tell you no matter how crappy I feel I always feel better after a meeting. I can't tell you why but it's true. There has to be at least ONE meeting you can get to or maybe you could start one closer to you. Surely there are other alkies in the area with the same problem as you.
Anger, Resentments and Greed. The biggest foes of sobriety. ARG. ARRRRRGGGGH! Everytime you talk like a, well, PIRATE, think of these things. They are the opposites of Happy, Joyous and Free. Spirituality will blossom for those who are willing to gain humility and lose their pride; seek tolerance and practice forgiveness.
If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
This step stuff, I hope no one minds if I share what I found...
Maybe a disclaimer cause I do things my way always, so I did the steps my way, no help, sharing ( dont think so ) but what I found was most interesting as I didnt have anything preconceived beforehand. I found that the first three steps are redirection , they remove the outside to get us to look inside but when we start out with sick thinking, well
Once step 4 stepped in and I did that the first three started to make more sense and it was easier to work them. How does one have a HP stuck in madness be it a bottle, a needle or the fear that one they love more then them selfugh my ahh moment might die from this disease. How does one trust, have faith in a process that they cant see, admit truly there is no control if they dont see how they tried to controlwhere they were their problem always
I found for me what to trust means, what to really let go means, what my HP isI didnt have an HP really to start. I could see where I was given to God and yet why couldnt I just deal with things myself. It made no sense to be giving and giving the same things up over and over when in reality if I didnt learn how to cope and deal then I wasnt going to be all the healthy for me
I found this to be process of understanding and finding who I was, maybe more what I left behind of me. The first three steps brought some relief and change in the thinking but it was to easy to fall back into old patterns until step 4 kinda tied it all togetherif this makes any sense cause I dont ever see the first three working, being workable, or making much sense without step 4...
I wish you the best,
Love,
Tina
Maybe a disclaimer cause I do things my way always, so I did the steps my way, no help, sharing ( dont think so ) but what I found was most interesting as I didnt have anything preconceived beforehand. I found that the first three steps are redirection , they remove the outside to get us to look inside but when we start out with sick thinking, well
Once step 4 stepped in and I did that the first three started to make more sense and it was easier to work them. How does one have a HP stuck in madness be it a bottle, a needle or the fear that one they love more then them selfugh my ahh moment might die from this disease. How does one trust, have faith in a process that they cant see, admit truly there is no control if they dont see how they tried to controlwhere they were their problem always
I found for me what to trust means, what to really let go means, what my HP isI didnt have an HP really to start. I could see where I was given to God and yet why couldnt I just deal with things myself. It made no sense to be giving and giving the same things up over and over when in reality if I didnt learn how to cope and deal then I wasnt going to be all the healthy for me
I found this to be process of understanding and finding who I was, maybe more what I left behind of me. The first three steps brought some relief and change in the thinking but it was to easy to fall back into old patterns until step 4 kinda tied it all togetherif this makes any sense cause I dont ever see the first three working, being workable, or making much sense without step 4...
I wish you the best,
Love,
Tina
Hey guys thanks again for the advice. Kat I am hoping to be able to get to a meeting sometime in June. I know its a long ways off but its the best I can do right now. I know its hard for you guys to understand what i'ts like living where I live and how difficult it really is to have access to AA. Anyway my mood is somewhat lifted . actually a sick friend called me just after I posted and I had to take her to a doctor and that kept me busy and mind off ME. I need to be working but again where I live work is unavailable. I really do live in the woods lol . I did apply for a job opening that will be coming up soon. I do hope I get it. It will mean being around people. So for the rest of this day I am going to do my best to be in a good mood. at least take off my glum self pitying face and smile. Take care all.
What I have found with every alcoholic and addict I have ever known,myself included,is that anger is the first emotion we recognize and it scares the living s*** out of most of us.
It's brilliantly disguised too.In some homes it was not o.k. to ever raise your voice or show any type of emotion that might be considered hostile.You have extremely passive type personalities who would never say anything harsh and on the outside seem like gentle souls who embrace all mankind......meanwhile driving down the sreet with AK-47's in the trunk of their car.
I used narcotics to shut the anger down.It worked too for many years.It all goes back to what I strongly believe.Drugs and alcohol were not the problem.I was impaired long before I picked up.All those pesky feelings and emotions were so out of whack even at 12 years old I needed some relief.
This describes me better than any words I can put together...
Step Four...p.42
"Our desires for sex,for material and emotional security,and for an important place in society often tyranize us.When thus out of joint,man's natural desires cause him great trouble,practically all the trouble there is.No human being,however good,is exempt from these troubles.Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct.When this happens,our great natural assets,the instincts,have turned into physical and mental liabilities."
This is why I needed to work a 4th step.
Sorry for the lecture Pirate.If you can't get to a physical meeting until June check out some online AA groups where they will have live meetingMy Webpages.
It's brilliantly disguised too.In some homes it was not o.k. to ever raise your voice or show any type of emotion that might be considered hostile.You have extremely passive type personalities who would never say anything harsh and on the outside seem like gentle souls who embrace all mankind......meanwhile driving down the sreet with AK-47's in the trunk of their car.
I used narcotics to shut the anger down.It worked too for many years.It all goes back to what I strongly believe.Drugs and alcohol were not the problem.I was impaired long before I picked up.All those pesky feelings and emotions were so out of whack even at 12 years old I needed some relief.
This describes me better than any words I can put together...
Step Four...p.42
"Our desires for sex,for material and emotional security,and for an important place in society often tyranize us.When thus out of joint,man's natural desires cause him great trouble,practically all the trouble there is.No human being,however good,is exempt from these troubles.Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct.When this happens,our great natural assets,the instincts,have turned into physical and mental liabilities."
This is why I needed to work a 4th step.
Sorry for the lecture Pirate.If you can't get to a physical meeting until June check out some online AA groups where they will have live meetingMy Webpages.
Hey there Tim. I did not consider that a lecture at all. Maybe I am used to getting a lot of them and now I don't notice when I do .lol. I think I was born an angry person. I've been told about the raging temper tantrumns I had as a small kid and I certainly had no trouble expressing myself as a teenage. I know for certain in my adulthood my temper was something I always had to try and keep under control.I could swing either way when drinking. I was either the most funloving ,easy going person you would ever hope to meet or I could be a raging lunatic. All depends on the mood I was in and the one the alcholol created.I have been called Dr jeckell and mr hyde a good many times by my husband lol. Of course I always blamed other people for my behaviour. I really don't know why the anger comes so strong as it do sometimes. In my theapry they tell me that my two biggest issues that I have to deal with is the anger and the guilt. It's like I either have one or the other and sometimes both. I am getting a lot better though. I have improved a lot in 4 months and I know its going to improve the farther I go in my program. Thanks ya all for your advice and ESH. as always it is greatly appreciated and welcomed. God bless and take care
