Thanks........ as i said every word of encouragment helps, i have just had enough now, you know when your well and truley sick of something? well i'm there... i just can't take anymore, its time to pull myself together instead of giving into this nasty drug.. i know its going to be hard with my daughter around me, but in another way its going to help you know just looking at her knowing i am all she has left..whatever i do, i'm mum i'm perfect in her eyes... i would kill myself if she ever smoked brown and turned round and told me " it must be alright you done it " so while shes at that age were with any luck she wont remember any of this its time to fix up.... I know i can do it with the subutex i half done it before, in my head i dont want to do it, thats half the fight over.. thanks for caring! tracie x
it has helped so much chatting on this today, before i knew it hours have passed since i smoked some b, all of a sudden that same old rattling feeling come creeping up on me! if it was any other day sitting there after doing the house work and feeding and seeing to skye i would have been smoking out of pure boredom, but this has helped me loads...... many junkies that i have spoken too have found it hard getting of the gear not just coz of the pain but coz of the boredom too, we need to find things to keep our minds active. theres only so much cleaning i can do! I am so nervous about tomorrow what if they decide that im not a good mum and phone social services behind my back, god i dont know what i would do... i know one things for sure they would'nt be taking my baby off me i would rather do a prison sentence then just hand her over like that.. last time i went there skye was'nt with me a friend was minding her, but this time i have no choice but to take her with me. so i hope they don't try no funny s*** behind my back.. shes spotless and looks well cared for so i cant see any reason for them to do that to me, but its just some of the stories some people have told me.. i sat her down today and told her mummy was going to get better know, you see every morning before i get some b in me i have to tell her mummy dont feel good i put her c beebies(kids T.V channel)on and sneak of to my room so she cant see what im doing.she looked at me like she understood what i was going on about..you see i wake up coughing sneezing, dragging myself to the toilet. do you think shes gonna remember alot of this? i really hope not, its not a nice start for her is it. anyway i'm rambling on and on. take care, tracie x
Tracie .. no probs,were all in the same boat to different extents.Im clean off gear&benzos for just over 2mnth although im still on a meth.script,but also mind my daughter Sian(7yr)fulltime,with a bit of welcome help from my ma.So i deff. know how you feel as regards our kids being affected by our smack behaviour.You have got the mindset to do this&try to keep positive even if you feel like s***.by the way have you been to yer doc. to try&get anything to help yer rattle,some df118s or even some benzos,just for the worst few days.Keep up the good work/words yer helping yerself &others....take care &all the best...Davey
i have tried the dfs i dont know if it was just me but they didnt seem to do much, maybe i was not taking them right, i am not signed up with a doctor, silly i know but touch wood i have never been a sickly person, and if at any time i have needed the doctor ive gone to the walk-in at the hospital... my ex went to the doctor and all he gave him was a bottle of valium which my ex ate like they were sweets.. if you think going to see the doctor will help me then i will give it a shot, im up for anything thats gonna help make all this comming off the gear easier.... my hat goes off to you looking after your daughter on your own, i know how hard it is at times, but theres so many waster dads out there that dont even make the effort to see there kids not even at weekends, so give yourself a pat on the back from me, your daughter has a clued up loving father thats going to be able to guide her the right way through experiance.
roll on tomorrow, start of my long fight to getting better tracie x
roll on tomorrow, start of my long fight to getting better tracie x
Yep Trace,i deff. think you should check a G.P out,you never know&anything to help with the withdrawls is gonna be a bonus.Best of luck to you&Skye and keep on posting.Take care...Davey
Skye is a very pretty name. I bet she's a very pretty little girl too. I started doing "H" when my son was around 13 yrs. old. I had been doing the tour thing so I'm sure he was exposed to it before that. I drank quite a bit (which in some ways is worse than the gear) and I did a truck load of LSD. When I started doing needle dope, I tried to hide it from him but of course that didn't work. I got lucky though. Instead of him saying,"You get high. Why can't I get high?" He did the total opposite. After he saw what dope did to his father and I, he decided he didn't want anything to do with it. He drank for awhile and totalled a few caddies, but he doesn't even drink anymore. He's way more mature than I am. I have to borrow money from him now and then. He doesn't like me being on methadone. He thought it was just another junkie Doctor scam to get high. He sees how much I've changed, though and he's altered his opinion somewhat. There's no use worrying about what damage you may be causing Skye. If you show her love. It'll work out. peace, Shirley
