Hi Randomperson:)
Its so good to hear from you. Im so excited that your doing well. Im doing well too . Like you I dont think about methadone unless I come on here. I guess thats how its suppose to be. Coming up on another year both of us have come so far.
I agree with what you said about going Cold turkey for some. I tried going CT and thats why I tapered. Lol. I dont like to suffer and my doctor prescribed medicine to help with my taper. When I went cold turkey I didnt have a plan on how to go forward. I think thats important.
Sounds like your daughter keeps you busy. The granddaughters both have cheer at different times during the week. I dont drive so my daughter or SIL is always running around the kids. They keep them very busy.
Ah the new Siberian Husky is credited with getting me moving. Hes very calm for a Siberian. I take him for walks here and there. He turned one today. I got all three dogs a nice bone from Wilco.
We are having a celebration tonight. Shrimp Alfredo, salad, bread and raspberry poppyseed buttercream cake. Yummy. My SIL went and got the cake at the bakery. This is a gourmet cake so its guaranteed to be good.
Yesterday we had guys cutting up elk all day at the house. Therefore us girls went shopping and out to lunch. Fun day.
Well Im gonna post this before I erase it. Peace, love, and hippie beads.
Hi,
I am a 43 year old woman who has been taking methadone since sometime in 2016 ( I cant remember exactly when as I used heroin on top of my methadone for around 5 years before getting clean of heroin around 4 months ago so my memories are a little hazy)
Obviously methadone wasnt the miracle drug that got me clean of heroin, I just ended up with two habits rather than one in the end, and wish I had never touched the stuff, in the first place. I felt like this as I have got clean from methadone a few times in the past cold Turkey, but only after using it for 4 months at the most, and the withdrawals were bad enoughand then so as soon as I got clean from heroin a few months ago i came to fully realise what i had done to myself in using methadone for 5 plus years and got massive anxiety everytime I thought about having to come off it at some point. when I finally came to get clean of heroin I was so concerned with how much methadone I was already taking that I decided to do It completely cold turkey which is what I now know I should have done in 2016 when I first was prescribed methadone as no matter how hard it is I know that it is nothing compared to long term methadone withdrawal.
As soon as I had come off the heroin I started tapering my dose by firstly 2ml weekly and then when that was too hard by 1ml weekly. I carried this on for around 2- 3 months but I found it so hard that I nearly went back to heroin and took a break for a bit about 2 months ago and it has taken me the whole 2 months for me to be stable on my current dose ( I managed to get myself down from 50ml to 32ml) and I have been pretty sick in the meantime and have been sleeping very little until this week, and I'm still waking up restless even now. What with getting clean from heroin and tapering my methadone I have basically been sick since May/June and the summer completely passed me by unfortunately, which is a real shame as I love summer ( I am pretty useless when I am sick and find it really hard getting off the couch let alone out of the house when I am like that) but it will all be worth it one day I keep telling myself, and I am so happy to not be using heroin anymore so at least I have made progress there too and will hopefully never go back to it as that is what got me in this mess in the first place.
Now I dont know what to do as tapering seems to be a lot harder for me than a lot of posts I have read on this site, or are people not mentioning how hard it has been for them? I am so keen to get off this poison ( I know some people might disagree with me but that is how I feel about methadone as i know taking it isn't good for my health and gets into my bones and it also stops me from doing so much in my life like travelling and working in certain jobs as I need to always be near my pick up venue) and want to do it asap but now know that it is going to take a lot longer than I had first anticipated and tapering is going to be a lot more uncomfortable than I first had imagined.
I am currently childless and would love to have a child but cant bear the idea of consciously putting my baby through withdrawals iby planning to have a baby if I am still having to take methadone. This is what first prompted me to start tapering my dose and had planned to try and come off it within a year but I now know that that is totally unrealistic for me and at 43 I dont have a lot if any time left so am having to come to terms with the fact that I probably wont ever be a mother which is absolutely devastating to me. Can I just say that I am totally not judging any mother who has had a baby whilst taking opiates of any kind its just not for me personally if I can help it but I would welcome any comments from mothers who have been through this and could give me any advice or thoughts on the subject.
Anyway i just wanted to say that i spent all day today trying to find information on methadone withdrawal from people who have been through it and found there was woefully little to be found and this was the only place I have found so far so thank you so much to everyone who has shared their stories and journeys on this site, good and bad as I have found them so informative and helpful for the journey I have ahead of me, how ever long it may last. All of the stories of you who have come off it for good, however you have done it has given me great hope for my future and the possibility of a life without this horrible and restrictive drug which I didnt have until today so thank you so much. You have also made me realise how difficult it is going to be once I try and kick it for good but that is a good thing as I am now more mentally prepared for it than I was before, forewarned is forearmed as they say and I am somebody who likes to know what I have in store for me where opiate withdrawals are concerned. I have also picked up tips for medications that are helpful for me to try which I had never thought of so thanks so much for that too. Hearing how things are in the US rather than the UK has been enlightening too as there are quite a few differences that I would never have thought of, such as you having to pay for your methadone in the US ( if you dont work in the UK then you get it for free, and even if you work full time you only have to pay around $30 every 3 months). And having to get your methadone from special clinics ( in the UK we have to go to regular pharmacies).
Anyway, that's enough from me, I will finish with saying a special well done to all of you that have managed to become methadone free,you are all truly inspirational and must have a special inner strength that I can hopefully find when it is my turn to do my final withdrawal. And anyone who is still in a similar situation to me, you are all in my thoughts and I understand totally what you are going through. I would love to hear from anyone who wishes to write back, real support and understanding is very hard to come by in this life unfortunately ( well it is for me anyway) and I would love to hear from you. Love and peace to everyone [
I am a 43 year old woman who has been taking methadone since sometime in 2016 ( I cant remember exactly when as I used heroin on top of my methadone for around 5 years before getting clean of heroin around 4 months ago so my memories are a little hazy)
Obviously methadone wasnt the miracle drug that got me clean of heroin, I just ended up with two habits rather than one in the end, and wish I had never touched the stuff, in the first place. I felt like this as I have got clean from methadone a few times in the past cold Turkey, but only after using it for 4 months at the most, and the withdrawals were bad enoughand then so as soon as I got clean from heroin a few months ago i came to fully realise what i had done to myself in using methadone for 5 plus years and got massive anxiety everytime I thought about having to come off it at some point. when I finally came to get clean of heroin I was so concerned with how much methadone I was already taking that I decided to do It completely cold turkey which is what I now know I should have done in 2016 when I first was prescribed methadone as no matter how hard it is I know that it is nothing compared to long term methadone withdrawal.
As soon as I had come off the heroin I started tapering my dose by firstly 2ml weekly and then when that was too hard by 1ml weekly. I carried this on for around 2- 3 months but I found it so hard that I nearly went back to heroin and took a break for a bit about 2 months ago and it has taken me the whole 2 months for me to be stable on my current dose ( I managed to get myself down from 50ml to 32ml) and I have been pretty sick in the meantime and have been sleeping very little until this week, and I'm still waking up restless even now. What with getting clean from heroin and tapering my methadone I have basically been sick since May/June and the summer completely passed me by unfortunately, which is a real shame as I love summer ( I am pretty useless when I am sick and find it really hard getting off the couch let alone out of the house when I am like that) but it will all be worth it one day I keep telling myself, and I am so happy to not be using heroin anymore so at least I have made progress there too and will hopefully never go back to it as that is what got me in this mess in the first place.
Now I dont know what to do as tapering seems to be a lot harder for me than a lot of posts I have read on this site, or are people not mentioning how hard it has been for them? I am so keen to get off this poison ( I know some people might disagree with me but that is how I feel about methadone as i know taking it isn't good for my health and gets into my bones and it also stops me from doing so much in my life like travelling and working in certain jobs as I need to always be near my pick up venue) and want to do it asap but now know that it is going to take a lot longer than I had first anticipated and tapering is going to be a lot more uncomfortable than I first had imagined.
I am currently childless and would love to have a child but cant bear the idea of consciously putting my baby through withdrawals iby planning to have a baby if I am still having to take methadone. This is what first prompted me to start tapering my dose and had planned to try and come off it within a year but I now know that that is totally unrealistic for me and at 43 I dont have a lot if any time left so am having to come to terms with the fact that I probably wont ever be a mother which is absolutely devastating to me. Can I just say that I am totally not judging any mother who has had a baby whilst taking opiates of any kind its just not for me personally if I can help it but I would welcome any comments from mothers who have been through this and could give me any advice or thoughts on the subject.
Anyway i just wanted to say that i spent all day today trying to find information on methadone withdrawal from people who have been through it and found there was woefully little to be found and this was the only place I have found so far so thank you so much to everyone who has shared their stories and journeys on this site, good and bad as I have found them so informative and helpful for the journey I have ahead of me, how ever long it may last. All of the stories of you who have come off it for good, however you have done it has given me great hope for my future and the possibility of a life without this horrible and restrictive drug which I didnt have until today so thank you so much. You have also made me realise how difficult it is going to be once I try and kick it for good but that is a good thing as I am now more mentally prepared for it than I was before, forewarned is forearmed as they say and I am somebody who likes to know what I have in store for me where opiate withdrawals are concerned. I have also picked up tips for medications that are helpful for me to try which I had never thought of so thanks so much for that too. Hearing how things are in the US rather than the UK has been enlightening too as there are quite a few differences that I would never have thought of, such as you having to pay for your methadone in the US ( if you dont work in the UK then you get it for free, and even if you work full time you only have to pay around $30 every 3 months). And having to get your methadone from special clinics ( in the UK we have to go to regular pharmacies).
Anyway, that's enough from me, I will finish with saying a special well done to all of you that have managed to become methadone free,you are all truly inspirational and must have a special inner strength that I can hopefully find when it is my turn to do my final withdrawal. And anyone who is still in a similar situation to me, you are all in my thoughts and I understand totally what you are going through. I would love to hear from anyone who wishes to write back, real support and understanding is very hard to come by in this life unfortunately ( well it is for me anyway) and I would love to hear from you. Love and peace to everyone [
Hi English girl,
Way to go on 4 months free of heroin!!! Thats a really big deal. Im an ex heroin user too.
You can do this. I tapered down and jumped off and was okay in fact pretty darn good. I just moved slow. Now Im a real baby when it comes to feeling icky. I went to the doctor and was prescribed medication to help my symptoms while withdrawing. I also took benzodiazepines and had Xanax for the first few days. I also smoked marijuana. It helped me a lot.
Ive got years off of methadone and even more years for heroin. Ive tried getting off going cold turkey, medical detox using Suboxone, and going to meetings. I had success when I got in tune with my body. I used the above medications, the tools I learned from meetings going for over 20 years and the support of my family.
Success and good vibes your way. I know Im not conventional but it worked for me. Take one day at a time. Your goal reduce your methadone slowly, you dont have to suffer, and dont use heroin.
Some people go cold turkey and hopefully someone will pop on and tell you their story. I just never gave up. If I felt icky Id usually just smoke. Im an old hippie and have used drugs my whole life. If I can do this you can do it!!!
Take care and tell me how your doing. This is such a big deal and theres a lot of wisdom here.
Way to go on 4 months free of heroin!!! Thats a really big deal. Im an ex heroin user too.
You can do this. I tapered down and jumped off and was okay in fact pretty darn good. I just moved slow. Now Im a real baby when it comes to feeling icky. I went to the doctor and was prescribed medication to help my symptoms while withdrawing. I also took benzodiazepines and had Xanax for the first few days. I also smoked marijuana. It helped me a lot.
Ive got years off of methadone and even more years for heroin. Ive tried getting off going cold turkey, medical detox using Suboxone, and going to meetings. I had success when I got in tune with my body. I used the above medications, the tools I learned from meetings going for over 20 years and the support of my family.
Success and good vibes your way. I know Im not conventional but it worked for me. Take one day at a time. Your goal reduce your methadone slowly, you dont have to suffer, and dont use heroin.
Some people go cold turkey and hopefully someone will pop on and tell you their story. I just never gave up. If I felt icky Id usually just smoke. Im an old hippie and have used drugs my whole life. If I can do this you can do it!!!
Take care and tell me how your doing. This is such a big deal and theres a lot of wisdom here.
Hi there Over fifty,
Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice and share your experiences.
Also thank you do much for advising me what meds you used when you came off methadone. I have done lots of research as to what is recommended to try but as this advice is mostly given by people who might be medically trained in this field but have never actually had to use them themselves so it is really nice and enlightening to hear what someone who actually knows what they are talking about from personall experience as I always feel that that advice is far more precious and far more likely to be helpful to me personally. Especially as it is so hard getting good advice from those who have personally been there.
Thanks for the encouragement, I am still totally clean of heroin and have no desire at all to go back to it at all. If only I could have felt like this years ago, I wouldnt have ended up in this mess, but there is no point dwelling on what could have been, only best to look forward and change my future as I cant change my past.
It's so nice to meet a fellow hippy I also am a hippy at heart and was brought up by two hippy parents. I am also a long term user of cannabis and have never had any issues with my use of that, I feel it definitely helps me rather than hinders me and I am sure that will help me also when I finally come to coming off the methadone.
I know what you mean by getti ng in tune with your body, I really feel that has been what has helped me stay off the heroin this time as I had totally been out of tune with my body for years and not listening to what it was desperately trying to tell me. I've tried meditation and yoga again for the first time in years as I think that will help me get in tune properly again with my head and body and help me move forward with my life but I have had a bit of trouble relaxing enough to properly meditate which I am guessing is probably the effects of the drugs that I have polluted my body and mind and body with over the years, so I am going to have to just practise more and I am sure I will get there properly in time.
I will definitely continue to post on here with my progress as time goes on and would love to hear about your continued progress of life without opiates if you can, you truly are an inspiration and your story gives me hope that I will be where you are one day. As you said it's all about tapering properly and having patience to do it over the time that is good for me. I am having a bit of a break with my tapering right now as I have come down a lot this past six months but I will get back to it after Xmas.
I truly hope your health has improved this year and I am sending lots of good health vibes to you through the computer
Thanks again, Peace and love to you
Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me advice and share your experiences.
Also thank you do much for advising me what meds you used when you came off methadone. I have done lots of research as to what is recommended to try but as this advice is mostly given by people who might be medically trained in this field but have never actually had to use them themselves so it is really nice and enlightening to hear what someone who actually knows what they are talking about from personall experience as I always feel that that advice is far more precious and far more likely to be helpful to me personally. Especially as it is so hard getting good advice from those who have personally been there.
Thanks for the encouragement, I am still totally clean of heroin and have no desire at all to go back to it at all. If only I could have felt like this years ago, I wouldnt have ended up in this mess, but there is no point dwelling on what could have been, only best to look forward and change my future as I cant change my past.
It's so nice to meet a fellow hippy I also am a hippy at heart and was brought up by two hippy parents. I am also a long term user of cannabis and have never had any issues with my use of that, I feel it definitely helps me rather than hinders me and I am sure that will help me also when I finally come to coming off the methadone.
I know what you mean by getti ng in tune with your body, I really feel that has been what has helped me stay off the heroin this time as I had totally been out of tune with my body for years and not listening to what it was desperately trying to tell me. I've tried meditation and yoga again for the first time in years as I think that will help me get in tune properly again with my head and body and help me move forward with my life but I have had a bit of trouble relaxing enough to properly meditate which I am guessing is probably the effects of the drugs that I have polluted my body and mind and body with over the years, so I am going to have to just practise more and I am sure I will get there properly in time.
I will definitely continue to post on here with my progress as time goes on and would love to hear about your continued progress of life without opiates if you can, you truly are an inspiration and your story gives me hope that I will be where you are one day. As you said it's all about tapering properly and having patience to do it over the time that is good for me. I am having a bit of a break with my tapering right now as I have come down a lot this past six months but I will get back to it after Xmas.
I truly hope your health has improved this year and I am sending lots of good health vibes to you through the computer
Thanks again, Peace and love to you
Good morning English Girl,
Im up with the dogs. They wont let me sleep in lol. Im at my daughters house and these are her fur babies. Having a nice cup of coffee the blacker the better. My eyes are just waking up.
Your wise to take a break and even out. The holidays can be a hard time for people. For me I had to feel good before I tapered. For my highest I was at 80 ml then tapered down. I stayed at 30 for awhile.
Id enjoy the holidays and relax. Its good your doing yoga and meditation. I have a hand that wont straighten and it makes yoga difficult. But the meditation part I have the most success with. At one point I went to a counselor and did guided meditations. This helped me relax and be happier.
Ive had no cravings, no desires, and I dont Jones for it. Thats something to be thankful for. I just mentally said no more!! I was pretty adamant that I couldnt sustain this lifestyle forever. Theres to many variables that could happen. I had a clinic close on me. One day theres a note on on the door stating they will close in 30 days. There wasnt another clinic to go too. This was a forced detox. I always think this was at the back of my mind when I decided to get off of for good.
Do you have family that supports you? I basically live at my daughters. The added support is so helpful. Now Im not addicted and life is good. My mom is a snowbird and I only see her in the summer here. Winters are in Palm Springs. But I talk to her about everyday.
I want to get this posted before I erase it. Take care and keep moving forward English Girl. Im so proud of you. Have a beautiful day.peace and Love
Im up with the dogs. They wont let me sleep in lol. Im at my daughters house and these are her fur babies. Having a nice cup of coffee the blacker the better. My eyes are just waking up.
Your wise to take a break and even out. The holidays can be a hard time for people. For me I had to feel good before I tapered. For my highest I was at 80 ml then tapered down. I stayed at 30 for awhile.
Id enjoy the holidays and relax. Its good your doing yoga and meditation. I have a hand that wont straighten and it makes yoga difficult. But the meditation part I have the most success with. At one point I went to a counselor and did guided meditations. This helped me relax and be happier.
Ive had no cravings, no desires, and I dont Jones for it. Thats something to be thankful for. I just mentally said no more!! I was pretty adamant that I couldnt sustain this lifestyle forever. Theres to many variables that could happen. I had a clinic close on me. One day theres a note on on the door stating they will close in 30 days. There wasnt another clinic to go too. This was a forced detox. I always think this was at the back of my mind when I decided to get off of for good.
Do you have family that supports you? I basically live at my daughters. The added support is so helpful. Now Im not addicted and life is good. My mom is a snowbird and I only see her in the summer here. Winters are in Palm Springs. But I talk to her about everyday.
I want to get this posted before I erase it. Take care and keep moving forward English Girl. Im so proud of you. Have a beautiful day.peace and Love
Good morning,
Just a lazy Sunday. Wanted to say hi to everyone who reads this. Im still methadone free and dont miss it at all. In our city one of our pharmacies closed and without much warning. This was a chain so there were several of them. Well this has caused my prescriptions to be delayed by a week or two. I cant fathom being on methadone and enduring this. Although my heart meds are very important too. Lol
Im so grateful to not be on any medication that is for methadone withdrawal. I went to a new doctor and was asked a lot about drugs and alcohol history. I have enough time under my belt to really not think about the past. I also feel unless I come for drug and alcohol counseling its really none of their BUISNESS. The only reason is so they dont prescribe narcotics usually. Well they called me back and I never filled out the paperwork. Although this is my pcp I dont buy into the idea that you stay in a state of ready to relapse.
Im an odd sort but after much reflection Im in a good place. Have a great daypeace
Just a lazy Sunday. Wanted to say hi to everyone who reads this. Im still methadone free and dont miss it at all. In our city one of our pharmacies closed and without much warning. This was a chain so there were several of them. Well this has caused my prescriptions to be delayed by a week or two. I cant fathom being on methadone and enduring this. Although my heart meds are very important too. Lol
Im so grateful to not be on any medication that is for methadone withdrawal. I went to a new doctor and was asked a lot about drugs and alcohol history. I have enough time under my belt to really not think about the past. I also feel unless I come for drug and alcohol counseling its really none of their BUISNESS. The only reason is so they dont prescribe narcotics usually. Well they called me back and I never filled out the paperwork. Although this is my pcp I dont buy into the idea that you stay in a state of ready to relapse.
Im an odd sort but after much reflection Im in a good place. Have a great daypeace
Good Morning,
Shoot I erased some of my post. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have no plans. I made a scrumptious early thanksgiving for me and my daughters family. Tomorrow they all go to my daughters grandparents for dinner and bring me a plate home. Sometimes I feel left out on holidays but I stay with them and get to experience their growing up.,
With the pandemic things have changed. Im more secluded and do everything on line. I like doing things on line though. Especially since I dont drive. My outings consist of doctors appts and the occasional Costco visit. My daughter grocery shops for the family. She doesnt like doing it. Im exploring ordering groceries on line. Its the trend.
Ive decided to get a small dog. Ive contemplated it for awhile. So now Im looking for one. Im looking daily so Ill keep you posted. I have a cat named Bella but she wont come in the house because my daughter got a new dog. I so want a little dog 20 to 30 pounds. Female and an affordable rehoming fee. Is that asking too much? My daughter has a co worker whose dog is pregnant. Im looking into that. But Im not exclusively looking at puppies. Im looking at rescue dogs too. But rehoming fees are high.
Im still methadone free. Dont even think about it. Well unless Im blogging about it lol. I have a no tolerance attitude to drugs. Get off of them before you die. With fentanyl pills on the rise and it being combined with other medications its not a good time to be a junkie. Im a long time drug user which I never really thought of myself as. But I am. Ive done incredible damage to my body from drug use. Last year had open heart surgery. Now I move at a snails pace.
Ive ignored my diabetes for a year. Gotta get that under control. So I have some goals and rewards for that. But Im really a one day at a time person. Ive found for me this just makes sense.
Im not sure how I feel about thanksgiving though. Our Native Americans were harmed on this day. I wont cause drama just read up on it if your not familiar.
Im running out of things to post. Happy thanksgiving but Im not sure if this is appropriate to say. Will post soon. Peace love and hippie beads.
Shoot I erased some of my post. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have no plans. I made a scrumptious early thanksgiving for me and my daughters family. Tomorrow they all go to my daughters grandparents for dinner and bring me a plate home. Sometimes I feel left out on holidays but I stay with them and get to experience their growing up.,
With the pandemic things have changed. Im more secluded and do everything on line. I like doing things on line though. Especially since I dont drive. My outings consist of doctors appts and the occasional Costco visit. My daughter grocery shops for the family. She doesnt like doing it. Im exploring ordering groceries on line. Its the trend.
Ive decided to get a small dog. Ive contemplated it for awhile. So now Im looking for one. Im looking daily so Ill keep you posted. I have a cat named Bella but she wont come in the house because my daughter got a new dog. I so want a little dog 20 to 30 pounds. Female and an affordable rehoming fee. Is that asking too much? My daughter has a co worker whose dog is pregnant. Im looking into that. But Im not exclusively looking at puppies. Im looking at rescue dogs too. But rehoming fees are high.
Im still methadone free. Dont even think about it. Well unless Im blogging about it lol. I have a no tolerance attitude to drugs. Get off of them before you die. With fentanyl pills on the rise and it being combined with other medications its not a good time to be a junkie. Im a long time drug user which I never really thought of myself as. But I am. Ive done incredible damage to my body from drug use. Last year had open heart surgery. Now I move at a snails pace.
Ive ignored my diabetes for a year. Gotta get that under control. So I have some goals and rewards for that. But Im really a one day at a time person. Ive found for me this just makes sense.
Im not sure how I feel about thanksgiving though. Our Native Americans were harmed on this day. I wont cause drama just read up on it if your not familiar.
Im running out of things to post. Happy thanksgiving but Im not sure if this is appropriate to say. Will post soon. Peace love and hippie beads.
Happy Thanksgiving
Well I just woke up from a nap and the family will be home soon. What an easy day. Anyways gobble gobble
Well I just woke up from a nap and the family will be home soon. What an easy day. Anyways gobble gobble
Good early morning,
Its 4:03 am and my daughter is off to Las Vegas. She just left and I cant sleep. Its a mother thing I guess. Until she arrives there Ill be awake. Ive really been enjoying sleeping a full 8 hours though. Ive never been a sleeper so Im enjoying this.
Well the poor dogs. They think its almost time to be fed because Im up. They eat at 7. They have 2 labs and a Siberian Husky. The Husky is just a year old.
Watery coffee thats what my daughter made. This tastes like water with some coffee added. Im not sure if Ill make a new pot now or later when everyone wakes up. I really dont think Ill be able to sleep until she gets there. Well I made a new pot and it smells so good.
Ive been thinking more about my time on methadone. How I overcame my fearfulness and broke free. Quite amazing. Im also so grateful that fentanyl wasnt around yet. I know I would of wanted to try it. Sad but true. Thats what happened with heroin. Id always wanted to try it little did I know that it would be years before I would be off of the damn stuff. Thats whats so scary about opiates once your hooked your hooked. No one told me that little bit. Your sick when it wears off. You have to do more to stay well each day. Crazy that anyone would do that and yet I did.
I tried many times to stop including a hospital detox. That was horrible coming off heroin without Suboxone or methadone. Suboxone wasnt being prescribed to people yet. It was used in a hospital like setting only after studying it. I was the first patient in our area to go on Suboxone and I was involved in the study. It was a miracle a game changer . No hard detoxing ever again. Well I went back to heroin and it would be years before I got off the stuff for good.
The last time I did heroin I wasnt strung out. I hadnt been doing it for months and ran into a fellow junkie friend. He got me some heroin. I went home fixed it up put it into my muscle because I dont have any veins. Anyways I woke up the next morning my face was planted on the floor. I had vomited also and was almost in it. I believe if I had found a vein I would be dead. Was that fentanyl or just what happens when youve havent been doing it. Scary times.
I know its probably stupid but coming on here lately has really cheered me up. Its like Im having coffee and talking to friends. Id like to think someone is reading this too. Today is December 1st and Im going to be posting through the new year daily. I need this its for me.
Ive been toying with the idea of writing my story in a book. Its been a wild ride and Id like to share it. Well Im done writing.
Happy Holidays and enjoy your day.
Its 4:03 am and my daughter is off to Las Vegas. She just left and I cant sleep. Its a mother thing I guess. Until she arrives there Ill be awake. Ive really been enjoying sleeping a full 8 hours though. Ive never been a sleeper so Im enjoying this.
Well the poor dogs. They think its almost time to be fed because Im up. They eat at 7. They have 2 labs and a Siberian Husky. The Husky is just a year old.
Watery coffee thats what my daughter made. This tastes like water with some coffee added. Im not sure if Ill make a new pot now or later when everyone wakes up. I really dont think Ill be able to sleep until she gets there. Well I made a new pot and it smells so good.
Ive been thinking more about my time on methadone. How I overcame my fearfulness and broke free. Quite amazing. Im also so grateful that fentanyl wasnt around yet. I know I would of wanted to try it. Sad but true. Thats what happened with heroin. Id always wanted to try it little did I know that it would be years before I would be off of the damn stuff. Thats whats so scary about opiates once your hooked your hooked. No one told me that little bit. Your sick when it wears off. You have to do more to stay well each day. Crazy that anyone would do that and yet I did.
I tried many times to stop including a hospital detox. That was horrible coming off heroin without Suboxone or methadone. Suboxone wasnt being prescribed to people yet. It was used in a hospital like setting only after studying it. I was the first patient in our area to go on Suboxone and I was involved in the study. It was a miracle a game changer . No hard detoxing ever again. Well I went back to heroin and it would be years before I got off the stuff for good.
The last time I did heroin I wasnt strung out. I hadnt been doing it for months and ran into a fellow junkie friend. He got me some heroin. I went home fixed it up put it into my muscle because I dont have any veins. Anyways I woke up the next morning my face was planted on the floor. I had vomited also and was almost in it. I believe if I had found a vein I would be dead. Was that fentanyl or just what happens when youve havent been doing it. Scary times.
I know its probably stupid but coming on here lately has really cheered me up. Its like Im having coffee and talking to friends. Id like to think someone is reading this too. Today is December 1st and Im going to be posting through the new year daily. I need this its for me.
Ive been toying with the idea of writing my story in a book. Its been a wild ride and Id like to share it. Well Im done writing.
Happy Holidays and enjoy your day.
Good morning:)
Ive lost my zip this morning. Ive already had my coffee and am making chicken noodle soup. But darn it Im tired. Sometimes I think its my heart or diabetes making me so tired or the medication. Its amazing that I dont reach for a drug to pep me up. But nope Im okay.
Being okay and doing absolutely nothing. Thats what treatment taught me. Being okay being me without drugs. Ive come a long ways from that. Like Ive said before I dont think about methadone unless Im on here.
Well peace and Happy Holidays to all.
Ive lost my zip this morning. Ive already had my coffee and am making chicken noodle soup. But darn it Im tired. Sometimes I think its my heart or diabetes making me so tired or the medication. Its amazing that I dont reach for a drug to pep me up. But nope Im okay.
Being okay and doing absolutely nothing. Thats what treatment taught me. Being okay being me without drugs. Ive come a long ways from that. Like Ive said before I dont think about methadone unless Im on here.
Well peace and Happy Holidays to all.
Hey there overfifty,
I'm so pleased that you have been posting regularly, you can never be sure how many people out there are reading your posts as many read without posting a reply and your posts are always so positive and uplifting and I'm sure that I am not the only person that they are helping across the world.
I am so sorry that I havent posted for a bit but I did a really stupid thing and relapsed and started taki g heroin again. It was only for a few weeks as luckily I hated being back on it in the end and was determined to not go back to the life that I had tried so hard to get away from, but nevertheless it was a ridiculous thing to do. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason and at least It wasnt something that i got any enjoyment out of anymore and i realised that it was something that i definitely didnt want in my life anymore so hopefully i learnt a few lessons along the way.
I wanted to write on here a few weeks ago but I find it hard to do anything productive when I am using so just didnt have the mental capacity to. I wanted to at least write something today as I reduced by 1 ml yesterday so in a couple of days time i probably wont have the mental or physical capacity again for about a week or so and I didnt want you to think that I had stopped replying for any reason. I sometimes fi d it hard to be consistent in my life but I will always reply in the end.
How is your search for a dog going? I would love a dog too but I dont have the room unfortunately and I am not allowed pets even if I did, but I am on the list to be moved to a social housing property so hopefully one day i will gave the room and the permission to have a dog or a cat. I also would prefer a rescue animal if possible but sometimes their specifications are rather strict. I realise that they need tough rules and regulations but my best friend was turned down as she has 2 children under the age of 15 despite her having a dog already which she rescued herself when her neighbour abandoned him and she is a brilliant doggy mummy as well as human mummy.
Like you i have never tried fentanyl thankfully, it's not really available in the UK like the US. The only way to really get it here is if you have the knowledge and means of buying on the dark web and luckily I dont gave either because of I did I'm sure I would have tried it by now too as the strength of heroin here has gone down and down in the past 10 years and is now barely worth doing so fentanyl sounds like an opoid addicts dream despite being the complete opposite once you are hooked on it I'm sure and the likelihood of overdosing and losing your life goes up and up everytime you use it. I read about how many people are dying in the US of fentanyl overdose, all the time and have watched several documentaries about it, especially because it is being sold as heroin and it makes me so sad, so many lives lost because some money grabbing bastards dont care about how many lives are lost as long as they get their filthy lucre. The opoid epidemic is bad enough without some arseholes bringing fentanyl into the mix.
But on a positive note I am looking forward to Xmas this year as it is the first time I will be heroin free since 2010, and before that I hadnt been clean since Xmas 2007, so it will be a pretty special time for me, I just need to stay on the right path and not make anymore stupid mistakes to be able to make it happen for me.
I hope your daughter enjoyed Las Vegas, I would love to visit there as well as many places in the US but unfortunately because I have drugs charges on my record your immigration office have never allowed me into the country despite trying several times. I will continue trying though when I gave the money and hopefully one day I will be successful. At least I am in good company though, they didnt let Amy Winehouse in either when she was alive so i try not to take it personally!
Anyway I hope you are enjoying December so far and are looking forward to Xmas but I do know that Xmas isn't an easy time for everyone so I hope you are doing well if you are one of those that suffer rather than enjoy that time of year. I am one who enjoys New Year more as I feel that it is a chance to start again if the year hasn't been particularly good or productive and you never know what the New Year will bring which is one of the joy's of life I think, the not knowing.
Sending you lots of love peace and big hugs
I'm so pleased that you have been posting regularly, you can never be sure how many people out there are reading your posts as many read without posting a reply and your posts are always so positive and uplifting and I'm sure that I am not the only person that they are helping across the world.
I am so sorry that I havent posted for a bit but I did a really stupid thing and relapsed and started taki g heroin again. It was only for a few weeks as luckily I hated being back on it in the end and was determined to not go back to the life that I had tried so hard to get away from, but nevertheless it was a ridiculous thing to do. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason and at least It wasnt something that i got any enjoyment out of anymore and i realised that it was something that i definitely didnt want in my life anymore so hopefully i learnt a few lessons along the way.
I wanted to write on here a few weeks ago but I find it hard to do anything productive when I am using so just didnt have the mental capacity to. I wanted to at least write something today as I reduced by 1 ml yesterday so in a couple of days time i probably wont have the mental or physical capacity again for about a week or so and I didnt want you to think that I had stopped replying for any reason. I sometimes fi d it hard to be consistent in my life but I will always reply in the end.
How is your search for a dog going? I would love a dog too but I dont have the room unfortunately and I am not allowed pets even if I did, but I am on the list to be moved to a social housing property so hopefully one day i will gave the room and the permission to have a dog or a cat. I also would prefer a rescue animal if possible but sometimes their specifications are rather strict. I realise that they need tough rules and regulations but my best friend was turned down as she has 2 children under the age of 15 despite her having a dog already which she rescued herself when her neighbour abandoned him and she is a brilliant doggy mummy as well as human mummy.
Like you i have never tried fentanyl thankfully, it's not really available in the UK like the US. The only way to really get it here is if you have the knowledge and means of buying on the dark web and luckily I dont gave either because of I did I'm sure I would have tried it by now too as the strength of heroin here has gone down and down in the past 10 years and is now barely worth doing so fentanyl sounds like an opoid addicts dream despite being the complete opposite once you are hooked on it I'm sure and the likelihood of overdosing and losing your life goes up and up everytime you use it. I read about how many people are dying in the US of fentanyl overdose, all the time and have watched several documentaries about it, especially because it is being sold as heroin and it makes me so sad, so many lives lost because some money grabbing bastards dont care about how many lives are lost as long as they get their filthy lucre. The opoid epidemic is bad enough without some arseholes bringing fentanyl into the mix.
But on a positive note I am looking forward to Xmas this year as it is the first time I will be heroin free since 2010, and before that I hadnt been clean since Xmas 2007, so it will be a pretty special time for me, I just need to stay on the right path and not make anymore stupid mistakes to be able to make it happen for me.
I hope your daughter enjoyed Las Vegas, I would love to visit there as well as many places in the US but unfortunately because I have drugs charges on my record your immigration office have never allowed me into the country despite trying several times. I will continue trying though when I gave the money and hopefully one day I will be successful. At least I am in good company though, they didnt let Amy Winehouse in either when she was alive so i try not to take it personally!
Anyway I hope you are enjoying December so far and are looking forward to Xmas but I do know that Xmas isn't an easy time for everyone so I hope you are doing well if you are one of those that suffer rather than enjoy that time of year. I am one who enjoys New Year more as I feel that it is a chance to start again if the year hasn't been particularly good or productive and you never know what the New Year will bring which is one of the joy's of life I think, the not knowing.
Sending you lots of love peace and big hugs
Oh yes and I cant believe that I totally forgot to say that I found out a few weeks ago that I am going to become an auntie to a little boy in May 2022!! I think I mentioned before that I have no children despite being 43 because I wasted so many years being an addict, and my 2 brothers also had no children despite being 42 and 36. But the 36 year olds girlfriend is now around 17 weeks pregnant so now my wonderful mother is going to finally have the opportunity to be a grandmother and me an auntie for the first time which we are both very excited about. Unfortunately my brother has settled in Australia so we wont have much opportunity to spend any time with all of them but we are all excited nonetheless. Despite me being more spiritual rather than religious I have to say thank God for Facetime and Zoom, and God bless the advent of technology!
Hi Englishgirl,
Im so glad to hear from you. I understand having a hard time posting when life is chaotic. Glad your doing okay. Your heroin run was short and you got off it. Heroin for me was so tempting I went on methadone at a clinic. I wouldnt of been able to stop without going to the clinic. Heroin is a devil drug it hooks you then your doing the daily hustle. Terrible stuff
Well I havent found a dog yet. A co worker of my daughters dog just had 3 puppies. Im hoping to get one. Im keeping my fingers crossed. Im also looking at rescues.
Speaking of fentanyl heres how it goes. Unbeknownst to anyone a dealer gets his heroin and divides into tenths or what not. He then sells the tainted batch to his regulars who dont question the strength. Except to say is it good which they reply yes. Then the junkies fix it up not realizing theres fentanyl in it. Then they start overdosing and dying. Russian Roulette its like. The sad thing if I was still a junkie Id take the chance. They also put the fentanyl in pills that are fake but look like theyre real. I used to love pills and bought them from random people on the street. Im very grateful I didnt experience overdosing.
My daughter is still in Vegas. She comes home tomorrow. No big wins yet but theres still time lol As far as traveling goes for me I cant leave the US. I also have drug charges.
Im looking forward to Christmas too. It sounds like you need some celebrating for not using. Woo Hoo !! Thats so awesome. Celebrate the positive because your a rock star.
Im getting brain fog which apparently happens after OHS. Have a great night.
Peace, Love and Hippie Beads.
Im so glad to hear from you. I understand having a hard time posting when life is chaotic. Glad your doing okay. Your heroin run was short and you got off it. Heroin for me was so tempting I went on methadone at a clinic. I wouldnt of been able to stop without going to the clinic. Heroin is a devil drug it hooks you then your doing the daily hustle. Terrible stuff
Well I havent found a dog yet. A co worker of my daughters dog just had 3 puppies. Im hoping to get one. Im keeping my fingers crossed. Im also looking at rescues.
Speaking of fentanyl heres how it goes. Unbeknownst to anyone a dealer gets his heroin and divides into tenths or what not. He then sells the tainted batch to his regulars who dont question the strength. Except to say is it good which they reply yes. Then the junkies fix it up not realizing theres fentanyl in it. Then they start overdosing and dying. Russian Roulette its like. The sad thing if I was still a junkie Id take the chance. They also put the fentanyl in pills that are fake but look like theyre real. I used to love pills and bought them from random people on the street. Im very grateful I didnt experience overdosing.
My daughter is still in Vegas. She comes home tomorrow. No big wins yet but theres still time lol As far as traveling goes for me I cant leave the US. I also have drug charges.
Im looking forward to Christmas too. It sounds like you need some celebrating for not using. Woo Hoo !! Thats so awesome. Celebrate the positive because your a rock star.
Im getting brain fog which apparently happens after OHS. Have a great night.
Peace, Love and Hippie Beads.
Good morning
Im doing good a little sleepy still. Didnt drink enough coffee but thats okay. I wont get the coffee gut later.
The days are flying by and Christmas is almost here. Will be happy when the elf on the shelf goes home. Lol. Its a lot of work now days. We just put up a Christmas tree and a wreath on the door. Had special pajamas in the olden days. But now theres so much in the way of decorations its mind boggling to me.
Im so glad Im not on methadone with all the pharmacy problems. They reduced their hours and close for a lunch break. They open at 9 and close at 7. Its chaotic. One time they couldnt fill my prescription for 9 days. Our Bi Mart closed all their pharmacies too. I have important medications but methadone is so regulated you cant fill it until the day of. No room for error. Which makes me uneasy. I like to have a couple days room to wiggle.
The girls were invited to a sleepover at The Great Wolf Lodge. Staying in a hotel and swimming all day. They did have a cheer competition but it got cancelled. Im happy they get to do something.
Will pop on later.
Peace, love and hippie beads
Im doing good a little sleepy still. Didnt drink enough coffee but thats okay. I wont get the coffee gut later.
The days are flying by and Christmas is almost here. Will be happy when the elf on the shelf goes home. Lol. Its a lot of work now days. We just put up a Christmas tree and a wreath on the door. Had special pajamas in the olden days. But now theres so much in the way of decorations its mind boggling to me.
Im so glad Im not on methadone with all the pharmacy problems. They reduced their hours and close for a lunch break. They open at 9 and close at 7. Its chaotic. One time they couldnt fill my prescription for 9 days. Our Bi Mart closed all their pharmacies too. I have important medications but methadone is so regulated you cant fill it until the day of. No room for error. Which makes me uneasy. I like to have a couple days room to wiggle.
The girls were invited to a sleepover at The Great Wolf Lodge. Staying in a hotel and swimming all day. They did have a cheer competition but it got cancelled. Im happy they get to do something.
Will pop on later.
Peace, love and hippie beads
Hi,
Well went to the pharmacy and a note on the door said closed for the weekend. Mind you this is a Walgreens. Im so irritated with myself because I waited for the last moment. Im on blood thinners and Im out. Theres nothing I can do about it it is what it is. If this happened while on methadone I would be so scared to feel sick. Hate dope sickness. Glad Im over that hurdle.
Everyones scrambling around getting the girls ready for a party. They just got back like 15 minutes ago from Wolf Creek Lodge. They are almost out the door. Limo ride, decorating cookies and a gingerbread house competition. It sounds like a fun time.
Ive been thinking crafts are something I should start doing. The kids would love that. I also want to make beaded bracelets. All different kinds of beads. I spend too much time on the iPad. I need to find something to do with my hands. I cant knit or crochet. Ive tried crocheting even took a beginners class but still cant do it. Anyways I do love to draw. No Im not good but I like what I draw.
Wanted to pop on here and post a lil bit..Peace.Love and Hippie beads.
Well went to the pharmacy and a note on the door said closed for the weekend. Mind you this is a Walgreens. Im so irritated with myself because I waited for the last moment. Im on blood thinners and Im out. Theres nothing I can do about it it is what it is. If this happened while on methadone I would be so scared to feel sick. Hate dope sickness. Glad Im over that hurdle.
Everyones scrambling around getting the girls ready for a party. They just got back like 15 minutes ago from Wolf Creek Lodge. They are almost out the door. Limo ride, decorating cookies and a gingerbread house competition. It sounds like a fun time.
Ive been thinking crafts are something I should start doing. The kids would love that. I also want to make beaded bracelets. All different kinds of beads. I spend too much time on the iPad. I need to find something to do with my hands. I cant knit or crochet. Ive tried crocheting even took a beginners class but still cant do it. Anyways I do love to draw. No Im not good but I like what I draw.
Wanted to pop on here and post a lil bit..Peace.Love and Hippie beads.
Good morning:)
Feeling kinda lonely and bored. Woe is me. Everyone is gone and Im here with the dogs. Thats why I spend so much time at my daughters. To be with the dogs. The Husky is barely a year old. Still a puppy but a big one lol . I still have my cat but she hides under the bed because of the Husky. Shes very happy and warm.
It might snow on Christmas here. We might get a dusting in the next couple days too. Im enjoying the winter though. I like the cold crisp air when its not raining. Our water is cold and delicious. Im a water nut. I think about water and the shrinking rivers and lakes disappearing. How are animals coping. Anyways some food for thought.
Theres Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
HALT . Well Im everything except Angry. Im gonna briefly get a bowl of keto granola which is all nuts. Alright now Im better. When you get any of these feelings theres reason to pause. People use over these feelings. If you recognize the symptoms you can help yourself..
Well my son in law came home so Im not lonely. So I ate, got company and not so tired. Im batting 1000. Unconsciously I do this all the time. Ill take a nap later.
Well Im gonna go.peacelove and Hippie beads.
Feeling kinda lonely and bored. Woe is me. Everyone is gone and Im here with the dogs. Thats why I spend so much time at my daughters. To be with the dogs. The Husky is barely a year old. Still a puppy but a big one lol . I still have my cat but she hides under the bed because of the Husky. Shes very happy and warm.
It might snow on Christmas here. We might get a dusting in the next couple days too. Im enjoying the winter though. I like the cold crisp air when its not raining. Our water is cold and delicious. Im a water nut. I think about water and the shrinking rivers and lakes disappearing. How are animals coping. Anyways some food for thought.
Theres Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
HALT . Well Im everything except Angry. Im gonna briefly get a bowl of keto granola which is all nuts. Alright now Im better. When you get any of these feelings theres reason to pause. People use over these feelings. If you recognize the symptoms you can help yourself..
Well my son in law came home so Im not lonely. So I ate, got company and not so tired. Im batting 1000. Unconsciously I do this all the time. Ill take a nap later.
Well Im gonna go.peacelove and Hippie beads.
Good morning:)
I cant sleep and so I got up. I was thinking that in the whole world not one person needs help with methadone withdrawals. Why because of Suboxone I believe. You can get a months worth through your doctor. Its less restrictive than methadone. But I like methadone better and at the end I was getting 30 days of methadone from my doctor. Because methadone was in pill form I was able to taper completely.
Ive never truly trusted any methadone clinic. My first clinic shut the doors after a 30 day notice. That still rubs me the wrong way. Went back to heroin. Then the state quit our healthcare. I was without a way to pay for it for a couple years. I was a new to the scene in the heroin world. Not savvy in methadone. My main concern was staying well. Be it heroin, methadone or pills. Im so grateful I dont use anymore.
When I share my story it becomes clear I really wanted off opiates. I fought for myself. One day at a time. Now Im methadone free and its all behind me.
The new Husky Toby had a new Christmas ornament that he was chewing on. I got it away from him. Lol. An hour has passed since then. Still awake.
Im going to the pharmacy tomorrow morning. The weather was awful and I should of went Monday but darn didnt make it. Its 35 outside right now snow mixed with rain. Im gonna try getting some sleep.
Good night.peace..love.and Hippie beads.
I cant sleep and so I got up. I was thinking that in the whole world not one person needs help with methadone withdrawals. Why because of Suboxone I believe. You can get a months worth through your doctor. Its less restrictive than methadone. But I like methadone better and at the end I was getting 30 days of methadone from my doctor. Because methadone was in pill form I was able to taper completely.
Ive never truly trusted any methadone clinic. My first clinic shut the doors after a 30 day notice. That still rubs me the wrong way. Went back to heroin. Then the state quit our healthcare. I was without a way to pay for it for a couple years. I was a new to the scene in the heroin world. Not savvy in methadone. My main concern was staying well. Be it heroin, methadone or pills. Im so grateful I dont use anymore.
When I share my story it becomes clear I really wanted off opiates. I fought for myself. One day at a time. Now Im methadone free and its all behind me.
The new Husky Toby had a new Christmas ornament that he was chewing on. I got it away from him. Lol. An hour has passed since then. Still awake.
Im going to the pharmacy tomorrow morning. The weather was awful and I should of went Monday but darn didnt make it. Its 35 outside right now snow mixed with rain. Im gonna try getting some sleep.
Good night.peace..love.and Hippie beads.
Well now Ive heard of everything. The DEA is taking licenses away from pharmacist who dispense addiction meds. Methadone and Suboxone specifically. Yeah now pharmacist can get in trouble for what a doctor prescribes.
Since Ive benefited from both drugs Im appalled that this could happen. Maybe not dispensing these will result in Suboxone clinics.
I really benefited from getting my methadone in pill form. Instead of liquid. You can taper easier IMO. Well enough about that.
Making chicken stew and getting ready for the girls.
PeaceLove and Hippie Beads.
Since Ive benefited from both drugs Im appalled that this could happen. Maybe not dispensing these will result in Suboxone clinics.
I really benefited from getting my methadone in pill form. Instead of liquid. You can taper easier IMO. Well enough about that.
Making chicken stew and getting ready for the girls.
PeaceLove and Hippie Beads.
Good morning:)
My daughter is in Seattle and will return tonight. Im up early to help the girls ready for school. Today is the last day before Christmas vacation. Yesterday I was suppose to get my prescriptions. My granddaughter had a sore throat so she stayed home..I couldnt make it to the pharmacy because of that. It got me thinking about what if I couldnt physically go in to get my methadone. I would be kicked off of the program. The clinics that I went to still treated us like junkies. Lots of safety precautions in and around the clinic.
Oh I had to put the Husky in his kennel this morning. Very rambunctious at five in the morning. What a learning curve getting a Siberian Husky at 9 months. My daughter doesnt like the dogs shedding. Siberian Huskys coats shed and they blow their coat. It reminds me of shearing sheep.
Im still looking for a little dog to rescue. Not a chihuahua or that little but small. My daughter has three dogs including the Husky. The other two are old labs. The Husky was yipping wanting out so I fed them Early. Sometimes you have to deviate from your plans to accommodate the situation.
My daughter told my granddaughters I use to fly a sign for money. In my head as long as I wasnt stealing for it flying a sign wasnt bad. Well my values were definitely screwed up. When I left my husband I had to hustle for heroin everyday on my own. I live in a college town. Right smack in the middle of campus housing. So I use to get up early and walk the neighborhoods an find cans. I was a sign flying dumpster diver. But I wasnt doing crime to get my dope. Id find between 20 and 50 dollars a day in cans. I thought I was living large. I was living in my own world and doing everything high. Oh yeah thats real cool..not.
But regardless even in lucrative money for free. I wanted off of heroin. Thank goodness for methadone. Id went cold turkey many times but always went back to heroin because I was so tired no energy. Ill finish my story next post. Everyone is getting up.
PeaceLove and Hippie beads.
My daughter is in Seattle and will return tonight. Im up early to help the girls ready for school. Today is the last day before Christmas vacation. Yesterday I was suppose to get my prescriptions. My granddaughter had a sore throat so she stayed home..I couldnt make it to the pharmacy because of that. It got me thinking about what if I couldnt physically go in to get my methadone. I would be kicked off of the program. The clinics that I went to still treated us like junkies. Lots of safety precautions in and around the clinic.
Oh I had to put the Husky in his kennel this morning. Very rambunctious at five in the morning. What a learning curve getting a Siberian Husky at 9 months. My daughter doesnt like the dogs shedding. Siberian Huskys coats shed and they blow their coat. It reminds me of shearing sheep.
Im still looking for a little dog to rescue. Not a chihuahua or that little but small. My daughter has three dogs including the Husky. The other two are old labs. The Husky was yipping wanting out so I fed them Early. Sometimes you have to deviate from your plans to accommodate the situation.
My daughter told my granddaughters I use to fly a sign for money. In my head as long as I wasnt stealing for it flying a sign wasnt bad. Well my values were definitely screwed up. When I left my husband I had to hustle for heroin everyday on my own. I live in a college town. Right smack in the middle of campus housing. So I use to get up early and walk the neighborhoods an find cans. I was a sign flying dumpster diver. But I wasnt doing crime to get my dope. Id find between 20 and 50 dollars a day in cans. I thought I was living large. I was living in my own world and doing everything high. Oh yeah thats real cool..not.
But regardless even in lucrative money for free. I wanted off of heroin. Thank goodness for methadone. Id went cold turkey many times but always went back to heroin because I was so tired no energy. Ill finish my story next post. Everyone is getting up.
PeaceLove and Hippie beads.
I tried going cold turkey several times in a hospital setting and I always went back to heroin. I was so exhausted from not using that I would go back to it. I think a lot of people struggled with it. This was before Suboxone and when I say it was hard man it was. I imagine that Suboxone has made cold turkey a lot easier. Well it did for me. But Suboxone didnt give me energy and I felt depressed on it. It wasnt a fit.
Im a rule follower so going to the methadone clinic wasnt a big deal. I was so grateful that methadone worked. I went to the clinic for 8 months and decided I wanted off of it. They or rather the doctor decides if you get to go down on your dose. I went down a milligram a day for 80 days which my dose was 80ml. What a stroke of luck that I took this route. Because I tapered off of methadone I couldnt go back unless I used. I wasnt prepared to use. I went about 40ish days and really felt like hell. I went to my doctor and she prescribed me methadone for pain. 30 ml. and as soon as I took it I felt great. I decided that what I needed was to taper slowly. Real slow because I didnt know how long it would take. I took 3 years to taper off of 30 ml. When I jumped off I just moved slow but that was it. I would like to say that I didnt tell the doctor I was tapering. I wanted to keep my pills and not have her reduce them.
After about 20 years of trying different regiments I did my own thing and succeeded. I focused on my mental health and saw a therapist. Although I dont see one now I use to. Im on medicine for my mental health and it really helps with depression.
Man Im rambling on. Ill be back later .Happy Holidays
Im a rule follower so going to the methadone clinic wasnt a big deal. I was so grateful that methadone worked. I went to the clinic for 8 months and decided I wanted off of it. They or rather the doctor decides if you get to go down on your dose. I went down a milligram a day for 80 days which my dose was 80ml. What a stroke of luck that I took this route. Because I tapered off of methadone I couldnt go back unless I used. I wasnt prepared to use. I went about 40ish days and really felt like hell. I went to my doctor and she prescribed me methadone for pain. 30 ml. and as soon as I took it I felt great. I decided that what I needed was to taper slowly. Real slow because I didnt know how long it would take. I took 3 years to taper off of 30 ml. When I jumped off I just moved slow but that was it. I would like to say that I didnt tell the doctor I was tapering. I wanted to keep my pills and not have her reduce them.
After about 20 years of trying different regiments I did my own thing and succeeded. I focused on my mental health and saw a therapist. Although I dont see one now I use to. Im on medicine for my mental health and it really helps with depression.
Man Im rambling on. Ill be back later .Happy Holidays
