To start Bryn is the only one here that i've shared with what's going on. It's a huge thing that I know everyone will have strong judgements about. I'm having such a hard time. I'm prepared to let the judgement fly in order to maybe get some solid advice.
It's long and complex, i'll try to get just the facts out. I've been with my fiance 3 years. He's a honest non drinking, non drug user. Same job 9 years pays the bills on time. Professional person much respected. No criminal history from a strong unbroken family.
My daughter is going to be 10 in lil over a week. She is Bi-polar, ADHD, Oppositional defiant disorder. She's on 3 meds has had 5-6 stays in the mental hospital. Me her mother was a addict most of her life. I was a crap parent. I lost coustody of her for over 2 years. She has only been home with me for 9 months.
She has said my fiance has touched her sexually. He is removed from the home " HIS HOME". He is not arrested or charged the police and childrens services are looking into it. I don't belive her. I know this could stir up emotions. I in my heart feel she is lying. She is a known lier. She has deep issues. Kid was 1st in a hospital at 4.5 years old.
My world has fell apart. I'm now alone with 3 kids own nothing in the house and have no car. I've had to quit work. I tried to score I spent 3 days in a nut hospital myself over this.
I KNOW THESE THINGS HAPPEN!. I'm scared to death if it did i wanna run with her to be sure he never is near her again. I'M totally torn I feel real strongly she lied!. I love him i trust him he is my protector. I don't think i can get past this. It's so horrid that she would lie so horrid if he was touching her. Either way I don't want to face this. It's to much for me. The urge to run off is darn STRONG. I hate this so much my heart is totally broken. I think my family is forever torn IF HE DID OR DID NOT and i have a BABY to now raise alone. I told him if he did this he don't have to worry about me meeting another man i'll never trust anyone ever again.
The hospital wanted me to go on ZYPREXA i refused it. I don't know what to do i know this is too big for me to deal with.
Wow honey, breathe! You do have so much on your plate, now I understand what prompted you to want to use. I wish there were some words I could give to you to help you with this. I am bipolar too and it's so sad to see such a little one in the same condition. She may very well be lying as we bi-p's are prone to drama. I take it that there is no evidence of trauma? She has been checked out right?
To be honest when my stepdaughter was little my husband and his family were investigated, I tend to believe that it was one of the members of her mother's family as her mother was molested and actually had the child of her brother-in-law when she was 15. Now she was little, about 3 I think, my step I mean. To this day my husband carries anger that he would even be investigated in this.
Trust your instincts on this. Are you in counseling, and your daughter? I am really pushing it, bc it has been a lifesaver for me.
No judgement here, this stuff happens, unfortunately. It could be that bc of your daughter's age she is very jealous of your relationship and has found a way to split you up, children can be very manipulative. I would think that with her history there would have been a huge investigation into this.
Best wishes honey and like I said, breathe!
oh and as for the medication, sometimes we need something to help us cope, no shame there. It may make you more able to handle this situtation and respond more appropriately, might keep you from using again, you came close once...
To be honest when my stepdaughter was little my husband and his family were investigated, I tend to believe that it was one of the members of her mother's family as her mother was molested and actually had the child of her brother-in-law when she was 15. Now she was little, about 3 I think, my step I mean. To this day my husband carries anger that he would even be investigated in this.
Trust your instincts on this. Are you in counseling, and your daughter? I am really pushing it, bc it has been a lifesaver for me.
No judgement here, this stuff happens, unfortunately. It could be that bc of your daughter's age she is very jealous of your relationship and has found a way to split you up, children can be very manipulative. I would think that with her history there would have been a huge investigation into this.
Best wishes honey and like I said, breathe!
oh and as for the medication, sometimes we need something to help us cope, no shame there. It may make you more able to handle this situtation and respond more appropriately, might keep you from using again, you came close once...
My heart is breaking for you. I just wanted to say a prayer and bring some light and love your way.
You must always always.....err...on the side of caution. You must protect your child first. If she is lying you will get to the bottom of it and you and your fiance can get help for your daughter and put your lives back together. So tell him that you must first and foremost protect your kids. There are ways to get to truth of things. Leave it in the hands of professionals.
This will pass and it will work out the way it should. Child molesters aren't hideous nasty dirty old men lurking behind tree's. They come in all shapes, sizes and are from all walks of life. Most often they appear just as you described your fiance to be. I am not saying that he did do it....only that the sterotype for child molesters in wrong. Most have no idea what is lurking right in there own back yard. Trained professional will help you and your family get to the truth. I know it's hard but please have faith in them.....it will take some of the burden and guilt off of yourself. Give yourself a break honey.
Please do not use. This will only worsen the situation but you know this already. Be strong.....for your kids. Get to the heart of the issues. If she is lying...he will hopefully understand that she needs help and will stick by you. If she isn't lying....then you have protected the most precious thing in life.
I hope this matter gets resolved soon.
Although I have never posted to you...this touches so many people....especially women....do you know that 7 out of 10 women were molested as children by someone they loved and trusted. I just wanted to send some good vibes your way. You are being tested......life is testing you. You will be okay and work through it...you have NO choice. Stay strong.....and good luck with everything.
Sending prayers.
Hugs....kee kee
You must always always.....err...on the side of caution. You must protect your child first. If she is lying you will get to the bottom of it and you and your fiance can get help for your daughter and put your lives back together. So tell him that you must first and foremost protect your kids. There are ways to get to truth of things. Leave it in the hands of professionals.
This will pass and it will work out the way it should. Child molesters aren't hideous nasty dirty old men lurking behind tree's. They come in all shapes, sizes and are from all walks of life. Most often they appear just as you described your fiance to be. I am not saying that he did do it....only that the sterotype for child molesters in wrong. Most have no idea what is lurking right in there own back yard. Trained professional will help you and your family get to the truth. I know it's hard but please have faith in them.....it will take some of the burden and guilt off of yourself. Give yourself a break honey.
Please do not use. This will only worsen the situation but you know this already. Be strong.....for your kids. Get to the heart of the issues. If she is lying...he will hopefully understand that she needs help and will stick by you. If she isn't lying....then you have protected the most precious thing in life.
I hope this matter gets resolved soon.
Although I have never posted to you...this touches so many people....especially women....do you know that 7 out of 10 women were molested as children by someone they loved and trusted. I just wanted to send some good vibes your way. You are being tested......life is testing you. You will be okay and work through it...you have NO choice. Stay strong.....and good luck with everything.
Sending prayers.
Hugs....kee kee
Kee Kee >
"you must always .....err...on the side of caution. You must protect your child first. If she is lying you will get to the bottom of it "[/i]
*******************
Zgirl*
Very tough situation I tend to side with Kee Kee,s post- Lots of issues going on here. Getting high solves none of them. In fact in will put another hurdle in the mix.
Wishing you guidance & peace
jack
"you must always .....err...on the side of caution. You must protect your child first. If she is lying you will get to the bottom of it "[/i]
*******************
Zgirl*
Very tough situation I tend to side with Kee Kee,s post- Lots of issues going on here. Getting high solves none of them. In fact in will put another hurdle in the mix.
Wishing you guidance & peace
jack
Hey ZG, sorry to hear about what you are going through. If it was me, even though i thought my daughter was lying i'd still put her first. You never know. Sit your man down and explain that you don't believe your daughter, but you need to put her first, he should understand. Like someone said in reply to your post, it could all be jealousy and attention seeking behavour. Don't know alot abput bi polar, but that must have something to do with it if she is lying. Keep the faith ZG, please don't use you will only make things a whole lot better. Things will work out, you've worked too hard up until now for them not to!! All the best, Kev
Thanks everyone for the reply's. I am just totally confused. As it stands he is not allowed contact with ANY of the children "his baby included". Childrens services and the police are involved. It's not my choice they have said untill he is cleared or charged he is to not see ANY of the kids. It's been over 2 weeks he has not saw his own son.
He and I are allowed to see eachother long as the kids are not there. It's so hard I don't know what to think. He has been wonderful he has said he understands. He is saying NOTHING EVER happend. He is not mad at my daughter he is sure it's a attention thing. She is VERY demanding of me. She hates to listen she and him do butt heads. Acually he hates to watch her or be around her shes a BRAT. I find it all so much harder to belive he never wants to watch her he ALWAYS tries to get me to take her to my moms when i work weekends so he don't have to watch her.
By all means her happiness means more to me then his but, i can't find it in me to cut a innocent man out my life "if he did nothing wrong". I don't see my daughter allowing me to be with him or anyone else anyway. She has a case manager has had someone talk to her once a week at school lil over 2 years now. She has very good thearpy and meds they don't do squat for her. If he and I had no child together i'ld cut my losses just errr or the side of caution i'ld just get out. It's just not a option to do that. He is my sons father no matter what he may have done. I have many years I will have to deal with his family "guilty or innocent".
I know good men "men like him" still abuse kids crap everyone knows Priest have done it!. I know very well it's not the dirty stranger on the block it's usually uncle Bob. I know i'm not exempt. I was abused by a cousion when I was 7 "i never told" he was 15. Yes i'm fully aware it COULD have happend. It kills me. I'm so mad about everything. I just hope someone gets it figured out. Even if he's charged in one way or another I have to be in his life because of the baby we share. If he's not GUILTY we have to live with both our families knowing he was accused. He will lose his job if they get word just that he was accused. He will be fired even if he did nothing. It's a real bad situation for everyone.
He and I are allowed to see eachother long as the kids are not there. It's so hard I don't know what to think. He has been wonderful he has said he understands. He is saying NOTHING EVER happend. He is not mad at my daughter he is sure it's a attention thing. She is VERY demanding of me. She hates to listen she and him do butt heads. Acually he hates to watch her or be around her shes a BRAT. I find it all so much harder to belive he never wants to watch her he ALWAYS tries to get me to take her to my moms when i work weekends so he don't have to watch her.
By all means her happiness means more to me then his but, i can't find it in me to cut a innocent man out my life "if he did nothing wrong". I don't see my daughter allowing me to be with him or anyone else anyway. She has a case manager has had someone talk to her once a week at school lil over 2 years now. She has very good thearpy and meds they don't do squat for her. If he and I had no child together i'ld cut my losses just errr or the side of caution i'ld just get out. It's just not a option to do that. He is my sons father no matter what he may have done. I have many years I will have to deal with his family "guilty or innocent".
I know good men "men like him" still abuse kids crap everyone knows Priest have done it!. I know very well it's not the dirty stranger on the block it's usually uncle Bob. I know i'm not exempt. I was abused by a cousion when I was 7 "i never told" he was 15. Yes i'm fully aware it COULD have happend. It kills me. I'm so mad about everything. I just hope someone gets it figured out. Even if he's charged in one way or another I have to be in his life because of the baby we share. If he's not GUILTY we have to live with both our families knowing he was accused. He will lose his job if they get word just that he was accused. He will be fired even if he did nothing. It's a real bad situation for everyone.
life is really throwing everything at you ZG, please stay strong, and get through this difficult time without using. I agree with the advice given....for now your daughter has to come first, your husband will understand (already seems to be understanding) if this is made up, he will understand that you have to protect your child, and wont' hold it against you. Keep up posted and please keep going, keep clean and strong xx
Were there times that he was alone with her? Did she act weird after that? Did he? There may have been signs, think back & maybe you'll get some clarity.
Your daughter sounds like my daughter J who I always post about on the families board for years now.... J is now 33. I do not know for sure but I am 99.9% sure she was molested at some point. I tried so hard to get J help all her life. I hope you can get your daughter some help. Like everyone said, take her to be examined, for counseling etc. let the professionals help.
I'm so sorry!
Your daughter sounds like my daughter J who I always post about on the families board for years now.... J is now 33. I do not know for sure but I am 99.9% sure she was molested at some point. I tried so hard to get J help all her life. I hope you can get your daughter some help. Like everyone said, take her to be examined, for counseling etc. let the professionals help.
I'm so sorry!
Girl, I love you.
I don't say that lightly.
I'm kind of glad you've asked opinions here..........I feel so bad I can't help you.
I'm so so so sorry you're going through all this.........the kids are going through this and the entire family is.............each and every one of you.......and ya been doing everything RIGHT..............you do all the right things and then ya get the most horrendous thing happen to you........I'm so sorry.
I don't say that lightly.
I'm kind of glad you've asked opinions here..........I feel so bad I can't help you.
I'm so so so sorry you're going through all this.........the kids are going through this and the entire family is.............each and every one of you.......and ya been doing everything RIGHT..............you do all the right things and then ya get the most horrendous thing happen to you........I'm so sorry.
Hope it's O.K. to say this.
Jack, thus Zero Girls post a little while back about getting beat on four bags.......you're intuition was on I think, Jack..............she wanted to really run away............but thank heavens and all that's good she got beat.
Stay with us, ZG............you have to.
Jack, thus Zero Girls post a little while back about getting beat on four bags.......you're intuition was on I think, Jack..............she wanted to really run away............but thank heavens and all that's good she got beat.
Stay with us, ZG............you have to.
Im so sorry to hear about your problems i really dont know what to say i hope its not true Im thinking of you maybe if you check online for Kids with BP maybe its not an isolated case Please dont use it will only make things worse.
Robby
Robby
Hey there,
I cant imagine your pain, desperation..I can tell you to stay clean though..since all these service investigators are involved, they need to know that you are a stable parent..I know this must be so difficult for all of you, I hope you have help, you'll need it to stay strong, have some time to yourself for your thoughts and recovery....Keep yourself together, you can do this for the kids, and you! I will keep y'all in my thoughts,
May better times come your way!
Lucky :>
I cant imagine your pain, desperation..I can tell you to stay clean though..since all these service investigators are involved, they need to know that you are a stable parent..I know this must be so difficult for all of you, I hope you have help, you'll need it to stay strong, have some time to yourself for your thoughts and recovery....Keep yourself together, you can do this for the kids, and you! I will keep y'all in my thoughts,
May better times come your way!
Lucky :>
ZG, everybody reaching out to ya.
Wish I could be like around the block from ya just to take a walk........and give ya a hug...........don't you leave me now.
Wish I could be like around the block from ya just to take a walk........and give ya a hug...........don't you leave me now.
