DECEMBER 05, 2005
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melody Beattie
Difficult People
Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something
from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate
us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't;
we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone
he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with
reality concerning particular people from our past and our present.
We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a
certain way, when that person cannot or will not.
It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That
doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means
that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop
denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to
be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person
be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk
away from the destructive system.
We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality
into account.
We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms -
taking our needs and ourselves into account. If a person is
addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we
let go of his or her addiction; we take our hands off it. We give
his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and
freedom in return.
We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control
us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the
process of loving and taking care of ourselves.
We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality
and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt,
but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and
we become set free from bondage.
This is the heart of detaching in love.
Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people
in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationships. I
will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships,
with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both
people as my goal.
