Is today.
No drama. Not looking for sympathy. Just saying.
I guess it might be worth posting the experience.
I nearly posted yesterday that I would not drink for today because I don't need to drink. I don't feel I do. So if I don't feel I need to it's ok, right? So at a friend's (a friend who knew I had stopped drinking and why), I turn up for a curry, sit down, and say yes to a glass of wine. Didn't give it a thought. No reason to.
No drama. I drank it. Had another half glass and then drank water all night.
Isn't that ok? Isn't that what "normal" people do? SO maybe I CAN drink, yes? Maybe I can. Maybe that's what it "proves".
But I don't want to. And I can't.
I spent the previous three days being me. Being fully me. Being a person I like quite a lot. I stayed in a nice hotel for three days and had dinner and went to a really nice pub with a dozen wonderful people and didn't drink and had a great time.....and I nearly posted here yesterday that I didn't need to drink because I DON'T.
And this morning I woke up at 5.30am feeling anxious and frightened and bad about myself. Not because of the amount of alcohol, obviously, but because of how I feel about the person I became last night. I was dishonest with myself and insensitive towards my friend. I ignored the beauty of life and joined in a really negative conversation that went on for ages. I behaved in a manner I really don't like.
I don't NEED to drink. I prefer life and have much more fun, so much more fun without it. Every day it has been getting better and better.
There was NO REASON to drink. None at all. Not a single one.
I was happy because I thought "this glass hasn't done anything, hasn't changed the way I feel or anything"......
We are such delicate creatures....oh, it changed something all right. It changed something that was beautiful and potentially full of joy - a wonderful evening with friends - into something I feel ashamed now to have been involved in - two addicts talking about how terrible addiction is and how life is much better without alcohol while one of them drank and the other skinned up and got drunk talking about how he was going to get clean next week. Funny how my dishonesty and self-destuctive behaviour didn't seem to matter at the time.
I don't even care that I might have got drunk. Last night was another of God's gifts to me, another cheap lesson. Alcohol f***s with my mind, my heart, my soul. It enables an immature part of me to hijack who I am. That part needs my love and care if I am ever to become a whole, decent, mature human being. The last thing it needs, the last thing I need, is to drink.
There was NO reason to drink. None at all. I KNOW life is indescribably better without it.
I'm not looking for sympathy. It was the adult me who decided I could drink, not the child part of me who was looking for strokes last night and would welcome them today. I need to nurture and love that child but last night wasn't his mistake. It was something else. Ego? Arrogance? I don't know and I don't care, I just need to remember there isn't a single reason for me to drink and one shining reason not to is this: I like me. I much prefer the real me.
Thanks.
April 27th 2008
Edit.
Just asking myself whether I can blame that amount of alcohol and then realised it's the dry drunk thing. Whether alcohol played a part or not, whether it altered things chemically, psychologically, or not at all, I don't want to drink AND I don't like how I behaved last night. I don't want to behave like that again.
Once you know, you can't not know. You know?
Hey Martin what you go and do that for? geesh as if you weren't beating yourself up enough before. powerful,cunning and baffling gotta remember that. God bless and take care Martin
Martin do you have the Big Book? If so please read page 120 .It says there that if one relapses it is not always a bad thing in some cases. but instead it will make you see that you must redouble your spiritual activities if one is to survive. I hope you are not being too hard on yourself . I know how you can think too much at times lol. I am truly concerned about you and I hope that at least now that you know enough to say no when any liquor is offered to you. For your own peace of mind stop and think the next time before you reach for that glass. I hope I am not offending you. It is not my intention. It is instead to let you know that I CARE. Wishing you all the best and hope you are staying positive. God bless and take care.
I think you're thinking too much, LOL! Can you get to an AA meeting? Dump all that sh#@ there....that's up in your head; maybe grab someone after a meeting and tell him exactly what's going on up there (in your mind)....this might make you laugh...they say around AA: "the committee in my head is telling me all kinds of things"; "my mind it's a bad neighborhood to visit"; "stinkin' thinkin"; "my brain is tuned to K-F*** and I can't seem to change the station".......okay that's it...hope you are doing okay today, and btw Happy Birthday! Try not to analyze the crap out of why you took that drink....if you be alcoholic like me, hey we just do that we drink....for me one drink sets up a phenomena of craving for more alcohol...I just can't have one.....never could....
Thanks all for your concern.
I guess part of me was trying to prove I'm not powerless, to come out on top of it, to prove I can control myself. And that time I did. But next time I might not. It's a load of rubbish and I know it. And every time I use alcohol part of me understands that it's to change WHO I AM...so why would I want to keep telling myself I don't like who I am? Especially now that I understand where that comes from and I LIKE who I am and I like who I'm capable of becoming.
Thanks for your support and suggestions. It WAS a lesson. It was exactly where I needed to be to remind me how vulnerable, weak and powerless I can be, and how arrogant, too. I can use it to remind me to act from my best self, developing and showing the strength of character and the humility I need to live a safe, healthy and happy life and to serve whatever purpose I am guided towards to the best of my ability.
I know was a really inexpensive lesson. Only my pride/ego was hurt.
I am very grateful for it and for whatever small progress I'm making.
I guess part of me was trying to prove I'm not powerless, to come out on top of it, to prove I can control myself. And that time I did. But next time I might not. It's a load of rubbish and I know it. And every time I use alcohol part of me understands that it's to change WHO I AM...so why would I want to keep telling myself I don't like who I am? Especially now that I understand where that comes from and I LIKE who I am and I like who I'm capable of becoming.
Thanks for your support and suggestions. It WAS a lesson. It was exactly where I needed to be to remind me how vulnerable, weak and powerless I can be, and how arrogant, too. I can use it to remind me to act from my best self, developing and showing the strength of character and the humility I need to live a safe, healthy and happy life and to serve whatever purpose I am guided towards to the best of my ability.
I know was a really inexpensive lesson. Only my pride/ego was hurt.
I am very grateful for it and for whatever small progress I'm making.
Have a Great day Martin smile and stay positive. As Zac would say store the gratitude. ((( )))))
I see the powerless issue a bit differently than most AAers. I believe that we, as humans, are more powerful than alcohol. Alcohol isn't some natural force that is beyond my control. Each and every time I drank I made the choice. No one forced me to. However, once I began drinking, the party was on and I wouldn't stop until I was good and drunk. I easily and without a fight gave the power to alcohol. I am powerless over alcohol once I choose to take that first drink.
You learned a valuable lesson. You drank and you didn't like how you felt about yourself afterwards. You learned that you can't drink with impunity.
You learned a valuable lesson. You drank and you didn't like how you felt about yourself afterwards. You learned that you can't drink with impunity.
Happy Birthday, Martin.
Zippy, I agree with you. I have power over alcohol until I put it in my body. Once I have that first drink all bets are off and I am going to get drunk no matter what. That's why the first step says we WERE powerless over alcohol. And the longer I am sober the more I am finding that I am powerless over. There's a saying in AA, if you are standing on the railroad track and a train hits you, which car kills you, the engine or the caboose? or something like that. It doesn't really matter which car if you stay off the freakin tracks in the first place. I'm not sure if that's the right meaning but that's what I get out of it.
Zippy, I agree with you. I have power over alcohol until I put it in my body. Once I have that first drink all bets are off and I am going to get drunk no matter what. That's why the first step says we WERE powerless over alcohol. And the longer I am sober the more I am finding that I am powerless over. There's a saying in AA, if you are standing on the railroad track and a train hits you, which car kills you, the engine or the caboose? or something like that. It doesn't really matter which car if you stay off the freakin tracks in the first place. I'm not sure if that's the right meaning but that's what I get out of it.
I'm still trying to figure out which birthday you're talking about?
natal or sobriety?
natal or sobriety?
Thanks for your thoughts pirate, zipper, kat.
I haven't had a drink for the past two days Tim.
It's such a journey. To go from having virtually no feelings or emotions to being overwhelmed by them and then realising I have completely opposing feelings about things...I can FEEL the debate going on at some level. Some part of me can't believe I have a problem and another part KNOWS. And the truth is I really don't need to go out and generate a whole new lot of evidence to convince whoever the heck the Jury is.
It's no big deal. I learned something for free and I'm grateful.
I haven't had a drink for the past two days Tim.
It's such a journey. To go from having virtually no feelings or emotions to being overwhelmed by them and then realising I have completely opposing feelings about things...I can FEEL the debate going on at some level. Some part of me can't believe I have a problem and another part KNOWS. And the truth is I really don't need to go out and generate a whole new lot of evidence to convince whoever the heck the Jury is.
It's no big deal. I learned something for free and I'm grateful.
Are you going to give AA a shot as a participant instead of an observer?
Martin.I'm sorry I didn't understand.I never knew you were an alcoholic or even in AA.You've posted on the PP forum about your ex and I just thought you were in Alanon.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
No worries Tim....as you'll see I'm like a bloody pendulum on that at times myself.
Kat you skewered me with that question and rightly so. Can you or anyone else help me out with this?
I have tons of identification with the people I've heard share at open meetings and although I haven't experienced a lot of the suffering they describe I have behaved appallingly while drunk and put myself and others at serious risk on more than one occasion. I have no wish to drink ever again.
I don't feel I'm dependent on alcohol. I do experience a pull, a whisper, a desire to drink...a tension....whenever it's around. I'd SAY I can simply say no but I didn't the other night even though I am SAYING I don't want to drink anymore...... I'd SAY I don't have to get drunk after the first drink... and I didn't, but next time I might..... because I have continued often enough to know I haven't always been able to (wanted to) stop once I started.
I KNOW I drink for the effect.
I know only I can decide whether I'm an alcoholic or not and I'm not even sure that matters.... What matters is I want to stop. I have stopped as of 27 April.
For the record some of the recovering alcoholics I've met are inspiring and I would be proud to call them my friends and to be like them. They have what I want as a human being, period.....and in a way that's part of the problem...I guess what I'm saying is I'm hesitating about AA...why? Because PART of me feels this is attention-seeking....making myself more interesting than I really am, making a drama out of nothing....all I need to do is not drink..... and if I want to become a better human being just keep working on myself in counselling....but am I in denial?
So ok, maybe part of me is just being lazy....I can see that and I'll address it.... but that's not the real cause of my hesitation....you see, another part of me is saying people will think I'm a fraud....I don't have a story to tell anything like as colourful as theirs....I think they'll wonder why the heck I'm there....it all seems so subtle and trivial compared to what they've gone through....why should I take up space?
And yet I feel that issue is what's at the root of all this....I'm not worth the space I take up....someone else needs it more (and that's crazy - how many times would I have to nearly kill someone to earn a seat?).....
I'm sorry if this is wittering....I'm in a fog here and any torchlight would be welcome.
I mean, is this what it's been like for anyone else?
Kat you skewered me with that question and rightly so. Can you or anyone else help me out with this?
I have tons of identification with the people I've heard share at open meetings and although I haven't experienced a lot of the suffering they describe I have behaved appallingly while drunk and put myself and others at serious risk on more than one occasion. I have no wish to drink ever again.
I don't feel I'm dependent on alcohol. I do experience a pull, a whisper, a desire to drink...a tension....whenever it's around. I'd SAY I can simply say no but I didn't the other night even though I am SAYING I don't want to drink anymore...... I'd SAY I don't have to get drunk after the first drink... and I didn't, but next time I might..... because I have continued often enough to know I haven't always been able to (wanted to) stop once I started.
I KNOW I drink for the effect.
I know only I can decide whether I'm an alcoholic or not and I'm not even sure that matters.... What matters is I want to stop. I have stopped as of 27 April.
For the record some of the recovering alcoholics I've met are inspiring and I would be proud to call them my friends and to be like them. They have what I want as a human being, period.....and in a way that's part of the problem...I guess what I'm saying is I'm hesitating about AA...why? Because PART of me feels this is attention-seeking....making myself more interesting than I really am, making a drama out of nothing....all I need to do is not drink..... and if I want to become a better human being just keep working on myself in counselling....but am I in denial?
So ok, maybe part of me is just being lazy....I can see that and I'll address it.... but that's not the real cause of my hesitation....you see, another part of me is saying people will think I'm a fraud....I don't have a story to tell anything like as colourful as theirs....I think they'll wonder why the heck I'm there....it all seems so subtle and trivial compared to what they've gone through....why should I take up space?
And yet I feel that issue is what's at the root of all this....I'm not worth the space I take up....someone else needs it more (and that's crazy - how many times would I have to nearly kill someone to earn a seat?).....
I'm sorry if this is wittering....I'm in a fog here and any torchlight would be welcome.
I mean, is this what it's been like for anyone else?
Martin I kinda understand where you are coming from. I feel sort of like that sometimes when I go to a doctor . I can be in waiting room with other patients and waiting for my turn and if someone else is there in pain and sicker I feel like I shouldn't be there,that my complaint is so trivial compared to theirs. But you know what martin? a small thing that is neglected can turn into a big thing. I think it's the same with your alcohol problem. right now you may not be at the emergency stage of the disease but you still need the doctors care. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I think you ask yourself too often if you are an alcoholic or not. If you have to ask yourself once if you are ,then theres a good chance that you are. Dare I say it ? yes I am. Acceptance Martin acceptance. God bless and take care.
"The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking."
You're over-thinking the situation, Martin. I've heard it said that, "The smart folks are the ones who get it." That would INSINUATE that the opposite is also true. It's a simple program--don't over-analyze it. What are you afraid of? Serenity, peace, freedom and joy?
Yeah. Ick. Don't throw me in THAT briar patch...
:)
You're over-thinking the situation, Martin. I've heard it said that, "The smart folks are the ones who get it." That would INSINUATE that the opposite is also true. It's a simple program--don't over-analyze it. What are you afraid of? Serenity, peace, freedom and joy?
Yeah. Ick. Don't throw me in THAT briar patch...
:)
Gidday Martin
As long as you think you are not dependant on alcohol you will drink and hopefully it isnt the drink that convinces you otherwise with a bad result.
What is shared in AA is each persons E.S.H nothing more, nothing less and yes there are all different versions of this good and bad, half the problem i read in your post is that you in your mind you think that you have to have the badest rep or story and the greatest sharing so everyone goes wow
Forget about thinking what you think other people are thinking and just be you and i bet you dont know who that is. WHY because i was the same when i first of all went to AA, i had no identity and thought/worried for everyone else and not for me, maybe i right maybe not...time will tell and as Pirate said you need to Accept that the part of you that thinks it is in control isnt when it comes to addiction
You will know when you share if it is the real Martin or the dramatic one, just keep going to meetings and be honest with self and others
light and love Zac
As long as you think you are not dependant on alcohol you will drink and hopefully it isnt the drink that convinces you otherwise with a bad result.
What is shared in AA is each persons E.S.H nothing more, nothing less and yes there are all different versions of this good and bad, half the problem i read in your post is that you in your mind you think that you have to have the badest rep or story and the greatest sharing so everyone goes wow
Forget about thinking what you think other people are thinking and just be you and i bet you dont know who that is. WHY because i was the same when i first of all went to AA, i had no identity and thought/worried for everyone else and not for me, maybe i right maybe not...time will tell and as Pirate said you need to Accept that the part of you that thinks it is in control isnt when it comes to addiction
You will know when you share if it is the real Martin or the dramatic one, just keep going to meetings and be honest with self and others
light and love Zac
Thank you all so much for your replies.
I know I analyse a lot, it's one of the ways I defend myself from feelings of worthlessness....trying to prove to myself (and anyone else daft enough to listen) that I'm ok and might possibly deserve to be taking up space on the planet - so long as everyone else thinks the thought is clever
wow...f***ing hell.....just realised I don't even aspire to being worth being here for my intelligence....it's the IDEAS I bring that are worthy....I only deserve to be alive so long as I actually have that idea, that coin in my hand to SHOW you.....right NOW...wow......
It's that part of me, that part of me that feels a fake that is making me shy away from going.....that internal critic yelling that I'm just "showing off" again....making a fuss about nothing, trying to be the centre of attention....
You're right Zac, after all this time in AL-anon, counselling and listening to recovering alcoholics here and in open meetings I am beginning to know the difference between the real me and the bits that have been bent out of shape....I'm gradually learning humility.
There's plenty of chairs at meetings.
I know I analyse a lot, it's one of the ways I defend myself from feelings of worthlessness....trying to prove to myself (and anyone else daft enough to listen) that I'm ok and might possibly deserve to be taking up space on the planet - so long as everyone else thinks the thought is clever
wow...f***ing hell.....just realised I don't even aspire to being worth being here for my intelligence....it's the IDEAS I bring that are worthy....I only deserve to be alive so long as I actually have that idea, that coin in my hand to SHOW you.....right NOW...wow......
It's that part of me, that part of me that feels a fake that is making me shy away from going.....that internal critic yelling that I'm just "showing off" again....making a fuss about nothing, trying to be the centre of attention....
You're right Zac, after all this time in AL-anon, counselling and listening to recovering alcoholics here and in open meetings I am beginning to know the difference between the real me and the bits that have been bent out of shape....I'm gradually learning humility.
There's plenty of chairs at meetings.
Here's a way to find out if you fit in...
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes No
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No
11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No
Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves the hard way.
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today." (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)
Yes No
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do anything. We just talk about our own drinking, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to.
Yes No
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak. Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends. You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it, we usually got drunk eventually.
Yes No
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking "socially."
Yes No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it.
Yes No
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drinking, it will get worse -- never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.
Yes No
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.
Yes No
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
Most of us used to have a "few" before we started out if we thought it was going to be that kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to get more.
Yes No
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to. After we came into A.A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop.
Yes No
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
Many of us admit now that we "called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were hung-over or on a drunk.
Yes No
11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking.
Yes No
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Many of us started to drink because drinking made life seem better, at least for a while. By the time we got into A.A., we felt trapped. We were drinking to live and living to drink. We were sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yes No
Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol. Why do we say this? Because thousands of people in A.A. have said so for many years. They found out the truth about themselves the hard way.
Here's a way to find out if you fit in...
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Yes
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
Have done. Depends on who and why. Don't mind you lot.
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
Yes
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
Yes
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Yes
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Yes
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
I always made sure I got enough.
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Doesn't happen every time ...is that a yet?
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
No....Mr Responsible.
11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
Since I was about 16. I always thought that was just what happened when you drank and didn't have to worry about work or picking up the kids. At every opportunity when I didn't have to do something afterwards that required me to be sober. Loved it.
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Yes. It is.
Thanks Kat. I know this. How can I not know this? I just erase it, forget.
Answer YES or NO to the following questions.
1 - Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
Yes
2 - Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking-- stop telling you what to do?
Have done. Depends on who and why. Don't mind you lot.
3 - Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
Yes
4 - Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?
No
5 - Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
Yes
6 - Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?
Yes
7 - Has your drinking caused trouble at home?
Yes
8 - Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?
I always made sure I got enough.
9 - Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?
Doesn't happen every time ...is that a yet?
10 - Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking?
No....Mr Responsible.
11 - Do you have "blackouts"?
Since I was about 16. I always thought that was just what happened when you drank and didn't have to worry about work or picking up the kids. At every opportunity when I didn't have to do something afterwards that required me to be sober. Loved it.
12 - Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
Yes. It is.
Thanks Kat. I know this. How can I not know this? I just erase it, forget.
