hi..i am so desperate...my brother is herion addict and i have no idea what so ever how to help him? when i am good to him he start abusing all family, when i am bad i feel like mess when i shout and so on...
how can i help him? I dont have strength anymore to fight with it...tried several rehabs, bt nothing seems to work...gosh its so hard... maybe some1 can give any advice pls...
Pucci,
The fight you speak of is not yours to do battle with. This is your brothers burden and at the end of the day it is he who will play the pole in getting him clean. The best you can do is learn all you can about addiction(from a loved one of an addicted person's point of view). Learn, create, and set boundaries. Learn just what kind of help there is for you to give although no help will matter until your brother steps up....it will not be a cake walk....there will be stumbles along the way but change is possible. Support for you can come from the family/partners forum on this board....as well as here, there you have people who share in your struggle and can show you that you are not alone in this and you will get a wealth of both wisdom and advice. The best to you and yours in this new year!
The fight you speak of is not yours to do battle with. This is your brothers burden and at the end of the day it is he who will play the pole in getting him clean. The best you can do is learn all you can about addiction(from a loved one of an addicted person's point of view). Learn, create, and set boundaries. Learn just what kind of help there is for you to give although no help will matter until your brother steps up....it will not be a cake walk....there will be stumbles along the way but change is possible. Support for you can come from the family/partners forum on this board....as well as here, there you have people who share in your struggle and can show you that you are not alone in this and you will get a wealth of both wisdom and advice. The best to you and yours in this new year!
I know how you feel. I feel so helpless too. My boyf is an addict too, and you can read of my experiences in My Lover not Quite Lost- Yet post. Bella, all you can do is be there. Getting angry only hurts you, and it actually makes them rebel more to prove a point. I have found I can neither give in or be too strong. It is an impossibly hard position to be in but sometimes it's harder to care than not. As hard as this is to say caring less and distancing yourself from the pain may be the only way to bring your brother the rock bottom crash that all addicts need before wanting to get better.
What my boyf is teaching me through his very open and honest comm's is that it is a physically drawing need, his body not only demands it but must have it and this is where I find it the hardest because there is absolutely nothing I can do. What he and I are doing is monitoring his signs and coping with them when they arise. Sweats induce a cold shower, shakes or stomach aches or any physical pain means popping a few valium anything harsher than that then it's sleeping tablets and a comatosed sleep from which he wakes up feeling relieved if not better.
He is also making the step to get an appointment with a local doctor who specialises in addicts needs and he wants to be able to understand where his problems lie. It's easy for me to see what they are but I stand back from any level of counselling support as I am too close to him. As are you. Hold your brothers hand but do not be the change you want. He must be that.
The importance here is that my boyf WANTS to get clean and knows why. Does your brother actually want to be clean? If not, then unfortunately you need to take a massive and painful step back from caring until he hits rock bottom. Also would be a good idea to ascertain why he starting using in the first place, what was the drawing card, as this is often what will mean he will keep using. My boyf has a painful past, a distrupted family life and a b**** of an ex so he used to find some level of happiness. Finding out why your bro started will assist you in understanding his needs and like all solutions they start with a problem, and while heroin is not your solution it is his. Find the problem bella and then slowly work on introducing a new solution to his way of thinking. I wish you the best of luck.
Caz.
What my boyf is teaching me through his very open and honest comm's is that it is a physically drawing need, his body not only demands it but must have it and this is where I find it the hardest because there is absolutely nothing I can do. What he and I are doing is monitoring his signs and coping with them when they arise. Sweats induce a cold shower, shakes or stomach aches or any physical pain means popping a few valium anything harsher than that then it's sleeping tablets and a comatosed sleep from which he wakes up feeling relieved if not better.
He is also making the step to get an appointment with a local doctor who specialises in addicts needs and he wants to be able to understand where his problems lie. It's easy for me to see what they are but I stand back from any level of counselling support as I am too close to him. As are you. Hold your brothers hand but do not be the change you want. He must be that.
The importance here is that my boyf WANTS to get clean and knows why. Does your brother actually want to be clean? If not, then unfortunately you need to take a massive and painful step back from caring until he hits rock bottom. Also would be a good idea to ascertain why he starting using in the first place, what was the drawing card, as this is often what will mean he will keep using. My boyf has a painful past, a distrupted family life and a b**** of an ex so he used to find some level of happiness. Finding out why your bro started will assist you in understanding his needs and like all solutions they start with a problem, and while heroin is not your solution it is his. Find the problem bella and then slowly work on introducing a new solution to his way of thinking. I wish you the best of luck.
Caz.
my brother is a active heroin addict too he's 21 has used from age 15. I am a recovering addict. I have bent backwards for my lil brother went to methadone treatment with him, saw him in mental hospitals, saw him od 3 times. Sadly at this point i can't even be around him. He treats me like a ATM machine always wants cash. He in general is too high to care or listen. I don't have answers only Advice. For me i NEVER give him money.... i never want to question if my cash helped buy dope. i call him i still tell him i love him but i do keep him at a distance. Because i've been where he is i know how he feels i also know he has to choose and want to get clean i can't want it 4 him.
Good posts you guys.
HEROOOOOOO girl, that was kind of you.
Thinking of you all.
HEROOOOOOO girl, that was kind of you.
Thinking of you all.
hey, the only advice i think is good advice is that old saying about tough love. i am an ex addict and when my family gave me the tough love routine and i felt totally alone and i was homeless and living on 90 each week. that is when i knew i had to get help. its only when addicts are at their lowest that they feel the drugs are no longer worth all the hasstle. i have been clean for a year now and am now writing a book about my experiences and also other peoples experiences. i would like to hear your story with you being a family member to an addict. if you would be interested in volunteering your story then feel free to find out more in my topic. you dont even have to use your real name. i hope life gets better for your family but i would definately have to say that tough love is the best possible eye opener any addict can get from loved ones because if they feel like they are about to lose their family they will decide no drug is worth it then the motivation will come to get help.
i hope it all goes well for you and wish you all the luck in the world
take care
darrelle ferguson
i hope it all goes well for you and wish you all the luck in the world
take care
darrelle ferguson
