Hey Everyone hows things
I thought i would note a few of the things that for me in early recovery where mountains in front of me and sent me into panic/worrie overload.
Writing a cheque out at the supermarket for groceries i thought that i was holding up the whole world, crazy man now i love doing the groceries.
Cooking i would panic again and worry all night about cooking the next days meal and when cooked i would say that something was wrong with it even when it wasn't, now i experiment on the buggas.
Remembering peoples names i would either mumble or hope i didn't have to use there name, i truely believe i had convinced myself subconsciously to forget names now i ask and i also affirm to myself that i can remember things.
People pleasing someone only had to mention they needed a ride and bam i would take them anywhere often putting things i needed to do off. now i do what i can and want to do.
Confidance WHAT THE HELL IS THAT i walked head down and shoulders slumped now i look the world in the eye and smile and its not a pretend smile either its a confidant smile
If you ever wonder why nothing is happening in your recovery STOP and pick up a hammer and smash whatever part of the pitty pot you have fallen in and then acknowledge all progress done and yes sometimes not all of the progress is good but that is how i learn as well some of the things i thought were okay in early recovery i know now to be a bit off centre and the beauty is i can change as i grow in recovery and that will never stop.
Relationships were hard for me as i was of the idea if a woman looked at me then she was fair game and i caused a lot of heartache when drinking, i have been with my partner for 22years give or take me going on benders and just ditching her, I gave her 2 mental breakdowns because i couldn't handle the guilt so i had to give it to someone when i was drinking.
Early recovery and our relationship was hard because i thought whatever lack of trust and bedroom sports was just return karma untill i realised i was still being blamed for things that happened 15 years ago i.e i was the person who told her that her dad had died and that killed a part of her love for me and also i played the field and being drunk was a good excuse and the fact that nothing was happening at home...I wonder why
Now we are more bestfriends than lovers but hey it takes two to tango and this is a work in progress and i was addicted to all things that made me feel good, so i have to remember this in recovery as well because i cannot blame everything on alcohol now. I am accountable for my actions and choices in life.
Hey sorry for the burble but hey recovery is about sharing and self honesty so hope some of this makes sense
Light and love Zac
Hi Zac...Thanks for your share and you honesty...Early recovery is such a time of awakenings...Sometimes I felt I couldn't handle them all...but when my progress would be pointed out...I could see how far I had come and how much further I had to go! Sometimes I would get overwhelmed but with the help of my sponser and meetings, the steps and the slogans...I would be reminded it just takes some time and I am exactly where I need to be today...of course I wanted what I wanted now...T.I.M.E.----Things I Must Earn....and as the 24's added up...as I worked the steps as honestly as I could...things got better...
Recovery is change...just when I think I got something "dealt" with...a similar issue pops up...changing and healing are constants but today I have joy and gratitude in my life (well most days LOL!)
You have great insight and are an example of "working it"...the promises in the Big Book do come true as long as we follow the path...Thank you again for your honesty...Love Gina
Recovery is change...just when I think I got something "dealt" with...a similar issue pops up...changing and healing are constants but today I have joy and gratitude in my life (well most days LOL!)
You have great insight and are an example of "working it"...the promises in the Big Book do come true as long as we follow the path...Thank you again for your honesty...Love Gina
Hey Zac...
Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly...I too agree that this is what recovery is about...
I can relate to everything you just said...I remember hearing a sad song, and just crying and not quite understanding why but I think for me, part of getting clean and sober is unthawing our feelings and learning how to deal with feelings that I have always numbed out...
And I so can relate to smashing the pity pot...on Monday on my way home from a meeting, I started that stinkin thinkin going on and was doing the poor me, I don't feel like I fit in, I'm not talking right...yada yada and when I stopped myself and started reflecting, it had nothing to do with the meeting, I was bringing things to the surface (mother issues) when I have been sharing and it just hit me so when I jumped off the pity pot I could see what I needed to address and my HP helped me with a bit of closure on some hurt I've been carrying around...by Tuesday morning, the gratitude and attitude was restored...so for me, when I start feeling bad or down, I need to look deep to see what the real root of the issue is....
Thanks for sharing with us Zac....
~waving hi to Gina...thanks for the defination of TIME...I have saved that one as that is so true...I have to step back and remember in God's time, not Stacey's time....
Love you guys...have a great weekend....
xoxo
Stacey
Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly...I too agree that this is what recovery is about...
I can relate to everything you just said...I remember hearing a sad song, and just crying and not quite understanding why but I think for me, part of getting clean and sober is unthawing our feelings and learning how to deal with feelings that I have always numbed out...
And I so can relate to smashing the pity pot...on Monday on my way home from a meeting, I started that stinkin thinkin going on and was doing the poor me, I don't feel like I fit in, I'm not talking right...yada yada and when I stopped myself and started reflecting, it had nothing to do with the meeting, I was bringing things to the surface (mother issues) when I have been sharing and it just hit me so when I jumped off the pity pot I could see what I needed to address and my HP helped me with a bit of closure on some hurt I've been carrying around...by Tuesday morning, the gratitude and attitude was restored...so for me, when I start feeling bad or down, I need to look deep to see what the real root of the issue is....
Thanks for sharing with us Zac....
~waving hi to Gina...thanks for the defination of TIME...I have saved that one as that is so true...I have to step back and remember in God's time, not Stacey's time....
Love you guys...have a great weekend....
xoxo
Stacey
Hi Zac (and Gina and Stacey too) ~ boy I can really relate to your post about early recovery...I had a lot of anxiety and panic in the first four months, maybe longer...I sometimes compare what it was like to being a stroke victim...I had to relearn everything, because heck I did everything while under the influence...I couldn't wash a dish....I didn't do the laundry in my apt for 6 months, just bought new stuff....I switched addictions in early recovery ~ shopping was new thing...thank goodness God has removed that obsession for me as well. Relationships were hard when I was out there and remain difficult still, but I am fortunate to have a very patient and loving guy in my life and I am constanly learning and growing and hope to continue to do so throughout my journey in recovery. I remember having a panic/anxiety attack early in recovery and I could barely move...I called my Sponsor and told her I couldn't move, she said okay just sit there then and wait it out...so I did, light turned to dark, I fell asleep sitting up and awoke to a new day with another day of sobriety under my belt. I love life today...I use to dread even waking up, thank goodness it is no longer like that. Thank you guys for sharing.
Good post Zac!
But you forgot to mention what we both me and you had to face as well after a bender......The Sister N Law!!!!!!!
Ginge
But you forgot to mention what we both me and you had to face as well after a bender......The Sister N Law!!!!!!!
Ginge
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH yeah Ginge but the sick puppy i was i still would of put the hard word on her and image the damage that would of done to my face and not to mention my child rearing abilitys, thank god i gave up drinking, mind you shes looking pretty good aawwww god off to a meeting
LIght and love Zac
LIght and love Zac
