About a year ago I wrote on here my struggles of dating an addict. I got great advice and support.
Here is a back story: in 2011 he lost his dad and that was so devastating for him that he spiraled until a downward hole. He started on Trams and Percs and than moved up to Oxy. I of course was watching him slowly get addicted to them and just turned a blind eye because I just wanted him happy (i was co dependent on him). From Oxy he started mixing with Xanax and not only would he take them by mouth but also sniff them. Year went by and I was seeing him deteriorate. He had finally realized that he couldn't live like this anymore. He got on subs and started rehab and was getting clean, in July of 2014 he got in a bad car accident that landed him in the hospital again with pain meds. Once again got hooked and got clean. At least thats what he had told me. That whole year, he promised me he was clean, but in fact he was taking Xanax that was prescribed to him and he would always over take. He kept lieing to me over and over again and I just couldn't trust him. Im sure he was also take pain meds. In June of 2015 I had enough of his lies and broke up. He resented me and said I abandon him, but after a while he realized what he had done and we had stayed friends... through out all of 2015 he was still taking it and had multiple surgeries in his arm that left him without the use of his left hand. Being a leftie he was miserable. I tried to help by just talking but he went back to pills and more xanax. He passed away a week ago of an accidental overdose on xanax.
I do not know what to do with myself. I sometimes think that if I wold of stopped him sooner or stayed with he would still been alive. Of if I would of spoken to him that morning he still would of been alive. The first few days I felt numb and couldnt stop crying. Now I only cry at night and hope this pain I have goes away. I wish he was still here and that he would of gotten cleaned the 1st time and we could of been married. I was with him for 10 years. I knew he was a pot head when I 1st met him but than everything turned upside down. Thank You for reading this and it feels good to get this off my chest. I just pray that his soul will find peace.
I am so sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself. No matter what you do, or how hard you try, an addict will only stop using if they want to. We cannot fix them, only they can. I hope you can find peace.
Have any of you lost someone to an addiction?
Not to death. But my daughter is battling addiction, and until she can help herself, I have lost her
Dear Hopelesslove21,
on February 4 2008 I lost my husband and father of my son to addiction. At the time we had been seperated for quite sometime because of his addiction, but I loved him wholeheartdly despite everything.
I know your pain and dismay so well. I know that youre thinking that you will never get over this and that maybe, just maybe you shouldnt. But I know you will and I also know you should.
No matter what thoughts cross your mind right now, you have to know he had a disease you could never save him form, any more than you could if he had cancer.
In time all the horridness of the disease will disapate and only the love you shared, which I know you shared, will remain and the load will get lighter as the love takes over the pain.
You will move forward from this, but right now, if you just need to sit still for a while, thats ok. Just sit still. Take care of yourself. Dont tare yourself to pieces with the "what ifs" "shoulda", "coulda", "woulda". Its exhausting and its not real.
My deepest simpathy,
Charly
on February 4 2008 I lost my husband and father of my son to addiction. At the time we had been seperated for quite sometime because of his addiction, but I loved him wholeheartdly despite everything.
I know your pain and dismay so well. I know that youre thinking that you will never get over this and that maybe, just maybe you shouldnt. But I know you will and I also know you should.
No matter what thoughts cross your mind right now, you have to know he had a disease you could never save him form, any more than you could if he had cancer.
In time all the horridness of the disease will disapate and only the love you shared, which I know you shared, will remain and the load will get lighter as the love takes over the pain.
You will move forward from this, but right now, if you just need to sit still for a while, thats ok. Just sit still. Take care of yourself. Dont tare yourself to pieces with the "what ifs" "shoulda", "coulda", "woulda". Its exhausting and its not real.
My deepest simpathy,
Charly
We, in AA/NA, lose fellows regularly.
We all don't make it.
Addiction/alcoholism is a progressive deadly terminal disease.
My heart goes out to those "normal" folks who can't comprehend our insanity but are caught up in the consequences of our disease.
Bob
We all don't make it.
Addiction/alcoholism is a progressive deadly terminal disease.
My heart goes out to those "normal" folks who can't comprehend our insanity but are caught up in the consequences of our disease.
Bob
I'm sorry for your loss. You know deep down that there was not a thing that you could have done. It was his battle and unfortunately he lost. All of us on here wonder if/when it will be our turn to have to go through this. Our hearts are with you.
Michelle
Michelle
Thank you all so much. With every passing day I know it will get better. I try to remember all the good moments. I'm gonna focus on me and help myself overcome everything that's happened. Sometimes I just let my mind wonder and thats when I start to feel guilty and anxious. Just feel like its a bad dream and that he will call me. I know I have to just keep busy and pray. I'm happy I have a great support system.
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss and of the pain you and he both had as a result of his addiction. My heart hurts for you.
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Try to get counseling for yourself, it will help. Perhaps a nar-anon meeting. Two people who lost loved ones still attend my nar-anon meeting. They are very wise and comforting. I have to say I have never felt more welcome than at a meeting. A rush of warmth came over me and a weight was lifted off my shoulders as I sat and listened and eventually shared.
We cannot fix our addicts. If we could we would. No amount of love can do it either. Believe me, we have all tried. We can't make them choose recovery, we can't make them make the right decisions. We all have tried so hard to save them. There was nothing you did or didn't do that caused this. They were all his choices. I hope that you eventually find comfort and peace. I'm a firm believer that our loved ones are with us after they pass and I'm sure if he could he would tell you it was his actions that brought him there and that he appreciates everything you did to try to help him.
We cannot fix our addicts. If we could we would. No amount of love can do it either. Believe me, we have all tried. We can't make them choose recovery, we can't make them make the right decisions. We all have tried so hard to save them. There was nothing you did or didn't do that caused this. They were all his choices. I hope that you eventually find comfort and peace. I'm a firm believer that our loved ones are with us after they pass and I'm sure if he could he would tell you it was his actions that brought him there and that he appreciates everything you did to try to help him.
