beware: The is a rant by a hormonal pregnant lady. 13 months and a few days off smack. While using 3 years and some change I hardley ever saw a doctor. I was a normal weight. Only got sick enough to be in the hospital once due to a staf infection. CLEAN I gained 40 TO 50! pounds and I think i'm falling APART. Was put on glucophage a blood sugar med. Got pregnant. Just got a + result on a pap smear test for high grade cell changes possible "cervical cancer". Failed a pregnancy blood sugar fasting test now, the OB wants to talk about insulin injection lol. The last thing I need is a needle, I don't THINK I could handle that AT ALL. GOD, IS THIS a TEST? Where did all this crap come from. I'm so overwhelmed. I am worried about how the cervical stuff will affect this pregnancy THOU the doc said untreated it will not effect birth. I will not concent to a biospy untill after delivery against the doctors wishes and advice, I think the risk is to great, the changes will not kill me for a long time left alone but, going poking around is a risk of my baby. The doc wants to know exactly whats going on before birth to start a treatment plan. She said there is only a small change of heavy bleeding after the biospy LOL a SMALL chance is not worth taking. It was nicer just drifting thou life not giving a CARE in the world. This just SUCKS. The bad pap test would have sent me right for a bag if I was not pregnant. This all makes this clean time feel like a HUGE waste. I know that is addiction talking. I know it was not a waste but, that makes me feel no better about anything. I'm clean now but, i'm all fu*c*d up.
Dont no what to asay u need a reply though where i live there is f*** all to do . i no its bad but sometimes, even though ive got great mates at the end of the day when all is said and done (litterally) the world can f*** off and i can't think of anyway to make life sweeter........ but sweet things make things rot and if you are holding on to a rising balloon u r posed with a question hold on as long as you can untill the air gets too thin to breeth or let go before it gets too late.... but some of us are already orbital and are s*** scared of gravity ..find me a space station to live on cos i am f***ING s*** scared of falling and who will i land on when i hit earth,. i need a parachute made of subutex but still there is a drop at the end and last time i checked the ground was cold rough and f***ING ROCK SOLID!!!! Yours always and never Dani Boy Gotta go see the pipes they are calling and i can no longer hear the screams of those who care but i still know they are there..dus this still count.... i f***ing hope so cos you cannot put out a fire with tears alone
