Where do I start.the distance is building, a rift is forming, weather I want to acknowledge that or not, it is happening. I have been there with him but now I have chosen not to, 12 years was enough for me. Now for him the choice is to continue, to grow to drink piss to consume and to get high and become a zombie. The worst thing is the behaviour with the addiction that our family has to endure weather we are the addict or not.
He swings like a pendulum, two and fro. If he isnt a zombie or spiting from drinking too many beers, he is short tempered and nutting out over anything he can pinpoint. He is a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode at any point in time and at anyone just so he has a reason to use. It is hard to understand or to explain to him as an addict can only ever see getting the next hit over and over again at any cost no matter what.
The other side of him is loving, is giving, is hardworking, and is funny and such a lover. We do get so close I giggle and smile just to look in his eyes to be by him and then a rift occurs. Like a bridge I cross from heaven to hell on a regular basis.
And for me I am becoming submissive, willing to let him have his way. I keep telling myself he works hard he deserves it..but do I. In some way I feel if I ask someone for help or tell someone about what is happening in our whanau, I would be narking on him. I would be betraying him. Submission seems easier than fighting or causing a drama. But now I am starting to resent him and I dont want to go there. I feel like an only parent sometimes its like he is here, he exists but he isnt, not really not my husband just a tiny part of him, a distorted version. Lost and lonely I post this glimpse of my world to the rest so I might find some hope in the midst of my chaos.
The other side of him is loving, is giving, is hardworking, and is funny and such a lover. We do get so close I giggle and smile just to look in his eyes to be by him and then a rift occurs. Like a bridge I cross from heaven to hell on a regular basis.
Dear Jo,
I am sorry you are in this bittersweet torment. I have no solid advice for you as I am trying to get through my own storm right now; but I suspect you will get a lot of support from here.
I will pray for you today Jo.
Donna*
I am sorry you are in this bittersweet torment. I have no solid advice for you as I am trying to get through my own storm right now; but I suspect you will get a lot of support from here.
I will pray for you today Jo.
Donna*
I don't know where you hope your hope will lie. Are you hoping to repair this relationship or are you hoping for a future out of it? You sound like you have had enough, but keep reminding yourself that he can be lovely aswell.
I don't like what I hear when you say you are becoming submissive and excusing him because he works hard. It doesn't matter how hard he works, nobody should have to lie down and become a doormat for someone else. He certainly doesn't deserve that kind of power over you.
I presume he is a pot head as you posted on this board. The friends and families board might be right up your street - why don't you have a look. I seem to look at all of them!
I don't like what I hear when you say you are becoming submissive and excusing him because he works hard. It doesn't matter how hard he works, nobody should have to lie down and become a doormat for someone else. He certainly doesn't deserve that kind of power over you.
I presume he is a pot head as you posted on this board. The friends and families board might be right up your street - why don't you have a look. I seem to look at all of them!
Dearest Joe-D,
I am so sorry to hear the pain in your post. It took courage to come here and "talk". Please take comfort in knowing I have been where you are emotionally and there is hope, ok. As difficult as it may be right now, it is very important that you find a love of something that isn't in any way related to him. Something that is all your own. I encourage to read, read read this board and the family board and the many featured options above and the different approaches on this guide. Something will click with you towards your well-being and please come back and share whatever you are comfortable with. One small step for YOU. If you are feeling isolated, this is a safe place to share.
Love and Light,
Diana
I am so sorry to hear the pain in your post. It took courage to come here and "talk". Please take comfort in knowing I have been where you are emotionally and there is hope, ok. As difficult as it may be right now, it is very important that you find a love of something that isn't in any way related to him. Something that is all your own. I encourage to read, read read this board and the family board and the many featured options above and the different approaches on this guide. Something will click with you towards your well-being and please come back and share whatever you are comfortable with. One small step for YOU. If you are feeling isolated, this is a safe place to share.
Love and Light,
Diana
I can relate to your story and was wondering how you are doing now. I am in the midst of a very similar story, and don't know what to do. I hope you are finding your way, and peace in your life
