I don't know where to start. I was reading over some of the stories here and I am just heartbroken and feel so lost. So many of you remind me of me and my family in this horrible corn-maze of watching someone you love die of meth-addiction right before your eyes... :(
My ex and I were married for 12 years. He was my lover, my confidant, the father of my 2 daughters and my best friend. It wasn't until the latter part of our marriage that he started using heroin---and I finally figured it out. I helped him "kick" heroin 3 times, and managed to keep my head above water, all the while raising our 2 young daughters in the process. The last time I caught him with heroin was the last straw and I decided that was it for me. I had had enough. I just couldn't go through another 3-4 weeks of him going cold turkey and having to send our children to their Grandparents so I could babysit my drug-addicted husband yet again. I also knew the potential for relapsing was very high, as he had relapsed twice before. It was just too much for me and my girls. We separated 3 years ago and are finally divorced.
Over the last year I started noticing little nuances. He would avoid talking to me in person when we would do pick-up and drop-off of our kids. He would get super agitated, acting highly paranoid over the phone when we would discuss anything to do with them, arguing about anything and everything that possibly went across his mind. Then I started to notice that he was dropping weight fairly rapidly. It wasn't until the beginning of this summer that I really noticed his decline. My daughters would catch him with glass tubes and passed out on the recliner in his living room and said that the whole house smelled like burning nail polish. My oldest would tell me things that I absolutely couldn't believe, but I know now to be true. He is 6'5. He used to be in wonderful physical shape , weighing about 200 lbs.--all muscle. He now weighs probably close to 110 lbs. He has scabs all over his body. I would say that about half of his teeth are either missing or brown and rotten. He also looks like he is in his late 60's and he will be 49 this November. He has grey circles under his eyes and when I look at him, I don't even see a shadow of the man I once knew. My daughters are absolutely devastated and can't understand why they can't go back to see Daddy. They know that he is really sick but are just not emotionally equipped and/or capable of understanding how detrimental it would be to them to be around him. I called and reported these things to both DCFS and the local police, only to be brushed under the table EVERY SINGLE TIME. He has become a master manipulator and liar to cover his drug-use and is very convincing to everyone he's been confronted by. --Until now. The state is finally listening to me and my children and are investigating it more seriously. -Thank God.
I'm scared. I'm heartbroken. I find that I reserve time after my daughters go to bed to bawl my eyes out and do as much research online about this HIDEOUS monster called 'meth' that is ruining someone that is still so dear to me, but especially to my children. How do I help him? He needs help! The last time I had a conversation with him on the phone, I told him that I knew that he was using meth and that our kids were safe with me and he needed to take this opportunity to get well. Obviously he didn't hear a word I said... He is convinced that I hate him and that the world is basically against him. He is still denying any drug use, but ironically, hasn't fought to see our kids since I told him he couldn't be around them anymore. My children need their father-HEALTHY. Not in this post-apocalyptic-zombie state that he seems to be in.
PLEASE HELP! Any advice and or thoughts are very welcome. I wish love and health to all of you who are either a victim of this drug or loved ones of someone who is.
God bless.
-T
My dear, you are NOT alone. I'm in the same situation as you. I only have 1 daughter though.
It's pitiful. The feelings are that of grief, as if they have already died, shame and guilt over what you could possibly do or did for this to happen.
I'm sure you feel betrayed and neglected.
Then you have children that don't understand and knowing they are hurt too is heart breaking.
It's like watching your loved one jump off into the oven and can't swim. They want to drown. They don't want your help. Even if you throw them a life jacket their choice is to drown.
Recently I've attended several Alanon meetings and have learned that there are TONS of people in our situation.
Some stay, some leave their loved ones.
I left. I left for me and I left for my child.
No one can parent high. A tweeker or spouse high on dope can't do anything but dope.
Unfortunately it is painful to know that you nor your children are a priority anymore. Dope has taken the place of family. Dope doesn't care. Dope took our home, dope took our stability and dope destroyed my world.
By the grace of Gpd I got out. I took my child and left!
It was the hardest and best desicion I've made in my life.
I was not having that circus ing life.
Nothing good comes of meth. Jail or death or both.
Pray, journal, go to Alanon and tell yourself that you are better and deserve more than the scrapes you're getting now. Trust me. I've lived this nightmare for 4 years.
Just in the past 2 weeks I've noticed I'm no longer crying all day.
I'm living my life and have become happy because I let it go. God has it now. It's too much for me to deal with.
I'm praying for all of us in this situation. We are not alone
It's pitiful. The feelings are that of grief, as if they have already died, shame and guilt over what you could possibly do or did for this to happen.
I'm sure you feel betrayed and neglected.
Then you have children that don't understand and knowing they are hurt too is heart breaking.
It's like watching your loved one jump off into the oven and can't swim. They want to drown. They don't want your help. Even if you throw them a life jacket their choice is to drown.
Recently I've attended several Alanon meetings and have learned that there are TONS of people in our situation.
Some stay, some leave their loved ones.
I left. I left for me and I left for my child.
No one can parent high. A tweeker or spouse high on dope can't do anything but dope.
Unfortunately it is painful to know that you nor your children are a priority anymore. Dope has taken the place of family. Dope doesn't care. Dope took our home, dope took our stability and dope destroyed my world.
By the grace of Gpd I got out. I took my child and left!
It was the hardest and best desicion I've made in my life.
I was not having that circus ing life.
Nothing good comes of meth. Jail or death or both.
Pray, journal, go to Alanon and tell yourself that you are better and deserve more than the scrapes you're getting now. Trust me. I've lived this nightmare for 4 years.
Just in the past 2 weeks I've noticed I'm no longer crying all day.
I'm living my life and have become happy because I let it go. God has it now. It's too much for me to deal with.
I'm praying for all of us in this situation. We are not alone
Just want to say I'm sorry for what you are going thru. I don't know anyone addicted to Meth. But my son is on heroin. Again, I wish there were some comforting words to share with you. I found this page for comfort too. We can't do ANYTHING which is the most horrible feeling in the world. He has to want to get better. I am recovering from my own demon (alcohol). And I am the only one who has the choice not to pick up a drink. I wanted to stop so many times for my children over the years and I couldn't. I finally just got SICK enough that I was afraid to die and I stopped for 8 years...only to start again last year. I'm on Day 2 of sobriety right now...so I know the power of addiction. He won't stop until HE is SICK....I remember wishing for my son to just either "hurry" and get better or "hurry" and pass.....because watching them DIE is too painful. I hope you find support you need here.
