WELL I GOT A CALL AT WORK TODAY IT SEEMS MY MOM DID A LITTLE INVESTIGATION WORK OVER THE WEEKEND ABOUT THE DRUG SHE HEARD MY FIANCE WAS USING. SHE SAYS I AM CRAZY FOR STAYING WITH HIM AND THAT HE WILL NEVER BE CLEAN ITS A WASTE OF TIME SO ON AND SO FORTH. I KNOW SHE MAY BE RIGHT BUT I DONT WANT TO BELIEVE THAT I WANT HIM TO GET OUT OF JAIL US GET MARRIED AND BE HAPPY EVER AFTER. ONLY GOD KNOWS WHATS REALLY GONNA HAPPEN AND I AM WILLING TO WAIT AND SEE WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED IN THE MEAN TIME I AM GOING TO HAVE TO HEAR MY MOMS BITCHING AND COMPLANING
you need to listen to your mom--and listen to yourself--putting down your mom for caring enough about you to try to get you to see him for what he is and have hope for you having a better life. He introduced you to the drug from hell and you put her down for trying to help you. Look where the drug has put your priorities!!!
MY PRIORITIES ARE VERY MUCH IN LINE MY KIDS MYSELF MY JOB MY SCHOOLING THEN MY FIANCE. I CANT JUST GIVE UP ON HIM AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE ALREADY DONE FOR HIM. I BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS HE DOESNT WANT TO USE ANY MORE REGARDLESS IF HE USES AGAIN. I GUESS I JUST HAVENT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH YET TO HATE HIM OR FEEL ANGRY TOWARD HIM I AM STILL FEELING SORRY.
HI! I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR POSTS. YOU SOUND JUST LIKE A FRIEND OF MINE. YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM. I KNOW IT IS EAST TO SAY THAT, AND DOING IT SEEMS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE, BUT IT CAN BE DONE. DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WORRYING, AND TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE THAT CAN ONLY HELP THEMSELVES? HE MAY SAY HE WANTS TO QUIT, BUT IF I WERE YOU, I WOULDNT BELIEVE IT TILL YOU SEE PROGRESS. USERS ARE LIARS! NOT ALL USERS. BUT MOST. DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF. YOU SEEMS LIKE A VERY NICE CARING PERSON! STOP TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES AND PROTECT HIM. WOULD HE DO THAT FOR YOU? I COULDNT BELIEVE WHEN YOU WROTE THAT YOU HAD TO LISTEN TO YOU MOM b**** AND COMPLAIN. SHE OBVIOUSLY CARES ABOUT YOU, AND IT SEEMS LIKE ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THE USER. GOOD LUCK! =0)
ALSO, YOU DONT HAVE TO HATE HIM... YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF!
something else that you said is that you are willing to wait and see what God has planned. Did God plan for you to listen to your bf and use this horrible drug--I don't think so. There are other voices that we listen to---sometimes the devil--just be sure you are really seeing what God has planned and not listening to what Satan has planned for you
CURIOUS.. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. IF SHE WAITS FOR WHATS SHE "THINKS "GODS PLAN IS, HER LIFE WILL BE SPENT DEALING WITH THIS ADDICT! ONLY YOU CAN DETERMINE THE OUTCOME OF YOUR LIFE, NOT "GODS PLAN". JERRESE, DO YOU THINK GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO WASTE YOUR OWN LIFE AWAY? ASK YOURSELF THAT
POSTED A MESSAGE ALREADY BUT I AM DESPERATE MY FIRST TIME TO USE ICE WAS THIS WEEKEND OVER 160.00 BETWEEN MYSELF AND MY BOYFRIEND THAT I KNEW DID IT OCCASIONALY AND WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO STAY OUT OF IT. I WENT OUT WITH HIM ANDHIS FRIENDS AND BEFORE WE GO THERE HE ASKED ME TO DO IT. I REFUSED AT FIRST BUT I GAVE IN AND 2 DAYS LATER NO SLEEP AND NO FOOD I AM SCARED THAT I AM ADDICTED THAT QUICK. IT IS ALL I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ALL DAY AT WORK. I JUST WANT TO GET BACK UP SO I WILL FELL BETTER. I AM DIZZY AND SICK TO MY STOMACHE I THINK I MAY BE RUNNING A FEVER WILL THIS PASS AND EVERYTHING GO BACK TO NORMAL OR WILL IT TAKE THE DRUG TO GET ME THERE
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this was your original post,...... look at what he has gotten you to do? and then you complain because your mother cares about you?
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this was your original post,...... look at what he has gotten you to do? and then you complain because your mother cares about you?
I WASNT COMPLAINING BECAUSE SHE CARES I WAS COMPLAINING BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE COMES AT ME. SHE HAS NEVER UNDERSTOOD THE CHOICES THAT I MADE SHE DOESNT LOOK AT ANYTHING POSITVLY EVERYTHING SHE SEES IS THE NEGATIVE SIDE. I AM GOING TO SCHOOL AND HAVE HELD DOWN THE SAME JOB FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS MY DAUGHTERS ARE WELL FED AND TAKEN CARE OF MY SON IS ALSO. I STRUGGLE EVERY DAY AS A SINGLE PARENT OF 3 JUST TO GET CRITICISED WHEN AM I GOING TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT IN HER EYES. I HAVE HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO HER OTHER WISE I WOULDNT BE AROUND SHE DEPRESSES ME AND EVERYTHING AROUND HER. SHE CALLS MY JOB TO YELL AT ME ABOUT MY ROOM I AM GROWN IF I WANT MY SHOES IN A PILE IN THE CORNER THEN THATS WHERE THEY ARE GOING TO BE BUT SHE DOESNT SEE IT LIKE THAT SHE THINKS I SHOULD BE JUST LIKE HER AND I AM NOT. I CANT DEAL WITH HER ANY MORE SHE BEGGED AND CRIED THE WHOLE TIME I WAS OUT ON MY OWN THE TIME I WAS TRULY HAPPY BUT BECAUSE SHE SAID IT WAS KILLING HER I MOVED BACK HOME NOW ITS KILLING ME.
I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. I ALSO LIVE AT HOME AND IT SUC**! I JUST FEEL FOR YOU, AND I DONT WANT YOU TO THINK THAT THERE IS NOT A GUY OUT THERE THAT WOULD LOVE YOU AND PUT YOU 1ST RATHER THAN DRUGS! I HAVE A FRIEND GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH CRACK, AND SHE WILL NOT LEAVE HIM EITHER. SHE KEEPS SUPPORTING HIM AND BEING THERE, BUT I JUST DOUNT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH YOU CAN TAKE AS ONE PERSON! ITS GOOD TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE DOING WELL IN YOUR LIFE, I JUST KNOW FROM HER SITUATION THAT SHE SUPPORTS HIM IN EVERY WAY, AND HE WOULD TURN AROUND AND USE, AND THROE AWAY EVERYTHING IN A HEART BEAT. JUST ASK YOURSELF "WHERE WILL I BE IN 10 YEARS" IF YOU CANT ANSWER IT, OR IF YOU THINK YOU WILL BE DOING THE SAME THING( DEALING WITH A USER) THINK TWICE ABOUT STANDING BY YOUR MAN GOOD LUCK! MUCH LOVE! =0)
UMMMMMM that's a hard one. I know you and I have talked about our mothers. I think they have the best intentions but sometimes their advise doesn't come out very wrong.
First, you have to understand your mom is going to freak, not only is this a drug that she has no clue about (except from the internet) but you are her daughter. I think the mama lion kicked in and she is trying to protect her baby cub the only way she knows how. It might come across as bit***ing but take it for what its worth.
Second, I understand you are a single mom, I am too of two little ones. 4 and 71/2 months, I know finanavilly is sucks, but maybe when you can afford it move out. I don't know if that's an option right now, but maybe it's worth looking in to. You know what you can handle.
Third, hmmmm I think it's a good thing that the wedding is on hold. That does not mean anything. A lot can happen in 18 month (right?). I mean, maybe the time apart, you will gain some strenght, maybe he will get some help. I don't think you should think about what will happen when he gets out. Just try to focus on now. B/c you have a lot going on, keep up with that. If you want keep visiting, but put your boundaries in place and don't let him manipluate you. Remember that it's him that is in jail, not you. you continue to live, let him think now. He should be begging for your forgiveness, have you tried any meeting?? Kinda of wired, me trying to give advise!! It is so easy to give, not so easy to take.
LOL
Jenny
First, you have to understand your mom is going to freak, not only is this a drug that she has no clue about (except from the internet) but you are her daughter. I think the mama lion kicked in and she is trying to protect her baby cub the only way she knows how. It might come across as bit***ing but take it for what its worth.
Second, I understand you are a single mom, I am too of two little ones. 4 and 71/2 months, I know finanavilly is sucks, but maybe when you can afford it move out. I don't know if that's an option right now, but maybe it's worth looking in to. You know what you can handle.
Third, hmmmm I think it's a good thing that the wedding is on hold. That does not mean anything. A lot can happen in 18 month (right?). I mean, maybe the time apart, you will gain some strenght, maybe he will get some help. I don't think you should think about what will happen when he gets out. Just try to focus on now. B/c you have a lot going on, keep up with that. If you want keep visiting, but put your boundaries in place and don't let him manipluate you. Remember that it's him that is in jail, not you. you continue to live, let him think now. He should be begging for your forgiveness, have you tried any meeting?? Kinda of wired, me trying to give advise!! It is so easy to give, not so easy to take.
LOL
Jenny
YEAH I COULDNT AGREE MORE WITH THE EASY TO GIVE THAN TAKE THING JENNY. I JUST MOVED OUT OF MY APARTMENT AT THE BEGINING OF THIS MONTH MY MOM WAS HAVING A FIT OVER THE GRAND KIDS NOT LIVING THERE AND SHE NEEDED HELP WITH HER RENT AND YADAYADA YADA SO I MOVED BACK IN WITH HER. THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE I WAS SET FINANCLY TO STAY RIGHT WHERE I WAS NOW I AM GIVING HER MONEY ONLY TO TURN AROUND AND BOROW IT RIGHT BACK I PAY THE SAME AMOUNT OF RENT LIVING AT HOME THAT I WAS LIVING IN MY 3 BEDROOM APARTMENT AND I NOW HAVE NO PRIVACY WHAT SO EVER. I AM JUST IN A REALLY DOWN MOOD SORRY TO BE NAGGING AND COMPLAINING SO MUCH.
J reese
keep nagging, it's the only way for some sort of sanity. Hey I have a question for you.......
Should I ask my husband if he ever took the kids over to the dealers house? There was a time last year when he took our son of the someones house and spebt hours over there. I think I know the answer but I want to hear it from him, maybe so I can bit** and scream at him. I have a tons of questions like that. Question that I want to ask but I know I don't want to hear the answer. Does that make any sense?? It almost like I want to jab the knife further into my back and set myself up to hurt. Have you ever asked questions that you don't want to know the answer?? He would probably lie anyway, I have the gut feeling on this one. Why do I do this to myself??
Jenny
keep nagging, it's the only way for some sort of sanity. Hey I have a question for you.......
Should I ask my husband if he ever took the kids over to the dealers house? There was a time last year when he took our son of the someones house and spebt hours over there. I think I know the answer but I want to hear it from him, maybe so I can bit** and scream at him. I have a tons of questions like that. Question that I want to ask but I know I don't want to hear the answer. Does that make any sense?? It almost like I want to jab the knife further into my back and set myself up to hurt. Have you ever asked questions that you don't want to know the answer?? He would probably lie anyway, I have the gut feeling on this one. Why do I do this to myself??
Jenny
Hey Jenny,
I want to fill you in on something when you stop asking questions usually the answers come. I know this I stopped asking, badgering back in Novemeber when my husband started his very bumpy road to recovery and slowly he is putting everything out there. I have got more info by not asking. I even got stuff I am not sure I ever wanted to know. He shares much more now, his thoughts, feelings.....His life from the very beginning when drugs became a part of it.
This is a hard call but I will tell you bitching will not in any way shape or form help things....and asking why he does what he does isn't a good question either....they don't know and it will shut them right down....
Look if you are going to stay you have to take yourself out of thier insanity and live life.....They are not living while using, they are dying.....
Ok Jresse I know someone who is addicted to meth. They are spun out big time. It is not a nice road, a nice life.....Please take things slowly and carefully if you are going to keep the relationship going. And please never ever do what he is doing again, this is a road you really will not find any type of happiness on....Live life to the fullest for you and your children....
Hugs to both of you,
Tina
I want to fill you in on something when you stop asking questions usually the answers come. I know this I stopped asking, badgering back in Novemeber when my husband started his very bumpy road to recovery and slowly he is putting everything out there. I have got more info by not asking. I even got stuff I am not sure I ever wanted to know. He shares much more now, his thoughts, feelings.....His life from the very beginning when drugs became a part of it.
This is a hard call but I will tell you bitching will not in any way shape or form help things....and asking why he does what he does isn't a good question either....they don't know and it will shut them right down....
Look if you are going to stay you have to take yourself out of thier insanity and live life.....They are not living while using, they are dying.....
Ok Jresse I know someone who is addicted to meth. They are spun out big time. It is not a nice road, a nice life.....Please take things slowly and carefully if you are going to keep the relationship going. And please never ever do what he is doing again, this is a road you really will not find any type of happiness on....Live life to the fullest for you and your children....
Hugs to both of you,
Tina
God can and will work out any problem that you may have if only you invite him. He's waiting for you, why not give him a try. He has already taken care of your problem!!! It's up to you to see your remedy...it's in front of you if you only look hard enough. God is all you need, but you must first know him and the promises he's made to you. Pick up the Bible and read it for yourself.
Give God all your problems and watch how your life change!!!!
It's all for His Glory!!!
Give God all your problems and watch how your life change!!!!
It's all for His Glory!!!
JENNY 123
I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ONE. I DONT THINK IT COULD HURT TO ASK BUT ARE READY FOR THE ANSWER YOUR GONNA GET. I MEAN IF HE DID THEN ITS OVER AND DONE AND BE THANKFULL THE KIDS ARE OK. IF YOU HAVE THAT FEELING THAN I AM SURE LIKE THE FEELINGS YOU AND I BOTH GET THAT YOU ARE RIGHT AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION. ONE THING I DID WAS LEAVE MY KIDS WITH TONEY ONCE FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES THE COPS SHOWED UP AT THE APARTMENT AND HE RAN LEAVING THEM ALL THERE ALONE. THANK GOD THEY WERE SLEEPING AND I WAS HOME IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HID OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT BY THE MAILBOXES SO HE COULD SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON SO FROM THAT DAY ON I NEVER TRUSTED HIM WITH MY KIDS NOT EVEN TO TAKE THEM OUTSIDE TO PLAY. THERE ARE JUST SOME WITH COMMEN SINCE TO KNOW NOT TO LEAVE THEM ALONE AND NOT TO TAKE THEM TO THE DEALERS HOUSE AND SOME THAT ARENT WHAT CATAGORY DO YOU THINK HE FALLS IN. I DO ASK QUESTIONS THAT I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER SINCE TONY HAS BEEN IN JAIL AND I HAVE HIS CELL SEVERAL GIRLS THAT I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT HAVE CALLED. I KNEW ABOUT THE ONES THAT WORKED FOR HIM BUT NOTHING ABOUT THESE OTHERS HE SWEARS THEY WORK FOR HIM ALSO AND HIS EX CALLED HE SWORE HE TOLD HER ABOUT ME BUT SHE ACTED VERY SHOCKED TO HEAR ME ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE.
I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ONE. I DONT THINK IT COULD HURT TO ASK BUT ARE READY FOR THE ANSWER YOUR GONNA GET. I MEAN IF HE DID THEN ITS OVER AND DONE AND BE THANKFULL THE KIDS ARE OK. IF YOU HAVE THAT FEELING THAN I AM SURE LIKE THE FEELINGS YOU AND I BOTH GET THAT YOU ARE RIGHT AND YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION. ONE THING I DID WAS LEAVE MY KIDS WITH TONEY ONCE FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES THE COPS SHOWED UP AT THE APARTMENT AND HE RAN LEAVING THEM ALL THERE ALONE. THANK GOD THEY WERE SLEEPING AND I WAS HOME IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HID OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT BY THE MAILBOXES SO HE COULD SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON SO FROM THAT DAY ON I NEVER TRUSTED HIM WITH MY KIDS NOT EVEN TO TAKE THEM OUTSIDE TO PLAY. THERE ARE JUST SOME WITH COMMEN SINCE TO KNOW NOT TO LEAVE THEM ALONE AND NOT TO TAKE THEM TO THE DEALERS HOUSE AND SOME THAT ARENT WHAT CATAGORY DO YOU THINK HE FALLS IN. I DO ASK QUESTIONS THAT I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER SINCE TONY HAS BEEN IN JAIL AND I HAVE HIS CELL SEVERAL GIRLS THAT I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT HAVE CALLED. I KNEW ABOUT THE ONES THAT WORKED FOR HIM BUT NOTHING ABOUT THESE OTHERS HE SWEARS THEY WORK FOR HIM ALSO AND HIS EX CALLED HE SWORE HE TOLD HER ABOUT ME BUT SHE ACTED VERY SHOCKED TO HEAR ME ON THE OTHER END OF THE PHONE.
J reese I got a letter from him last night. I was everything I wanted to hear. Things that I have waiting to hear. Well now that I have the letter in my hands, it's not what I want to hear. Does that make sense. I have been waiting forever to hear the words that he wrote. But after learning about manipultion and all the others stuff I know now it ruined the letter. I am sure he loves me but he isn't using in jail. This sucks big time. I love him and a know he loves me but his words don't mean sh** anymore, b/c he has lied about everything. He is in jail so I don't see any actions. I am soooooo confused. I know I shouldn't even think about what will happen in the future, but I do, I almost can;t help it.
I am starting to get lonely. I have my kids but I am starting to miss him.
Jenny
I am starting to get lonely. I have my kids but I am starting to miss him.
Jenny
JENNY
I KNOW HOW YOUR FEELING. ALMOST EXACLTY EXEPT YALL HAVE MORE OF A PAST THEM MYSELF AND TONY THIS IS OUR FIRST RUN AROUND. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU TO MAKE THINGS ANY EASIER OR I WOULD BE TELLING THEM TO MYSELF. WAS HE TRYING AT ALL BEFORE HE GOT LOCKED UP OR WAS HE IN DENIAL THAT IS WAS A PROBLEM I CANT REMEMBER IF I ASKED YOU THAT ALREADY BUT IF SO I CANT REMEMBER THE ANSWER EITHER. I NOW THAT I AM GOING TO STICK BY MY GUY AS LONG AS IT ISNT HARMFUL TO MYSELF OR MY CHILDREN. I ALSO KNOW THAT THE FIRST TIME HE EVER GET ABUSIVE VERBALY OR PHYSICLY I WILL BE GONE NO QUESTIONS ASKED. I WAS MARRIED TO A MAN THAT THREW ME THROUGH A WINDOW IN FIRST OF MY THREE YEAR OLD WHO IS NOW 6 BUT IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE I LOVED HIM BUT I LEARNED MY LESSON WITH THAT AND ITS ALOT EASIER ALONE AND BROKEN HEARTED THEN WITH SOMEONE THATS ABUSIVE IN ANY WAY. I AM VERY THANKFUL THAT I DONT SEE THAT OUT OF TONY HE HAS GOTTEN AGRESIVE BUT NEVER PUT HIS HANDS ON ME OR DOWN GRADED ME AN ANY WAY THAT HAS A BIG PART IN MY DECISION TO STAY.. HAS HE BEEN ABUSIVE WITH YOU IF SO I WOULD REALLY LET HIM GO. I KNOW THATS EASY FOR ME TO SAY BUT IT WASNT EASY FOR ME TO HEAR A COUPLE YEARS AGO BUT I WAS BETTER OFF ONCE I LISTENED TO WHAT I WAS BEING TOLD.
I KNOW HOW YOUR FEELING. ALMOST EXACLTY EXEPT YALL HAVE MORE OF A PAST THEM MYSELF AND TONY THIS IS OUR FIRST RUN AROUND. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU TO MAKE THINGS ANY EASIER OR I WOULD BE TELLING THEM TO MYSELF. WAS HE TRYING AT ALL BEFORE HE GOT LOCKED UP OR WAS HE IN DENIAL THAT IS WAS A PROBLEM I CANT REMEMBER IF I ASKED YOU THAT ALREADY BUT IF SO I CANT REMEMBER THE ANSWER EITHER. I NOW THAT I AM GOING TO STICK BY MY GUY AS LONG AS IT ISNT HARMFUL TO MYSELF OR MY CHILDREN. I ALSO KNOW THAT THE FIRST TIME HE EVER GET ABUSIVE VERBALY OR PHYSICLY I WILL BE GONE NO QUESTIONS ASKED. I WAS MARRIED TO A MAN THAT THREW ME THROUGH A WINDOW IN FIRST OF MY THREE YEAR OLD WHO IS NOW 6 BUT IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO LEAVE HIM BECAUSE I LOVED HIM BUT I LEARNED MY LESSON WITH THAT AND ITS ALOT EASIER ALONE AND BROKEN HEARTED THEN WITH SOMEONE THATS ABUSIVE IN ANY WAY. I AM VERY THANKFUL THAT I DONT SEE THAT OUT OF TONY HE HAS GOTTEN AGRESIVE BUT NEVER PUT HIS HANDS ON ME OR DOWN GRADED ME AN ANY WAY THAT HAS A BIG PART IN MY DECISION TO STAY.. HAS HE BEEN ABUSIVE WITH YOU IF SO I WOULD REALLY LET HIM GO. I KNOW THATS EASY FOR ME TO SAY BUT IT WASNT EASY FOR ME TO HEAR A COUPLE YEARS AGO BUT I WAS BETTER OFF ONCE I LISTENED TO WHAT I WAS BEING TOLD.
