hi,
I'm just looking for some help and advice. I don't know where to turn.
I've been with my partner for 4 years; and now we have a six month baby girl.
When we met, he smoked cannabis and we spent most of our time together out drinking in the evening but what young couple at college doesn't? He had a job and a car and everything seemed normal.
Now he is 29 this year and for about six months has been drinking almost every day, usually 4 -6 cans of lager aswell as an ounce of cannabis each week. He hasn't worked in years and only gets 65 benefit every week, so do the maths! I have to get out money from my savings to pay for groceries and the car etc.
He doesn't think he has a problem with the drink, but he is also on antidepressents and olanzapine. He went to bed at 6.30pm this evening after drinking all but one glass of the bottle of wine I bought myself to replace the one he drank which was a birthday present for me ( he also had 3 cans of beer). and I didn't get a card or present for my bday. He borrowed money off his grandparents telling them he was going to buy me a present but spent it on cannabis. They gave him 50 from them for my bday but I only got 15 of it the rest spent on pot as well. I spent the 15 on food. He did this last year as well and then lies and says he's taken me out somewhere nice. He drank the bottle of wine from my brother to my mum at xmas. It's this behaviour I find most depressing. He nags and pesters untill I give him money for pot and any cash I leave in my purse gets spent on beer.He makes out like i'm over reacting all the time. I'd say he's spent 10,000 in the last year, of my money, on beer and cannabis. he spends 120 a week on pot.
I'm startng to feel tired and like everything is on top of me. I feel a bit depressed but he has no sympathy. His doctor has signed him off with clinical depression but I'm the one who goes out to the shops without brushing her hair or putting on clean clothes because I feel so low and useless.
sorry, I mean't 10,000 over 2 and a half years.
I think it is a good idea for you to find an alanon meeting and order some alanon literature. THey have a UK website that can deliver within a week.It will help with your feelings of depression. I was feeling exactly how you are (minus the baby) My heart breaks for you but there are ways out. Learn as much as you can about alcoholism but focus on yourself and your baby. Try not to focus on his drinking There are so many posts on the family and partners of addicts section on this message board which will help you. So many people in your situation who have recovered.. and who still have happy relationships. Glad you are loooking for help and have identified that there is a problem.
Find that meeting, it will get you on teh road to understanding yourself and the situation and shows what you can do to make your lives more "liveable" Things can change. There are ways out and it doesn't necessarily mean you must leave the one you love.
This is heart wrenching for you.. but there is so many people who have come through what you are going through and are happy (!happier than most!!) You have made the first step .. best of luck.
L.X
Find that meeting, it will get you on teh road to understanding yourself and the situation and shows what you can do to make your lives more "liveable" Things can change. There are ways out and it doesn't necessarily mean you must leave the one you love.
This is heart wrenching for you.. but there is so many people who have come through what you are going through and are happy (!happier than most!!) You have made the first step .. best of luck.
L.X
