Yesterday, I meant with my sponsor. I hadn't seen her for almost two weeks; as she had surgery. I had written down that our next meeting we'd start step four. She said no we need to finish step 3. OK, She wanted to meet at a chapel. She reads pg. 58 to the top of pg. 64, from BB. She has told me several times that she go's strictly by the BB.
Now we will start step 4 at our next meeting. I bring up that there won't be much on it as I have worked through nearly all of my resentments, causes and have become aware of my part. This has been done in therapy and as a group, with my addiction support group. I mustn't forget a huge part of this is my HP/God. She seems to be OK with this. I then tell her that I have thought through and spoken to a few people that I'm close to about doing step 5. I have made a decision to do this step with my therapist that I've been seeing for 15 months.
Her reaction was not positive. She took offense to it and said that I didn't trust her. That if I won't, or can't do it with her I would need to find another sponsor. I paused and said I respect your value system and decision. She said that she has to do it the way she was taught only. Again I said OK. She told me that I wasn't ready and that I wasn't willing. I said no I'm ready and want to continue. It's just that I've made a decision not to do step 5 with you. I reminded her twice in the conversation that the BB says a person can do this step with clergy, a close mouthed friend, a doctor, a psychologist, or a family member who will not be affected by it. She apperaed to be flustered and taken back by my decision. She starts to look in the BB and still doesn't see it clearly written on pg. 74. I don't tell her it's on pg. such and such. I again remind her that this is an intimate and confidential step. That rightfully and naturally, I've thought this out and it's my choice to choose who I pick to tell my story to. She then begins to tell me about that if I don't do it and do it throughly I will relapse. Maybe so maybe not. The fear and intimidation ploy does not sit well with me. These are suggestions, not absolutes. I've had to many past experiences of fear and intimidation in my life. It has not served me well in life. I've worked hard with my therapist and my HP/God to find my own voice in life. She also states that step 5 is to be done immediately after step 4. That step 4 has 4 columns and she uses no guidebook, or worksheet. I didn't say anything. My head however was saying that there should be some time in between to let it all sink in. To really process step 4. She then says we are headed for an argument. I pause and say no. I have no intention of arguing with you. I tell her I've made a well thought out decision. I tell her one more time that I understand and respect her decision. I don't even ask her to try and understand and respect mine. I wait for her response. She wishes me the best of luck and asks me if I will be at the usual meeting tonight. I say no I have scheduled time with my husband to discuss business matters. I didn't remind her that I left her a voice mail the night before, explaining this and I would attend the noon meeting more than likely. She asked me for a hug and said goodbye Chris. Her tone of voice wasn't what I would have liked to have heard.
She calls later that evening and leaves me a message apologizing for being nippy with me and says she's sorry if she hurt my feelings. That it was her own issue. She also would like a call back. I don't like take other peoples inventory, but I'm human. My initial thoughts and feeling were not hurt. I too was taken back. Mainly because she go's only by the BB. I even had my husband read pg. 74. To make sure my interpretation wasn't wrong. I appreciated her calling me. Her 10 stepping. I too had ten stepped myself earlier. I think I could have presented my decision, my words, more effectively. Emphasizing more on please don't take my decision personal. It isn't about you. It's about me.
I'm not willing to open up my black book of sins and secrets with someone who I don't know very well. My first one on one meeting with her was on 4/14/08. However, I'm willing to do it with a person whom I've known longer. I didn't want to say I'll do this with someone I trust more, yet it is the truth. I don't like making people feel bad, or inferior, not that I haven't. I discussed this on Monday with my therapist. She asked me what is triggering, or driving my fear of disappointing her. I said I'm not sure. She suggested it comes from my past relationships. Mainly my parents.
I also feel uncomfortable with my sponsor at times. It's like I'm wearing a mask. She is a strong Christian woman. She has being studying the word and doing more of the next write things a lot longer then me. I really do like her and respect her. Sometimes I'm not sure I feel comfortable calling myself a Christian. I do believe in the trinity. I do believe in the word. Even when I don't understand it; it's OK. I accept that If I seek and my HP/God wants to reveal understanding, he will. But, I'm not into legalism and rules. I'm into following and becoming more like him. Aligning my thoughts and my behavior to be more like his. To seek his will not mine. Even though I struggle with this at times. I continue to seek, to apply. I'm certainly far from being perfect at this, but I'm willing to keep seeking, knowing I will never know it all. But, I will try to enjoy the journey the best I can.
I see and understand why so many people have turned away from the Church's. My therapist believes too, but she lives in more of what I call reality. I cuss in her office. I know it's not necessarily a good thing. But from a psychological view, it's an effective form of releasing and venting. I'm aware that I do it to much and I'm working on it. My point is I don't feel like I can speak freely with the my ex- sponsor. I can see that there are still many things that I need to work on, not just my language. Yes, It's none of my business what she thinks of me. But, in reality most people want to be accepted and liked.
I will call her back today and tell her I appreciate her call and of course I accept your apology. I will also offer my apology. That perhaps my delivery about my decision could have been handled better. That I view what happened as a opportunity for growth for us both. And if were both willing this could strengthen our relationship. This however I haven't thought through. I don't want a sponsor who is rigid, or not flexible in their teaching style. I'm one who believes there is more than one way to solve problems.
So should I even call her back today? I don't know. I don't want her to wonder, or feel like I'm upset. I'm not upset. It's more like I wasn't expecting her to react the way she did, but I'm OK with it. I want her to have peace of mind knowing that I forgive her. Even though in my mind I don't really feel theres anything to forgive. Two people have made decisions that don't coincide. I see nothing wrong with that. I'm just not sure if we are the right fit for each other.
I see that I'm contradicting my earlier statement, but as I write, the process in my head is beginning. Here I go again. Trying to determine where is the line in the sand to be drawn. Protecting my own voice, that took so long to find. Verses be diplomatic in how I approach her, without causing her stress. What's funny is a few of the meetings I have recently attended were about don't give up if you and your sponsor don't work out. Another one was be careful what you say to people. I guess I won't have to big of a problem with that one.
I will end with this. I was proud of myself yesterday, as several months back I would have had my feelings hurt. I would have been angry and felt rejected, built a resentment. I would have drank over it. Today I give credit to my HP/God for working in me and through me. As there will be forks in my path, in my life along the way. Filled with sunshine and rainy days. I'm trusting my HP/ God will be standing next to me. Reaching out to me when I have slipped into the potholes, along the path of life. Maybe, even softening my landings. Teaching and guiding me along the way. I seem to hear him the loudest when I'm honest, open and willing.
Thank you Chris. I found that inspiring. I hope one day I'll have that maturity.
Martin
Martin
Hi lookingup. I really don't see where you have to apologize for anything. It is YOUR choice who you decide to confide in or who you don't. I found it interesting that you said that you would have been hurt and angry over what happened at one time but now you are not because of the progress you've have made. That shows me that maybe you are farther along in your recovery than your sponsor,after all she was the one that seemed to be angry and defensive at your decision. Just a thought. Don't overthink the situation too much and I would not put too much importance on it. You don't have to explain your every thought,mood and action to this woman. Because we are so new in our recovery we tend to think that someone sober longer than us know more than we do but that is not always the case. Follow your gut instinct and follow your heart,both are usually right . God bless and take care my friend. (((( )))))
Sounds to me like you've done things the way YOU want to do them and you are therefore not willing to TRUST your sponsor to guide you. Get a sponsor that you trust but isn't going to take any crap, who has done it before and who knows The Steps. That's just my suggestion.
The Steps are far too important to be squabbling about a trust issue. If you don't trust her, find someone you CAN trust. There IS, however, some guidance you might consider before doing #5, but make sure 4 is complete--and you've done ALL of Step 4. If you have done "A searching and fearless moral inventory" of yourself as per the Big Book, taking care to examine YOUR part in things with your sponsor and you still have trust issues, take the list to someone who knows what you're doing.
This is, in fact, all about you and (as with all The Steps) it is extremely important that your foundation is solid. You can send me an e-mail if you want more guidance. Take it from someone who's completed them, you'll never regret your decision and, while 4 and 5 seem huge now, when you get on the other side you'll be giggling.
Good luck.
The Steps are far too important to be squabbling about a trust issue. If you don't trust her, find someone you CAN trust. There IS, however, some guidance you might consider before doing #5, but make sure 4 is complete--and you've done ALL of Step 4. If you have done "A searching and fearless moral inventory" of yourself as per the Big Book, taking care to examine YOUR part in things with your sponsor and you still have trust issues, take the list to someone who knows what you're doing.
This is, in fact, all about you and (as with all The Steps) it is extremely important that your foundation is solid. You can send me an e-mail if you want more guidance. Take it from someone who's completed them, you'll never regret your decision and, while 4 and 5 seem huge now, when you get on the other side you'll be giggling.
Good luck.
Chris
The reason most people do their 5th step with a sponsor is that a sponsor being another alkie understands what non alkies don't. But you are right, we do not have to do it with our sponsor. One thing I found though is that after a while I really didn't care who in AA knew what I did in the past. Another small problem might be how will you know what to say with your own sponsee when the time comes for her to do a fifth? Will you tell her to go do it with her therapist? You have every right to do it with whoever you want though. I think if one of my girls told me they didn't want to do one with me my feelings might be a little hurt but it's not really my choice and I would probably tell her what I told you but like I said it's not my choice. Back when the book was written there weren't many AAer's around and that is why they did it with clergy or whoever. Since the fellowship has grown to what it is now, most people use their sponsors. It's also a good way to get to know one another since the sponsor usually shares her fifth too. Like Shane said, if it's a trust issue, get a new sponsor.
smooches
The reason most people do their 5th step with a sponsor is that a sponsor being another alkie understands what non alkies don't. But you are right, we do not have to do it with our sponsor. One thing I found though is that after a while I really didn't care who in AA knew what I did in the past. Another small problem might be how will you know what to say with your own sponsee when the time comes for her to do a fifth? Will you tell her to go do it with her therapist? You have every right to do it with whoever you want though. I think if one of my girls told me they didn't want to do one with me my feelings might be a little hurt but it's not really my choice and I would probably tell her what I told you but like I said it's not my choice. Back when the book was written there weren't many AAer's around and that is why they did it with clergy or whoever. Since the fellowship has grown to what it is now, most people use their sponsors. It's also a good way to get to know one another since the sponsor usually shares her fifth too. Like Shane said, if it's a trust issue, get a new sponsor.
smooches
I suppose growth is considered maturity. It seems I'm not sure what level I've reached. I do know some is better then none. Thanks, for seeing it in me Martin. Pirate thanks for reminding me I don't have to explain my every thought. But, because this is important and I'm a profound thinker, I owe it to myself to search for the truth, in this case.
Thanks SKG, I decided to search myself and try to be fearless in my self inventory. Of course there is probably more that will be revealed. I spent some time alone thinking. Then became active cleaning up dog poo, garbage and recycling. Then more came. In my first assessment again. As I don't see a complete end to it ever. But the good news is it doesn't bother me doing it. I should say after I look at plan A, B, C, etc. With prayer and meditation the truth usually comes. I would agree that part of me wants to do it my way. I was alone most of the time beginning at the age of six. I learned that I needed to be in control to survive. Then there was all the abuse. Being in control is how I protected myself. I'm learning, applying and still practicing step 3. As one person said the steps are like an elevator. I'm a very private person by nature. I'm fearful of people. It scares me to tell someone intimate and confidential information about me. I need time. I'm afraid they won't accept me and they won't like me anymore. Which in turn I start thinking and feeling that I'm a bad person. Unworthy of love. I compare myself to others. If I tell all I start thinking that their sins and secrets aren't as bad as mine. I feel safer telling my therapist. I used the word safer, not safe. Even in my addiction support group I have a wall up. The mortar in between the bricks has cracked and many bricks have fallen down. My wall isn't as high as it used to be. My female membered church group is quick to remind me where this fear and confusion come from. I don't entirely agree and neither does my therapist. I was hoping that my sponsor would have provided support in my decision. How can she when she doesn't have all the facts. Perhaps being more honest with her she will be more understanding of me. I was also hoping she would help me with the formatting and give guidance on step 5. Maybe sometime I will e-mail you. I will have to over come my fear about that. I appreciate the offer.
Kat, I do understand that theres nothing better than talking f2f with other alcoholics. Of all people they should understand better than most. Many in my support addiction group don't understand, as they aren't all alkies and druggies. Perhaps I should explain to my sponsor/ ex-sponsor that I'll feel better if you share more about you first. Yes, I'm particularly interested in the dirt. It takes time and the H. O.W. approach on both parties. Especially with my trust issues. But I'm progressing towards these, but it's not an overnight process. I do understand that it must have hurt her feelings a bit and for that I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry about who I've chosen at this time to do my 5th step with. One of the reasons I want to do the steps is to eventually help another suffering alcoholic. The we part of the program is what attracts me. Thank You, for supporting me and my decision about step 5.
Now after writing this and feeling the therapeutic healing that takes place in doing it. I'm hearing if I just have the capacity to be honest I too can have more than just sobriety. As recovery encompasses many things for me at least.
Thanks SKG, I decided to search myself and try to be fearless in my self inventory. Of course there is probably more that will be revealed. I spent some time alone thinking. Then became active cleaning up dog poo, garbage and recycling. Then more came. In my first assessment again. As I don't see a complete end to it ever. But the good news is it doesn't bother me doing it. I should say after I look at plan A, B, C, etc. With prayer and meditation the truth usually comes. I would agree that part of me wants to do it my way. I was alone most of the time beginning at the age of six. I learned that I needed to be in control to survive. Then there was all the abuse. Being in control is how I protected myself. I'm learning, applying and still practicing step 3. As one person said the steps are like an elevator. I'm a very private person by nature. I'm fearful of people. It scares me to tell someone intimate and confidential information about me. I need time. I'm afraid they won't accept me and they won't like me anymore. Which in turn I start thinking and feeling that I'm a bad person. Unworthy of love. I compare myself to others. If I tell all I start thinking that their sins and secrets aren't as bad as mine. I feel safer telling my therapist. I used the word safer, not safe. Even in my addiction support group I have a wall up. The mortar in between the bricks has cracked and many bricks have fallen down. My wall isn't as high as it used to be. My female membered church group is quick to remind me where this fear and confusion come from. I don't entirely agree and neither does my therapist. I was hoping that my sponsor would have provided support in my decision. How can she when she doesn't have all the facts. Perhaps being more honest with her she will be more understanding of me. I was also hoping she would help me with the formatting and give guidance on step 5. Maybe sometime I will e-mail you. I will have to over come my fear about that. I appreciate the offer.
Kat, I do understand that theres nothing better than talking f2f with other alcoholics. Of all people they should understand better than most. Many in my support addiction group don't understand, as they aren't all alkies and druggies. Perhaps I should explain to my sponsor/ ex-sponsor that I'll feel better if you share more about you first. Yes, I'm particularly interested in the dirt. It takes time and the H. O.W. approach on both parties. Especially with my trust issues. But I'm progressing towards these, but it's not an overnight process. I do understand that it must have hurt her feelings a bit and for that I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry about who I've chosen at this time to do my 5th step with. One of the reasons I want to do the steps is to eventually help another suffering alcoholic. The we part of the program is what attracts me. Thank You, for supporting me and my decision about step 5.
Now after writing this and feeling the therapeutic healing that takes place in doing it. I'm hearing if I just have the capacity to be honest I too can have more than just sobriety. As recovery encompasses many things for me at least.
Hi lookinup . I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the wall that you have built around yourself. I too have built a wall and one that is quite difficult to break down. I have so much trouble trusting people. Even when I do talk about things or tell things then I spend hours worrying about it and wondering if I should have trusted the person I talked too. I am one of the most paranoid people on the planet. Of course how can I really trust people when one of the people I trusted most in my life has dam near destroyed my daughter's life,my marriage and my faith in the human race. Maybe I am not a good one to be sharing my ESH today cause this is one of those days where I could easy revert back in my shell and live in my own self enclosed world. I just wanted you to know that I understand where you are coming from and I can relate. I guess we all have to try our best in regards to doing things that will promote our recovery however difficult it might be. The thing that keeps me going is what someone on here has said to me and that is we didnt get sick in a day and we won't get better in a day.We are broken people who are trying to find a way to be repaired. There is a lot of damage from old wounds,scars and some fresh ones that have to be healed. I think we are doing good considering the disease and all that it entails.We have a lot to learn but the fact remains that we are learning and that is a positive thing. The main thing is we are not drinking which means there is room for our spiritual growth. Here is a little quote I read this morning ,hope it might help you. we are not human beings having a spiritual experience but spiritual beings having a human experience.You take care my friend and cling to those who can give you the greatest hope for they will be the ones who will guide you through. God bless and stay strong. (((( )))) love always from your friend.....Marie
Lookinup.
First, take credit for getting this far. The important thing to keep in front of you is that you're actually DOING the steps--which is far more than many recovering alcoholics could say if they're rigorously honest. THAT is huge. And you're right, it's a process. When you're past this you'll find that you'll do a daily maintenance of yourself (Step 10) in a couple minutes subconsciously. and be square with it. AND if you forget something, or something sneaks up on you, you'll have the SPIRITUAL tools to fix it. Just do the steps. YOUR HP will do the rest.
It scared the crap out of me, too, dealing with all that raw honesty. You know what? It doesn't matter. What I found after Step 5 was that I was able to look the world in the eye. I was at peace with the universe and (more importantly) with myself. AND MY Higher Power rewards courage and integrity with peace and serenity. You'll see. Just do the steps. YOUR HP will do the rest.
Yeah. About that. Who cares? The people and HP that loved you before for you will love you after for you. A new IMPROVED you. Just do the steps. Your HP will do the rest.
Yeah. Quit doing that--that's what the steps (6-willingness and 7-humility) are for. A Guide For Living is what alcoholics call it. Just do the steps. Your HP will do the rest.
Lookinup, you've got NO monopoly on bad behaviour, and trust me when I say that. Give it over to your Higher Power and let it go--that's what these things are designed to do--and they work if you'lll work them. Just do the steps. Your HP will do the rest.
Feel free to and, if you don't feel comfy doing that, then get in touch with Kat. Or Stacey. Or VW. Just do the steps. Your HP will do the rest.
See a pattern developing here? The big thing about Step 5 is Integrity. Telling HP, yourself, and another human being the nature of you--GOOD AND BAD. And moving beyond it. Your sponsor shouldn't care--so long as it is a thorough and complete 5th Step WHO hears it. Get some guidance from one of the women here who've done it and sponsored other women. Just do the steps. And rely on that HP you keep yabberin' about...
:)
peaceness.
First, take credit for getting this far. The important thing to keep in front of you is that you're actually DOING the steps--which is far more than many recovering alcoholics could say if they're rigorously honest. THAT is huge. And you're right, it's a process. When you're past this you'll find that you'll do a daily maintenance of yourself (Step 10) in a couple minutes subconsciously. and be square with it. AND if you forget something, or something sneaks up on you, you'll have the SPIRITUAL tools to fix it. Just do the steps. YOUR HP will do the rest.
| QUOTE |
| it scares me to tell someone intimate and confidential information about me |
| QUOTE |
| I'm afraid they won't accept me and they won't like me anymore. |
| QUOTE |
| I compare myself to others. |
| QUOTE |
| sins and secrets aren't as bad as mine. |
| QUOTE |
| Maybe sometime I will e-mail you. |
See a pattern developing here? The big thing about Step 5 is Integrity. Telling HP, yourself, and another human being the nature of you--GOOD AND BAD. And moving beyond it. Your sponsor shouldn't care--so long as it is a thorough and complete 5th Step WHO hears it. Get some guidance from one of the women here who've done it and sponsored other women. Just do the steps. And rely on that HP you keep yabberin' about...
:)
peaceness.
Chris,
Pray....and then pray again and ask God to show you what he would like you to do....
I was just starting my 4th step with a sponsor who was more a friend than a sponsor, and she kept telling me I wasn't ready and she started avoiding me and I came to believe, it wasn't my issues, it was hers so I had to change sponsor's right in the middle of my 4th step but God took care of me and put my current sponsor in my path. I remember getting most of my 4th step done except putting that "big one" on paper and to be honest, I wasn't going to put it on paper nor share it ever with another human being....it was my secret and i was going to keep it to the grave. I asked Miss Katbird and she suggested I put it on paper right before doing my 5th step with my sponsor so I did, but I was so very vague. I also was told I didn't have to share everything with my sponsor as long as I shared it with God and another human being. I too was going to share with my therapist but this is how God works in my life. I went to do my 5th step and my sponsor and I spent 4 1/2 hours going through it, talking, sharing, laughing, crying and I felt so much better when I left her house but I still hadn't shared completely the "secret" and I went to a meeting, heard something I needed to hear (but didn't know it at the time), woke up the next morning and I knew, deep in my gut, deep in my heart, that I needed to be true to myself and do this step thoroughly and completely, so I called my sponsor and asked if I could come over and when I got there, all the reservations were gone and I shared everything else and she still loves me to this day...lol
Do this for you, it's not for anybody else and if you don't trust your sponsor, get a new one. Keep it simple but do it...I wanted to overanalyze all of it but Kathi kept me grounded until I found a new sponsor. I can look back now and see how life changing these two steps really are....You deserve this, Chris so be good to you....
Whew, sorry for such a long post.....I just love you and want you to know you are not the only one that has an issue with a sponsor right at step 4. Oh, and if it were me, I would give your sponsor a call back. Remember, she's just a drunk too trying to work a program to the best of her ability and we all make mistakes and have differences of perspective, it's just how we handle them when we do and it sounds like she's trying to do better and isn't that what all of us are trying to do on a daily basis?
Big hugs.......
xoxo
Stacey
Pray....and then pray again and ask God to show you what he would like you to do....
I was just starting my 4th step with a sponsor who was more a friend than a sponsor, and she kept telling me I wasn't ready and she started avoiding me and I came to believe, it wasn't my issues, it was hers so I had to change sponsor's right in the middle of my 4th step but God took care of me and put my current sponsor in my path. I remember getting most of my 4th step done except putting that "big one" on paper and to be honest, I wasn't going to put it on paper nor share it ever with another human being....it was my secret and i was going to keep it to the grave. I asked Miss Katbird and she suggested I put it on paper right before doing my 5th step with my sponsor so I did, but I was so very vague. I also was told I didn't have to share everything with my sponsor as long as I shared it with God and another human being. I too was going to share with my therapist but this is how God works in my life. I went to do my 5th step and my sponsor and I spent 4 1/2 hours going through it, talking, sharing, laughing, crying and I felt so much better when I left her house but I still hadn't shared completely the "secret" and I went to a meeting, heard something I needed to hear (but didn't know it at the time), woke up the next morning and I knew, deep in my gut, deep in my heart, that I needed to be true to myself and do this step thoroughly and completely, so I called my sponsor and asked if I could come over and when I got there, all the reservations were gone and I shared everything else and she still loves me to this day...lol
Do this for you, it's not for anybody else and if you don't trust your sponsor, get a new one. Keep it simple but do it...I wanted to overanalyze all of it but Kathi kept me grounded until I found a new sponsor. I can look back now and see how life changing these two steps really are....You deserve this, Chris so be good to you....
Whew, sorry for such a long post.....I just love you and want you to know you are not the only one that has an issue with a sponsor right at step 4. Oh, and if it were me, I would give your sponsor a call back. Remember, she's just a drunk too trying to work a program to the best of her ability and we all make mistakes and have differences of perspective, it's just how we handle them when we do and it sounds like she's trying to do better and isn't that what all of us are trying to do on a daily basis?
Big hugs.......
xoxo
Stacey
My Dear Sweet Pirate,
Please try to not transfer your mistrust on other people. Focus on the ones who've not broken your trust. Start today by saying I trust myself enough to share parts of my story with others who've not harmed me. I will be OK with doing this. I know in my spirit that my HP/God will be there to catch me if I fall. He will if I allow him through my trusting in a power greater than myself, help me back up again. This loving being has no intention of seeing me continue to suffer, hurt and live in confusion about my decisions. I've been successful many times in the past making good decisions. I will validate and honor them. Because, I'm capable of making good decisions. Even if later my decisions weren't the right ones, I did the best I could at the time. It's alright if I make some mistakes. I'm willing to learn from them. I'm teachable. We both need to quit second guessing ourselves. We both pray and meditate to the same HP/God. We are loving and intelligent woman who's spirits have been wounded. We will learn something from them and carry on. We will continue practicing and begin to really believe we are capable and qualified woman to share our stories with someone who God will provide for us. We were created to love him and others. That includes loving ourselves. We will trust the process. The bricks will continue to fall, but we will not. We were meant to live life to it's fullest. We are the chosen ones, just like the BB says. This is for you and me and everyone who wants it. Think of your scars as tough flesh. Reminding you that you have survived many battles. You are now a Captain, a skilled warrior. That you and I can do it again with any open, or fresh wounds. Go read SKG'S post on the grateful thread from today. This is how! You are one of the best people today to share your ESH. You see I'm not alone. I get the gift of getting out of myself to try and help you. Which is helping me as well. Your friendship has given me many treasures that are worth more than gold. Don't you love this we program? Isn't this a design for good living, I think so, I know so. I'm not sure about the quote, other than it works both ways. I think the flesh is in a battle with the spirit. Depending on what we are doing determines which one is winning. It is daily work. We both know sometimes one is stronger than the other. My biggest reason not to drink and maybe yours to is that I'd lose my conscious contact with God. I sure don't want to go back to living without him, his love, his mercy, his forgiveness, his power.
Please try to not transfer your mistrust on other people. Focus on the ones who've not broken your trust. Start today by saying I trust myself enough to share parts of my story with others who've not harmed me. I will be OK with doing this. I know in my spirit that my HP/God will be there to catch me if I fall. He will if I allow him through my trusting in a power greater than myself, help me back up again. This loving being has no intention of seeing me continue to suffer, hurt and live in confusion about my decisions. I've been successful many times in the past making good decisions. I will validate and honor them. Because, I'm capable of making good decisions. Even if later my decisions weren't the right ones, I did the best I could at the time. It's alright if I make some mistakes. I'm willing to learn from them. I'm teachable. We both need to quit second guessing ourselves. We both pray and meditate to the same HP/God. We are loving and intelligent woman who's spirits have been wounded. We will learn something from them and carry on. We will continue practicing and begin to really believe we are capable and qualified woman to share our stories with someone who God will provide for us. We were created to love him and others. That includes loving ourselves. We will trust the process. The bricks will continue to fall, but we will not. We were meant to live life to it's fullest. We are the chosen ones, just like the BB says. This is for you and me and everyone who wants it. Think of your scars as tough flesh. Reminding you that you have survived many battles. You are now a Captain, a skilled warrior. That you and I can do it again with any open, or fresh wounds. Go read SKG'S post on the grateful thread from today. This is how! You are one of the best people today to share your ESH. You see I'm not alone. I get the gift of getting out of myself to try and help you. Which is helping me as well. Your friendship has given me many treasures that are worth more than gold. Don't you love this we program? Isn't this a design for good living, I think so, I know so. I'm not sure about the quote, other than it works both ways. I think the flesh is in a battle with the spirit. Depending on what we are doing determines which one is winning. It is daily work. We both know sometimes one is stronger than the other. My biggest reason not to drink and maybe yours to is that I'd lose my conscious contact with God. I sure don't want to go back to living without him, his love, his mercy, his forgiveness, his power.
SKG,
Thank You, for reminding me that I am doing the next right thing. Even though I have and will probably balk at times through the process. I know others have too. I know that they made it to the other side safely. Where the promises hold true. They are waiting for me as well. That if I keep plunging forward that my HP/God will do the rest. Like you've said before I keep trying to snatch back the reins. I'm still working on submitting my control. Each day I'm trying to Let Go and Let God. I'm making progress.
Thank You, for sharing that you to were scared. But you continued to fight the good fight. Doing your part and then letting your HP do the rest. Sharing that it wasn't easy, but the rewards far outweighed the negatives, the fears.
Thank You, for defining the promises that come from working each step.That I don't have to do it alone. That the possibility exists that I'm not bad, it was my choices and behavior that were. That I'm working towards becoming the authentic me. Living life on lives terms.
Yes, I see the pattern. You are going to be one gifted sponsor. I think you are already doing this here, on this forum. Thank You, for shining your light.
Thank You, for reminding me that I am doing the next right thing. Even though I have and will probably balk at times through the process. I know others have too. I know that they made it to the other side safely. Where the promises hold true. They are waiting for me as well. That if I keep plunging forward that my HP/God will do the rest. Like you've said before I keep trying to snatch back the reins. I'm still working on submitting my control. Each day I'm trying to Let Go and Let God. I'm making progress.
Thank You, for sharing that you to were scared. But you continued to fight the good fight. Doing your part and then letting your HP do the rest. Sharing that it wasn't easy, but the rewards far outweighed the negatives, the fears.
Thank You, for defining the promises that come from working each step.That I don't have to do it alone. That the possibility exists that I'm not bad, it was my choices and behavior that were. That I'm working towards becoming the authentic me. Living life on lives terms.
Yes, I see the pattern. You are going to be one gifted sponsor. I think you are already doing this here, on this forum. Thank You, for shining your light.
Lookinup,
I relate to your post and feelings on so many levels. Thank you for reminding me that I just aint that unique. :) LOL.
For me, step 5 always seemed to be fundamental and taking the action to purge of all the things that keeps my head noisy and keeps me stuck in the problem. You are doing brilliantly! You are part of the solution. Way to go!
Hugs.
I relate to your post and feelings on so many levels. Thank you for reminding me that I just aint that unique. :) LOL.
For me, step 5 always seemed to be fundamental and taking the action to purge of all the things that keeps my head noisy and keeps me stuck in the problem. You are doing brilliantly! You are part of the solution. Way to go!
Hugs.
Dear Stacey,
Thank You, for sharing this part of your story. I think Ms. Katbird gave you wise advice about waiting to put the big one down, just before your 5th step. Maybe this is why my sponsor suggested doing the 4th and 5th back to back. Golly, I shouldn't be surprised that she is more experienced in this, then I. Also it does say in the BB that the 5th step can be shared with more than one person. I believe you are right that taking my secrets to the grave will keep me sick.
My goal is to become whole. Which I believe is God's plan for my life. I will keep praying. I will listen to the group conscience, as I here God speaking through others often.
I may need to be reminded of the importance of doing these steps thoroughly and completely. As I'm a bit sneaky and will tend to look for loop holes. Knowing that I'm not pulling the wool over God's eyes. Probably not my fellow alkies and addicts either.
As time presses on. I need to push on and push through my fears. It was very uplifting to read how your fears were turned into love, security and freedom. Again God does for us what we can't always do on our own. I'm depending on it. I can tell you if left to rest on my laurels, I'll be heading towards the hills. Still sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I want to run and escape. Hide and isolate myself from the world. I don't act on it anymore, just for today.
I have learned that when I quickly hand it over to my HP/God, I'm relieved of the fear and insanity. Thank You, for showing me how it's done. Your courage has provided me with knowing it's possible for myself as well. That I am worthy. That I can and should do this for me. Then I can pay it forward. Just like you are sweet Stacey.
I should be apologizing to you, for having to strain your hands and wrists today. I'm sorry if you are having pain in them now. For taking the little spare time you have in your day to help a fellow alcoholic/addict. It really says what a giving and beautiful woman you are. Please take time for you to.
I'm still praying for you, your hubby, your family. It is a joy to pray for you. It is a blessing to know you. Your post brought tears to my eyes of joy. Your post about going back out to grams is a powerful reminder to all. A warning that heeds a huge red flag saying stop and think about it before, you act. Thank You, for being the wonderful and special you. I love you too.
God Bless You,
With Love And Thanks,
Chris xxx :-)
Thank You, for sharing this part of your story. I think Ms. Katbird gave you wise advice about waiting to put the big one down, just before your 5th step. Maybe this is why my sponsor suggested doing the 4th and 5th back to back. Golly, I shouldn't be surprised that she is more experienced in this, then I. Also it does say in the BB that the 5th step can be shared with more than one person. I believe you are right that taking my secrets to the grave will keep me sick.
My goal is to become whole. Which I believe is God's plan for my life. I will keep praying. I will listen to the group conscience, as I here God speaking through others often.
I may need to be reminded of the importance of doing these steps thoroughly and completely. As I'm a bit sneaky and will tend to look for loop holes. Knowing that I'm not pulling the wool over God's eyes. Probably not my fellow alkies and addicts either.
As time presses on. I need to push on and push through my fears. It was very uplifting to read how your fears were turned into love, security and freedom. Again God does for us what we can't always do on our own. I'm depending on it. I can tell you if left to rest on my laurels, I'll be heading towards the hills. Still sometimes when I'm overwhelmed I want to run and escape. Hide and isolate myself from the world. I don't act on it anymore, just for today.
I have learned that when I quickly hand it over to my HP/God, I'm relieved of the fear and insanity. Thank You, for showing me how it's done. Your courage has provided me with knowing it's possible for myself as well. That I am worthy. That I can and should do this for me. Then I can pay it forward. Just like you are sweet Stacey.
I should be apologizing to you, for having to strain your hands and wrists today. I'm sorry if you are having pain in them now. For taking the little spare time you have in your day to help a fellow alcoholic/addict. It really says what a giving and beautiful woman you are. Please take time for you to.
I'm still praying for you, your hubby, your family. It is a joy to pray for you. It is a blessing to know you. Your post brought tears to my eyes of joy. Your post about going back out to grams is a powerful reminder to all. A warning that heeds a huge red flag saying stop and think about it before, you act. Thank You, for being the wonderful and special you. I love you too.
God Bless You,
With Love And Thanks,
Chris xxx :-)
Hi Zipper,
Yes, I've been reminded a bunch today that I'm not as unique as I think I am. Thank You, for your encouragement and support. Wishing you a good day!
Love,
Chris xxx :-)
Yes, I've been reminded a bunch today that I'm not as unique as I think I am. Thank You, for your encouragement and support. Wishing you a good day!
Love,
Chris xxx :-)
As I'm a bit sneaky and will tend to look for loop holes.
<snicker> I've never met an alcoholic that didn't.
<snicker> I've never met an alcoholic that didn't.
Now I must tell you I called my sponsor last night after every ones posts. I was able to process it thanks to this forum and all of you. I shared with her honestly how I felt. She was very apologetic to me. I also apologized for my part to. We talked for a good 45 minutes, or so. She told me I can do my 5th step with anyone I choose to. She had called her sponsor, like I suspected she would do. She shared some intimate things about her past with me. I prompted her a bit for it. Thanks Ms. Katbird.
We have both chosen to work together at this time. Knowing that all relationships have there ups and downs. We even laughed about some of it. Hormones and thyroid disease. She was diagnosed, but hasn't received treatment yet. It's a long wait to see a specialist. We even talked about how men and woman handle these steps differently.
Neither of us know each other very well. I just found out she has a cat. I'm not sure exactly how to define what the relationship is suppose to be like. For now I will just go with the process. I will learn to utilize the H.O.W approach more effectively. I even mentioned the fear of cussing in front of her, when the harder part happens, or it just slips out. She laughed and said you should have been at our house last night. I see my preconceived thoughts of others is just that. Maybe I will have to write a book on my character defects.
Her and her husband are both in the program have good and long term sobriety/ clean time. Have both been in AA for more then a decade. She has told me she doesn't share personal stories with him. I have never heard her talk about others private business, or talk negatively about people. She has sponsored several woman through the years. This is comforting to me. We share the same HP. This is a benefit for us both.
They are starting a new meeting up and this summer will be bringing people in vans from the restitution center. I think this is something I would like to be involved with. She really is a wonderful person, who just made a sorta bad mistake with me. Good Lord, if I tallied up mine, part of the rain forest would be gone. Good thing somebody is willing to forgive me. That includes forgiveness to myself. I'm working towards this.
Thank You, ladies and gents for helping me through this. I couldn't have done it with out you. Well I could have. It's just that the results wouldn't have turned out this favorably. You guys are awesome. The moral of the story is just because at first something doesn't work out. Don't give up, or give in to your negative experiences in life. Because we are all going to have them. Even when they make your thoughts and feelings seem hopeless. Don't be surprised if your HP will turn it into something positive. Especially when your looking for it.
Love,
Chris xxx :-)
We have both chosen to work together at this time. Knowing that all relationships have there ups and downs. We even laughed about some of it. Hormones and thyroid disease. She was diagnosed, but hasn't received treatment yet. It's a long wait to see a specialist. We even talked about how men and woman handle these steps differently.
Neither of us know each other very well. I just found out she has a cat. I'm not sure exactly how to define what the relationship is suppose to be like. For now I will just go with the process. I will learn to utilize the H.O.W approach more effectively. I even mentioned the fear of cussing in front of her, when the harder part happens, or it just slips out. She laughed and said you should have been at our house last night. I see my preconceived thoughts of others is just that. Maybe I will have to write a book on my character defects.
Her and her husband are both in the program have good and long term sobriety/ clean time. Have both been in AA for more then a decade. She has told me she doesn't share personal stories with him. I have never heard her talk about others private business, or talk negatively about people. She has sponsored several woman through the years. This is comforting to me. We share the same HP. This is a benefit for us both.
They are starting a new meeting up and this summer will be bringing people in vans from the restitution center. I think this is something I would like to be involved with. She really is a wonderful person, who just made a sorta bad mistake with me. Good Lord, if I tallied up mine, part of the rain forest would be gone. Good thing somebody is willing to forgive me. That includes forgiveness to myself. I'm working towards this.
Thank You, ladies and gents for helping me through this. I couldn't have done it with out you. Well I could have. It's just that the results wouldn't have turned out this favorably. You guys are awesome. The moral of the story is just because at first something doesn't work out. Don't give up, or give in to your negative experiences in life. Because we are all going to have them. Even when they make your thoughts and feelings seem hopeless. Don't be surprised if your HP will turn it into something positive. Especially when your looking for it.
Love,
Chris xxx :-)
| QUOTE |
| Each day I'm trying to Let Go and Let God. I'm making progress. |
| QUOTE |
| Thank You, for sharing that you to were scared. But you continued to fight the good fight. Doing your part and then letting your HP do the rest. Sharing that it wasn't easy... |
| QUOTE |
| That I'm working towards becoming the authentic me. Living life on lives terms. |
| QUOTE |
| Thank You, for shining your light. |
edited to say: MY sponsor, and his before him, and I'm guessing Kat's sponsor and 24Gordon's sponsor, and those thousands of others who've helped common drunks like me get sober all have said the same thing: It's what we do. "12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." It's the Grace (unearned love we talked about in a previous post) of The Program.
