I've been smoking weed for 14 years which I realize just now that it's half of my life. I'm feel i'm a good & confident person with a secret weakness that no one appears to see. From the outside i feel like most of my peers look at my life as carefree and interesting - it's all of those things but it's also a life that often gets smoked away.
I travel quite a bit and i'm home about 50% of the time. When i am, i tend to smoke about a 1.5 grams a day. I roll spliffs (tobacco & weed) and probably smoke 6 or 7 a day plus a few cigarettes.
When I'm away, i don't smoke or drink at all. Due to the fact that i'm with my bf and he's totally straight. It's funny because I can live like that and totally enjoy it. Maybe a glass a wine a week but I don't miss smoking at all. I'm living a nice domestic life, working a bit and it's all good.
When i come back to my city for about a month at a time, I live alone, downtown in a nice apt and my time is really my own.
I work for myself at home and my schedule is pretty wide open all the time. It's usually at this point that i take up smoking again for a few weeks before I leave again. When i was younger and i worked in an office, money and time were both issues and they helped me keep my addiction in check. But i've been very fortunate and now i have more money than i ever did when i worked, and the work i do is for myself. But if i don't do anything for a couple of days it doesn't affect my bankbook as long as i don't spend those days out shopping.
I feel most people want more time and more money and now that i have some of both I feel very guilty for living so gluttenously. I almost feel like i'm s***ting on the gifts that i've been given in life.
No one is really aware that i'm a closet pot-head. Including my boyfriend. It's like my dirty little secret.
Then i kinda pysche myself out about smoking and what it does to my lungs. So i decide i'm not going to buy any more, but as my bag gets emptier my little addiction monkey starts bargaining and strategizing on how to convince me that it's okay to call my dealer and get another bag.
At this point my boyfriend and I are planning to for a family and are going to start trying next month. I know i will quit if and when i get pregnant, but i feel horrible that i won't quit for myself.
Does anyone have some words of wisdom?
thanks
You might try practicing "sacred time" when you are home. I think it might work for you because:
1) it puts some order in your daily routine.
2) it's easy to fake out the addiction monkey by telling it that in a coupla hours it will be ok to get stoned. (As opposed to walking away from an old friend.)
3) After awhile of doing it you will get a good sense of how much different you are when you are stoned than when you are straight.
4) It shouldn't be that hard for you if you can give it up at the drop of a hat.
Read the post "Whatever works is good (edited)" to find out what I'm talking about. It worked for me and at least one other person on this board.
Good luck, in some respects the lack of physical withdrawal symptoms may make a pot habit the hardest to keep kicked of all. That is until you finally decide "done is done."
1) it puts some order in your daily routine.
2) it's easy to fake out the addiction monkey by telling it that in a coupla hours it will be ok to get stoned. (As opposed to walking away from an old friend.)
3) After awhile of doing it you will get a good sense of how much different you are when you are stoned than when you are straight.
4) It shouldn't be that hard for you if you can give it up at the drop of a hat.
Read the post "Whatever works is good (edited)" to find out what I'm talking about. It worked for me and at least one other person on this board.
Good luck, in some respects the lack of physical withdrawal symptoms may make a pot habit the hardest to keep kicked of all. That is until you finally decide "done is done."
