My sister has went through a lot. From being raped at a friends house, inebriated to the point she couldn't say no, with a judgemental audience...to a highly abusive boyfriend who encouraged her to take a xanax (a "panty dropper") and later on to frequently smoking perc 30s......to an "ex-heroin" addict who claims to discourage Kayla from smoking and shooting up heroin.
Despite claiming not to love the heroin supplying boyfriend, she chooses him always over us, family. She'd rather he take her to doctor appts; thou she never makes it. I despise him. He looks like a zombie, drones out vague responses, and is helping kayla further down this dark path
Tomorrow she has a court trial...the first abusive ex slept with an 11 yr old girl; Kayla got the money to pay off her dad. The father went to jail for prostituting his daughter.
Kayla becomes highly addicted to people; loves them and makes f***ed up decisions.
No matter how much I try to push kayla to be better, encourage her to move home, say that I'll help her through it...Even bought and found her 5 outfits to choose from for court bc she wanted to look nice..AND she doesn't love me, say thank you, or say anything kind/
Today, my mother and I went to her boyfs appt. Kayla had been posting very embarrassingly slutty pictures...so, I said what you gonna do next, post a picture with a nip slip. To which turned into, you always put me down. That's why I cut myself!! That broke my heart. I genuinely love her.. I know the old kayla is in there somewhere.
As my mother discussed all the foil and heroin bags everywhere, I cried. She looked me dead in the eye and simply looked away.
It was a huge ordeal, s***head boyfriend showed up. My mom told my sister repeatedly she need to quit doing this s***. She hugged her and told my mom she was the only person she loved. I just left, sat in car, and bawled.
My sister has always been jealous. She thinks I'm prettier than her. Any time I offer input, she screams that I think Im perfect...I never see her. Except when she needs something...
Its depressing. I feel shes going to die early..and I wont even know her.
I'm sorry you're going through this with your sister. I know how hard it is. I'm going through some of the heroin crap with my brother. He scares me when he goes into his rages. We had a fight when I kicked him out and he said some pretty hurtful and horrible things. The only thing that keeps me going and fighting for my brother back, is that I know this isn't him. It's the addict, the drugs and the demons. I miss my brother and just want him back. I know how you feel. It's sad that they don't see how much it hurts everyone they love. Keep your chin up.
I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you.
I'm sorry I don't have better advice for you.
I know when my daughter was using, she was embarrassed of her behavior. I felt like she was dr jekel and mr hyde. I knew my daughter was in there,but the drug behavior took over. When she did come home after rehab, she said it was difficult to be in the same house with us because we made her feel guilty, or she didnt like the way we looked at her, or talked to her. Really we werent doing anything unusual. She just felt like she was under a microscope being watched and judged for something that she was helpless to change.
So... even though you are family and you want to help and do the best for her, you are still part of the "People, Places, Things"...
See if you can keep your distance, keep civil, let her know you will listen if she wants to talk, carve out some space for each of you at home.
Hope this Helps!
So... even though you are family and you want to help and do the best for her, you are still part of the "People, Places, Things"...
See if you can keep your distance, keep civil, let her know you will listen if she wants to talk, carve out some space for each of you at home.
Hope this Helps!
K
Your sister doesn't despise you...she just knows she can never be you...and your the good kid...my brother was the perfect one...i was trouble.. a heroin addict...still am...I love my brother. ..but we are day and night...one thing that makes me want to alienate more than anything is someone crying...asking me to explain...or giving me ultimatums...or being angry at me for using... and most of all...caring about me...i use to hate that my brother would talk to my parents about me...because he cared..and i hated him for it..
I didn't want to hear it...i can still get that way...when I was younger...and using and living the life deeply. ..my brother went to college and graduated...he got married. ..had kids...i got arrested ...lived the streets. ..because for me i felt I could finally do something better than anyone else in the family could do...I could navigate where no one in my perfect family could..i knew the dark side...and was .good at it...your sister might feel the same...like she just can't live up to all that good stuff...but here's the deal...i am and have always been so damn proud of my bro it hurts...and im betting under all the anger right now..she is the same proud of you too....but she's got a different road right now...just know this isnt about you...that none of this is you...its us...were addicts...were on a different timeline...so disconnect from her using...don't let the family drag you into it..cuz .they need to disconnect too...no amount of discussion. ..asking...begging or anything else is going to stop this train ...she's ready when she's ready...love her as best you can...you'll be surprised someday i think how much you mean to her...
Peace
Con
Your sister doesn't despise you...she just knows she can never be you...and your the good kid...my brother was the perfect one...i was trouble.. a heroin addict...still am...I love my brother. ..but we are day and night...one thing that makes me want to alienate more than anything is someone crying...asking me to explain...or giving me ultimatums...or being angry at me for using... and most of all...caring about me...i use to hate that my brother would talk to my parents about me...because he cared..and i hated him for it..
I didn't want to hear it...i can still get that way...when I was younger...and using and living the life deeply. ..my brother went to college and graduated...he got married. ..had kids...i got arrested ...lived the streets. ..because for me i felt I could finally do something better than anyone else in the family could do...I could navigate where no one in my perfect family could..i knew the dark side...and was .good at it...your sister might feel the same...like she just can't live up to all that good stuff...but here's the deal...i am and have always been so damn proud of my bro it hurts...and im betting under all the anger right now..she is the same proud of you too....but she's got a different road right now...just know this isnt about you...that none of this is you...its us...were addicts...were on a different timeline...so disconnect from her using...don't let the family drag you into it..cuz .they need to disconnect too...no amount of discussion. ..asking...begging or anything else is going to stop this train ...she's ready when she's ready...love her as best you can...you'll be surprised someday i think how much you mean to her...
Peace
Con
This is Kayla, Dee's daughter and sister of Kristen, who posted earlier. I am an addict, and have been for 3 years ongoing. These three years have been a living hell of consistently feeling sick & tired, fighting the withdrawals each time i try to detox (which are the most miserable experiences; the pain, anxiety, restlessness, cold chills, shakes, vomiting, screaming in the middle of the night and unable to sleep more than a single hour, the whole nine yards... It seems unbearable.) My journey down the path to addiction wasn't me just diving in head-first, and thinking it was all fun and games. At the time that I began using opiates (at that point, it was "beans" , otherwise known as percocet 5s, 10s, and 30s, as well as hydrocodone. My abusive ex persuaded me first to try xanax, and then consequently offered me the pain pills. After that, my life became a downhill spiral of hell. Michael, my ex-fiance, was emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive to me. He consistently cheated on me with multiple girls, and then would blame me for his doing so. He is what is called a narcissistic sociopath, who royally messed with my head. His mind games were so complex and so hurtful. He brain-washed me (and to this day has even admitted to me that he had done such.) and convinced me I was worthless, a junkie, ugly, and that nobody would want me but him. Sickingly enough, when he proposed to me I said yes. With my developing depression, overwhelming anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness, amongst uncontrollable mood swings , i began to use more and more. In fact, I was using subutex behind Michael's back to self-medicate, to feel some semblance of happiness in such a miserable environment and lifestyle. Things continued to go downhill - for example, Michael hitting me in front of his 2-yr old son (whom he rarely asked for visitation for, and when he did I took the most care of the little boy, who I loved as my own.) Michael has done other unspeakable things, like punching my driver's side window out in my face when I refused to talk to him. The cheating was non-stop, and he would shove every little detail of his affairs in my face. This included sending disgusting pictures. The final straw was when he cheated on me with an 11-yr old girl , who I had been tutoring and trying to give her a mother-figure. After that, my depression became so overwhelming I turned to drugs to comfort myself, to feel numb from the pain I couldnt bear. I made several suicidal threats and self-harmed, and emotionally hurt my family for which I am truly sorry. I now struggle to stay clean from the monster drug Heroin is. I've ODd once, and it scared me s***less. But the control this drug has over an addict is indescribable. I threw away all the wonderful opportunities in my life , and neglected the relationships with those people who really matter in my life - my family. And to my sister, no I do not hate you. I love you so much that Ive begged you to never try any type of drug. because it would eat me alive to see you suffer as i do. I ask everyone on this board to pray for me to make it through this hell I'm living, and to finally get and stay clean. God bless all of you, and know that we addicts are still people. We are still your family and friends. And many addicts Ive been around are some of the most humble people Ive ever met, because they know the horror and desperation in the fight to be sober. The drug is my best friend, but sometimes you have to let go of friends who only bring you down. And I hope one day soon, I can tell my mom especially that I DID IT, that I AM stronger than the dope, and that I never wanna look back. Please pray for my family. Thank you all. -Kayla
Kayla:
I hope you grab onto NA with both hands and commit to it.
Get a Home Group and a good oldtimer sponsor - get active.
You are a garden variety addict/alcoholic just like me and we have all been through the withdrawals.
The trick isn't to get clean/sober - the trick is to REMAIN clean/sober and enjoy life.
The 12 Steps will show you how it's done. Millions of us work the Steps every day.
Good luck, girl. You can do this.
Bob R
I hope you grab onto NA with both hands and commit to it.
Get a Home Group and a good oldtimer sponsor - get active.
You are a garden variety addict/alcoholic just like me and we have all been through the withdrawals.
The trick isn't to get clean/sober - the trick is to REMAIN clean/sober and enjoy life.
The 12 Steps will show you how it's done. Millions of us work the Steps every day.
Good luck, girl. You can do this.
Bob R
K2...
Not buying it. I'm an addict too...we all got baggage...not an excuse.. If your tired of it.. get off the merry go round. You know how. Work a program ...nothing is free..and nothing worth doing is easy...dope God requires major sacrifice both ways...I've got trouble leaving it too..i use even when i don't want to sometimes ..but it's always our call...PB is right....but you've got to really want it...I still use because I haven't committed completely. ..in the end...it's because I'm not done...we always know this deep down...truth sucks
Con
Not buying it. I'm an addict too...we all got baggage...not an excuse.. If your tired of it.. get off the merry go round. You know how. Work a program ...nothing is free..and nothing worth doing is easy...dope God requires major sacrifice both ways...I've got trouble leaving it too..i use even when i don't want to sometimes ..but it's always our call...PB is right....but you've got to really want it...I still use because I haven't committed completely. ..in the end...it's because I'm not done...we always know this deep down...truth sucks
Con
Con
I didn't realized you still used. I appreciate you always being so honest and not sugar coating anything. My son is still in rehab for 3 weeks which I know is only the beginning and the work starts after. I would like your honest opinion about when he is released.
I'm going to meetings and not going to enable anymore but should I give him an option of a sober living that cost $ or tell him about this place that is free or just do nothing ?????
I've met a man that used for 35 years who turned his life around 5 years ago. He is a pastor now and wants to meet Zach and show him the place that is free.
con... I can't imagine what you go through but I'll keep you in my prayers,
Thanks
Paula
I didn't realized you still used. I appreciate you always being so honest and not sugar coating anything. My son is still in rehab for 3 weeks which I know is only the beginning and the work starts after. I would like your honest opinion about when he is released.
I'm going to meetings and not going to enable anymore but should I give him an option of a sober living that cost $ or tell him about this place that is free or just do nothing ?????
I've met a man that used for 35 years who turned his life around 5 years ago. He is a pastor now and wants to meet Zach and show him the place that is free.
con... I can't imagine what you go through but I'll keep you in my prayers,
Thanks
Paula
Hello all....
Con,
If I were there, I'd hug you, for taking the time to care & reply to both my girls. This is such a mess. I wonder how everything spiraled out of control so fast! I never saw it coming, now I can't catch my breath! I can't swim, but I'm learning to float instead of sink. Ha.
K (Kristen) took your reply to heart. She understood that it's not just her that had the same types of feelings & sibling relationships. You telling her about your brother & you helped. It hit home for her. It really did make her feel less bad about it.
My girls are like two sides of the same coin...couldn't be more different though. She's (K) is mad at hell, at Kayla (K2) at the whole f***ed up situation in general.
I suggested Kayla read Kristen's post. They think the other is out to get the other or something. It made HER post on here too.It was good because she unloaded big time & got your response. I don't think she'd ever written it out & read it. I didn't know it all either. She wasn't prepared , prepared for the TRUTH. Thank you. What you thought counted & I appreciate it. Her take away, no sad story cuts it. She looked shocked. Ha. Told her you're a straight shooter. :) No bs.
Bob,
Thank you for your response. We're doing this as best we can...not giving in to her. We do have boundaries & they're working well for us. Just seeing her, me mainly. No one else wants to. I don't blame them. I told her I won't be calling. If she wants to talk to me or see me, she can call. There was no anger, only a few tears, no money, no nothing, but supper.
I think I am starting to grow a thicker skin. Much more than I EVER thought I could. I'm changing. I embrace my faith & it carries me through the darkness. Thanks for being a light & caring. You help so many.
MiraclesNeeded & NyToFlorida,
Thank you both for your input.
MN,
I hope you find a way to get through the days that lie ahead. I sure don't have any answers, but I know what Kristen's going through & to know you're going through the same makes me sad. It sucks. I know. You're on my prayer list as is your brother.
NYtoFla,
Your warm hearted response was so kind. Just knowing someone cares, makes a huge difference in their world. Thank you for caring.
Kayla was here with me all day. We had some stuff to talk about. Managed to do that, not cross our boundaries, no anger, almost no tears.
She's withdrawing again. Can't do a damn thing. Told her she'll die if she keeps going this way. Said she won't die. Told her she already did & only by the grace of God was she was still here.
Told her she would be the next to call to see me. (I can't take it everyday. It's too much. I need time to live.) I let myself fall apart on 'my' own time. It's like a pressure release. I listen to so much Breaking Benjamin. It helps draw the pain & venom out of me. I have to feel the pain to move beyond it to the next day. If that makes any sense.
She said she'd move back in a minute, but I said no addict bf, no drugs, etc..That went out the window. I didn't break, but I could feel a bend...I stayed standing though, thank God & stuck to my guns.
God, it's been so much lately....
Thank you everybody.
Love & God bless you all,
Dee
You guys have NO IDEA how VERY MUCH I care about all of you. You're like family to me. I rush to share things with you. No lie.
Con,
If I were there, I'd hug you, for taking the time to care & reply to both my girls. This is such a mess. I wonder how everything spiraled out of control so fast! I never saw it coming, now I can't catch my breath! I can't swim, but I'm learning to float instead of sink. Ha.
K (Kristen) took your reply to heart. She understood that it's not just her that had the same types of feelings & sibling relationships. You telling her about your brother & you helped. It hit home for her. It really did make her feel less bad about it.
My girls are like two sides of the same coin...couldn't be more different though. She's (K) is mad at hell, at Kayla (K2) at the whole f***ed up situation in general.
I suggested Kayla read Kristen's post. They think the other is out to get the other or something. It made HER post on here too.It was good because she unloaded big time & got your response. I don't think she'd ever written it out & read it. I didn't know it all either. She wasn't prepared , prepared for the TRUTH. Thank you. What you thought counted & I appreciate it. Her take away, no sad story cuts it. She looked shocked. Ha. Told her you're a straight shooter. :) No bs.
Bob,
Thank you for your response. We're doing this as best we can...not giving in to her. We do have boundaries & they're working well for us. Just seeing her, me mainly. No one else wants to. I don't blame them. I told her I won't be calling. If she wants to talk to me or see me, she can call. There was no anger, only a few tears, no money, no nothing, but supper.
I think I am starting to grow a thicker skin. Much more than I EVER thought I could. I'm changing. I embrace my faith & it carries me through the darkness. Thanks for being a light & caring. You help so many.
MiraclesNeeded & NyToFlorida,
Thank you both for your input.
MN,
I hope you find a way to get through the days that lie ahead. I sure don't have any answers, but I know what Kristen's going through & to know you're going through the same makes me sad. It sucks. I know. You're on my prayer list as is your brother.
NYtoFla,
Your warm hearted response was so kind. Just knowing someone cares, makes a huge difference in their world. Thank you for caring.
Kayla was here with me all day. We had some stuff to talk about. Managed to do that, not cross our boundaries, no anger, almost no tears.
She's withdrawing again. Can't do a damn thing. Told her she'll die if she keeps going this way. Said she won't die. Told her she already did & only by the grace of God was she was still here.
Told her she would be the next to call to see me. (I can't take it everyday. It's too much. I need time to live.) I let myself fall apart on 'my' own time. It's like a pressure release. I listen to so much Breaking Benjamin. It helps draw the pain & venom out of me. I have to feel the pain to move beyond it to the next day. If that makes any sense.
She said she'd move back in a minute, but I said no addict bf, no drugs, etc..That went out the window. I didn't break, but I could feel a bend...I stayed standing though, thank God & stuck to my guns.
God, it's been so much lately....
Thank you everybody.
Love & God bless you all,
Dee
You guys have NO IDEA how VERY MUCH I care about all of you. You're like family to me. I rush to share things with you. No lie.
Kayla,
I have seen in my daughter and in my son, that the first 3 months of being clean my feel the same and not feel different and not feel better. Look to start doing healthy habits. Lots of water and walking or exercise, and vitamin C maybe, and vitamin B complex, and over the counter meds for sleeping or head ache. Find things to do with your time. Do not get dissapointed bc you are not feeling Great, yet.
The next 3 months are 'getting your act together'. Starting to feel like your getting your life back.
The next 3 months 6-9, might start looking brighter.
Be careful not to relapse. It starts everything back to square one.
my daughter is in the service and is clean 3 years. She decided that she was not making good decisions, and the military couldnt do any worse. my son had a gradual addiction that got worse and out of control. he worked full time up until the last car accident. Then 2015 spent in rehab, hwhouse, renting w friends, barely working on and off. relapsing. Now 2016 rehab, hwhouse, renting a room, working since March. We are not helping him financially, it is slow and painful for all of us. But he stays positive. he knows someday, he will have his life back and have a car and tv and a place to call home. It could take a few years. I am happy for every month he is sober and still alive.
Yes, it humbles all of us.
I have seen in my daughter and in my son, that the first 3 months of being clean my feel the same and not feel different and not feel better. Look to start doing healthy habits. Lots of water and walking or exercise, and vitamin C maybe, and vitamin B complex, and over the counter meds for sleeping or head ache. Find things to do with your time. Do not get dissapointed bc you are not feeling Great, yet.
The next 3 months are 'getting your act together'. Starting to feel like your getting your life back.
The next 3 months 6-9, might start looking brighter.
Be careful not to relapse. It starts everything back to square one.
my daughter is in the service and is clean 3 years. She decided that she was not making good decisions, and the military couldnt do any worse. my son had a gradual addiction that got worse and out of control. he worked full time up until the last car accident. Then 2015 spent in rehab, hwhouse, renting w friends, barely working on and off. relapsing. Now 2016 rehab, hwhouse, renting a room, working since March. We are not helping him financially, it is slow and painful for all of us. But he stays positive. he knows someday, he will have his life back and have a car and tv and a place to call home. It could take a few years. I am happy for every month he is sober and still alive.
Yes, it humbles all of us.
Paula...ya...clean 28 days...not too bad...but then again...not that spectacular either...it is what it is...got to dig deep and want it...not there yet... anyways...personally I wouldn't waste any more money...let him talk to the other addict. .pastor dude...ur son is the only one who knows if he's done...always go with free...no enabling...his decision. ..you can offer the intro...but it's all up to him...
peace
Con
peace
Con
Hey Con
That's a good start,
Thanks for the advice. I know what I have to do but it's so dang hard.
I am going to be strong though. This site has really helped me and everyone's
advice especially yours and PB. You hold nothing back...lol
and that's what we need.
I'll be praying for you Con. Fight it....
Paula
That's a good start,
Thanks for the advice. I know what I have to do but it's so dang hard.
I am going to be strong though. This site has really helped me and everyone's
advice especially yours and PB. You hold nothing back...lol
and that's what we need.
I'll be praying for you Con. Fight it....
Paula
