He is 25 and has been in detox 1 time and another rehab 6 months ago. The other rehab was a joke. No follow up, just there to get our money then discharged him after 2 weeks. We also didn't know what to do when he came home so we failed too in that respect. He said then he would go to AA and see his counselor. He did neither. This time he was worse with his drinking, anger when drank, even had to call the sheriff. He ended up spending a few days with his grandmother and I think that was a wake up call for him. He came back with rules about his behavior and drinking. The day after he came back he found a rehab all in his own. He found the place in Florida, called, set it up. I was proud of him for doing that. He has been there 2 weeks and has about another week or so to go. His plan is to go to CA, NA, and AA. he wants to do all three so he doesn't get bored. I'm ok with that. I have also found another counselor, an addiction counselor, who was referred to us. He has agreed to see him weekly as well. The counselor agreed it was a good plan.
I am just nervous and so afraid he will relapse. He knows he can never have even one drink. He loves to cook and worked mostly as a chef but knows he can't do that anymore. Too tempting as most restaurants have a bar. He says he wants to train to be a truck driver and that is good too if we can find the money for it. I have to see how he does first.
I brought up some rules once when he called and he said don't start laying a bunch of rules on me right now. I just let it drop but we will have that talk. Nothing major. Keep his room clean, get a part time job, stay in AA, CA,NA, see his counselor, no being disrespectful.
He says he is going to work through the 12 steps and apparently this program I
He is in really emphasizes that. I figure he 12 steps will pretty much cover any rules I have.
His father and I are just very apprehensive with him coming home. We don't want him to lapse into the same behaviors. Any suggestions from those who have been there?
hi welcome.. From my own experience and I am speaking for myself and no one else on this board until I decided or was beaten into seeking help for myself ,nothing no one said or did got me sober. your son has to want it.. no matter how much you want sobriety for your son until he wants it for himself and is willing to do whatever it takes it is pretty much out of your hands. you cannot force sobriety on someone.. you may try and do so with the best of intentions but for me I resented being pushed to stop drinking and i continued to do so behind the backs of those who wanted me to stop because at that time I didnt want to stop and I wasn't ready.my addiction was in full force and i was in the grips of it. Of course i could never hide it for long and this resulted in total chaos,upheavel screaming matches ,etc etc Threats,ultimations,pressure...it won't work unless your son is ready and willing until that time you can lead an horse to water but you cannot make him drink. in this case you cannot make him stop..I know this might sound discouraging but alcoholism is an ugly disease and it is also a disease that tells you that you dont have a disease..I hope and pray your son will get the help he needs and will obtain sobriety.. maybe you could pass the link to this site along to him and suggest for him to post here as well . The more avenues he has the greater his chances at finding something that might work.... please come back and let us know how it works out...
Thank you for he insight. He says he wants to stop. He says that is no way to live. His counselor at rehab says he is making excellent progress. It all sounds good but I am so unprepared for when comes home. I know he has to do it on his own but we have to help and I figure guidelines is what he needs while here at home. Such as he has to get a part time job at least for now. Has to go to meetings every night. Has to see counselor once a week. His father is not helping much and is obsessed over the money and not getting our son well.
Jj.
Welcome. Only your son can get sober, and monitoring his every move is going to kill you AND him. Have you considered attending some Al-Anon meetings? There's also a "Families/Partners of Addicts" forum on this site you might check into.
Just a suggestion. Pray for him, get help for yourself. ;)
Welcome. Only your son can get sober, and monitoring his every move is going to kill you AND him. Have you considered attending some Al-Anon meetings? There's also a "Families/Partners of Addicts" forum on this site you might check into.
Just a suggestion. Pray for him, get help for yourself. ;)
What does the staff at the program in FL say? Almost always, it is a bad idea to come home. It would be better for him to find a job and move into a sober half-way house in FL near his current supports from rehab. You sound very frightened and being frightened won't allow you to be effective and maintain the needed boundaries--especially when you and your husband are not on the same page. I can't let my daughter come home; I am too fearful of her which will have me keeping quiet, not strong about my boundaries and then giving in--all to her and my detriment. That is not best for her recovery. She needs to be with supports that are not afraid to call her out and try to keep her on track.
He is home now. Supposedly sweet to a meeting tonight but I have no real proof. The therapist we had set up fell thru. He is in the same office with the therapist he saw before and didn't like. I didn't realize that. Have a call in to another one who is good also so hopefully will get an appointment tomorrow or Monday. My husband is driving me crazy. He is OCD and will not stop talking about the situation. He only says the most negative things. I am at my wits end with him. Sorry for the rant. I have no one to talk to. None of my friends or family know all this.
The situation sounds not good (you and your husband are at your "wits end," you have no one to talk to in person, you are feeling in the dark about his going to meetings). It sounds like you are being silent and fearful in your own house. Are you going to meetings for yourself? NA, FA, AA? The people there can give you support and advice. Your son should know you are going to these meetings and getting support and help for yourself. If he is living in your house, you can set rules about working an active recovery (although not living in your house, but rather in a sober living setting where there are others going to meetings together and supporting each other in recovery, likely is the better option)
