Deleted sorry, don't know how to remove post.
Sending big hugs, Help. I'm not sure where to start. But your story sounds very similar to mine & my Jill's. Although her freshman and sophomore years of high school were rough, she pulled it together by her senior year... earned several college credits... and got a scholarship based on her SAT scores. She did magnificently her first semester at college, getting a 3.5/4.0 GPA. Then, she met heroin. Her grades went in the toilet and she had no explanation. We brought her home after 5 semesters of throwing our money out of the window. She came home & stole from us. ALL my jewelry, including my wedding band. Took screen shots of credit/debit cards. Stole cash from my purse. I understand. And am so so sorry you are dealing with this horrid disease.
The alcohol/dope highjacks their minds and bodies. The sweet, wonderful, loving and smart kids we raised, nurtured and loved are replaced by addicts. I liken our addict kids to those "people" in Invasion of the Body Snatchers or The Stepford Wives.... physically they resemble our babies (somewhat, depending on where they are in their addiction).... but you can't reach, reason or rationalize with the creature we see before us.
I am trying to explain .... not so that you accept his behavior .... but to help you help him be accountable for it one day .. and help you today in your process of forgiving him & healing you!! Addicts are some of the most resourceful people I know. He WILL find a place to rest his head with no help from you. He may not find that place at the Hilton or Wynn... or any place you or I would like to go to. But he will be ok.
It's Mama-instinct to worry about our babies ... and to try to help, push or kick them towards independence and healthy living. But right now you can't help him. You are talking to the Stepford Wife.... the body that has been invaded. You can only help you. Continue to love him with all of your being... but do so without getting invoked in his drama. As you are doing!!! Good girl for putting you first. I know it is hard .... but you are doing all the right things!! For right now, continue to be Team You.... he has to battle his addiction by himself, for himself. And if he becomes verbally abusive with you, calmly stop it by sweetly ending the call & telling him what your boundaries are: No cursing at Mom. If he calls/texts to continue his tirade, block his number.
Hope something in here is helpful.... Again, sending gentle hugs....
Lynn
The alcohol/dope highjacks their minds and bodies. The sweet, wonderful, loving and smart kids we raised, nurtured and loved are replaced by addicts. I liken our addict kids to those "people" in Invasion of the Body Snatchers or The Stepford Wives.... physically they resemble our babies (somewhat, depending on where they are in their addiction).... but you can't reach, reason or rationalize with the creature we see before us.
I am trying to explain .... not so that you accept his behavior .... but to help you help him be accountable for it one day .. and help you today in your process of forgiving him & healing you!! Addicts are some of the most resourceful people I know. He WILL find a place to rest his head with no help from you. He may not find that place at the Hilton or Wynn... or any place you or I would like to go to. But he will be ok.
It's Mama-instinct to worry about our babies ... and to try to help, push or kick them towards independence and healthy living. But right now you can't help him. You are talking to the Stepford Wife.... the body that has been invaded. You can only help you. Continue to love him with all of your being... but do so without getting invoked in his drama. As you are doing!!! Good girl for putting you first. I know it is hard .... but you are doing all the right things!! For right now, continue to be Team You.... he has to battle his addiction by himself, for himself. And if he becomes verbally abusive with you, calmly stop it by sweetly ending the call & telling him what your boundaries are: No cursing at Mom. If he calls/texts to continue his tirade, block his number.
Hope something in here is helpful.... Again, sending gentle hugs....
Lynn
Help.... I started writing about the same time you deleted. So.... I guess you and I are having a private but public conversation. Lol.
Seriously .... I hope my reply is helpful. If for no other reason than Bc I am sending many cyber hugs.... and the words, I know.... it will be ok!!
Lynn
Seriously .... I hope my reply is helpful. If for no other reason than Bc I am sending many cyber hugs.... and the words, I know.... it will be ok!!
Lynn
Lynn,
Yes, yes, yes, your post helped a great deal. I don't know why I deleted my post. I guess I was having such a bad night last night, missing the son I used to know and I have no idea if I'll ever see that son again. I guess I felt embarrassed this morning. And still so lost. I really appreciate your response and support. It does help to know I'm not alone.
Yes, yes, yes, your post helped a great deal. I don't know why I deleted my post. I guess I was having such a bad night last night, missing the son I used to know and I have no idea if I'll ever see that son again. I guess I felt embarrassed this morning. And still so lost. I really appreciate your response and support. It does help to know I'm not alone.
I didn't see your post, but there is nothing to be embarrassed about...so many parents are living this...they get it.
Hang tough...things can get better...never give up hope, just give up enabling.
Peace
Hang tough...things can get better...never give up hope, just give up enabling.
Peace
Yes, we all understand and have been/are still going through it.
