Hi, I'm new to this board. I have been reading all the different posts and can relate to all of them. I have always been a beer drinker. About ten or twelve years ago I developed some back problems(Degenerative disc disease as well as arthritis) but at this time it was muscular. Anyway the DR gave me a prescription of percocet 7.5's and some sort of muscle relaxer. The muscle relaxer did nothing for the pain and made me sleepy. But the percocet made me feel great! I could have done jumping jacks. So I shared my experience with some co-workers/friends and come to find out I must have been the only person(or so it seemed) who didn't use some sort of pain pills on a regular basis. Everyone knew about them, where to get them and used them for fun. The more people I talked to the more people I found were using them. I had many different ways to get these pills and when all else failed I knew what to tell a DR to get them. This nonsense has went on in my life for the last 10 plus years. It has gotten worse and worse.For the most part I have kept my problems a secret....until recently. I realized I had to do something...I was spending an obscene amount of money and time getting these pills! I finally confessed to my wife(Although I think she already knew) She is not really understanding or supportive at all.(Not that I blame her) I confessed to my older kids, and also to my mother.(kids are 26,22,20,13) I have never felt more shame in my life.The depression has been awful !!! Anyway after trying and failing several times to white knuckle it, I found a Dr that prescribed suboxone . I spent about 6 months still dabbling in the other stuff and using the suboxone when I didn't have anything else. A little more than six months ago the best thing that could of happened did. I got a DWI. I remember sitting in that jail cell and thinking that this is that draw the line in the sand moment. I am done!! I can honestly say that I have not had a beer since. I am 44 years old and have been drinking since I was 15-16. The last 20 years or so it has been a six pack or more a night. And I'll be honest ....I really don't miss it. Because of the DWI my lawyer told me to get into an alcohol rehab class.When I went there of course I lied a little about how much I drank but I was honest about my pill addiction. Because of the pill addiction and the DWI, the rehab center said I needed 36 weeks of group instead of the usual 12. I also have monthly random urine tests.This group has been very helpful....so much so that even after my 36 weeks I am going to continue going (They have an alumni fee of only 10 dollars a week) So for the last 6 months I have been on suboxone (The Dr prescribed me @ half pill every six - eight hours. I take two halves a day) I have to say I feel so much better now than I have in a long time. As of late a lot of things have been going bad....my wife and I are talking separation, my work has been slow at best,and I still have to deal with the legal issues of making a bad choice to drink and drive. I know that a year ago I would be using either pills or alcohol.....or both. I know that the next logical step is to ween off of the suboxone but I'm not so sure I am ready. When I asked my Dr he said he would show me how to safely ween off but also said "this is a disease....like diabetes is a disease... and if you were diabetic we wouldn't be talking about taking you off of insulin" My wife is mostly disappointed with me(Rightfully so) Her attitude is nobody made you start using...It wouldn't be hard to stop if you never started! Anyway I am sorry for being so long winded!! I Just wanted to introduce myself and tell where I am in my recovery. Thanks for listening, tom
Welcome to the board Tom and sharing your story.It sounds like you got a good plan going.
Jail's not a fun place to detox.
Jail's not a fun place to detox.
Hi Tom - Thanks for sharing. Your story is alot like all of ours. You seem very sincere in trying to recovery. Best of luck and keep posting. Did you and your wife do any marital counseling? Is the cost of the suboxen an issue in your marriage? Just asking because I hear it is very expensive.
Thanks for the kind words tim and alice! I really appreciate it! It feels good to be somewhere where I can let all of this stuff out!! To answer your questions alice we have not tried counseling not even sure it could help..(Thanks for the suggestion....hopefully we will try! )As far as the suboxone...it is expensive...we have insurance and for 28 pills (which lasts me close to a month) it costs 75.00. The Dr. which I have to see each month to get the prescription doesn't take insurance and he costs 75.00 a visit. So, basically it costs me 150.00 a month.While I agree that this bill shouldn't exist let me assure you that I spent way more on the percocets. I think my wife feels like I let her and my family down which I can somewhat agree with. But like I have told her, I can't change the past but I can determine what I will do now and in the future! thanks again for the welcome, tom
You are right. The past cannot be changed. Alot of people see using as something that we should have control over. My husband is not an addict. He does not understand addiction at all. He doesn't speak much about it but I've heard him say that it is a weakness. He supports me in going to meetings and is proud of me so we don't debate the issue. We agree to disagree.
I know that you've spent more on perc's than $150 a month. I cringe at the thought of the money I've blown on pills. It sounds like you are doing this for you and that is the only way to go. Do you go to NA? What does your therapy group think of suboxen therapy?
I know that you've spent more on perc's than $150 a month. I cringe at the thought of the money I've blown on pills. It sounds like you are doing this for you and that is the only way to go. Do you go to NA? What does your therapy group think of suboxen therapy?
hey alice, no i have not tried na although I have thought about it. Have you? If so how does it work and what did you get from it? As far as the group that I attend, it is more or less a group that is there for dwi court.Most people have to be there and don't want to be there....ya know? There are some people there that have other issues like myself. At least one other(there are only like 12 guys in the group) person is on suboxone. The counselor is a recovering heroin addict who was on methadone. I was honest when I went there as they do a random urine test and I knew that the suboxone could show up. So I guess that it is ok that I am on it.I know that some groups frown upon any use.....I am trying to get to that point...one day!!!!!!!
Hi Tom
Just wanted to welcome you to the board and thank you for sharing. I really can't offer you any advice as I am still newly clean. Keep sharing.
ribbit
Just wanted to welcome you to the board and thank you for sharing. I really can't offer you any advice as I am still newly clean. Keep sharing.
ribbit
Welcome! Your story is a familiar one...... I have experienced many of the same things. My wife and I are trying counseling as a last resort. My main focus is just maintaining a strong recovery. I used suboxone to stop popping pills and it was a life-saver, but it has taken more to help me find peace. Very reluctantly, I began working the 12 steps and it is making a big difference. My wife does not believe or understand the concept of addiction, but she is noticing changes and becoming supportive for the first time. Good luck and keep posting.
foggy and mr , thanks for the welcome! I do appreciate it!! mr I agree that the suboxone is a life saver. I do want to eventually get off of it though. It sounds like you are already off. It is good to hear that your wife is noticing a change...It gives me a reason for hope! I have not looked into na or aa for that matter so I am not familiar with the steps and how to work them....but I am looking forward to finding out! Thanks again , tom
Yeah.....suboxone stopped the crazy train. I had a good md who tested me regularly. I was on sub for over a year then slowly tapered off....not a free pass. Even though I was clean, I never worked a recovery program. The 12 steps don't come easy to me......I was turned off by AA/NA for a long time. Over the past couple months, I gave meetings another shot and I am loving the peace I am finding.........I even spoke at a meeting tonight, which I still don't enjoy......BUT, it is helping.
Ditto here. Your story reads the same as mine except if I drank I would be dead.
Thanks for posting this as I feel im not alone...
Thanks for posting this as I feel im not alone...
jer...you spoke up??? Awesome!!!! :-)
Tom, If your wife doesn't agree to marriage counselling perhaps just some counselling for her. Maybe the counsellor can help her get through this WITH you then maybe she'll be ready for marriage counselling. I've never been in love with an addict so I don't know if this is good advice or not. But I have loved an alcoholic..my dad, and I wish I went to alanon *sp when I was younger. To help understand things better.
Keep fighting for you. Hopefully the rest will work itself out.
froggy
Tom, If your wife doesn't agree to marriage counselling perhaps just some counselling for her. Maybe the counsellor can help her get through this WITH you then maybe she'll be ready for marriage counselling. I've never been in love with an addict so I don't know if this is good advice or not. But I have loved an alcoholic..my dad, and I wish I went to alanon *sp when I was younger. To help understand things better.
Keep fighting for you. Hopefully the rest will work itself out.
froggy