Hello. Here's my story. My daughter is snorting heroin. As much as I tried to believe her excuses and lies to avoid the truth, the truth is out. She's totaled two cars in three weeks. She needs a car to get to work so we're stuck. We (my ex and I) I think have finally convinced her to go to rehab - we're just waiting to hear from the facility to see if they can take her. I'm so sick over this and I never sleep anymore. I keep checking to see if she's breathing. I expect to go into her room and find her cold and dead. She's blown through thousands and thousands of dollars. after she totaled her car three weeks ago, she was using her father's spare car. She cried to me about how expensive it was to fill with gas and could I help her out so she could get to work. I got her a Visa gift card to fill it. She asked if it was one of those rechargeable ones that she could also take cash from. I said no. Thankfully. I bought her a used car and three days later she totaled it. Now she has to rely on Uber which her father is paying for. It's insane. This whole cycle is so awfl. I can't even begin to start describing how I feel.
It is insane. we all know the sleepless nights and trying to function as normal when Chaos is all around us. Keep reading the posts. all of our stories are here. you are at the beginning of a long road. forget about normal. Do not let her drive at all. Dont pay for uber. drive her if you have to but at this point getting to the job is not the issue.
Read the post "What Not To Do by MomNmore. Its a great place to start.
NarAnon meetings for you will help you gain strategy and sanity.
my son, after 2 rehab, in two years, living 1000 miles away. has been on the edge of recovery, one foot in, one foot out. he is home for a week and we are already insane about it. watch every move. guessing - is he ok, not ok.... mostly he seems ok but always element of doubt
be firm and be strong. listen to her actions, not her words.
do what you have to do to make YOUR life normal.
Read the post "What Not To Do by MomNmore. Its a great place to start.
NarAnon meetings for you will help you gain strategy and sanity.
my son, after 2 rehab, in two years, living 1000 miles away. has been on the edge of recovery, one foot in, one foot out. he is home for a week and we are already insane about it. watch every move. guessing - is he ok, not ok.... mostly he seems ok but always element of doubt
be firm and be strong. listen to her actions, not her words.
do what you have to do to make YOUR life normal.
Sending you a HUGE hug Momma. Sad welcome. So glad you found us. But so very sorry that you are on this horrible journey, too.
You didn't say how old your daughter is. . . but i agree w/ NY. . .she doesn't need to be driving. No more cars. If she's working, she can pay for her own Uber. . .or a bike. . .or new shoes so she can get herself to her job.
You said that her dad & you were trying to convince her to go to rehab. Take it from someone who is further down the path than you. . .if she doesn't want in her heart of hearts & soul of souls to get clean & sober. . .if going to rehab is not her choice but rather a way to make y'all happy . . .if she does not want to reclaim her life. . .she will not get anything out of the program & she will relapse. Save your money and your breath.
Excuse me for being blunt. . .but. . .right now. . .what incentive does she have to chose to get clean & sober? What has her addiction cost her? A couple of cars? Some yelling from you & dad? She still has a roof over her head, a warm bed to sleep in, her job, food, access to unlimited cars, no consequences for her actions, money, etc. I'm not saying that she has to lose all of these to chose sobriety. But she has to hit HER rock bottom. Wherever that is. Unfortunately, as her mom, try as you might (or want), you can't influence this process or make the decision for her. Remember the 3 C's: you didn't cause the addiction; you can't control it; and you can't cure it.
As NY said, read our stories on this board. We've been where you are. . .we know the fear, worry, tears, frustration, pain that you feel. . .and we are here to help, support, love & counsel you.
Be strong,
Lynn
You didn't say how old your daughter is. . . but i agree w/ NY. . .she doesn't need to be driving. No more cars. If she's working, she can pay for her own Uber. . .or a bike. . .or new shoes so she can get herself to her job.
You said that her dad & you were trying to convince her to go to rehab. Take it from someone who is further down the path than you. . .if she doesn't want in her heart of hearts & soul of souls to get clean & sober. . .if going to rehab is not her choice but rather a way to make y'all happy . . .if she does not want to reclaim her life. . .she will not get anything out of the program & she will relapse. Save your money and your breath.
Excuse me for being blunt. . .but. . .right now. . .what incentive does she have to chose to get clean & sober? What has her addiction cost her? A couple of cars? Some yelling from you & dad? She still has a roof over her head, a warm bed to sleep in, her job, food, access to unlimited cars, no consequences for her actions, money, etc. I'm not saying that she has to lose all of these to chose sobriety. But she has to hit HER rock bottom. Wherever that is. Unfortunately, as her mom, try as you might (or want), you can't influence this process or make the decision for her. Remember the 3 C's: you didn't cause the addiction; you can't control it; and you can't cure it.
As NY said, read our stories on this board. We've been where you are. . .we know the fear, worry, tears, frustration, pain that you feel. . .and we are here to help, support, love & counsel you.
Be strong,
Lynn
Well, she entered rehab yesterday - her first time. It's about two hours away from here. My ex called the nurses station and they told her my daughter is telling them she's only there for a detox. She has no way to get back and neither of us will pick her up. If she leaves early or uses again I will change my locks. I feel like it's my fault she is where she is. I let her stupid excuses go on for too long. All the crazy behavior and strangers in my house I let happen. No more. I have an amazing fiance who is "no bulls***".
We live in Northern New Jersey and her job is in lower Manhattan. I don't know how she can even get to work with no car. This is just the beginning of a long, horrible road I think. I'm trying to not tell many people (friends and family) because if she does pull out of it I don't want this to follow her forever. I'd like to string every dealer up by the balls and torture them.
Thank you.
We live in Northern New Jersey and her job is in lower Manhattan. I don't know how she can even get to work with no car. This is just the beginning of a long, horrible road I think. I'm trying to not tell many people (friends and family) because if she does pull out of it I don't want this to follow her forever. I'd like to string every dealer up by the balls and torture them.
Thank you.
By the way, since she went into rehab yesterday and I knew she was finally safe - I had the best sleep of my life. My problem now is where does she go after rehab? She can't live with me. She can't live with my ex. He has an empty apartment that was for sale that he said he'd take off the market and let her live there short term. If he does that at least I know he can go in and spot check her. Go through her things when she's at work, pop up visits etc. If there's anything amiss she's out. i guess.
Hi momma,
I know the feeling well - the best night's rest the first day your addicted son/daughter is in detox/rehab. Your next statement, though - "my problem now is, where does she go after rehab?" May I gently suggest, it isn't your problem, it's her problem or concern. The more you try to "help her out" the longer it will take for her to learn that she is the only one responsible for her actions - a lot of us on this message board have learned this, or more accurately, are still learning this. May I also suggest that while your daughter is in rehab, that you look into support groups for yourself, like Nar Anon or Al Anon? When I've gone to meetings, it is comforting to know that you are not the only one going through this. I also think the face to face meetings help.
There is also another post on here titled "what not to do". I think NY also suggested reading it. It's a very powerful read.
I know the feeling well - the best night's rest the first day your addicted son/daughter is in detox/rehab. Your next statement, though - "my problem now is, where does she go after rehab?" May I gently suggest, it isn't your problem, it's her problem or concern. The more you try to "help her out" the longer it will take for her to learn that she is the only one responsible for her actions - a lot of us on this message board have learned this, or more accurately, are still learning this. May I also suggest that while your daughter is in rehab, that you look into support groups for yourself, like Nar Anon or Al Anon? When I've gone to meetings, it is comforting to know that you are not the only one going through this. I also think the face to face meetings help.
There is also another post on here titled "what not to do". I think NY also suggested reading it. It's a very powerful read.
