I hope this doesnt open a can of worms,i really dont.Ive just been doing alot of thinking.Im on my second attempt to getting my life back.The first time i lasted 2 months,then found soem pills in a jacket pocket in my closet(the weird thing,i didnt take them right away..i carried them around for a day or two,trying to decide if i wanted them or not,talk about weird behavior)So after 2 months clean,i relapsed,my usage increased,life sucked,and a few months later,here i am,going on 3 months clean this time.I want to make it the LAST time.I feel im doing good,but i also felt i was doing goo d the last time.I have no expectations of "finding" any pills this time,but....life happens.Im starting to think about how good i was feeling the last time,and in spite of that,i relapsed,it just caught me off guard.I dont want that to happen again.I havent done any NA/AA,counseling,or meetings of any type except for a couple in detox(3 days)Im beginning ot think it would be a good thing for me,not sure NA/AA,or just some kind of counseling.I know i could benefit from learning some kind of coping skills.My question(s)...what is NA/AA like? Why do some prefer AA to NA even if they arent alcoholics(like me)? Another question...frequency...how often do people go,is it kind of as an "as needed" thing or do you pretty much make up a schedule.Im sure they have them different places,different nights/days and its probably a matter of me going to a few to find which one(s) i like best? Because ive read where some just dont work for certain individuals?But just curious about how often you go,once a week,twice a week,several times a week,or does each week differ? Im just trying to get an idea what to expect.And lastly,how does it begin,do i just walk into this place and sit down,do i sign in? Will there be somebody there who conducts the meeting promptly? I just can see myself sitting down by myself in the back and people milling around looking at me while we wai half an hour for somebody to speak,i dont know,it makes me uncomfortable to think about it,but im opening up to the idea of it,i think it could help me.So,for those of you who do go,any advice,experiences would be helpful.Thanks~KIM
Kim, you could call around in your area and ask about the different types of meetings that they offer. At the meeting that I attend, when you go in, we all sit at a table that is set up in a circle, so everyone can see everyone. They start off by asking everyone to say their name, like, "Hi, my name is so and so and I am an alcoholic or and addict/which ever applies in your case." Then they have a person that conducts the meeting and they begin. The person conducting the meeting may ask you before hand if you would like to read a passage of the twelve steps and you have every right to say "NO" . If you do not feel comfortable speaking at your first meeting just tell the director that you would prefer to just sit and listen. Everyone will be more than understanding and before the meeting ends, you may decide that you would like to speak. That is entirely up to you. Also, they do different things at different meetings. For instance, in an open book discussion, they will go around the table and read a chapter out of the big book. Everyone at the table reads as much as they like, out loud, and then the next person picks up where the last person left off. You do not have to read out loud. You can say, "pass" when it comes your turn if you do not feel comfortable reading out loud........and the next person will pick up where the last left off. Of course, me, with my big mouth, at my first meeting, I read one of the twelve steps and I read part of the chapter out of the big book that we were discussing that day. However, when we completed the chapter we were reading, they then opened up the floor for discussions on what we had read and asked us to tell everyone how we interpreted the chapter and how it related to us in our lives and addiction. Well, on this one, I didn't know what to say, so I just told the group that I did not want to speak on the subject and that I would like to hear what everyone else thought and how it related to them. This particular meeting was an AA meeting. I don't have any words of wisdom for you on how to pick whether to attend and AA or NA meeting. They are both very similar and work in the same ways..... Sometimes, AA meetings are easier to locate depending on your local. The people at the meeting are very nice and many of them will come up to you afterwards and speak to you and welcome you and ask you to come back. They will also congratulate you on making the step to come to a meeting. Really, you will be suprised at who you meet at meetings and how nice most of the people really are.
My biggest mistake, the first time I went to a meeting, was I sat to the left of the director at the table and wouldn't you just know it, I was the first one in line to speak, talk about scary..........So, if you don't want to be put in that position, just sit in the middle of the group and that way you can get a feel of how things are going rather than being the first in line to be asked to introduce yourself and speak..........lol..............Also, most meetings only last one hour. They are pretty much to the tee on the timing because a lot of people have to go back to work and so on. So don't worry, you won't be sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for the meeting to begin and end. I hope that I have helped you and I am sure that others will be along soon with much more experience and give you much more advice...... Good Luck. Don't worry about it, you've already made it through the toughest part. Now hang in there girl.........
My biggest mistake, the first time I went to a meeting, was I sat to the left of the director at the table and wouldn't you just know it, I was the first one in line to speak, talk about scary..........So, if you don't want to be put in that position, just sit in the middle of the group and that way you can get a feel of how things are going rather than being the first in line to be asked to introduce yourself and speak..........lol..............Also, most meetings only last one hour. They are pretty much to the tee on the timing because a lot of people have to go back to work and so on. So don't worry, you won't be sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for the meeting to begin and end. I hope that I have helped you and I am sure that others will be along soon with much more experience and give you much more advice...... Good Luck. Don't worry about it, you've already made it through the toughest part. Now hang in there girl.........
Thanks Pam,so much.You really have reassured me that it wont be as uncomfortable as i think.I think its the thought of the FIRST time.Just like anything,after the first tiem it'll be a piece of cake.I'ld like to ask your opinion on something else.I have a sister who goes to AA meetings regularly.We never talk about them and she has never asked me if i wanted to go(even though she knows my situations with pills,her DOC is alcohol)shes been going for a year now,im thinking of claling her and talking to her about it.I iamgine she knows which ones are better,the times and places,etc...but im just wondering if i should go with her the first time,just to get the feel of it.I know she would be happy as could be to have me go with her,just wondering if i should?It just hit me,isnt it strange that we have never talked about it(my sister and i)we are pretty close,and i have talked to her about HER meetings and how proud i am of her(im the oldest of 7,sehs the second to the youngest,im 44 shes 29(i think))but she has never once said,hey why dont you come with me,and i have never asked to join her,never.Wierd,it just goes to show how much i keep my "stuff" to myself,and try to be the strong one.Actually,im getting excited about it now,i think it would be nice to give her a call and go with her at the very next meeting.Thanks again for the encouraging words!~KIM
Kim, I think that going with your sister is a wonderful idea. You may even find that you like going to AA meetings and I promise you, the meetings work the same way. Ask Lisa/Cowgirl, she goes to AA meetings and not NA meetings and look where she is at today. She is an inspiration to so many. Obviously, your sister has found a great meeting or she would not still be going to that one particular meeting.........It says alot when one sticks to the same meeting, because a really good one can be difficult to find in some cases and I promise, the people will not look down on you. I know that this is a difficult step but it looks as though you have a lot to gain and nothing to lose. You and your sister will probably become much closer after you begin going to meetings with her. The reason she has probably never asked you to go with her is because she knows that this is a decesion that you have to or need to make on your own and I guarantee you that she is going to be thrilled when you ask her if you can attend with her........ Good Luck Honey. You are really on your way to happiness and freedom..........
Thanks Pam,i just called to leave hre a message and her BF was there,he said she sometimes goes on Thursdays,but also goes on Fridays and Sundays,so,im not sure which day,but it will be within the next few days,and i am now looking forward to it instead of feeling apprehensive.Youre right,she will be very happy when i tell her i would like to go.Thanks again~KIM
Hi Kim,
How are you doing?? I somehow lost all my 'old' mail and hence lost your address. You'll need to write me, o.k.?
I think it's really great you're looking ahead and trying to develop some skills for if/when times come up and you're confronted with pills/triggers. I'm thinking the same thing. There is a free counseling service through my work I might look into. I've learned much here from people who share about 12 steps...yes you can learn here. I'm grateful to those who take the time to post and share. Some I've always done. I'm feeling pretty strong myself, but if a few pills turned up in a pocket, I'd take 'em.
I'm about done with "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Good book. Different perspective. You go girl and let me know what it's like if you make an aa/na meeting. And I'm always here if you'd like to talk. You're doing really great. Just remember to remember. Remember what it's like to run out.
Take care, Beck
How are you doing?? I somehow lost all my 'old' mail and hence lost your address. You'll need to write me, o.k.?
I think it's really great you're looking ahead and trying to develop some skills for if/when times come up and you're confronted with pills/triggers. I'm thinking the same thing. There is a free counseling service through my work I might look into. I've learned much here from people who share about 12 steps...yes you can learn here. I'm grateful to those who take the time to post and share. Some I've always done. I'm feeling pretty strong myself, but if a few pills turned up in a pocket, I'd take 'em.
I'm about done with "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey. Good book. Different perspective. You go girl and let me know what it's like if you make an aa/na meeting. And I'm always here if you'd like to talk. You're doing really great. Just remember to remember. Remember what it's like to run out.
Take care, Beck
Kim,
I go to AA meetings although I am an addict. It started out that way last June because it was closer and the only NA meeting was in a bad part of town. Our group is large and at first, I would not speak- actually for a month I did not speak!!! LOL
I go every single day at noon (weekends too). I have a sponsor who makes me work the steps and if I don't make the noon meet, I'd have to be dead!!
The meetings have changed my life and the learning that takes place is awesome! For a long time in the beginning, I just sat there and listened and I learned - and still learn!
I go to AA meetings although I am an addict. It started out that way last June because it was closer and the only NA meeting was in a bad part of town. Our group is large and at first, I would not speak- actually for a month I did not speak!!! LOL
I go every single day at noon (weekends too). I have a sponsor who makes me work the steps and if I don't make the noon meet, I'd have to be dead!!
The meetings have changed my life and the learning that takes place is awesome! For a long time in the beginning, I just sat there and listened and I learned - and still learn!
Kim
The meetings I go to are slightly different from Pam's. We don't go around the room unless it is a small meeting. At my home group people that want to share raise their hands for the chairperson to call on them. If the meeting is slow then the chairperson will start to call on people, usually people that are regularly. It is an open discussion meeting. After a few readings from the Big Book, the chairperson has a topic to discuss. There are also speaker meetings where one person tells their story and the others listen. Sometimes there is a discussion afterwards. Then there are Big Book meetings, step meetings, open meetings (for everyone), closed meetings (for alcoholics only) and God knows what else. I don't remember where you live but Pills Anonymous meetings are also available in some areas. You can find that information on the PA site
All you have to do is go in, sit down, and look pretty. They may ask if there are any newcomers. You can raise your hand or not. It's up to you but it is better to be recognized as a newcomer so they can give you phone numbers. You can just sit there and listen for as long as you want. It is suggested that newcomers do 90 meetings in 90 days but it's not a law or anything. It helps the newcomer to get accustomed to going on a regular basis. No one keeps track of how many you go to.
There's more but I don't want to scare or confuse you. Remember, everyone there has gone to their first meeting so they know how you feel. You'll be fine.
The meetings I go to are slightly different from Pam's. We don't go around the room unless it is a small meeting. At my home group people that want to share raise their hands for the chairperson to call on them. If the meeting is slow then the chairperson will start to call on people, usually people that are regularly. It is an open discussion meeting. After a few readings from the Big Book, the chairperson has a topic to discuss. There are also speaker meetings where one person tells their story and the others listen. Sometimes there is a discussion afterwards. Then there are Big Book meetings, step meetings, open meetings (for everyone), closed meetings (for alcoholics only) and God knows what else. I don't remember where you live but Pills Anonymous meetings are also available in some areas. You can find that information on the PA site
All you have to do is go in, sit down, and look pretty. They may ask if there are any newcomers. You can raise your hand or not. It's up to you but it is better to be recognized as a newcomer so they can give you phone numbers. You can just sit there and listen for as long as you want. It is suggested that newcomers do 90 meetings in 90 days but it's not a law or anything. It helps the newcomer to get accustomed to going on a regular basis. No one keeps track of how many you go to.
There's more but I don't want to scare or confuse you. Remember, everyone there has gone to their first meeting so they know how you feel. You'll be fine.
Hi jj< i just wanted to say that I too try to attend meetings as often as possible I do have a few recommendations myself Ahen you go to your 1st meeting get a meeting schedule and look for speaker meeting in the beginning they are alot easier and you will find that you really do fit in and my fav is the womens meetings this is my favorite becaus eit teaches me to work with other women and I can also build a support group.I am 31 yrs old and I am a pill/heroin addict I choose AA and when they tlk about drink I just fill in the blank really take heed that some old timers do get offended if we talk about pills and say this is about alcohol so when you share simply say I wanted to pick up or when I was using you dont have to be specific .It is about learning a new way of life and how to deal w/ the changes ya know.I bet you go and love it but please be willing to try atleast 10 meetings different ones might be a good idea anyway I also choose AA because I feel like tere is more sobriety there as it has been around longer it doesnt matter though try both why not? Good luck you will be happy you tried it and you will feel much more comfortable after you go a few times and people will be very nice to you and are very encouraging when you start to show up regularly.
Thanks everyone.I live in upstate NY,i i believe we have quite a few of different types of meetings in or around my area,so i dont think that would be a problem.My sister goes to AA,so at least for the first time,thats where i'll be going.You say its basically the same,so...hopefully that wont matter.I remember when i was in detox they talked mostly about AA and i remember thinking,why are they talking to ME about AA,but i get the idea now,its all basically the same,right? I will get just as much out of AA as NA or PA? I will eventually look into the different places,but for now,it'll be the AA meeting.I am looking forward to it now,especially knowing i wont be going alone for my first one.I look forward to sharing my first experience with you all afterwards.Ive read so mucha bout it here,just always thought it wasnt for me,well,i'll soon find out,its true,i have nothing to lose and everything to gain.~KIM
Beck,i will email you sometime today.
Ctink,i really think i could get alot out of a womens group,you say they have a list of different type meetings? I'll have to look for it,but a womens group was what i initially thought about,i KNOW i would like something like that.
Bev & 12 stepper,thanks so much,all the information you have given is making me feel more and more comfortable with the idea,i appreciate it.
Beck,i will email you sometime today.
Ctink,i really think i could get alot out of a womens group,you say they have a list of different type meetings? I'll have to look for it,but a womens group was what i initially thought about,i KNOW i would like something like that.
Bev & 12 stepper,thanks so much,all the information you have given is making me feel more and more comfortable with the idea,i appreciate it.
kim,
congrats on trying to take this step.... all that has been said is true and I just know you will find your way... let me assure you that unless something really out of the ordinary happen... the knowing eyes and expressions you will see from the faces of the people in those rooms when you share about an experience or emotion you have or have had will reach you to your core... even though we tell you on here that we have 'been there and done that'... it is soo much different to experience that face to face and get that support in that manner.... it will be a new level to your recovery...
we you get phone number ... use them . this is not just a polite gesture... this is a tradition that is not only time honored but ment to be utilized and have saved many from relapse and posibly death.... meetings can be intense but they can also be fun ... they will teach you to be grateful and also to laugh at yourself... I am sooo happy for you ... I still remember my first meeting... it is an experience that changed and quite possibly helped save my life....
God Bless
Teresa
congrats on trying to take this step.... all that has been said is true and I just know you will find your way... let me assure you that unless something really out of the ordinary happen... the knowing eyes and expressions you will see from the faces of the people in those rooms when you share about an experience or emotion you have or have had will reach you to your core... even though we tell you on here that we have 'been there and done that'... it is soo much different to experience that face to face and get that support in that manner.... it will be a new level to your recovery...
we you get phone number ... use them . this is not just a polite gesture... this is a tradition that is not only time honored but ment to be utilized and have saved many from relapse and posibly death.... meetings can be intense but they can also be fun ... they will teach you to be grateful and also to laugh at yourself... I am sooo happy for you ... I still remember my first meeting... it is an experience that changed and quite possibly helped save my life....
God Bless
Teresa
Kim:
I am glad you are willing to go to a meeting and try things differently. I didn't want to go, no way no how. I was just out of options. I was like you, I had maintained very brief periods of sobriety left to my own devices. I was able to put together a month or two and once even two years. I knew AA worked as I had been sober for seven years previously due to Cocaine addiction years ago. Your open mindedness and willingness are shining through. For me, I have accountability by going to meetings and that seems to work, for me. Good luck to you.
Rachel
Kim,
There's a great article I found called "What To Expect at a 12 Step Meeting" Here's a Link
Good luck, and please share your experience and reaction to your first meeting with the rest of us. Like Rachel and many others, I was terrified of going to meetings at first, and now they've come to be the most important thing in my life.
Love,
Matt
There's a great article I found called "What To Expect at a 12 Step Meeting" Here's a Link
Good luck, and please share your experience and reaction to your first meeting with the rest of us. Like Rachel and many others, I was terrified of going to meetings at first, and now they've come to be the most important thing in my life.
Love,
Matt
Dear Kim Thank you for posting some of your history.You really are doing great this time.You know that this will be a lifelong battle & are looking for the tools needed to stay sober(FIRST)I am so proud of you.I needed you to know that.
Now as far as the NA thing I cant say too much Ive never gone for myself,but just from hearing what people say on here I can tell for alot it is a positive thing.On the other hand if you have the insurence & want that one to one experience I would say private therapy.I only say that because to me I would be more comfortable.Also one on one like that you can focus on YOUR issues not addiction issues understand?Like maybe there is something hidden inside that makes you want to use You would be able to work it out ya know.Either way getting that extra support whether in NA or private therapy makes your chances so much better.take care my friend....mj
Now as far as the NA thing I cant say too much Ive never gone for myself,but just from hearing what people say on here I can tell for alot it is a positive thing.On the other hand if you have the insurence & want that one to one experience I would say private therapy.I only say that because to me I would be more comfortable.Also one on one like that you can focus on YOUR issues not addiction issues understand?Like maybe there is something hidden inside that makes you want to use You would be able to work it out ya know.Either way getting that extra support whether in NA or private therapy makes your chances so much better.take care my friend....mj
Hey Kim...you've been given some awsome words of advice from others but I'll throw in my 2 cents.
I go to NA and AA. The only reason I go to AA is because they have a women's group that I really enjoy. I haven't been able to find one in NA in our area. I don't drink either, never really did, so don't consider myself an alcoholic, but a drug is a drug is a drug and it really doesn't matter to the program what you're addicted to.
I go 3-4 times a week. That's a personal choice. I don't work outside the home so I have time to go to as many as I need too.
What I recieve from the fellowship and working the 12 steps is priceless for me. I have never in my life been this happy and serene. It's like I finally figured out what the answer was.
Take care
Lisa
I go to NA and AA. The only reason I go to AA is because they have a women's group that I really enjoy. I haven't been able to find one in NA in our area. I don't drink either, never really did, so don't consider myself an alcoholic, but a drug is a drug is a drug and it really doesn't matter to the program what you're addicted to.
I go 3-4 times a week. That's a personal choice. I don't work outside the home so I have time to go to as many as I need too.
What I recieve from the fellowship and working the 12 steps is priceless for me. I have never in my life been this happy and serene. It's like I finally figured out what the answer was.
Take care
Lisa
Oh thank you all so much,i really mean it.
Tereasa,thanks so much,coming from you that means alot.The first day i came here, you replied to me,i didnt know much about you,after a few more posts, and... i was having a little bit of a hard time,you told me your story, i was blown away.You are a huge inspiraiton for me.
Rachael,i guess for me it wsant so much NOT WANTING to go but,more feeling like i dont think it'll do me much good,i dont know why i felt that way,but reading the passion in some of your posts really got me thinking...maybe just maybe this is what i NEED?
Matt,thanks so much for the link,i am going to read it tonight when ive got an hour or so to really read it.
Molly,thanks so much.Getting to know you has been so heartwarming.You are such a loving person.I agree with you,i need to dig a little deeper and find out some answers to my using,it didnt happen out of the clear blue,there are defiantly some issues i need to adress and figure out,you are very insightful.
Lisa,ive read where youve talked about the womens group and to be honest,thats what im after.I believe thats exactly what i NEED.Yes,i need the knowledge and tools for my addiction but i also need to address other issues and i think a womens group is the answer.Im hoping through these AA meetings i will be as lucky as you have been and i can find a group that i can fit into and flourish from.
I most defiantly will post as soon as ive been and tell of my experience.Im so looking forward to it.Thanks angain for the input and for telling of your experiences,its what has motivated me to looki into it.Im not sure where it'll lead,but im willing to find out!~KIM
Tereasa,thanks so much,coming from you that means alot.The first day i came here, you replied to me,i didnt know much about you,after a few more posts, and... i was having a little bit of a hard time,you told me your story, i was blown away.You are a huge inspiraiton for me.
Rachael,i guess for me it wsant so much NOT WANTING to go but,more feeling like i dont think it'll do me much good,i dont know why i felt that way,but reading the passion in some of your posts really got me thinking...maybe just maybe this is what i NEED?
Matt,thanks so much for the link,i am going to read it tonight when ive got an hour or so to really read it.
Molly,thanks so much.Getting to know you has been so heartwarming.You are such a loving person.I agree with you,i need to dig a little deeper and find out some answers to my using,it didnt happen out of the clear blue,there are defiantly some issues i need to adress and figure out,you are very insightful.
Lisa,ive read where youve talked about the womens group and to be honest,thats what im after.I believe thats exactly what i NEED.Yes,i need the knowledge and tools for my addiction but i also need to address other issues and i think a womens group is the answer.Im hoping through these AA meetings i will be as lucky as you have been and i can find a group that i can fit into and flourish from.
I most defiantly will post as soon as ive been and tell of my experience.Im so looking forward to it.Thanks angain for the input and for telling of your experiences,its what has motivated me to looki into it.Im not sure where it'll lead,but im willing to find out!~KIM
Well its all set.I talked to my sister and we'll be going at 8 tomorrow night.She said this meeting is one of her favorites,its fairly small,about 25-30 people,they sit in a circle and its open discussion.She thinks this will be the perfect one for my first one and she asked me to go in without any expectations.Which will be no problem because i really dont know what to expect.We're also going to go Monday and Wednesday night to 2 other meetings that are done a little differently with much bigger groups,the one Monday night,she said,has about 170-200 people usually.So im really looking forward to it and i will be experiencing differnet types with different atmosphers.She really thinks the one tomorrow night will be good because its smaller,very comfortable atmosphere,and a very "open" group of people.I will let you all know how it turns out.~KIM
Good for you Kim, it sounds just like the meeting that I was describing to you. You will be fine and I'm glad that you are going to try out some larger meetings as well. Take Care and Have Fun.
Kim,
I just wanted to say that it's great you have decided to go and check it out. You may see they really benefit you and you might really enjoy going.. I can't wait to hear how it goes...... Keep us posted... Good luck. Rae
I just wanted to say that it's great you have decided to go and check it out. You may see they really benefit you and you might really enjoy going.. I can't wait to hear how it goes...... Keep us posted... Good luck. Rae
kim,
its awesome you are seeking outside support and getting educated. i'm really happy to hear it. keep an open mind and enjoy your meeting
terrianne
its awesome you are seeking outside support and getting educated. i'm really happy to hear it. keep an open mind and enjoy your meeting
terrianne
