My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 months now. It might sound crazy but I swear I'm in love. I came into this relationship knowing that my boyfriend has had problems in the past with drugs and alcohol. He was clean at the time and told me that he never wanted to go back to that life. He regrets a lot of things he has done, but has also said that he's happy that he went through what he did at the time he did (about 15 years old to about 17 or 18) and not later because now he has a very good job, a nice car, and me. Just recently he got into a car accident and ran into a parked car and a pole. Of course I was nervous and shocked about the accident. He told me that someone wasn't giving him enough room on the road so he moved away and ended up hitting the car and pole. Luckily no one else was hurt. The next day he told me that he was leaving that night to go to inpatient therapy. This place would help him with physical therapy and all of a sudden he told me that he has been craving drugs and alcohol and wanted help before he messed up. This made me proud of him and I was happy he was going to rehab to get help. However, the day after he left I found out some devastating news. The story that he told me about the accident was a lie. He got into the car accident because he was on heroin. I'm very upset and devastated about this. I don't know what to do. I feel that if he told me the truth things would be different but he lied to me about it. He left to go to rehab without telling me the truth. I just don't understand.
You need to evaluate your relationship at this point. Love is one thing, but trust is huge. Addicts lie about using, it's the nature of the beast. He may have gone into rehab to dodge criminal charges the accident created. You just don't know if he is truly motivated to change. Time will tell once he gets out of rehab.
Think long and hard about what you want out of a relationship. Addiction takes charge, and spouses, children, and loved ones take a back seat. Is it worth it to constantly wonder if he is using again? Can he be trusted to be an equal partner in the relationship, or are you going to end up as his "mother" or "probation officer"?
This may sound harsh, but these are some things to consider. Heroin is a serious drug. Relapse rates are pretty high. This is not to say "abandon all hope", but be protective of yourself and your interests too.
Think long and hard about what you want out of a relationship. Addiction takes charge, and spouses, children, and loved ones take a back seat. Is it worth it to constantly wonder if he is using again? Can he be trusted to be an equal partner in the relationship, or are you going to end up as his "mother" or "probation officer"?
This may sound harsh, but these are some things to consider. Heroin is a serious drug. Relapse rates are pretty high. This is not to say "abandon all hope", but be protective of yourself and your interests too.
hi staystrong, roberta is right, you need to think long and hard,is this the life you want for yourself-you cannot fix him-only he can do that- from what you have posted, this guy is displaying all the attributes of someone in full active addiction, i have done it myself, so i know- we lie-we manipulate-we will promise you the world,and may actually believe it ourselves at that time- but the drugs/drink come first-heroin is a class A drug- we are talking serious addiction here-if this guy wants to kick it-it wont be pretty or easy-do you want to go through that?- do you want to worry every time he leaves the house that he may be going to score-will you believe him when he says he has quit? will you trust him?- these are tough but real choices- always remember if it comes to a choice between you and the drugs, guess who will win ? every time, while he is using-thats the stark reality of addiction- sorry to be so negative- i wish you all the best of luck with whatever decision you make
This if this true, everlasting love - then your relationship will rekindle after he has competed treatment and 1 year of sobriety in a sober home. After that 1 year then you will be able to gauge if the relationship is meant to be.
I also strongly suggest you seek family support through Al Anon or NA Anon.
Forgive me for being blunt, but this a potential train wreck for you. Avoid the temptation for a half measure - as that will avail you nothing.
I also strongly suggest you seek family support through Al Anon or NA Anon.
Forgive me for being blunt, but this a potential train wreck for you. Avoid the temptation for a half measure - as that will avail you nothing.
