I posted once a couple of weeks ago. My ex is a meth user. He has really tried to get off but never makes it. The last time he was clean for almost 8 months. Last week he got put back in jail for a dirty UA test. He also lost his job because of it.
I you remember from my last post I ask him to move out a couple of weeks ago because he was using again (for about 3 months). I love this man with all my heart but he is taking more than I can give anymore. I want him to get off the drug and I want to help him but he can't live with me until he gets off and stays off for a long period. He does not want to use, this I believe.
My question....when he gets out of jail he will have no place to go (expect drug buddies) and no job. What help is out there for people like him? How can he get the help he needs for his drug use when he has no job which means no money. If he lives on the "streets" he will go right back to the drug scene and use to survive.
How to I help without allowing him back into my home. I will help him but it just needs to be at a distance. What are the options, if any?
Wolfdog
Hi wolfedog,
Sorry for the pain you are feeling. Would he be willing to go into treatment or sober living? I don't know what is available where you live, however you can seach the net and when he gets out you can help him find something.There are programs out there for people that don't have money it just takes a lot of searching. He can always ask his P.O. for help. Everything is going to depend on what he wants to do. You can gather the information for him it will be up to him to do the footwork. I know how frustrating this is for you. I'm sure jail is that last place you want him, however this will give him time to detox and maybe clear his thinking up and want to find recovery. God has away of doing for us that we can't do for ourself. I have a daughter that is having a very difficult right now her husband decided getting high was more important then taking care of his wife and 15 month old son and ended up in prison. He is not a bad person as a matter of fact he is wonderful when he is sober the problem was he couldn't get sober and wouldn't go into treatment so he got to go to jail instead and now he is sober. I know my daughter told him he can't come home until he goes into treatment and he said he will. I wish you the best of luck. Stay hopeful, stay positive, and know that RECOVERY HAPPENS.
Love and support,
Denise
Sorry for the pain you are feeling. Would he be willing to go into treatment or sober living? I don't know what is available where you live, however you can seach the net and when he gets out you can help him find something.There are programs out there for people that don't have money it just takes a lot of searching. He can always ask his P.O. for help. Everything is going to depend on what he wants to do. You can gather the information for him it will be up to him to do the footwork. I know how frustrating this is for you. I'm sure jail is that last place you want him, however this will give him time to detox and maybe clear his thinking up and want to find recovery. God has away of doing for us that we can't do for ourself. I have a daughter that is having a very difficult right now her husband decided getting high was more important then taking care of his wife and 15 month old son and ended up in prison. He is not a bad person as a matter of fact he is wonderful when he is sober the problem was he couldn't get sober and wouldn't go into treatment so he got to go to jail instead and now he is sober. I know my daughter told him he can't come home until he goes into treatment and he said he will. I wish you the best of luck. Stay hopeful, stay positive, and know that RECOVERY HAPPENS.
Love and support,
Denise
Thanks for the info. He does say he wants help and says he will do anything treatment or whatever to beat this drug.
Another poster said something about be co-dependent. I to have been told that's what I am. I am reading a bood called "Codependet No More" and I am a little confused. Maybe someone can give me some answers. I do see some of the things I do for this man I love as codependent. It almost makes me feel as if I can't help my ex at all. How do I know when I'm crossing the line into codependent behavior?
I'm going to go on the website and search for treament centers. Since I'm looking for something that someone with no money can be a part of is there anything specific I should include in my search. I live in Kansas if that helps.
And if I search for options for him while he is in jail does that mean I'm acting as a codependent?
Another poster said something about be co-dependent. I to have been told that's what I am. I am reading a bood called "Codependet No More" and I am a little confused. Maybe someone can give me some answers. I do see some of the things I do for this man I love as codependent. It almost makes me feel as if I can't help my ex at all. How do I know when I'm crossing the line into codependent behavior?
I'm going to go on the website and search for treament centers. Since I'm looking for something that someone with no money can be a part of is there anything specific I should include in my search. I live in Kansas if that helps.
And if I search for options for him while he is in jail does that mean I'm acting as a codependent?
Hi,
I know when people say co-dependence it sounds like such a bad thing. I say go with your heart caring about the person you love is not wrong. If he had cancer you would help him and no one would say your being co-dependent. Just make sure you take care of yourself. Keep good boundaries such as if you feel like your working harder then him take time to care for yourself. Don't get burnt out and become resentful. I am truly glad the people that loved me never stopped when I was using. Anyway, I'm not sure what treatment centers are in your area, and in my opinion gathering information for the person you love is the right thing to do. GO WITH YOUR HEART that's what GOD would want you to do.
Love and Support,
Recovery Happens
I know when people say co-dependence it sounds like such a bad thing. I say go with your heart caring about the person you love is not wrong. If he had cancer you would help him and no one would say your being co-dependent. Just make sure you take care of yourself. Keep good boundaries such as if you feel like your working harder then him take time to care for yourself. Don't get burnt out and become resentful. I am truly glad the people that loved me never stopped when I was using. Anyway, I'm not sure what treatment centers are in your area, and in my opinion gathering information for the person you love is the right thing to do. GO WITH YOUR HEART that's what GOD would want you to do.
Love and Support,
Recovery Happens
I am a user that is quitting, The lady I am with knows of my situation and does not approve , yet understands. I love her tremendously , and I know that if I were to go back to using it would be over in a heartbeat.She is a strong woman that knows she can only control her life. Between her and the fact I am somewhere that I dont know where to get any., it is working .If I was where I used to live it would be a lot more difficult for me.I think an in house program for at least 60 days would be my best option if that were the case.The whole co-dependent issue is so complicated, it all boils down to what the user wants to commit to, and the people in their life........other users, and the rest. whatever decision you make......at least be aware of the situation, ..........dont take the use personal, and the only real control you have is YOUR OWN LIFE good luck
