hi, i was wondering if anyone could give me advise on how to deal with a heroin addict. i just found out my boyfriend does heroin, and he has lied to me about it for 7 months. He has sold things i have bought him to score, hes sold important things to him for it. i dont really know how to deal with this. also he denys being addicted and says he is no longer doing it. please help
you can email me @
britisfearlessx3@aim.com.
I wish I could help, but I think you're going to have to leave your significant other, for a short period, just to let him know what he's going to lose if he doesn't change roads. Tough love I know, but sometimes the only thing that works. I hope everything works out for you. Mike.
Brittany, I am flat out at the moment and don't have tons of time, but I wanted pop in and tell you to read the posts here on the Heroin board and also on the Families/Partners board and you will learn much. Pay special attention to Jazwan, LostinaForest, Onward Jill, and Believer...and then read some of MistyEyes. I am the mom of a recovering cocaine and heroin addict and you can read my posts if you want to see how the disease progresses then heals in the family...we have our very own kind of sickness if we give the addiction too much power over own lives.
You can't save him or even help him really...sorry that is not what you want to hear, but it is the sad truth. Only you can decide what's right for your relationship, but know that only he can change his life. Finally, let his actions do the talking...they always *say* they aren't using and sometimes it is the truth, but let his behavior tell you...you will know the truth when you see it and live it.
Peace ~ MomNMore
You can't save him or even help him really...sorry that is not what you want to hear, but it is the sad truth. Only you can decide what's right for your relationship, but know that only he can change his life. Finally, let his actions do the talking...they always *say* they aren't using and sometimes it is the truth, but let his behavior tell you...you will know the truth when you see it and live it.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hi Brittany
Much the same as what the others have posted.
There isnt really very much you yourself can do for him
he has to want to do it for himself.
In the meantime you could try contacting Families Anon
and chat to someone there, and they should be able to
give you some advice on what to do for yourself.
Wishing you all the best & thinking of you at this time
Have a nice christmas
xx
Much the same as what the others have posted.
There isnt really very much you yourself can do for him
he has to want to do it for himself.
In the meantime you could try contacting Families Anon
and chat to someone there, and they should be able to
give you some advice on what to do for yourself.
Wishing you all the best & thinking of you at this time
Have a nice christmas
xx
thanku so much everyone ! everything u have said has helped me relise a lot!
Brittany,
I am the partner of a long time Heroin addict (24yrs using) who is actually clean at the moment, it doesn't mean he'll stay clean but he has been for 5 days which is good. He has never stolen or sold anything of ours so I'm not sure how I'd deal with that but you have to ask yourself if you really want to be with him? And Why? Do you have children? How old are you? Lots of answers will help you to find the best way for you. Post me on the families board.
I am the partner of a long time Heroin addict (24yrs using) who is actually clean at the moment, it doesn't mean he'll stay clean but he has been for 5 days which is good. He has never stolen or sold anything of ours so I'm not sure how I'd deal with that but you have to ask yourself if you really want to be with him? And Why? Do you have children? How old are you? Lots of answers will help you to find the best way for you. Post me on the families board.
Hi Britt,
Yup ditto on everything everyone said.
The things that are important to us lose signifigance when we're heroin addicts.
Like Mom N More said we always say we're not using. We quit. We're gonna quit. Tomorrow. Blah, blah. All you can do is tell your man you will support him WHEN he gets the help he needs. Otherwise, and I hate to say this if he sold everything then the next thing is stealing from you. This is what we do.
If we steal off our own children that should tell you something. Yes, we are kind, sweet, good people caught in an awful addiction, but he needs help. That's not your boyfriend. That's your boyfriend ON HEROIN! Try and take care of you sweetie. It's not personal. It's not about him hurting you. It's about him hurting himself.
That leaves you to worry about you.
Yup ditto on everything everyone said.
The things that are important to us lose signifigance when we're heroin addicts.
Like Mom N More said we always say we're not using. We quit. We're gonna quit. Tomorrow. Blah, blah. All you can do is tell your man you will support him WHEN he gets the help he needs. Otherwise, and I hate to say this if he sold everything then the next thing is stealing from you. This is what we do.
If we steal off our own children that should tell you something. Yes, we are kind, sweet, good people caught in an awful addiction, but he needs help. That's not your boyfriend. That's your boyfriend ON HEROIN! Try and take care of you sweetie. It's not personal. It's not about him hurting you. It's about him hurting himself.
That leaves you to worry about you.
Hi there, sorry you have to be here, but you've come to the right place...there are many wise people in here. And some, like me, who have chosen not to live the nightmare anymore, because I was lucky enough to have a choice.
I am the ex-gf of a heroin addict. He used to pride himself on the fact that he didn't steal from me, yet he often borrowed money (large amounts and small amounts) which he never paid back...it's kinda stealing. I came here with the same questions you had...how can I help him? I didn't hear the replies I got and I spent a long time trying to help him...and ended up enabling him. And sinking further into co-dependency (and depression too) myself. I forgot that I was important and that my needs deserved to be met. I felt that our relationship was special because he shared secrets with me...but only because he soon learned taht he didn't have tolie to me, that I accepted him as he was...that gave him permission to keep using.
Please hear these words.....you cannot help him.....nothing you do or don't do will make any difference to his decision to get clean or not.....you are powerless over his behaviour. But...and here's the good news...you are not opwerless over your own. My advice (but I doubt you will heed this!) is to leave him. You don't need to be with him...you deserve a bf who will meet you halfway, who will be there for you when you need him, who is honest with you, who respects you, whose true love is you and not the drug. And until you find it, you owe it to yourself to be single and meet those needs yourself or through good friends. After my relationship with him ended, I fell into relationships with several other men, not addicts, but each one needy and incapable of an adult relationship...that is co-dependency...only now am I truly happy on my own...sure I still hope I'll meet this wonderful guy some day, but until then, no more compromises.
Whatever you choose to do, please keep posting here...shift yourself over to the Families Board...you will get lots of help and support over there...but the answers you should be seeking are not how to support and help him, but rather how to help and support yourself.
Also...please don't underestimate the dangers of this world that you are standing on the edge of..............
I'm having an un-busy festive period so will be around quite a bit...
Take care
Maddy x
I am the ex-gf of a heroin addict. He used to pride himself on the fact that he didn't steal from me, yet he often borrowed money (large amounts and small amounts) which he never paid back...it's kinda stealing. I came here with the same questions you had...how can I help him? I didn't hear the replies I got and I spent a long time trying to help him...and ended up enabling him. And sinking further into co-dependency (and depression too) myself. I forgot that I was important and that my needs deserved to be met. I felt that our relationship was special because he shared secrets with me...but only because he soon learned taht he didn't have tolie to me, that I accepted him as he was...that gave him permission to keep using.
Please hear these words.....you cannot help him.....nothing you do or don't do will make any difference to his decision to get clean or not.....you are powerless over his behaviour. But...and here's the good news...you are not opwerless over your own. My advice (but I doubt you will heed this!) is to leave him. You don't need to be with him...you deserve a bf who will meet you halfway, who will be there for you when you need him, who is honest with you, who respects you, whose true love is you and not the drug. And until you find it, you owe it to yourself to be single and meet those needs yourself or through good friends. After my relationship with him ended, I fell into relationships with several other men, not addicts, but each one needy and incapable of an adult relationship...that is co-dependency...only now am I truly happy on my own...sure I still hope I'll meet this wonderful guy some day, but until then, no more compromises.
Whatever you choose to do, please keep posting here...shift yourself over to the Families Board...you will get lots of help and support over there...but the answers you should be seeking are not how to support and help him, but rather how to help and support yourself.
Also...please don't underestimate the dangers of this world that you are standing on the edge of..............
I'm having an un-busy festive period so will be around quite a bit...
Take care
Maddy x
this is what i did. found out my girlfriend of two yrs or so had a habit so askede her to stop. she said she couldnt but would try, two months or so later and i find out she is doing it in secret again, now i love her and want to help her so i threaten to tell her dad, she informs me she will kill herself so i call her bluff and ring him tellin him everything i could. between us we put her on a subutex program and things start to look better for us we even get engaged.
then we bump into the person who raped her and i take a real kicking of his mate while i attack him. the police take their statement and go leaving us in our flat, she rings her dealer and gets right back on it again. i dont understand this drug but ive done plenty of other stuff and never become addicted so i put myself on the line. i decide to get as addicted as her with the idea that we can do a program together and live happily ever after. big mistake. its the hardest thing to stop ever, its tough to rattle way to tough so we get on a meth program this is a bad situation cause you can still use and we did, especially me as i had lost myself by then. finally she leaves me for her dealer, best thing that could have happened to me. i stopped using and went on subs telling everyone apart from my parents so i had some support. it took me three weeks before i could take subs cause the methadone in my system wouldnt come out. i managed to get down to 0.4 mls and stop after about three months, id even got a job and was fairly happy. then i loose the job, agency work, my first phone call was to my councillor who is great but wasnt there, second call to my dealer and then i spent the next few months on my own getting high. i got very low and it wasnt till my money ran out that i wanted to stop and get normal, this was the start of october last year when i went to my parents and told them i needed help, im now down to 2mg of subutex per day bur feel generally ok. its hard to know what to do to help but id recommend not doing what i did. im sure i will sort myself out now which is a good feeleing after two years of hell all just to help my ex. if you would like to contact me for advice my email is leftforlasvegas@yahoo.com i'd like to tell you your relationship can survive this but trust me it literally sucks you in and ruins you both in body and mind, he will sell everything beg borrow and maybe steal all without actually wanting to do it, the addiction is so tough to break he has to be ready and willing, relapses will probably happen and youll have to be strong when they do. give him a chance but dont let it ruin your kife by staying with him year after year. i really do hope you both make it through this hard difficult time. let me know how your doing sometime by email and best wishes plus good luck.
then we bump into the person who raped her and i take a real kicking of his mate while i attack him. the police take their statement and go leaving us in our flat, she rings her dealer and gets right back on it again. i dont understand this drug but ive done plenty of other stuff and never become addicted so i put myself on the line. i decide to get as addicted as her with the idea that we can do a program together and live happily ever after. big mistake. its the hardest thing to stop ever, its tough to rattle way to tough so we get on a meth program this is a bad situation cause you can still use and we did, especially me as i had lost myself by then. finally she leaves me for her dealer, best thing that could have happened to me. i stopped using and went on subs telling everyone apart from my parents so i had some support. it took me three weeks before i could take subs cause the methadone in my system wouldnt come out. i managed to get down to 0.4 mls and stop after about three months, id even got a job and was fairly happy. then i loose the job, agency work, my first phone call was to my councillor who is great but wasnt there, second call to my dealer and then i spent the next few months on my own getting high. i got very low and it wasnt till my money ran out that i wanted to stop and get normal, this was the start of october last year when i went to my parents and told them i needed help, im now down to 2mg of subutex per day bur feel generally ok. its hard to know what to do to help but id recommend not doing what i did. im sure i will sort myself out now which is a good feeleing after two years of hell all just to help my ex. if you would like to contact me for advice my email is leftforlasvegas@yahoo.com i'd like to tell you your relationship can survive this but trust me it literally sucks you in and ruins you both in body and mind, he will sell everything beg borrow and maybe steal all without actually wanting to do it, the addiction is so tough to break he has to be ready and willing, relapses will probably happen and youll have to be strong when they do. give him a chance but dont let it ruin your kife by staying with him year after year. i really do hope you both make it through this hard difficult time. let me know how your doing sometime by email and best wishes plus good luck.
