Hi folks. In all honesty, do any of you know of any couples who are both addicts who have managed to get and stay clean whilst still together? I think I already know the answer to this, I just need to hear it from experience!
Cheers,
Linz x
Lindz,
Didn't we have a few poster here that have?
Personally I don't know any. It has to be so difficult.
I'll send up some prayers for you two.
Didn't we have a few poster here that have?
Personally I don't know any. It has to be so difficult.
I'll send up some prayers for you two.
I know more than a few that are on methadone treatment together- - -but I cant tell how how thier lives are working out
I would guess, better that chasing dope- - but I don't know
I would guess, better that chasing dope- - but I don't know
At a speaker meeting last night a woman spoke of how she and her partner got clean, each in their own time.
She's been clean 15 years and she's been with her wife for over twenty years. So they did it.
But it's a tough row to hoe.
Most I've heard from in that situation fail. I did.
I had to break off the relationship. She's still using and I'm clean.
She's been clean 15 years and she's been with her wife for over twenty years. So they did it.
But it's a tough row to hoe.
Most I've heard from in that situation fail. I did.
I had to break off the relationship. She's still using and I'm clean.
Thanks folks. I already know if I'm honest after nearly 8 years of trying together. It's such a scary thought going it alone though but if I really want to stay clean, I know what I have to do. I personally don't know anyone. We both agree that had we split years ago, we'd both have gotten clean so we know we hold each other back. I'm just tired of always being the one to get clean then screw up again because he's still using and nothing's changed in our lives. I'm also tired of always being the one to get the cash and continually enabling my partner. It's so waring. If it wasn't for me, we'd have been in so much sh*t over the years from dealers. I was always the one who got the money to bail us out and save my other half's legs from being broken or worse. I even remortgaged my house to pay off drug debts then sold it to pay off more! My family, friends and colleagues just gave gave gave us cash. He doesn't have any friends left as he lost contact as he was so ashamed of what he'd become, he didn't want to see them anymore. His family don't give cash out without a fight either (and rightly so) so it was always down to me. Even on a daily basis, I have to get the cash for gear/smokes/petrol for the car etc. He's been out of work so much this past 2 years too. For more than half of last year and this year again for 5 month's now whereas I've held down my job for 17 years and have never missed a paycheque. My credit rating is completely screwed as everything is/was in my name and we've missed so many payments of so many things. I even have an arrestment on my salary for unpaid debt which is both our's but I have to pay it as it's in my name! I've been paying it back for 2 years so far and still have 5 month's to go. It's about 7,000! And that's just one thing! I've paid back thousands to dealers too, always me who gets the cash just in time. I'm financially ruined.
I've gone to rehab twice, gotten clean but he's still been using and I've inevitably relapsed both times. While I was in rehab last time, he managed to stay off H using Suboxone but then as soon as I got out, bang, straight back! I think we are addicted to the whole process and each other! We can't even stick to a sub maintenance program together without using on top and have done the same with Methadone. I think it's very clear to me now that I'm the problem here. I'm the one allowing this to happen and giving him it too easy. Why would you want to stop if someone else was ensuring you got sorted out every day, even when you don't have a penny to your name, no job etc. I go out to work all day and spend all day stressing about where to get money while he sits at home, waiting on the goods! I really feel like I'm the man in the relationship, always taking care of everything and I just want to be taken care of myself, even just for one day but I know if I don't get us the money, there just won't be any! It's a 24/7 job for me. I've hoped and hoped we could get out of this mess together as we got into it together but it's becoming painfully clear that I am just kidding myself it's ever going to happen. Each time I raise the subject of maybe parting for a little bit, just to get clean and onto a blocker, he makes all these promises about how he's going to try really hard to get a job and we'll be strong and this time it'll be different but it never is. We're now getting hassle again from a drug debt from a year ago and the guy's brought in his lunatic friend who's threatening to cut my partner up. I work hard, have a good job and could have a half decent life but as things are at the moment, I don't have anything to my name. I've lost everything I ever owned that was worth anything (It's all my stuff that's been pawned and lost as he moved in with me from his parent's) and I will have to start all over again. I'm desperate to have a baby but wouldn't dream of it till I get clean but time's running out for me due to my age. How the hell do you muster up the strength/courage to just get out? I'd feel like I was abandoning him. I love him and I want us to be together, I just can't go on the way we are and can't see a way out. We've tried so long and it's very obviously not happening for us to do this together. I just don't know how to stop it and I'm so scared of being without him and of being on my own. I've never been on my own before. We've been through so much together, I just can't imagine him not being here. It's all such a mess. I know no-one can help me here except me, I just really needed to vent. Sorry if it's a depressing post, it's not usually something I'm guilty of. I just feel so scared what with Christmas only 2 weeks away and not having a penny to even buy my family gifts and the thought of the whole thing is just making me want to run away or worse. Every day I worry I won't be able to make it to work because I don't have any money to get petrol in my car or even the bus fare to get there and I'd lose my job if I took anymore time off. I've had a lot of time off this past few years because of my addiction and really can't take anymore or they are going to end up finding out about me. I think I just need to know that someone understands what I'm going through right now and to know that it can get better and that you guys have done it. Like I said, I don't know anyone personally who has managed to do this with a partner who's also a user. I'd even be grateful to hear anyone telling me how they managed to get things back on track, even if they had to leave their partner to do it. I know for sure it's not going to be easy but i'm sure it can't be any harder than the past 8 years have been. Sorry again for whining, I just feel at the end of my tether right now and so so tired of fighting this battle. Thanks for taking the time to read this if you got this far folks.
Linz x
I've gone to rehab twice, gotten clean but he's still been using and I've inevitably relapsed both times. While I was in rehab last time, he managed to stay off H using Suboxone but then as soon as I got out, bang, straight back! I think we are addicted to the whole process and each other! We can't even stick to a sub maintenance program together without using on top and have done the same with Methadone. I think it's very clear to me now that I'm the problem here. I'm the one allowing this to happen and giving him it too easy. Why would you want to stop if someone else was ensuring you got sorted out every day, even when you don't have a penny to your name, no job etc. I go out to work all day and spend all day stressing about where to get money while he sits at home, waiting on the goods! I really feel like I'm the man in the relationship, always taking care of everything and I just want to be taken care of myself, even just for one day but I know if I don't get us the money, there just won't be any! It's a 24/7 job for me. I've hoped and hoped we could get out of this mess together as we got into it together but it's becoming painfully clear that I am just kidding myself it's ever going to happen. Each time I raise the subject of maybe parting for a little bit, just to get clean and onto a blocker, he makes all these promises about how he's going to try really hard to get a job and we'll be strong and this time it'll be different but it never is. We're now getting hassle again from a drug debt from a year ago and the guy's brought in his lunatic friend who's threatening to cut my partner up. I work hard, have a good job and could have a half decent life but as things are at the moment, I don't have anything to my name. I've lost everything I ever owned that was worth anything (It's all my stuff that's been pawned and lost as he moved in with me from his parent's) and I will have to start all over again. I'm desperate to have a baby but wouldn't dream of it till I get clean but time's running out for me due to my age. How the hell do you muster up the strength/courage to just get out? I'd feel like I was abandoning him. I love him and I want us to be together, I just can't go on the way we are and can't see a way out. We've tried so long and it's very obviously not happening for us to do this together. I just don't know how to stop it and I'm so scared of being without him and of being on my own. I've never been on my own before. We've been through so much together, I just can't imagine him not being here. It's all such a mess. I know no-one can help me here except me, I just really needed to vent. Sorry if it's a depressing post, it's not usually something I'm guilty of. I just feel so scared what with Christmas only 2 weeks away and not having a penny to even buy my family gifts and the thought of the whole thing is just making me want to run away or worse. Every day I worry I won't be able to make it to work because I don't have any money to get petrol in my car or even the bus fare to get there and I'd lose my job if I took anymore time off. I've had a lot of time off this past few years because of my addiction and really can't take anymore or they are going to end up finding out about me. I think I just need to know that someone understands what I'm going through right now and to know that it can get better and that you guys have done it. Like I said, I don't know anyone personally who has managed to do this with a partner who's also a user. I'd even be grateful to hear anyone telling me how they managed to get things back on track, even if they had to leave their partner to do it. I know for sure it's not going to be easy but i'm sure it can't be any harder than the past 8 years have been. Sorry again for whining, I just feel at the end of my tether right now and so so tired of fighting this battle. Thanks for taking the time to read this if you got this far folks.
Linz x
Anything can be done, but what seems most immediate is what can you do for you...
You want to be clean, want him clean, yet supply him...And I get it, you know exactly what will be if he doesn't fix...But have you ever wondered what would be if you didn't help him out would he stop using, would he get clean, would he look right away for someone who would help him, would he go out and get his fix himself by whatever means he can...and oh god if he did would you jump in to save if he screwed up.
If you are done you are done, if you are not he doesn't have much to do with that, he can't...It is to easy to say well he uses, and I have been right there, pissed off and resentful cause how dare he use, how dare I have to feel all this bulls***... now opiates aren't my thing, but seeing him all in that nod, well damn I can find that my way and surely did...not good especially when you get exactly what will be....The excuse only works for so long, no one can be our excuse, it isn't fair to you, not fair to him and extremely unhealthy.
It is not evil, unloving or uncaring to take care of ourselves, to put us first, to love ourselves enough to say I can't live like this. It is not mean to move out, to move him out. You have to do what is best for you, you have to follow what will give you the best chance, all the while knowing that he is just as capable of doing the same, of saving himself and he will not because of you, or to keep you clean, he has to want it to for him above all ...and you do as well for a chance at the best of everything.
Are you still on sub, cause if you are that seems to be one shining light here to at least for the moment keep you well...you don't have to use, surely you know you choose to for whatever the reason and that will be something you will have to work to find out why...but the sub if still there can solve one immediate problem, well helps, and then you move on to the next most important thing....maybe something like I do not supply cash for drugs, I also do not cop for because if I love I do not enable those I do to basically die a bit more...and the next lots of help and support for yourself...and then what is next, and next...a simple plan for you, about you...
Please take good care of you, as you are worth it...
Love,
Tina
You want to be clean, want him clean, yet supply him...And I get it, you know exactly what will be if he doesn't fix...But have you ever wondered what would be if you didn't help him out would he stop using, would he get clean, would he look right away for someone who would help him, would he go out and get his fix himself by whatever means he can...and oh god if he did would you jump in to save if he screwed up.
If you are done you are done, if you are not he doesn't have much to do with that, he can't...It is to easy to say well he uses, and I have been right there, pissed off and resentful cause how dare he use, how dare I have to feel all this bulls***... now opiates aren't my thing, but seeing him all in that nod, well damn I can find that my way and surely did...not good especially when you get exactly what will be....The excuse only works for so long, no one can be our excuse, it isn't fair to you, not fair to him and extremely unhealthy.
It is not evil, unloving or uncaring to take care of ourselves, to put us first, to love ourselves enough to say I can't live like this. It is not mean to move out, to move him out. You have to do what is best for you, you have to follow what will give you the best chance, all the while knowing that he is just as capable of doing the same, of saving himself and he will not because of you, or to keep you clean, he has to want it to for him above all ...and you do as well for a chance at the best of everything.
Are you still on sub, cause if you are that seems to be one shining light here to at least for the moment keep you well...you don't have to use, surely you know you choose to for whatever the reason and that will be something you will have to work to find out why...but the sub if still there can solve one immediate problem, well helps, and then you move on to the next most important thing....maybe something like I do not supply cash for drugs, I also do not cop for because if I love I do not enable those I do to basically die a bit more...and the next lots of help and support for yourself...and then what is next, and next...a simple plan for you, about you...
Please take good care of you, as you are worth it...
Love,
Tina
Well Linz!
Sure is tough my wee m8,,been there had the crap,n,struggled badly to deal with it,worst bummer i,ve ever faced as you know..i do know of a couple who did it,they r now a few years clean,good jobs,,well,he,shes bolted--After all that eh,,she had a decent job too but she obviously wasnt happy and up stix over to the EMERALD ISLE,where shes supposedly living happy ever after.lol..
A d ont know if this is an option for you both but what about a meth script each?i know its far from ideal but it may just keep you both tgether..A woodny like to be livin with the threat of getting my legs broke,jaw wired etc.A think your gonna have to bite the bullet here,one or both of you,a dont think stayin in the same place helps,ive been wanting to get away fr a while now co i,m sick of being around here all the time too.
A truly hope all works out fr you both,i really do..If the s*** hits the fan you know how to find me,n,if theres anyway i can help then dont be affraid to ask,,,there are no strings..xEck,x
Sure is tough my wee m8,,been there had the crap,n,struggled badly to deal with it,worst bummer i,ve ever faced as you know..i do know of a couple who did it,they r now a few years clean,good jobs,,well,he,shes bolted--After all that eh,,she had a decent job too but she obviously wasnt happy and up stix over to the EMERALD ISLE,where shes supposedly living happy ever after.lol..
A d ont know if this is an option for you both but what about a meth script each?i know its far from ideal but it may just keep you both tgether..A woodny like to be livin with the threat of getting my legs broke,jaw wired etc.A think your gonna have to bite the bullet here,one or both of you,a dont think stayin in the same place helps,ive been wanting to get away fr a while now co i,m sick of being around here all the time too.
A truly hope all works out fr you both,i really do..If the s*** hits the fan you know how to find me,n,if theres anyway i can help then dont be affraid to ask,,,there are no strings..xEck,x
