heres my email:
sdsaake@yahoo.com
please email sometime anyone if your free! id really appreciate it! :)
Hey Steph,
Dang girl you fit the position like alot of us. Always apologizing. I did that my entire life and for things that I didn't need to apologize for.
Asking for or seeking help does not make you weak. Actually it makes you stronger.
Friends that call you junkie and tell you to die? Frustrated. It doesn't mean they don't care. People just get sick of us. That's just my opinion.
BAM. I think one of your biggest problems is you're trying to get clean to prove it to these two friends. Sister that don't work like that. When you do get clean and feel a need to prove you can stay clean I understand that. I do. It actually helped me stay clean at times like "Oh yeah I'll show them I can stay off this s*it". However, getting clean it has to be FOR YOU!!!!!!!! You matter. Again no need to apologize either. We're all addicts here and have been through it.
Sounds like you were raised to never complain. Of course I don't know that, but I was as well and in comes the "I hate being a bother. I am sorry I ask for help". Steph it can save your life to let that go.
Any way you can go to some form of counseling. Even if not for addiction?
As far as the Oxy's vs heroin kick? I never got addicted to Oxy's cause I couldn't afford them. Dope so much cheaper and for me? I thought a way better high. I love heroin. The Oxy's well? Yeah to stay well and not get sick from withdrawl kind of O.K. high.
However, my bestest friend both. She said Oxy's were the most awful kick she ever had. That magnifys the heroin withdrawls by a trillion she said. Just really bad.
In rehabs I heard people say the same thing. Worse than benzo's even to kick.
So what can you do with that information? Are you thinking of going back to the oxy's? DO NOT! Would that make you less of a junkie in the eyes of your friends?
Steph I understand your family dynamics, and your life work and all, but you're going to have nothing if you don't get help. You need help. I'd suggest a rehab and then some. You're too important a person not to go get help.
None of us can believe we ended up like we did. Guilt wracks ya. The cycle continues.
Your title is not junkie. You are a daughter, friend, student feeling flippin human being who like everyone else in life has flaws. You need help.
Give Yourself A Chance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best advice I ever got.
You're not bothering anyone here. You're allowed to complain. Well only after me though. LOL You are worthy of help. The fact you've cried so much at these posts speaks volumes.
Before going to the ATM again get online or go to the phonebook and start calling whoever you can for help. Rehab, Hotline, NA, AA whoever. When you start caring about YOU than everyone else will as well.
Dang girl you fit the position like alot of us. Always apologizing. I did that my entire life and for things that I didn't need to apologize for.
Asking for or seeking help does not make you weak. Actually it makes you stronger.
Friends that call you junkie and tell you to die? Frustrated. It doesn't mean they don't care. People just get sick of us. That's just my opinion.
BAM. I think one of your biggest problems is you're trying to get clean to prove it to these two friends. Sister that don't work like that. When you do get clean and feel a need to prove you can stay clean I understand that. I do. It actually helped me stay clean at times like "Oh yeah I'll show them I can stay off this s*it". However, getting clean it has to be FOR YOU!!!!!!!! You matter. Again no need to apologize either. We're all addicts here and have been through it.
Sounds like you were raised to never complain. Of course I don't know that, but I was as well and in comes the "I hate being a bother. I am sorry I ask for help". Steph it can save your life to let that go.
Any way you can go to some form of counseling. Even if not for addiction?
As far as the Oxy's vs heroin kick? I never got addicted to Oxy's cause I couldn't afford them. Dope so much cheaper and for me? I thought a way better high. I love heroin. The Oxy's well? Yeah to stay well and not get sick from withdrawl kind of O.K. high.
However, my bestest friend both. She said Oxy's were the most awful kick she ever had. That magnifys the heroin withdrawls by a trillion she said. Just really bad.
In rehabs I heard people say the same thing. Worse than benzo's even to kick.
So what can you do with that information? Are you thinking of going back to the oxy's? DO NOT! Would that make you less of a junkie in the eyes of your friends?
Steph I understand your family dynamics, and your life work and all, but you're going to have nothing if you don't get help. You need help. I'd suggest a rehab and then some. You're too important a person not to go get help.
None of us can believe we ended up like we did. Guilt wracks ya. The cycle continues.
Your title is not junkie. You are a daughter, friend, student feeling flippin human being who like everyone else in life has flaws. You need help.
Give Yourself A Chance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best advice I ever got.
You're not bothering anyone here. You're allowed to complain. Well only after me though. LOL You are worthy of help. The fact you've cried so much at these posts speaks volumes.
Before going to the ATM again get online or go to the phonebook and start calling whoever you can for help. Rehab, Hotline, NA, AA whoever. When you start caring about YOU than everyone else will as well.
Steph, I read in your posts many of the thoughts that I had.
I felt that since this addiction was self-inflicted that I should be the one to cure myself.
I was never one to join clubs or groups, so going to an NA or AA meeting was out of the question. When I'd drive by one of their clubhouses, I'd think "those poor bastards".
The last place in the world I felt like I needed to be was in one of those meetings.
But I kept relapsing...
Finally, I came to a point where I was desperate to try anything. Even though I felt I was strong enough to stay clean on my own, my past history showed that I was just lying to myself.
One day, after kicking for the umpteenth time, I was feeling particularly low and I reached out to a person that was a friend of a friend and who I knew was in AA.
I just made the call and later that day, he came and picked me up and took me to an AA meeting.
I was scared, of course. I just said my name when it came around to me. I didn't speak after that. I just listened.
Later that same day, I went to a different meeting; an NA meeting, by myself.
Here's my thought on NA (or AA) meetings: Regardless if you buy into their approach to the treatment of the disease, what you find in those meetings are people who are or have been addicted and are seeking the answer to the riddle of how to stay clean.
Perfect! That's what you're seeking and that's what I'm seeking!
That's why you post on this site and that's why all of us are here!
I help you and you help me.
It's that simple.
Do yourself a favor and go to a friggin meeting! You might hear something that turns on a light in your head.
You're pushing in the right direction, maybe you just need that little something to get you over the hump. Wouldn't that be nice? To start coasting downhill in your life? Instead of fighting uphill all the time?
I felt that since this addiction was self-inflicted that I should be the one to cure myself.
I was never one to join clubs or groups, so going to an NA or AA meeting was out of the question. When I'd drive by one of their clubhouses, I'd think "those poor bastards".
The last place in the world I felt like I needed to be was in one of those meetings.
But I kept relapsing...
Finally, I came to a point where I was desperate to try anything. Even though I felt I was strong enough to stay clean on my own, my past history showed that I was just lying to myself.
One day, after kicking for the umpteenth time, I was feeling particularly low and I reached out to a person that was a friend of a friend and who I knew was in AA.
I just made the call and later that day, he came and picked me up and took me to an AA meeting.
I was scared, of course. I just said my name when it came around to me. I didn't speak after that. I just listened.
Later that same day, I went to a different meeting; an NA meeting, by myself.
Here's my thought on NA (or AA) meetings: Regardless if you buy into their approach to the treatment of the disease, what you find in those meetings are people who are or have been addicted and are seeking the answer to the riddle of how to stay clean.
Perfect! That's what you're seeking and that's what I'm seeking!
That's why you post on this site and that's why all of us are here!
I help you and you help me.
It's that simple.
Do yourself a favor and go to a friggin meeting! You might hear something that turns on a light in your head.
You're pushing in the right direction, maybe you just need that little something to get you over the hump. Wouldn't that be nice? To start coasting downhill in your life? Instead of fighting uphill all the time?
Steph, listen to Brynn, listen to everyone...their talking sense...your young...you've got the will...you can do it...even if you have to pick yourself up every 3 days and start agaiin...it will come...stay strong...
Constantine
Constantine
Bump for Steph
