Everyone on this board:
I did it, I compromised everything I stand for to try and "be friends" or at least not have everyone hate me on this board. What I have realized is...that there is no way, unless I change everything I am and become a "follower" that I will ever be a member of the group. I watched this happen to Marie and countless others. Some can walk away, don't see Rhonda around much anymore do you? Each and every one at one point or another has threatened to walk away from this place and never post again...it doesn't happen, they (the followers) always come back. I am a pathetic people pleaser and try to make everyone like me. Well those days are DONE. I really should not care what a bunch of people on a drug addiction board think of me! For heaven sake, what am I even doing here? I have 15 yrs. clean, guess I thought foolishly that I could be of some help. Not.
The thing that has happened and that I am the most thankful for is the thing that most of you that read this board think is the most sinister...and that is Liz. I am here to tell you that she is the one and only good thing that happened to me on the board and I thank God every day that he brought this board into my life because it gave me one of the best friends I've ever had. I have NEVER even spoken to anyone online, forget becoming friends! I don't need to go "find" friends, I have plenty in my REAL world.
I first wrote to Liz when she was being accused of being Paul. I wrote her because I felt she was being unfairly bashed. After that, we spoke almost daily. I helped her with her battle w/ drugs...of which she is doing very well, and she stood by me and helped me daily, sometimes hourly with a family problem that most people would not have the time for helping with. She stood by me...100% and gave me excellent advice. She is not some crazy druggie that everyone tries to make her out to be.
I am a very fortunate person. I live in a home that most would die to own, my husband is very well educated, that means more than just college grad, has a fantastic six figure job and I have a family that is so close and wonderful that I thank God every day for each of them. I basically live the perfect life. I found a place online that I felt God wanted me to go to so that I could share my story and bring people to healing, in the way that I know. I don't think God made the mistake here, I made the mistake. This is definately not the place I am to help with. He brought me here to find one of the best people I've EVER met...Liz.
Don't care what anyone else has to say about her...well I do, because she is my friend and when you hurt her, you hurt me. What I mean is...I'm done trying to please and say all the right things to people here so they will "understand" what my point is, blah blah blah. I'm so tired of trying. I just wish that the newbies would take time and look at the previous posts and see just what happens when you take a stand and it doesn't go with the flow. Then you will next find yourself compromising your principles so that they will not yell at you and call you names. I've seen this happen 100 times and it's always the same people. They will hurt you. They WILL turn on you, just disagree. Test me on this and see if I am not right. Anyone that has been on here observing will know that what I say is the truth.
So, with that said, NOBODY will ever tell me to f** off and get away with it, or tell me to leave this board. Who in the heck do you think you are? Did someone die and make you boss? You amaze me. At any rate, it doesn't matter...I am going to be one of those dramatic people that cries as they wail out the door, "I don't need this sh**" I'm done here! Goodbye! Love the drama ay?
That's it, that's what I had to say. Please moderators, let my post stand cause it is my goodbye and everyone deserves their goodbye to be as they intended. You have, in your efforts to keep the peace been removing lots and lots of very negative posts made by some VERY influencial people on here, that only proves my point about their hypocricy. You might want to rethink your policy in that regard. When you cover the mean things that only a few say, makes them look really good and the rest of us look like schmucks. Covering her two faced comments doesn't do anyone here any good. I think adults should have the opportunity to decide for themselves who they want to believe in and if they are spoonfed information just the way you want, then that is not a fair and balanced look at the whole picture. My two cents on the moderating situation.
So, that's it...you all could not be more wrong about Liz and it is your loss and my gain. She is a beautiful person. Whatever....
Don't let the door hit you in the butt out of my life!! The freedom I feel is exhilarating! Thanks Liz, you are truely a great friend and I love you like a sister!
Clancy
Clancy,
Persoanally I think Liz seems to be doing some better. So I don't want to get on the Liz debate team. Lol Please keep reading and don't take me to the Liz debate team. I'm so sick of the debate teams. That's what I wanted to say.
I do notice that I too have been affected by the board on a different issue and I'm mad at myself for being affected. I have noone to blame for this but me but today I woke up exhausted, thinking, why am I putting so much energy into these stories? I'm not mad at anyone but myself. I really care and want people to do well and I don't mind saying what I feel. Usually I have no need to be an attack dog but I can be all the same. If I can help another I'd love to.
For now I notice I need to redirect my focus though cuz it's pulled about all the energy out of me I care to allow it. The addiction board can be addicting in itself! lol I'm gonna just be thick skinned now and not worry so much. TIme to let go of the drama and just support others if I can in their recovery. So I'm taking some time to cook and do all those holiday things now.
I wish you all well in your life and recovery. Have a great holiday and enjoy.
PM
Persoanally I think Liz seems to be doing some better. So I don't want to get on the Liz debate team. Lol Please keep reading and don't take me to the Liz debate team. I'm so sick of the debate teams. That's what I wanted to say.
I do notice that I too have been affected by the board on a different issue and I'm mad at myself for being affected. I have noone to blame for this but me but today I woke up exhausted, thinking, why am I putting so much energy into these stories? I'm not mad at anyone but myself. I really care and want people to do well and I don't mind saying what I feel. Usually I have no need to be an attack dog but I can be all the same. If I can help another I'd love to.
For now I notice I need to redirect my focus though cuz it's pulled about all the energy out of me I care to allow it. The addiction board can be addicting in itself! lol I'm gonna just be thick skinned now and not worry so much. TIme to let go of the drama and just support others if I can in their recovery. So I'm taking some time to cook and do all those holiday things now.
I wish you all well in your life and recovery. Have a great holiday and enjoy.
PM
Hey Clancy,
Wow, This is so sweet. I love you too girl. You are like a sister to me as well> I think you have a lot to offer on this board. No, you can't please everybody and that is fine. I've been learning to just ignore the people that actually think they are better then me. I know they're not better then me, so I don't concern myself with it. I'm growing, I know I'm getting better everyday. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. I'll talk with you soon.
Love,
Liz
Wow, This is so sweet. I love you too girl. You are like a sister to me as well> I think you have a lot to offer on this board. No, you can't please everybody and that is fine. I've been learning to just ignore the people that actually think they are better then me. I know they're not better then me, so I don't concern myself with it. I'm growing, I know I'm getting better everyday. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. I'll talk with you soon.
Love,
Liz
Thanks PM
Won't put you in the middle of anything or anywhere you don't want to be.
It is the time of giving Thanks! So lets give it right? Happy times.
Some won't notice, but Liz is doing so great!! Really come a long way! I'm so proud of her!
Well thanks for posting, I appreciate your thinking of me.
Love ya
Clancy
Won't put you in the middle of anything or anywhere you don't want to be.
It is the time of giving Thanks! So lets give it right? Happy times.
Some won't notice, but Liz is doing so great!! Really come a long way! I'm so proud of her!
Well thanks for posting, I appreciate your thinking of me.
Love ya
Clancy
Clancey,
I am confused... your last post was different you didnt seem angry at all even the few before that was really not this angry... so what has happen in the span of 40 mins?
I dont know how you feel that you have compromised your self or your beliefs here .. I dont see that you have done that at all... I see that some misunderstanding at least on my part has been cleared up nicely... at least I thought.. and others have accepted you nicely....
As for whom you are refering to that is two faced and has posts deleted... to my knowledge as I can only speak for my self.. I have never had any specific post deleted ..maybe I had one deleted in an entire thread but not one specific by me... and I am not sure who you are refering to or how this came up or how you got soooo angry sooo fast...
As for chiming liz's attributes ... good for you ... you are entitled to your opinion of her or anybody else for that matter.... I chose this morning to ignore the blantant attempt to bait me into a mean fest about reading the big book and I learned that skill here on this board... well maybe not learned it here but practice it here more... I truly am glad that she has friends here.. and I was just the other day saying that I thought liz was doing better..believe it or not and was going to tell her so... but then she attacks me today... but oh well thats not for me to ponder...
I am sorry that you are obviously sooo hurt and angry over something... I hope you can resolve it and stay... as I said to you in another post that this board needs all the recovering people it can get with balance and open mindedness...
Should you decide that this is no longer the place for you ... I wish you well.
May God continue to bless you and yours...
Teresa
I am confused... your last post was different you didnt seem angry at all even the few before that was really not this angry... so what has happen in the span of 40 mins?
I dont know how you feel that you have compromised your self or your beliefs here .. I dont see that you have done that at all... I see that some misunderstanding at least on my part has been cleared up nicely... at least I thought.. and others have accepted you nicely....
As for whom you are refering to that is two faced and has posts deleted... to my knowledge as I can only speak for my self.. I have never had any specific post deleted ..maybe I had one deleted in an entire thread but not one specific by me... and I am not sure who you are refering to or how this came up or how you got soooo angry sooo fast...
As for chiming liz's attributes ... good for you ... you are entitled to your opinion of her or anybody else for that matter.... I chose this morning to ignore the blantant attempt to bait me into a mean fest about reading the big book and I learned that skill here on this board... well maybe not learned it here but practice it here more... I truly am glad that she has friends here.. and I was just the other day saying that I thought liz was doing better..believe it or not and was going to tell her so... but then she attacks me today... but oh well thats not for me to ponder...
I am sorry that you are obviously sooo hurt and angry over something... I hope you can resolve it and stay... as I said to you in another post that this board needs all the recovering people it can get with balance and open mindedness...
Should you decide that this is no longer the place for you ... I wish you well.
May God continue to bless you and yours...
Teresa
Teresa,
Yeah I know it must have looked confusing over the course of a half an hour, it was an enlightening 30 mins. for me too, obviously. I just reread what I had written and in trying to once again "keep the peace" i realized that I had just undermined what Liz had been trying to accomplish...which was to get people to see the two faced situation that has been going on.
This has to do with the moderators as well, last night a person named Guess came on late, he did not agree with tough love AT ALL, had lived a lifetime with a mother that needed tough love, they gave her that and it backfired...when they kicked in the love...full time love then they were able to fit the tough in along with it. He did not say it quite so politely though. However, Cowgirl went after him, at the beginning of his post he talked about thinking of himself as open minded and then told his sad story of his mom and his life. Well, it was right after that, that Cowgirl made a not so nice comment to a NEWBIE about how he wasn't so open minded at all...hers wasn't that polite either. At any rate, the moderators took everyones out. Therefore, Guess's post that he felt the need to post was taken from him, and Cowgirl got away with another smart a** mean comment that no one else saw! It just makes me think that this stuff happens all the time because the moderators, God love em, have their hands full and just delete anything now that they think might be the tiniest bit controversial. I think we are all grown ups here and should have the opportunity to make up our own minds, have the truth out there for all to see so that we make the right choices in whom we choose to side with or agree with whatever the case may be. But if they are going to delete certain peoples rude posts and leave in others, it makes the ones left in look like they went after Cowgirl and are nothing but mean schmucks...therefore what you see in the battles. I actually think their intrusion, though well meant, is making things worse in the long run.
I have no idea who to trust now and I've been around here since July or Aug., just imagine how this would affect a new person coming on board.
Anyway, I just had an eye opening moment. When I realized that I was giving up everything I believed in, and selling out a really good friend, that nobody really knows here, for what??? So I could be in with the in-crowd? Nope, not gonna happen. I don't have to go dig up friends here. I am just lucky that I did find a really good one in Liz. I know what you all think you know about her and I cannot tell you how wrong you are. Oh I know, she comes off all hard and tough and she tells it like she sees it...that's for sure, she does that to me if I'm doing something she doesn't like. But she has a heart the size of Montana and would do anything she could to help a perfect stranger. That is the saddest part of what happens when the" gangs all here" and people don't make up their own minds but simply follow the leader. Everyone missed knowing a really great gal.
My posts are way to long...so I'm gonna dash.
Thanks anyway for all you said at the end of the post. I appreciate it more than you know, but I'm good, thanks.
Clancy
Yeah I know it must have looked confusing over the course of a half an hour, it was an enlightening 30 mins. for me too, obviously. I just reread what I had written and in trying to once again "keep the peace" i realized that I had just undermined what Liz had been trying to accomplish...which was to get people to see the two faced situation that has been going on.
This has to do with the moderators as well, last night a person named Guess came on late, he did not agree with tough love AT ALL, had lived a lifetime with a mother that needed tough love, they gave her that and it backfired...when they kicked in the love...full time love then they were able to fit the tough in along with it. He did not say it quite so politely though. However, Cowgirl went after him, at the beginning of his post he talked about thinking of himself as open minded and then told his sad story of his mom and his life. Well, it was right after that, that Cowgirl made a not so nice comment to a NEWBIE about how he wasn't so open minded at all...hers wasn't that polite either. At any rate, the moderators took everyones out. Therefore, Guess's post that he felt the need to post was taken from him, and Cowgirl got away with another smart a** mean comment that no one else saw! It just makes me think that this stuff happens all the time because the moderators, God love em, have their hands full and just delete anything now that they think might be the tiniest bit controversial. I think we are all grown ups here and should have the opportunity to make up our own minds, have the truth out there for all to see so that we make the right choices in whom we choose to side with or agree with whatever the case may be. But if they are going to delete certain peoples rude posts and leave in others, it makes the ones left in look like they went after Cowgirl and are nothing but mean schmucks...therefore what you see in the battles. I actually think their intrusion, though well meant, is making things worse in the long run.
I have no idea who to trust now and I've been around here since July or Aug., just imagine how this would affect a new person coming on board.
Anyway, I just had an eye opening moment. When I realized that I was giving up everything I believed in, and selling out a really good friend, that nobody really knows here, for what??? So I could be in with the in-crowd? Nope, not gonna happen. I don't have to go dig up friends here. I am just lucky that I did find a really good one in Liz. I know what you all think you know about her and I cannot tell you how wrong you are. Oh I know, she comes off all hard and tough and she tells it like she sees it...that's for sure, she does that to me if I'm doing something she doesn't like. But she has a heart the size of Montana and would do anything she could to help a perfect stranger. That is the saddest part of what happens when the" gangs all here" and people don't make up their own minds but simply follow the leader. Everyone missed knowing a really great gal.
My posts are way to long...so I'm gonna dash.
Thanks anyway for all you said at the end of the post. I appreciate it more than you know, but I'm good, thanks.
Clancy
Clancy,
Sorry that you feel that way. But you do what you have to do.
As far as me and Liz are concerned, we, too, are friends. If we have a problem, we discuss it as adults, and move on. We talk all the time, either via email or on here. As for Rhonda, I speak to her on a daily basis via email. She has recently had to have some surgery - thats why you dont see her here much right now.
I dont know when you became the expert on me?? If I have a problem - I usually say it like it is - get it off my chest and move on from there. To me, life is too short to hold grudges.
FYI, I dont consider myself a "follower" as you put it. If you did your research so well, you would see that I usually post to just about everyone to help or support the best I can. If you want to talk about being two-faced, well, I'd like to know exactly what I did so wrong that you changed your opinion of me literally overnite?? - I dont get it, and right now I really dont care.
I try not to sweat the small stuff - these days, I dont have the time or energy for that. For now, I just want to focus on recovery. BTW, I think most of us have said at least once or more times that we were leaving the board - but how could we stay away from all of this? I care for alot of people on this board.
So, Clancy, you do what you have to do. I'm so glad you got all that off your chest. You know its bad for your health to harbor such anger. Happy Holidays.
Love,
Marie
Sorry that you feel that way. But you do what you have to do.
As far as me and Liz are concerned, we, too, are friends. If we have a problem, we discuss it as adults, and move on. We talk all the time, either via email or on here. As for Rhonda, I speak to her on a daily basis via email. She has recently had to have some surgery - thats why you dont see her here much right now.
I dont know when you became the expert on me?? If I have a problem - I usually say it like it is - get it off my chest and move on from there. To me, life is too short to hold grudges.
FYI, I dont consider myself a "follower" as you put it. If you did your research so well, you would see that I usually post to just about everyone to help or support the best I can. If you want to talk about being two-faced, well, I'd like to know exactly what I did so wrong that you changed your opinion of me literally overnite?? - I dont get it, and right now I really dont care.
I try not to sweat the small stuff - these days, I dont have the time or energy for that. For now, I just want to focus on recovery. BTW, I think most of us have said at least once or more times that we were leaving the board - but how could we stay away from all of this? I care for alot of people on this board.
So, Clancy, you do what you have to do. I'm so glad you got all that off your chest. You know its bad for your health to harbor such anger. Happy Holidays.
Love,
Marie
Teresa,
I don't know how you took my oppinion of the NA/AA program as an attack. Really, All I was doing was thanking August about sharing with us the chapter 7 that I had read. It was definitely worth reading. Some here don't believe the program is any good. All I said was the program is good if it is followed correctly. So, where in this statement had I mentioned your name? Please just stop the constant trying to find something to argue about and move on. It's all over with. You obviously have your oppinions and I have mine. So be it. I've moved on and trying to get back to recovery. Not waste my time to drive a point into somebody that doesn't want to open up her mind and see things from a different perspective. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Liz
I don't know how you took my oppinion of the NA/AA program as an attack. Really, All I was doing was thanking August about sharing with us the chapter 7 that I had read. It was definitely worth reading. Some here don't believe the program is any good. All I said was the program is good if it is followed correctly. So, where in this statement had I mentioned your name? Please just stop the constant trying to find something to argue about and move on. It's all over with. You obviously have your oppinions and I have mine. So be it. I've moved on and trying to get back to recovery. Not waste my time to drive a point into somebody that doesn't want to open up her mind and see things from a different perspective. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Liz
Here is the so called attack you claim is on you. I copied it from The NA/AA thread you started;
Liz04 Posted: November 23, 2004, 11:56 AM
Posts: 554
Joined: September 12, 2004
I believe NA/AA is a good program if used right. August I read chapter 7 in the big book, it's a great chapter on how we should try and reach the still sick and suffering. I think everybody should read it. It would give everybody a better understanding in how to reach the new comer.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!!
This is an attack on you? Please, just have a good day will ya? Happy Thanksgiving.
Liz04 Posted: November 23, 2004, 11:56 AM
Posts: 554
Joined: September 12, 2004
I believe NA/AA is a good program if used right. August I read chapter 7 in the big book, it's a great chapter on how we should try and reach the still sick and suffering. I think everybody should read it. It would give everybody a better understanding in how to reach the new comer.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!!
This is an attack on you? Please, just have a good day will ya? Happy Thanksgiving.
Marie,
Not to speak for Clancy, but she wasn't talking about you being the two face. She know's your not.
Not to speak for Clancy, but she wasn't talking about you being the two face. She know's your not.
Sorry Liz & Clancy,
I guess I just took it the wrong way - maybe just feeling oversensitve at the moment.
Clancy, you shouldnt leave because of certain people. Just let it go. You're right about Liz - I think some people take her the wrong way. She does always stick up for the underdog.
Marie
I guess I just took it the wrong way - maybe just feeling oversensitve at the moment.
Clancy, you shouldnt leave because of certain people. Just let it go. You're right about Liz - I think some people take her the wrong way. She does always stick up for the underdog.
Marie
well liz ..
here is what is what I meant when I said... as an attempt to drag the debate into the road of mean spiritness.. It was posted just before the one you noted... at 942am .... today.. under the clancey for cowgirl thread.. but you already knew that...
Teresa,
It's funny how you and only Cowgirls friends see's Clancy post as self righteous. No body else does. We can totally understand her point. I think she has made awesome points and so has everyone else on the issue of tough love not being a good method to be using when you don't know the person. Read the chapter in the big book, chapter 7 that August put in the other post and learn how to help another fellow addict.
Have a nice day.
now I ignored that then...... and I will ignore this again.. your pariculary brand or bull is not worth my serinity.....but I did what everyone to know what I referenced .... I did not mention you this morning and I did not diserve that comment or the one that followed about posting.. I have left you alone... why cant you do the same... ?
Teresa
here is what is what I meant when I said... as an attempt to drag the debate into the road of mean spiritness.. It was posted just before the one you noted... at 942am .... today.. under the clancey for cowgirl thread.. but you already knew that...
Teresa,
It's funny how you and only Cowgirls friends see's Clancy post as self righteous. No body else does. We can totally understand her point. I think she has made awesome points and so has everyone else on the issue of tough love not being a good method to be using when you don't know the person. Read the chapter in the big book, chapter 7 that August put in the other post and learn how to help another fellow addict.
Have a nice day.
now I ignored that then...... and I will ignore this again.. your pariculary brand or bull is not worth my serinity.....but I did what everyone to know what I referenced .... I did not mention you this morning and I did not diserve that comment or the one that followed about posting.. I have left you alone... why cant you do the same... ?
Teresa
Clancy you made some very valid points in my view hun we all say valid things just sometimes at the wrong time or to wrong person lol dont let it upset you to the point of leaving this site if we were all the same how boring eh take care jackie xxxxx
Teresa,
First of all I have left you alone. You keep coming into a thread that is about me to start up more problems, If you want to drop it then drop it. I don't know why you would be upset about reference to the big book. If you say you want people to get it, meaning they need the program, well then, show them what the program is really about. That simple. Chapter 7 speaks nothing on strangers using tough love on new comers at all. That is from the big book. If you can find something in the big book to back up what you are saying please let me know. I for one am going to follow the program and work it the way it is supposed to work. Have a nice night.
First of all I have left you alone. You keep coming into a thread that is about me to start up more problems, If you want to drop it then drop it. I don't know why you would be upset about reference to the big book. If you say you want people to get it, meaning they need the program, well then, show them what the program is really about. That simple. Chapter 7 speaks nothing on strangers using tough love on new comers at all. That is from the big book. If you can find something in the big book to back up what you are saying please let me know. I for one am going to follow the program and work it the way it is supposed to work. Have a nice night.
Clancy, i am fairly new here and I hope that the post that I posted did not offend you, i really was just trying to keep the peace and keep us all focused is all:).
Liz is a good person, we have talked and i wish all of u and us the best, i dont want anyone to leave! you do what u must do and i am here if you ever need anything, i love everyone... just a thought... jazzy
Liz is a good person, we have talked and i wish all of u and us the best, i dont want anyone to leave! you do what u must do and i am here if you ever need anything, i love everyone... just a thought... jazzy
once again you are diverting the point...
anyone wishing to get a clear picture of why I felt directly named and attacked out of the blue unprovoked by me...during a pretty much mature exchange of opinions
go to the thread .... cowgirl from clancey ... and read the the posts...
I have ignored this belittlement for weeks...and I shall resume doing so.... but just know that I have read the big book and the NA text more time than I can count and up until probably a week or so ago you wouldnt have known the big book if it walked up an hit you between the eyes and yet you still berate me unprovoked and for no reason.... glad to see your recovery is workin for ya.... It wasnt but about a week or two ago you got on here and blame a few of us for 'making' you use...
come talk and belittle me when you can put more than a few days together then I will take your opinion as something more than a just wanting here your own voice...
I do wish you success... believe it or not...
anyone wishing to get a clear picture of why I felt directly named and attacked out of the blue unprovoked by me...during a pretty much mature exchange of opinions
go to the thread .... cowgirl from clancey ... and read the the posts...
I have ignored this belittlement for weeks...and I shall resume doing so.... but just know that I have read the big book and the NA text more time than I can count and up until probably a week or so ago you wouldnt have known the big book if it walked up an hit you between the eyes and yet you still berate me unprovoked and for no reason.... glad to see your recovery is workin for ya.... It wasnt but about a week or two ago you got on here and blame a few of us for 'making' you use...
come talk and belittle me when you can put more than a few days together then I will take your opinion as something more than a just wanting here your own voice...
I do wish you success... believe it or not...
For one thing Teresa I blamed nobody for my using. Another thing is I had 5 years of clean time up until a year ago. The program I'm sure I knew long before you ever got there. So, just stop trying to get shots in already and move on to recovery...At least we can agree on that. If you had read the big book as you have said then you would know the program does not go for the tough love approach. So, just work your program and stop trying to always get in cheap shots. You don't bother me one bit. I know who I am, and I like who I am. I don't need anybody to validate the way I feel. Have a nice night.
