Never Quit Quitting

Pain Pills
1
Thanks for letting me share this....

I relapsed about a month ago, started to justify my actions. Fooling myself into thinking I could control my use. I had it all figured out cause I'm sooooo unique ya' know?

Underneath it all though I knew where I was heading if I kept my head in the sand about it. It wouldn't be long before I was full blown using again. I came to this board Thursday night knowing I was going to tell on myself. I was looking to be saved....again.

I felt like such a loser.

I cut off my source and put myself on auto pilot to flush my remaining pills at the urging of this board.

I went to a meeting Friday night and yesterday afternoon. I knew if I didn't hit one right away I wasn't going to.

Tail between my legs I sat down and listened. I recognized a woman form a year ago. It was great to see her. She had 4 years clean time and had relapsed around Halloween. I didn't feel so alone anymore.

Bottom line for me is I can't do this alone. I really thought the gig was up for me, there was no way in hell I was going to go back to pills. There were bigger things in my mind that needed my attention. And you know at the time I still believe that to be true. I could be wrong though. But whatever, its done.

Those meetings also got me to get my mind off of things in my own personal life. For the first time since my son passed I went 5 minutes without thinking or hurting that knife's searing hurt.

I thought I had it figures all out as far as my sobriety. Shows you what I don't know.

Thank you everyone for welcoming me back home here.

2
So glad you're back Amy.


~Lisa
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Thank you Lisa.

I was scared. Scared of myself. I'm my own worse enemy. What was it that Bob always said? Get out of your own way.

Thanks for the talk the other day, I needed it.

And the meetings didn't hurt as much as I thought they would. They never do though. Thats all on me as well.

xx
4
It's what you needed and thank God that program is there for you.

Now...a sponsor? Think it might be a good idea?

As always, I loved talking to you too. You give me that perspective that I need so very much. That and the fact that you care so much....


(((hug)))
5


gulp.

Yup, a sponsor is next.

Never did that the first time around. Me being so unique and all.

I promise thats my next step. I go back tonight.

Hey, have fun in Cabo. I'm so jealous.
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No promises...it's for you not me. You'll do it because I think you're finally ready to make a change.

"gulp" lol


Wish you were going with me...we would have a ball..

I just found out though that the weather down there right now isn't that great. High of only 72. Which isn't bad considering it's in the teens here but I neeeeeeed it to be at least 80!
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Congradulations, Amy!
I'm glad you made it back. It's so sad that many of us never do. Your guardian angel is watching and you're making him proud.
xxxxxooooo
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No I know Lisa, that promise was for me. I have to keep talking to myself. I can't keep beating myself up, but I also can't take it too lightly either. That balance thing again.

I wish I were going to, you lucky dog. Remember to wear your sunscreen.

Kat (((((hugs))))
I've been wanting to do that for awhile. Its good to see you, and thank you for the welcome.


I gotta feed Miss Ava and get my butt to that meeting. Have a good night ladies.
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Enjoy your meeting Amy...open your heart.

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Amy, you are one of the strongest people I know. You have been so strong and I know you can do it...again.

Guilt is a counter productive emotion for us...just let go.

I have so much respect for you...

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((((( hugs)))))) back to you, Amy.
Your strength is an inspiration and your heart even moreso.
xxxxxoooooo
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Amy:

Thank you for sharing that. As always, you shared what I needed to hear.

Love,

Rachel