I have just found the site today and have cried so many times reading the posts, comments and prayers.
I am a single mom of 3 boys, 22 and 20 yr old twins. My families story with addiction started over 10 years ago with my sister and heroin. She got clean with the help of a Methadone clinic. Shortly after she became pregnant and gave birth to my nephew while living in my home. She moved out when he was 2, her sons father was killed in a drunk/drug induced driving accident and she started her addiction with alcohol shortly after. After a series of detox's, rehabs, relapses, loss of jobs and houses, numerous police/ambulance calls, and disappearances. I went and received legal guardianship of my thing 4 year old nephew.
That was 5 years ago, today she has been clean for 2 years and has just seen and spent time with her son in 4 years. For the first time, in a long time, I see hope and a glimmer that she may get to a place where she can be reunited with her son and can care for him again some day.
As that light is growing, another shadow is being casted as I have been told by many, including his twin brother and had my own suspicions, that one of my twins is on Meth. He looks horrible, has lost so much weight. Lost his job, crashed his girlfriends car because he fell asleep midday and ran through 6 mail boxes before he came too, has been accused of stealing things from where he currently lives. Disappears for 3-4 days and then goes back and sleeps for 2 days straight. Is very angry when he is sober, and paranoid and frantic when he is assumed to be high.
While he currently does not live with me and my 9 yr old nephew. He has asked to come home because they will not allow him to stay where he is at. He said it was only until he can get a job and have money to rent a room from his friend. I have let him know that I do not feel that I can allow him in the home knowing he is on drugs. He states he is clean and follows that with "even if I'm not clean, isn't your house the best place for me to be." He will not admit he is on any drugs and is using the victim mentality into making me feel bad, asking me where do I want him to sleep, at the park?
Before he moved out we had continuous battles with his use of weed. I once caught him laying in his bed grinding it and prepping to pack a bowl and another time sitting on my front porch under my bedroom window, with a friend of his, smoking a joint at 2:30 in the morning. Both times I made him leave and eventually let him back in.
It hurts to say no and it hurts to hear the things he says. Things I learned with my sisters addiction is that they will not get better until they want to and that you can not enable an addicts behavior. While I am not looking for agreeance that not allowing him in my home is the right thing, I am looking for guidance, support, prayers and hopefully suggestions on how to proceed from here. I feel lost, hurt, desperate, guilty and ashamed. My mom instinct is to protect and fix but I don't know how to do that.
Hoping4help,
Glad you found us! Keep coming back. It will help you to vent & to feel less alone.
You are a remarkable lady ! I admire you so much for taking care of your nephew & giving your sister a chance to take care of him again. It's awesome that she has been clean for so long! I hope & pray she grows stronger in her sobriety, each & every day. And in turn, you maybe can get some much needed time 'off', quality time for YOU. YOU deserve it!!
I am so sorry to hear addiction still looms large in your family. My daughter (20yr old) is a heroin addict. I can understand how you're feeling knowing your son (twin) is using meth & what have you. My daughter has used it too, in place of Heroin. Neither is good. But, you have been put through the wringer with what your son has done & continues to do as he uses.
They become different people. Hostility seems to play a huge role. My daughter has it too. And panic attacks, anxiety, mood swings, etc...She has it all. We think she's bipolar. To see doc next week....but.....
Since you asked....I do not think you should not let him back with you, if only for the safety of your nephew. If it were just you, I could understand taking a risk .(though it's not a wise thing to do in my opinion.) I'm still waiting on my daughter to go back to work too. There are always reasons, excuses, etc. etc....Do not let him, make you feel bad. You have gone above & beyond for your family. No guilt. He has to get his own s*** straight.
Support...honey you've got it, prayers... a done deal....and you have NO reason to feel ashamed, AT ALL! He has been using you every chance he gets & knows how to manipulate you. I know this from personal experience. God love her, my daughter is a very skillful liar, manipulator, thief, etc....
Don't let him cast a shadow over all you've accomplished with your nephew, your sister (You have helped her tremendously! WHERE WOULD HER SON BE WITHOUT YOU!?)
I say to you...Stay strong, and do what you know is right in your HEAD. Pay no attention to what your heart feels for now. It will sink your son farther down due to enabling. You know that's true. It's SO hard, but it's what we have to do.
You all are in my prayers from this day forward. Remember you are valued and loved and mean the most to your nephew & sister, and other family & friends. It's easy to get down & sad, but brush yourself off & get back to living & enjoying YOUR life! YOU deserve it!
love & God bless you,
Dee
Glad you found us! Keep coming back. It will help you to vent & to feel less alone.
You are a remarkable lady ! I admire you so much for taking care of your nephew & giving your sister a chance to take care of him again. It's awesome that she has been clean for so long! I hope & pray she grows stronger in her sobriety, each & every day. And in turn, you maybe can get some much needed time 'off', quality time for YOU. YOU deserve it!!
I am so sorry to hear addiction still looms large in your family. My daughter (20yr old) is a heroin addict. I can understand how you're feeling knowing your son (twin) is using meth & what have you. My daughter has used it too, in place of Heroin. Neither is good. But, you have been put through the wringer with what your son has done & continues to do as he uses.
They become different people. Hostility seems to play a huge role. My daughter has it too. And panic attacks, anxiety, mood swings, etc...She has it all. We think she's bipolar. To see doc next week....but.....
Since you asked....I do not think you should not let him back with you, if only for the safety of your nephew. If it were just you, I could understand taking a risk .(though it's not a wise thing to do in my opinion.) I'm still waiting on my daughter to go back to work too. There are always reasons, excuses, etc. etc....Do not let him, make you feel bad. You have gone above & beyond for your family. No guilt. He has to get his own s*** straight.
Support...honey you've got it, prayers... a done deal....and you have NO reason to feel ashamed, AT ALL! He has been using you every chance he gets & knows how to manipulate you. I know this from personal experience. God love her, my daughter is a very skillful liar, manipulator, thief, etc....
Don't let him cast a shadow over all you've accomplished with your nephew, your sister (You have helped her tremendously! WHERE WOULD HER SON BE WITHOUT YOU!?)
I say to you...Stay strong, and do what you know is right in your HEAD. Pay no attention to what your heart feels for now. It will sink your son farther down due to enabling. You know that's true. It's SO hard, but it's what we have to do.
You all are in my prayers from this day forward. Remember you are valued and loved and mean the most to your nephew & sister, and other family & friends. It's easy to get down & sad, but brush yourself off & get back to living & enjoying YOUR life! YOU deserve it!
love & God bless you,
Dee
