New Here, This Is My Story

Alcohol
1
My name is Fi and I am an alcoholic who has been sober for 18yrs. I came from an alcoholic home with my dad being the alcoholic and my mother being the lunatic. The household was a violent one not because of dad but because of mother and my brother. My father was never home he was always in the pub getting drunk while my mother really didn't give a hoot about anyone else other than herself and my brother. I found myself in the pubs at 13yrs of age trying to escape the home life and it seemed all very natural to me. I didn't like the taste of beer but loved the spirits mixed with coke or any other soft drink. I took to it like duck to water. Always being the awkward and shy type, alcohol took me from there to the moon and back. I became the life of the party. As it was so aptly put in a meeting recently It coloured me in. In the initial stages there were plenty of good times and I use to get excited just knowing that I was going to have a drink. What I didn't know was that something changed in me once that drink hit my system which I had remained in denial about for a number of years. Overall my drinking spanned 11yrs, from 13yrs to 24yrs and while this may not be a long time compared to others, believe me what I got up to certainly made up for 40yrs of drinking. As my drinking progressed, my standards got lower and lower until the unacceptable became acceptable. I had dropped out of school at 14yrs and stage exit left into the pub. I saw many people around me getting just as drunk as I did and thought nothing of it. Halfway through my drinking I found that certain things began to happen. Such things as geographicals, I was unable to hold down a job or undertake any study. I had watched all my friends leave school buys clothes and cars, get boyfriends and get married and I had achieved none of these things. The only thing I was concerned with was where I was getting my next drink from. There were times where i would end up in situations that were plain right dangerous for a young woman intoxicated and how I didn't end up dead is beyond me. I hated myself and the entire world and resented anyone that had some sort of life because I didn't have one. At no point did I ever think 'hey maybe the alcohol is the problem." No I blamed anything and anyone for the misery in my life. After a time I would not be invited to parties or social events because I would get drunk and run amok. I in the early days may have been lucky enough to get a few dates but they never asked me out again because I was the date from hell. In the end nobody would go near me. I eventually met and married my husband in 1986 and thought that things would improve. While on one hand they did, this did not stop my drinking until in 1987 I hit a very severe rock bottom and I found myself at the doors of aa. I looked at the god word on the wall and thought that this will be short lived. I looked at the steps and picked out the ones that I was prepared to do omitting the step four entirely because that was why i spent all my time drinking. I managed to stay dry drunk for 6 months but relapsed through resentment, and the fact that I could not understand that regular meetings did not mean once a month but several times a week. I remained relapsed until 1989 when I had returned to aa this time mentally and emotional crushed. This was far more frightening. I was now prepared to take the actions that the program required me to do because I knew that if I didn't I would certainly die. I was shown what human kindness was for the first time and I have never forgotten that. I learnt about the disease and my attitudes and behaviours. I learnt about loving myself as opposed to punishing myself. Today i have a strong connection with my HP and I don't fear talking about god. God has done for me what couldn't be done by me or anyone else. thanks
Fi
xxx
2
Dear Fi,
Congradulations on your sobriety, and welcome to the board, and thank-you for sharing your story, it sounds all to familar to me. And I pray for the strength everyday not to pick up that drink, alcohol is the basis of alot if not all of my problems...I'm glad I have finally realized that... Look forward to more posts, we have a real special family here.

Big Hugs,
LD
3
Fi,

Welcome to the board! Wow, thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope with all of us. You certainly helped this here recovering alcoholic/addict stay sober one more day! Keep posting, we need you!
4
Thanks for the welcome, I am glad to be here. I always love to hear those in early recovery share their stories as it reminds me of the desperation, anger and confusion that was in me when I first came in. By the same token I love getting the hope and insight that the older sober members have. I love being sober, and never thought I would ever say that. I looke forward to reading more posts. Kind regards

fi
xxx
5
Hey Fi and gidday from NZ

Thanks for your experience, strength and hope.Keep coming back because it works if i work at it.

Light and love Zac
6
Hi Fi,

I have been a drinker for over 20yrs and have recently relised that I don't like who I am when I drink. Drinking was interfering with my life from all angles. I finally gave up 8 days ago and I am so grateful that I've finally got it. Thanks for sharing your story.

Wendy
7
Hi there wendy congrats on your 8 days. As it was once said to me the days tunr into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into years and the years into decades. Before you know it you will be thinking where did the time go. I have not forgotten my early days of recovery and how spiritually low I was. I was very young and nieve in one way and yet so fearful in another. I learnt very early to say all is well even when I did not feel it. Keep giving the steps a sincere go and if you put half the effort into the steps that you put into getting a drink you will be amazed before you are halfway through. god bless

Fi
xxx
8
Hi Fi...
Welcome to the board....thanks for sharing your story...I see a lot of similarities with my story...Glad to meet you & hope to see you around....

Take care,
Stacey

ps...Hello to everyone else on the thread <waving hi>
9
Sorry to interrupt this thread Fi, but I wanted to congratulate Wendy on staying away from the drink, awesome job!
10
Thanks VW,

One day at a time. I feel really well. Actually quite proud of myself, just quietly LOL. I am starting to sleep better and I love waking up with more energy. I just feel more alive than I have in a long time.

Wendy
11
Welcome...isn't it great to feel good....I'm 47 and I feel way better than when I was in my twenties! Keep up the good work!