I wanted to introduce myself. I am a 34 female. I went to my first rehab at 21. Next, at 26 and most recently, September 2006. I am an alcoholic and pain killer addict. I have been abusing something or another (mostly alcohol, pain killers, and pot) almost from the day I got out of the last rehab. The last two months I've been drinking every night. I am depressed and HATE being controlled by substances. I've been going to AA on and off since I was 21, alas, the struggles of addiction have been tempered at times but abstinence eludes me.
A typical day of mine: wake up and swear off drinking/using, work 8 hours, and by the time i leave home my resolve has diminished so the cycle begins again. I know any time i've accumulated any length of sobriety (most was 17 months), i have been active in AA. However, I've had bad expereinces with the meetings and so the past several years I have shyed away from them.
I believe in baby steps and second chances. I pray this site can help me while I try to reconcile face to face meetings....thank you for sharing your site with me.
Welcome Zipper!
You just described my life.... "waking up swearing off booze, go to work, come home and drink......" that was me. I got sober about 11 months ago, so far so good.
I have found this board to be very helpful, I hope you do to, keep posting>
one day at a time, Cookster
You just described my life.... "waking up swearing off booze, go to work, come home and drink......" that was me. I got sober about 11 months ago, so far so good.
I have found this board to be very helpful, I hope you do to, keep posting>
one day at a time, Cookster
Thank you so much for your response...i've posted on other boards and never got responses...of course my coping skills determined that i needed another drink after the rejection. :)
Thanks again for listening.
Thanks again for listening.
Welcome To The Board Zipper,
I'm a 45 yr old female that has been trying on and off to stay sober from alcohol and pot to. I'm 73 days today by the grace of God and my willingness to be honest, open and willing. It's a vicious cycle and I drank everyday to during different phases of this illness. I litterally felt like I was part of the living dead and wished it would all end.
I went to out patient chemical rehab last summer and was educated and given new coping skills. Still not enough for me to stay sober for any great amount of time. I to tried AA had some good and bad experinces there myself. I've just recently started going back. I didn't like one meeting so I didn't go back but have found one so far I like. Look for the similarties not the differences. Principles before personalties also. Because you stated that's where you accumlated most of your sober time at AA I would seriously think about whats keeping you from going back. Write it down on paper if it helps. If you don't mind sharing what is it thats kept you from going back. Is it fear based? Or is it something else.
I needed to get to root of why I was self medicating and hurting myself and the people I love. I see a counselor for help. When I let go of my pride, fear and anger I've been able to let her help me. For the longest time I thought I could stop drinking on my own. Well I finally realized I couldn't do it alone. I believe in a higher power whom I call God. You see he is much stronger then me. Do you have a HP? Another big revelation that was hard for awhile was that 24 hour saying at AA. But it's true if I just don't drink today or for me I have to break it down into hrs, min, sec, sometimes then it's possible.
I don't tell myself anymore that I'm never going to drink or smoke some weed because it freaks my mind out and scares me to much. I just don't pick up that first drink now, then today I can't get drunk. I've also realized that in all reality that drinking was just a symptom of the real problem and thats me the way I handle life my feelings, thoughts etc. Alcohol just made all my problems real and imagined worse. I'm spirtally sick and my head is to. But I'm willing to work at getting better. And I can tell you this is as long as I've gone in 14 yrs of my 31 yr drinking career and even though I have somedays I feel depressed it's not near the severity it was when drinking.
I'm starting to ramble on now. There are great, loving, kind and smart people on this board who freely want to give away what was freely given to them. That is their ESH thats experience, strength and hope. I reccomend reading some more threads on this board and for me I read on the Pain Pill board to it's very active and their are many there who will be glad to help you. Zipper I'm glad your being moved towards sobriety again. It's no mistake. Remember step one we are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. Acceptance is the key. One drink is to many and 1000 isn't enough.
There Is Hope Zipper Keep Coming Back And Please Know You Are Not Alone.
I'm a 45 yr old female that has been trying on and off to stay sober from alcohol and pot to. I'm 73 days today by the grace of God and my willingness to be honest, open and willing. It's a vicious cycle and I drank everyday to during different phases of this illness. I litterally felt like I was part of the living dead and wished it would all end.
I went to out patient chemical rehab last summer and was educated and given new coping skills. Still not enough for me to stay sober for any great amount of time. I to tried AA had some good and bad experinces there myself. I've just recently started going back. I didn't like one meeting so I didn't go back but have found one so far I like. Look for the similarties not the differences. Principles before personalties also. Because you stated that's where you accumlated most of your sober time at AA I would seriously think about whats keeping you from going back. Write it down on paper if it helps. If you don't mind sharing what is it thats kept you from going back. Is it fear based? Or is it something else.
I needed to get to root of why I was self medicating and hurting myself and the people I love. I see a counselor for help. When I let go of my pride, fear and anger I've been able to let her help me. For the longest time I thought I could stop drinking on my own. Well I finally realized I couldn't do it alone. I believe in a higher power whom I call God. You see he is much stronger then me. Do you have a HP? Another big revelation that was hard for awhile was that 24 hour saying at AA. But it's true if I just don't drink today or for me I have to break it down into hrs, min, sec, sometimes then it's possible.
I don't tell myself anymore that I'm never going to drink or smoke some weed because it freaks my mind out and scares me to much. I just don't pick up that first drink now, then today I can't get drunk. I've also realized that in all reality that drinking was just a symptom of the real problem and thats me the way I handle life my feelings, thoughts etc. Alcohol just made all my problems real and imagined worse. I'm spirtally sick and my head is to. But I'm willing to work at getting better. And I can tell you this is as long as I've gone in 14 yrs of my 31 yr drinking career and even though I have somedays I feel depressed it's not near the severity it was when drinking.
I'm starting to ramble on now. There are great, loving, kind and smart people on this board who freely want to give away what was freely given to them. That is their ESH thats experience, strength and hope. I reccomend reading some more threads on this board and for me I read on the Pain Pill board to it's very active and their are many there who will be glad to help you. Zipper I'm glad your being moved towards sobriety again. It's no mistake. Remember step one we are powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable. Acceptance is the key. One drink is to many and 1000 isn't enough.
There Is Hope Zipper Keep Coming Back And Please Know You Are Not Alone.
Welcome, Zipper.
Since you know all about AA, then you know where the problem lies. Facing it is sometimes an unpleasant realization. I tend to be an advocate of the program because, if you'll look over all the threads I've started, I grew to accept that I had a problem: I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. I tried everything--anti-deps (alcohol's a depressant--go figure), Antabuse/Campral, Psychiatrists and physcologists, abstinence, switching drinks, swapping addictions, blah, blah, blah. I'm an alcoholic. I needed help because all the willpower inside wasn't enough and I had to give up, quit trying to tell people how to help me to my specifications, and let the fellowship of AA help.
Hope you find what you're looking for here. And welcome.
Since you know all about AA, then you know where the problem lies. Facing it is sometimes an unpleasant realization. I tend to be an advocate of the program because, if you'll look over all the threads I've started, I grew to accept that I had a problem: I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. I tried everything--anti-deps (alcohol's a depressant--go figure), Antabuse/Campral, Psychiatrists and physcologists, abstinence, switching drinks, swapping addictions, blah, blah, blah. I'm an alcoholic. I needed help because all the willpower inside wasn't enough and I had to give up, quit trying to tell people how to help me to my specifications, and let the fellowship of AA help.
Hope you find what you're looking for here. And welcome.
welcome Zipper. I am new to this site just in 3 weeks. I have found a lot of support and comfort here. I hope you find the strength you need to fight this addiction you have. I know from my 3 weeks here there have been much advice given to me that helped me not pick up that first drink. Every night I pray to my HP who is God to me to help everyone on this site and also to thank God for everyone here. We are all afflicted with the same disease and we all have been at low points in our lives because of it. I take it one day at a time. I am learning how to take one day at a time and not look into the future. all we have is today and that is all we need to worry about. I wish the best for you and I hope you find your way. You are a worthy person and you deserve to live a good life try your best to make it happen. please keep posting. God bless and be safe
zipper i just read your post to me. I love to get in contact with you by email.how will i get your address. I am new on here. been 3 weeks for me now and its gettin easier but takes a lot of willpower and a lot of support and help from others. hope to get in contact with you. take care and God bless
Thank you all for responding.
Lookinup: wow...lots of great things to contemplate and ponder provoked by your message. Thank you. I will definitely do as you suggested and write down why I am so ambivalent about going back to AA.
SKQ: thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can learn a lot from you, especially in reconciling my views about AA and being more openminded. thank you.
Pirate: Again, thank you for your response. I have no idea if it is taboo to post email addresses.
If anyone on the board knows if posting an email address is acceptable, please let me know.
Again, thank you for your words of wisdom and welcoming me here.
Lookinup: wow...lots of great things to contemplate and ponder provoked by your message. Thank you. I will definitely do as you suggested and write down why I am so ambivalent about going back to AA.
SKQ: thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can learn a lot from you, especially in reconciling my views about AA and being more openminded. thank you.
Pirate: Again, thank you for your response. I have no idea if it is taboo to post email addresses.
If anyone on the board knows if posting an email address is acceptable, please let me know.
Again, thank you for your words of wisdom and welcoming me here.
Zipper,
As far as I know you are allowed to post your own email here. I have seen others do it. If you choose to resgister one of the things you can do is edit your post after you have posted it. What some people do is post their email until their friend has a chance to get it and then they edit their post and remove the email address.
Take care, Cookster
As far as I know you are allowed to post your own email here. I have seen others do it. If you choose to resgister one of the things you can do is edit your post after you have posted it. What some people do is post their email until their friend has a chance to get it and then they edit their post and remove the email address.
Take care, Cookster
Welcome Zipper, I did that whole swearing off thing too...only to be totally baffled about why I was walking into a liquor store after work and then stopping over at my Connection's place, day after day after day....for me I had more bad experiences with my drinking and using then I ever had with going to AA meetings, but that's just me..............I've been able to put a little time together and am very grateful that I've received this gift of sobriety and I hope you do too!
Just wanted to say hi and welcome. You will find alot of help comes through posting on here. Alot of that can come from putting into words where you are at and what is going on. It helps as an acceptance thing, rather than having everything going on inside yourself and causing more problems than is necessary. I am really learning this lately - to share what is bothering you rather than keep it locked away for fear of not being perfect / acceptable or whatever.
Gidday Zipper
Welcome to the boards and keep posting, i think once i reached bottom and was sick and tired of being sick and tired, i accepted i was an alky and loved the fact that i now knew why i was insane in my thinking towards drinking
light and love zac
Also if you and anyone else want to email each other send me an email and i can forward it on to the other person if they send me an email as well or else just post your email on the site.
My email is posted way back somewhere but here it is zacnz64@hotmail.com
light and love zac
Welcome to the boards and keep posting, i think once i reached bottom and was sick and tired of being sick and tired, i accepted i was an alky and loved the fact that i now knew why i was insane in my thinking towards drinking
light and love zac
Also if you and anyone else want to email each other send me an email and i can forward it on to the other person if they send me an email as well or else just post your email on the site.
My email is posted way back somewhere but here it is zacnz64@hotmail.com
light and love zac
my email address is: vwgeri@verizon.net
Thank you all for your words, love, and strength....
I started a post called 8 days...so i won't repeat myself. Just wanted to let you know I am here, I am clean, and I am so grateful I didn't allow my shame to keep me away from this wonderful website for too long.
Anyone wanting to chat...i can be reached at: lisan1373@yahoo.com.
In spirit,
Zipper
I started a post called 8 days...so i won't repeat myself. Just wanted to let you know I am here, I am clean, and I am so grateful I didn't allow my shame to keep me away from this wonderful website for too long.
Anyone wanting to chat...i can be reached at: lisan1373@yahoo.com.
In spirit,
Zipper
Try out recoveryroom.com chat, too. Occasionally a bunch of drunks manage to get their clocks set to a specific time and meet in there to talk about topics or Steps.
Keep coming back. I DOES work if you work it--I'm proof!
Keep coming back. I DOES work if you work it--I'm proof!
