As some of u know, I started a new job.(which I love.) As soon as I worked a full day and came home worn out, I did a kadian.(morphine) Then, I started doing a kadian everyday after work. That was last week. This week, I've been doing a kadian before and after work. That's along with my 100 mg. of methadone. Now, I have a great job but I'm still broke. I can't pay my bills 'cause everybody knows...the dealer comes first. Last nite I took a zanax to keep from wanting a kadian. I told my dude not to sell me anymore pills. It shouldn't be a problem since I'm so deep in debt, I'll probably have to give him my first born child.(He'd pay me to take him back Ha! Ha!) It's a good thing I couldn't get to the city. I would've started buying bindles and I would've already lost my job. I guess it's hard for addicts to get through that first couple of weeks on a new job. We think we just need extra dope. It ain't got nothing to do with conditioning muscles we haven't used in a while. Ha! Ha! Also we get that," I have a good job now. I DESERVE a little something, something!" Any advice on how this can be avoided in the future? How did u guys cope with working and staying clean? peace, Shirley
Firstly congrats on the job front,Shirley.Agree with ya on all the lil excuses we need to use,seeing we are working ,payday was always a b****,id work all week then binge on smack&benzos,we call it a treat,add a H &its a threat.For yrs.i worked in the courier industry,i.e cycle courier&i could get away with things that would not normally,be the done thiing,as it had such a drug subculture.Now im a Welder&yep have been standing up on the nod many times,it got to be embarassing,"are you ok"etc&a few times had to explain myself out of some bad work f***ups.My close workmates knew i was on sumthin,but were to wary to bother asking.I have my daughter f/t so that was the one thing that kept me from going into work stoned,i wasnt just working for me but her too.i been at this factory 6yrs.&to weld with any precision just aint done on smack,but that didnt stop me from using afterwards.Soo Shirley i cant really give ya any tips,im clean now&i know people at work have noticed a gradual change,but working,looking forward to that check&all the temptation involved is so very hard to control.Wish ya all the best&girl try not to blow it ..please....Davey
In the beginning it was real hard getting that paycheck and not blow it all on dope. Once I got on a comfortable mdone dose ,I started to spend the money on things that I had deprived myself of while getting high all the time.
Things like- - sneakers-, lunch , a f**kin winter coat.
Yeah , its tuff at first- but focus on the job and spend the cash on things you really need (or want)- Then there will be none for dope.- - but it sounds like you got credit , that can be a problem.
When it came to heroin,I screwed up any credit I had real quick so I had to spend time avoiding people and scrambling to pay back some dangerous guys.
slow down a little Shirley you,ll be fine
muchlove & respect
jack
Things like- - sneakers-, lunch , a f**kin winter coat.
Yeah , its tuff at first- but focus on the job and spend the cash on things you really need (or want)- Then there will be none for dope.- - but it sounds like you got credit , that can be a problem.
When it came to heroin,I screwed up any credit I had real quick so I had to spend time avoiding people and scrambling to pay back some dangerous guys.
slow down a little Shirley you,ll be fine
muchlove & respect
jack
I've been on "done" for a long time so my credit's good again. I live in a different state than I used to also. People here don't know just how bad I can f*** up! Yesterday, I did fine at work on just my meth dose. I had to take another z when I got home to keep from calling dude. I think I'm past the craziness now. I know I can do this job, I like it, and I think I'm liked. Alot of the reason I feel I need dope sometimes is so I can cope in new settings and with new people. I can do it without a crutch! It's just so easy to get!!! I'm going to talk to my councillor at the clinic but sometimes I feel like she's just passing time there and not really listening. If I tell her I relapsed, she'll drop me down a level. (which would just make it harder to work), so I have to lie to her. It shouldn't be that way. They're supposed to be there to help. At those clinics though, they're just there to make sure you follow rules and to do the paperwork. (in other words, they're pencil pushers.) Maybe, not all pf them but 90%. I'm rambling! peace y'all, Shirley
Alright..Shirley,glad things are smothin out a bit for ya,but deff.agree about the meth.clinic staff,i know you guys in the U.S have it tougher in regards to the clinics than over here etc.but we have that same revovling door,yer just a #,to most of them&their rules vibe.Thank god we dont have to pay for the service&were classed as clients,clinic speak.As Jack said S.spoil yourself with yer few$$ or just get sumthin ya need apart from dope or benzos.Take care...Davey
Thanks Guys! You are the voice of reason in my world of insanity! Things are looking up today. ( no kadians and no benzos) Just my meth dose. It will be nice not having to hustle, just to pay my bills. I'll talk to you, later. peace, Shirley
Hi, I am new to the board but wanted to reply cuz its something i have worried about all the time i have been looking for work! What will i do with all that cash? Will my will power hold up? What if the job is rubbish or stressful and i start thinking about gear again? All those things - but i agree with whats been said above - my plan is to buy stuff that i never dreamed i could have again!! Especially with my OWN EARNED money!! I have debt too, but one thing that i think will feel amazin is when i can pay it all off MYSELF, and watch it decrease and eventually disappear!! I cant wait for that!
Hunting for work is tough with my record and lack of skills, but those thoughts are keeping me going - i dont know whether that helps? i know its probably different when the cash is in your hands, but i guess you have to keep strong and remember all the stuff you CAN have when you are off drugs and all the stuff you'll never have while your on it.
Well done for getting the job!
RAZ
Hunting for work is tough with my record and lack of skills, but those thoughts are keeping me going - i dont know whether that helps? i know its probably different when the cash is in your hands, but i guess you have to keep strong and remember all the stuff you CAN have when you are off drugs and all the stuff you'll never have while your on it.
Well done for getting the job!
RAZ
Hi Raz, It's nice to hear from u. My problem is, I haven't even got my first check and I already owe it to a drug dealer. It's my addictive personality. As soon as I know I've got cash coming in, I start my hustle on somebody!! I am working on it, though! I am not giving any more paychecks over to dealers that don't give a damn if I have food in my house or not. You know what I mean? You will feel alot better about yourself when u start working, though. Happy Job Hunting! (there's a job out there for u! I just know it!) peace, Shirley
