I have been reading this board for a while now and have to say that you all are the best bunch of people I know. Your understanding and caring for one another is heartwarming. I was told I have cancer in Aug. 04 in the ER. I was in the hospital for about 2 weeks and went through many surgerys. Started CHEMO in Sept. 04 every other week until my last treatment 2 weeks ago. I go for the BIG test this friday to see if CHEMO was strong enough but the doc's don't think it was so I now will have to suffer through 3 months of radiation therapy. Radiation will been targeted in my chest where I have a tumor the size of a golf ball that can not be taken out because of it's location (had 1 removed from my neck and 2 from my belly). I will have to go through this for 3 months....5 days a week....yes Monday -Friday I will have to go to the hospital for treatment for 3 months. Anyway, while I was in the hospital I was on heavy dosses of morphine and then given pill form morphine when I went home. That was changed to a high quantity of oxycotin (about 360 mg per day) and stayed at the amount until about 2 weeks ago. The doc's started to wean me down and that was hell. I am now on prec's (about 40 mg a day) and they want me down to nothing SOON . I am scared to death. I don't even remember what it is like to live without taking something to wake up and something to go to sleep. I am still dealing with cancer (no actual REAL pain from cancer) but mentally, I don't know if I can do this. I am a strong women, I have 2 children whom I've been homeschooling through every CHEMO treatment, I've kept up with everything. I just have this horrible weakness that I don't know how to deal with and I feel like such a failure because I can not just quit. I need help but I don't know where to turn. Sorry for going on and on....any advice would be a blessing at this point. Thanks for listening (reading)!
Wow, that is a tough one. Have you asked ur Drs what they plan for u to do with ur pain, they must have a plan (I hope and pray). If u are really in pain, and need pain medication,that is what it is for. Sometimes we look up to Drs as minigods that know all & passivly accept their judgement. But the truth is, they are just like u & me & if u need the medicine for the pain u will be surprised how drs react when u are assertive (not jerky, but genuinely, honestly assertive) I dont know if this helps, but if nothing else u have to throw the onus (is that the right word) on them to help u be comfortable (while investigating other sources-not for drugs but for alternatives)
May God give you strength.
May God give you strength.
Peacebay.......Hi and welcome to the board. I am very sorry to hear about your illness. That has to be tough. God bless you and your family. I hope the test Friday comes back with good news.
As for your addiction. From what you said, everthing you have been taking has been prescibed by one doctor, right? I would ask him to taper you down SLOWLY. It won't be easy, but it is doable. Maybe an addictologist could help, and your doctor could refer you to one.
Quite honestly, if this dr. prescibed such high amounts of narcs, I find it cruel that he would cut you off in the middle of your treatment. I realize you said you do not have cancer pain, what were they prescibed for?
There are many people here who have successfully detoxed from percs. at home. When you get to that point, we have plenty who can offer advice on making the w/d more bearable. If that is the route you have to go, tapering down to a much lower daily dose would make the w/d much easier.
Keep posting and others will respond. Let us know whenever we can help you. Ask all the questions you want. Take care!
Browndog, thanks for the reply. I am in no real pain right now from the cancer (now that Chemo is over) really not sure how I will feel when radiation starts. They really want to get me off of everything so I will know IF I am in any pain when I start treatment. Just mentally not ready, I guess. W/D suck and I don't know if I can go through that again.
Carol, they took me down to prec's to get me off of the oxycotin. That in itself was hell, but going to nothing is what I'm worried about. Thanks for your kind words. Yes, cancer sucks and it not only effects you but your whole family.
Peace, I can understand your worry about stopping completely. Again, I would discuss all of this with the prescibing doctor and do a slow taper. It will not be extremely easy, but it is very possible to do successfully. If you really want to quit bad enough, there is always a way. Let us know what we can do. Good luck!
Peace, you are a VERY strong woman..... You've already beaten cancer & you are ALIVE. You can beat this!!!!!!!!
Carol is right, a slow taper would be the best way to go (especially since you are only on 40mg a day - that is not a life-threatening amount, not in the same way that someone taking 200 or 300mg a day might be in).
See if your doctor will let you cut down 5-10mg every week. You'll still have withdrawal symptoms, but they'll be a lot less severe than if you did it now (though you could even go cold turkey at this point... I quit once after taking about 150mg a day.... cut down to 5mg a day in only 6 days and then quit cold turkey. It was hard & I was sick for a few days, but it IS doable).
Then there's always the option of suboxone..... This may work for you because it is an opiate, so it would help with any pain that you still have..... it would keep you from going into withdrawal..... and it would help you because you're worried about breaking the habit of taking a pill every day (you will take your dose of sub and you CAN'T take anything else while you're on it).
Most importantly, just know that you CAN do this. We're here if you need us.
Danni
Carol is right, a slow taper would be the best way to go (especially since you are only on 40mg a day - that is not a life-threatening amount, not in the same way that someone taking 200 or 300mg a day might be in).
See if your doctor will let you cut down 5-10mg every week. You'll still have withdrawal symptoms, but they'll be a lot less severe than if you did it now (though you could even go cold turkey at this point... I quit once after taking about 150mg a day.... cut down to 5mg a day in only 6 days and then quit cold turkey. It was hard & I was sick for a few days, but it IS doable).
Then there's always the option of suboxone..... This may work for you because it is an opiate, so it would help with any pain that you still have..... it would keep you from going into withdrawal..... and it would help you because you're worried about breaking the habit of taking a pill every day (you will take your dose of sub and you CAN'T take anything else while you're on it).
Most importantly, just know that you CAN do this. We're here if you need us.
Danni
Hi Peacebay and a big fat WELCOME to the board, there are lots of people here who can advise you about tapering with pills, and offer support ect.
I'm just posting to welcome ya xxx
I'm just posting to welcome ya xxx
Dear Peace I wish you peace & to welcome you.I really dont know what to say to you about this yet but I wanted to welcome you with open arms.If I can help just give a yell Im always around...mollyjean or mj
Hi Peacebay, sorry for your illness. You sound like a very strong woman, but as you've found out, addiction is a pretty strong force in its own right. I second what others have said about the taper -- if you're taking 4 10's a day now, maybe cut down by one pill every 5 days. Once you're addicted (physically and mentally), the taper method can be awfully tough to complete though; I only made it down to six Norco 10's a day before I broke schedule, and had to go cold turkey. While it's not fun, the physical withdrawals are over relatively quickly -- it's the longterm mental addiction that requires continuous preventative treatment. I would recommend giving the pills to your husband or a close (and close by) friend if you go the taper route -- it's easie to hold to schedule when you only have a daily supply on hand. Good luck.
Peacebay
I saw your post yesterday and you really hit a cord with me. It took me til today to post back. See, I have not shared this with the board before, and thats on me, I have my reasons. But I thought maybe it would help if you had someone who was there.
I am a cancer survivor too. Went through the chemo, but no radiation. I was already an addict when we found the cancer, and I really over did the meds when they were prescribed to me. I felt like a failure too, because the chemo did not hurt, it just drained me of all my energy, and like you I kept up on everything around the house and family. When it was time for the doctors to take my meds away, it was the worst. I tried to tell them I still hurt, which I did not, again just VERY tired. They yanked the rug from underneath me, and I had built up such a tolerance, it was awful. I started to purchase on line and the streets.
I can't tell you how many times I tried to quit and relapsed. I finally pulled myself up and decided to go on sub, but thats another story. Try to talk to your doctors about this, some actually listen. I hope yours does. Some also look down on you as well, they don't get it. Alot of your situation depends on your results on friday. If you need radiation, you may need the meds. I want you to know though, the doctors were skeptical about my chemo as well, but I beat it. Maybe you did too. I hope to God you did.
Get to friday for now. You have enough to worry about, Maybe you should wait and see what you have to deal with and go from there.
I wish you the best, and please let me know your results. I don't know if my story helps you, but you are not alone. This is as scary as it gets.
Love,
Redd
I saw your post yesterday and you really hit a cord with me. It took me til today to post back. See, I have not shared this with the board before, and thats on me, I have my reasons. But I thought maybe it would help if you had someone who was there.
I am a cancer survivor too. Went through the chemo, but no radiation. I was already an addict when we found the cancer, and I really over did the meds when they were prescribed to me. I felt like a failure too, because the chemo did not hurt, it just drained me of all my energy, and like you I kept up on everything around the house and family. When it was time for the doctors to take my meds away, it was the worst. I tried to tell them I still hurt, which I did not, again just VERY tired. They yanked the rug from underneath me, and I had built up such a tolerance, it was awful. I started to purchase on line and the streets.
I can't tell you how many times I tried to quit and relapsed. I finally pulled myself up and decided to go on sub, but thats another story. Try to talk to your doctors about this, some actually listen. I hope yours does. Some also look down on you as well, they don't get it. Alot of your situation depends on your results on friday. If you need radiation, you may need the meds. I want you to know though, the doctors were skeptical about my chemo as well, but I beat it. Maybe you did too. I hope to God you did.
Get to friday for now. You have enough to worry about, Maybe you should wait and see what you have to deal with and go from there.
I wish you the best, and please let me know your results. I don't know if my story helps you, but you are not alone. This is as scary as it gets.
Love,
Redd
Hello,
You shouldn't have a problem doing it. Your first mistake was taking the pain pills home after the hospital. Now your addicted to them and you were taking a massive amount everyday. Like you said you were taking them to wake up which is for the wrong reasons.....
My dad also has cancer. He did all the chemo stuff and he didn't take anything for pain. Infact after chemo we would go and work! My dad has Non-Hogkins Lymphoma where all over his body he has these grapefruit sized lumps. In his neck, armpits, groin, etc. He never took anything for the pain. In fact he has to do it all over again very soon.
Maybe you should go to a detox center because thats a huge amount to have been taking everyday to wake up and go to bed.
You shouldn't have a problem doing it. Your first mistake was taking the pain pills home after the hospital. Now your addicted to them and you were taking a massive amount everyday. Like you said you were taking them to wake up which is for the wrong reasons.....
My dad also has cancer. He did all the chemo stuff and he didn't take anything for pain. Infact after chemo we would go and work! My dad has Non-Hogkins Lymphoma where all over his body he has these grapefruit sized lumps. In his neck, armpits, groin, etc. He never took anything for the pain. In fact he has to do it all over again very soon.
Maybe you should go to a detox center because thats a huge amount to have been taking everyday to wake up and go to bed.
Kiwi,
I know you mean well, tough love and all, tell them like it is. I always respect your posts and sometimes they upset me, because of the way they come across, but I usually look past the harshness and see your reasoning, but I have a problem this time.
You started your post with you should not have a problem getting off meds, your first mistake was...........and then you end it with, maybe you should go to detox. She may have a problem getting off pills if she needs detox.
She already said she messed up by taking the meds, thats why she is here. She has a problem, she feels shame for the predicament she is in. Don't all of us feel shame for what we have got ourselves into? Haven't we all been there?
I'm not saying to pity her because she has cancer, or because she has a self admiited problem with pills, I think that is the last thing she wants, she came here with an addiction problem, which last time I checked was the reason for this board.
I am not looking for a fight here, its the last thing I want, like I said already I respect your honesty, but come on, she did not need that. It sounds to me like she already beat herself up pretty good.
I know you don't sugar coat, thats cool, but she is reaching out, she is scared. She said she felt like a failure.
I am glad for your sobriety, I hope we can all get there, I would hate to see her leave thinking she is a failure, like she does not have a chance at kicking this, because we all have a shot, it comes down to how bad we want it.
respectfully,
Redd
p.s. your dad sounds like one strong man, I hope in his future treatment he kicks a** there like he did in his last one.......sounds like the apple does not fall from the tree
I know you mean well, tough love and all, tell them like it is. I always respect your posts and sometimes they upset me, because of the way they come across, but I usually look past the harshness and see your reasoning, but I have a problem this time.
You started your post with you should not have a problem getting off meds, your first mistake was...........and then you end it with, maybe you should go to detox. She may have a problem getting off pills if she needs detox.
She already said she messed up by taking the meds, thats why she is here. She has a problem, she feels shame for the predicament she is in. Don't all of us feel shame for what we have got ourselves into? Haven't we all been there?
I'm not saying to pity her because she has cancer, or because she has a self admiited problem with pills, I think that is the last thing she wants, she came here with an addiction problem, which last time I checked was the reason for this board.
I am not looking for a fight here, its the last thing I want, like I said already I respect your honesty, but come on, she did not need that. It sounds to me like she already beat herself up pretty good.
I know you don't sugar coat, thats cool, but she is reaching out, she is scared. She said she felt like a failure.
I am glad for your sobriety, I hope we can all get there, I would hate to see her leave thinking she is a failure, like she does not have a chance at kicking this, because we all have a shot, it comes down to how bad we want it.
respectfully,
Redd
p.s. your dad sounds like one strong man, I hope in his future treatment he kicks a** there like he did in his last one.......sounds like the apple does not fall from the tree
Peacebay,
its friday afternoon, and I know today was the day for you. I am concerned for you and wanted to know how you are. Please, if there is anything I can do, even if it is to just listen, let me know.
I'm hoping you got good news today. I'd really like to hear from you.
Redd
its friday afternoon, and I know today was the day for you. I am concerned for you and wanted to know how you are. Please, if there is anything I can do, even if it is to just listen, let me know.
I'm hoping you got good news today. I'd really like to hear from you.
Redd
Welcome to the Board and my only advice for you is that I will keep you in my prayers daily.
God Bless you,
JD
God Bless you,
JD
Several year ago I was taking 10 perks a day , my shrink said to take one less per day until I was done. This was to fast for me so I dropped a pill every 2 days till I got to 3 a day stayed on that for 3 days , on 2 for 3 days and on 1 for 3 days and stopped with know problems. Its also suggested when you get lower to make sure to take one at night as the sleeping hours are longer . Best of luck and keep us posted , you CAN do this Ray