hi my name is Jazzi :)
You will probablly see me alot here, i spend most nights alone on the computer because my 45 year old Boyfriend is smoking crack. he just had back surgry a few months ago . I guess he has had this habit along time best i can tell. he got clean when i started dating him, or he hid it well. To make along story short , I am going NUTS !!! I love this creep !!!! sheesh !!! I am 45 years old i should know better???????????? To top it off i have had to get clean 2 of my children from their crack habit. they are doing well now but it took them going to jail. I guess i am venting because , as bad as i want to leave this guy, i love him and iknow he will only get worse when i do. tonight he took me to dinner to try to make up for last nights episode of me catching him smoke the crap. we had a ok dinner at a nice place. he told me he needed to go to the store to get cig , i followd him an low an behold GUESS what???? you got it ,,,, I caught him buying it . i told him this is it i am moving this weekend , he came in told me he loved me an please dont goooooooooo , u know the story.. well he asked me for help!! that is the 1st time he asked me for help... told me he didnt want to loose me, i told him i dont know what to tell u , only u can help you, is he making progress an realizing? or is it again all lies? I am 45 and i cant take much more of this crap , my nerves are shot. please offer me any advice .. I am open minded. I know i should go i do, i have packed many times an he unpacks me. I honestly think God has me here to "help" crack addicts. this isnt a life.. i am sick, the feeling i get in my stomach is so bad. I am starting to think there is no way out of this. sigh... no i am not crazy and want to hurt myself. I am a natural caretaker an it SUCKS !!! any advise is appricated
Hugsssssssss
J@zzie
Hey there,
I sympathize with you...I really do! If he won't help himself then there is nothing you can do. It sounds like you are a good/nice person and it also sounds like it is time for you to move on. You have two kids to take care of as well as yourself. Next time you leave, don't tell him, just do it. I know this may sound cold but if you have exhausted all avenues why should you be going through this hell. You can't save those who do not and are not ready to be saved. Do you want to save yourself? Then leave.
Be strong and take care.
I sympathize with you...I really do! If he won't help himself then there is nothing you can do. It sounds like you are a good/nice person and it also sounds like it is time for you to move on. You have two kids to take care of as well as yourself. Next time you leave, don't tell him, just do it. I know this may sound cold but if you have exhausted all avenues why should you be going through this hell. You can't save those who do not and are not ready to be saved. Do you want to save yourself? Then leave.
Be strong and take care.