I'm new to this forum but unfortunately, I'm not new to addiction. Our son will be 29 years old next month and we've dealt with addiction and mental health issues since he was about 14. I don't have it in me to give you all the full run down but lets suffice it to say, the last 2 years have been hell! He has finally found the drug, that I believe, will take his life. Heroin has been his best friend, family, his whole life, for the past couple of years. My story isn't any different than the others I've read. He got kicked out of our house almost a year ago, he lived with a friend for awhile but has been homeless the past 2 months, he's stolen from us, he has no friends left, he has no family that will help, his dad and I are almost at the point of stopping communication because it's constant harassment. We are the bad guys. We are "terrible parents" because we don't help him. I know, logically, how much we have done for him but it's very wearing to hear him criticize us all the time. We keep telling him, if he completes a program, we'll give him some help getting on his feet. It will all come crashing down any time now. He was picked up for larceny a few weeks ago and the police found drugs and paraphenalia. He didn't show up to his court date and now will have a warrant issued, if it's not already. It's very very hard to know that your kid (the one you remember rocking and tucking in at night) is living on the street. I am strong sometimes and sometimes I'm not. I thank God every day that I have my husband (his dad). We will not let our son's life destroy ours. I encourage all of you that are struggling with feeling so bad for your child, to keep strong. Your life matters too! It helps me to read others stories. I hope this helps someone else too. We aren't alone in this.
My heart is with you! I am only in the starting stages with my son, but man it is rough. I am staying strong and hanging in there each day.
Dear Shel,
It is important to know what the word "help" truly means - because more often than not it results in enabling unhealthy behavior. You can help you son by accepting the call when he wants to go to treatment (that day, immediately) - else, don't listen to any other yarn from him. You can help your son by not providing anything that can be converted to drugs. You can help him by not doing things for him that he is capable of doing on this own.
Addiction and drug issues are a special kind of problem. The normal things we do with family and friends to help do not apply. The disease of addiction churns like a tornado in how it impacts family and friends near the addict. This is why Al Anon or NAR Anon can be so helpful. You can learn to be healthy, and know the right way to love and help your son. As you probably know, you are completely powerless over his addiction. Recovery is 100% up to him. He will seek it when he is ready, and it likely will be after going through some terrible stuff. That is the path of addiction.
I hope this helps. Message back if you'd like.
It is important to know what the word "help" truly means - because more often than not it results in enabling unhealthy behavior. You can help you son by accepting the call when he wants to go to treatment (that day, immediately) - else, don't listen to any other yarn from him. You can help your son by not providing anything that can be converted to drugs. You can help him by not doing things for him that he is capable of doing on this own.
Addiction and drug issues are a special kind of problem. The normal things we do with family and friends to help do not apply. The disease of addiction churns like a tornado in how it impacts family and friends near the addict. This is why Al Anon or NAR Anon can be so helpful. You can learn to be healthy, and know the right way to love and help your son. As you probably know, you are completely powerless over his addiction. Recovery is 100% up to him. He will seek it when he is ready, and it likely will be after going through some terrible stuff. That is the path of addiction.
I hope this helps. Message back if you'd like.
